On Today’s Show:
| Introduction | 0:00.000 |
| I’m A Soda / Beverage High Today: The Return Of A 2000’s Favorite! | 1:35.617 |
| Murder Suspect Defends Himself In Court | 9:18.000 |
| Clit Stimulating Yourself Into a Vegetative State | 15:00.857 |
| Blowing Chunks While Blowing The D | 15:52.895 |
| One In The Stink And One In The Stink | 16:20.000 |
| Cupcakke-ifying More Songs | 18:00.521 |
| Shaq’s Gas Hack / Math Trouble | 19:33.955 |
| When Jail Time Conflicts With The Ke$ha Concert | 22:55.776 |
| Sign Up For The DV Sideshow Today! | 26:35.382 |
| Teacher Bites Students Over a Pickle Jar | 28:02.062 |
| The Tale Of The Porch Table Pooper | 31:38.357 |
| Evil Has Escaped The Cursed Rock Of Doom | 34:05.666 |
| Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending | 37:47.452 |
