On Today’s Show:
On Today’s Show
- 🎵 DV Store Holiday Jingle
- Musical intro promoting the updated DV store: hoodies, mugs, and an anime pillow you can defile in comfort.
- Reminder: it’s “the first place to always find some dumb stupid shit.”
- 🍫 Ferrero Rocher Butt Porn
- Tim talks about “innovative” porn that can’t make it on the show thanks to bad audio.
- Highlight: a guy shoving a Ferrero Rocher up his ass, shitting it out, and eating it while it melts but stays “crunchy.”
- 🇺🇸🍆 MAGA Republican Cock Trainer
- Hypnotic bait clip aimed at “Republican cock”: close-ups of dicks over rants about red pills, white supremacy, and violent fantasies.
- Includes a surprise scat twist (“bait and shit”) and patriotic butt talk about needing “Aryan cum” in a pristine alabaster shithole.
- Tim notes racist rhetoric is somehow weirder—but faintly more palatable—when attached to big floppy junk.
- 🦠 Cam Whore Venereal Show & Tell
- Main feature: a cam girl turns her OnlyFans into a live STD seminar.
- Raps about a dude who “messed her up,” admits to multiple recent partners, and complains about burning when she pees.
- Peppermint gum “home remedy”: stuffs Extra gum inside and around her labia to cool the burn; instead creates a brutal yeast infection.
- On cam, she shows swollen lips, cottage-cheese discharge, genital warts, and uses a flashlight for maximum trauma.
- Tim points out that if your pussy is your livelihood, maybe don’t turn it into a yeast-infection lecture for paying customers.
- 🛒 Creepy Gas Station Pickup Attempt
- Clip of an obviously unstable guy repeatedly telling a woman “let’s go fuck,” insisting she can call the cops after.
- Calls himself “the baddest motherfucker in the whole multiverse.”
- Tim riffs on how women have to be on constant alert while dudes breeze through life oblivious.
- Jokes that he’d “take one for the team” and finish the guy off in the bathroom to keep him away from women.
- 🍅🧠 VRChat Tomato Allergy & Stress Seizure
- Proximity Chat returns to VRChat, pelting a player who claims “phantom sense” and a severe tomato allergy.
- Friends explain her brain remembers the touch/taste of tomatoes and can trigger swelling and seizures.
- Virtual tomatoes cause her to meltdown, scream, and have a “seizure” while everyone panics in a fake-vegetable crisis.
- Proximity recruits others to throw tomatoes, gets people banned, then reveals himself and is immediately banned again.
- Tim plugs Proximity’s new video and promises a link in the show notes.
Cyber Monday Sideshow Deals & Support
- 💾 Sideshow Sale
- Cyber Monday: 33% off monthly, yearly, and lifetime memberships.
- Monthly: $6
- Yearly: $60
- Lifetime: $300
- Sign up at DistortedView.com to unlock:
- All weekly Sideshow-exclusive shows.
- The full ~5,000-episode archive from the very beginning.
- Cyber Monday: 33% off monthly, yearly, and lifetime memberships.
- 💳 Other Ways to Support
- Patreon: Patreon.com/distortedview – $5+ gets you access to the special voicemail line.
- Episode Sponsorships: $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com or paypal.me/distortedview) to plug something, force a clip, or send a message to a loved/hated one.
Listener Interaction
- 📲 Text & Voicemail
- New text line: 4HAIRYCUNT (or old faithful 206-666-4463).
- Listeners ask for more timestamps; Tim explains why they vanished earlier in the year and promises more episodes will have them again.
| 00:00:00 | The DV Store: shop.distortedview.com |
| 00:29:13 | Introduction |
| 01:57:00 | Pooping Out A Fererro Rocher Chocolate Ball |
| 03:00:22 | MAGA Republic Penis Trainer |
| 05:57:08 | Showing Off STD’s On You Livestream |
| 19:13:05 | How Not To Pickup Women |
| 24:06:09 | Allergic To Virtual Reality Food |
| 29:32:03 | Cyber Monday Sideshow Membership Deals! |
| 30:37:03 | Support Distorted View Daily! |
| 31:27:00 | Let’s All Jerk4Kirk! |
| 36:00:02 | Human Washing Machines! The Future Is Now! |
| 40:44:00 | Voicemails / Texts/ Ending |
Our New PO Box Address!
Distorted View
PO Box 36268
Cincinnati, OH 45236
- Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463
- Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page
- Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!
Podcast: Download
AI TRANSCRIPT:
Speaker 1
Hey assholes, get some DV gear Well lucky for you, the store’s new this year Sweatshirts, drinkware An anime pillow you can fuck anywhere Distorted views, the first place To always find some dumb stupid shit It’s all in the DV store Come shop the DV store this year
Tim Henson
Hey, freaks, it’s Monday, December 1st, 2025. Coming up on the program today, as a cam whore, showing off your genital wart-infested, discharge-seeping pussy can’t possibly be good for business. Plus, human washing machines and a complete lunatic suffers a virtual seizure. All this was your voicemails today.
Speaker 1
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck! Oh fuck! Fuck! Fuck me! Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh my god. Fuck. Fuck. Ah, fuck me. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck me. It’s Distorted View Daily with Tim Henson I’m a target That really gave me tranny baby fever Rape my boy pussy, rape my boy pussy She is a fat cunt
Tim Henson
Yes everybody, Tim Henson back here with you for your Monday episode of DV Have a great one for you I’m always on the lookout for new and exciting pornography A lot of times I start feeling like, wow, we’ve sort of seen and heard it all on the podcast. So it is exciting when something new is attempted in the world of porn. A lot of times, though, the problem is the audio is not great. So I can’t feature that on the show. Like, for instance, I’ve never seen someone shove a Ferrero Shea chocolate ball up their ass, shit it out and then eat it. That’s different. That’d be great for the show if there was audio. I mean, you can sort of hear him shitting out the chocolate ball. It’s been in his ass so long it starts to melt. Still crunchy, though. In another video, he receives a used tampon in the mail from his mistress. Oh, he’s still eating there. Smacking those lips. Elsewhere, I ran across a MAGA Republican cock trainer.
Speaker 3
Republican cock
Tim Henson
Just a close up of Supposedly Republican men’s dicks Republican cock Republican cock This is becoming a popular trend on the porn tubes There’s Republican cock trainers Maga cock trainers Red pill popper bait trainers Another one
Speaker 3
It’s time all white men fucking open their eyes Swallow the red pill And fucking step up and do what’s fucking right It’s time every Fucking non-white Non-male Bing, look the fuck out We’re gonna either rape you Enslave you Or eradicate you
Tim Henson
I don’t know, seeing big floppy dicks While hearing this rhetoric Kind of makes it a bit more palatable I’m starting to think that all the non-whites do need to get the hell out of the U.S. It’s time you either fucking step up and understand.
Speaker 1
Uh-huh.
Speaker 3
Or fucking.
Speaker 1
White power, fuck niggers.
Speaker 3
Jesus Christ. See how my brothers, god damn, it’s a good day to be a white fucking male. These non-white, non-male fucking fiends out here better watch the fuck out.
Tim Henson
Somehow this is six minutes in length. Like, does he talk the whole time? Let me fast forward to the three and a half minute mark.
Speaker 3
Maga fucking forever.
Tim Henson
Yeah, Maga forever.
Speaker 3
Listen to Comrade Shaw.
Tim Henson
We bait our big fat dongs in honor of Charlie Kirk.
Speaker 3
There’s Dick.
Tim Henson
It’s heavy on the feet fetish as well.
Speaker 3
Goddamn right I’m fucking furious. These goddamn fucking niggers and coons think they can fucking walk over the goddamn white man. They got another fucking thing coming. It’s time those MAGA brothers step up and fucking put them in a goddamn motherfucking place.
Tim Henson
Our country is for white men who like to suck other white men’s cocks up. Get creamed up the butt with some white jizz. I need that Aryan cum up my pristine alabaster shithole.
Speaker 1
MAGA.
Tim Henson
Bro, fuck bro. It smells like shit in here, bro.
Speaker 4
That’s not just a smelly number two. No, bro. That’s a fucking man shit.
Tim Henson
Those are man turds. Well, now this video took a weird turn. I thought this thing was just trying to hypnotize me into becoming some sort of homosexual white supremacist. They wait till the very last minute to introduce the scat stuff. That’s a bait and switch. Or in this case, bait and shit. Bro, come in here. He just dropped a massive deuce. Come, smell it. Fuck, bro. It smells like shit.
Speaker 3
Fuck yeah, brother. What power? Oh, fuck neighbors.
Tim Henson
Now we’re back to the good stuff. All right, you get the idea. The last very interesting, unique piece of porn I ran across was from a cam whore doing her cam whore thing. You know, she got on camera, interacting with the chat, flash and vag. And, you know, cam whoring is a lot like other forms of live streaming. You want to form a connection with your audience. So I totally understand that streamers share details of their life, even mundane stuff like what they had for lunch. Activities they did that day. That being said, you don’t have to share everything. And you got to remember why your audience is there. They’re there for the pussy. You’re a content provider. You should make your product as appealing as possible. Most people don’t want to hear or see your STD-ridden vag hole. If you’re red and inflamed or pussing, tap out. Wait till that clears up.
Speaker 5
Yeah, I can’t wait to show y’all. This is so embarrassing, but I’m gonna get real with y’all. This nigga Demi Rowe, he tried to set me up. He gave me something wrong and now I messed up. So I’m gonna show y’all what’s fucking wrong.
Tim Henson
She’s feeling the song and she whips up a quick venereal disease rap.
Speaker 5
And I ain’t even gonna make a song. I don’t know if I’m right or I’m wrong. I get a nigga up home and then he drive me home. But now the nigga won’t leave me alone. And I’m talking like one, two, three, like four of them.
Tim Henson
Four what exactly? Probably STDs. HPV and gonorrhea. Why it gotta hurt when I pee ya?
Speaker 5
Fuck that nigga, fuck that nigga. I’ma show y’all what my pussy look like. Y’all see what my pussy look like before, right? I’ma show y’all now.
Tim Henson
She is not happy.
Speaker 5
This is my last official motherfucking video.
Tim Henson
Lady, it’s not the videos that gave you the STD. It’s hooking up with dirty-ass dudes.
Speaker 5
Doctor, help me, please, man. I ain’t ever gonna do this again. Doctor, give me some who got papers. I need someone clean now or later. I ain’t gonna fuck nobody since. Because I ain’t trying to pass that on, bitch.
Tim Henson
Well, at least she’s kind of responsible. It’s better than that amateur porn we feature from gay dudes who are like bug chasers and gift givers, spreading HIV around. I saw one video recently where a guy infected another man with HIV. And then after it was confirmed that he has HIV now, then the guy who initially infected him wanted to hook up with him again, but this time suck, suck the guy off so he could swallow his own toxic load. Does that make sense? Like, I gave you AIDS, and now I want you to blow that same AIDS come down my throat. I have it here. Hold on.
Speaker 1
Fuck, yeah. Yeah, sucking my own virus out of your fucking dick, yeah.
Tim Henson
Yeah.
Speaker 1
Yeah, the fucking dick that I fucking pause.
Tim Henson
Fuck, yeah.
Speaker 1
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Tim Henson
So many layers going on here.
Speaker 1
Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my virus is fucking delicious. Oh, yeah.
Tim Henson
The Incredible Edible 8 Alright, let’s get back to the topic at hand here Got a cam whore wanting to show off her warts or something
Speaker 1
Ooh, it hurts!
Speaker 5
The positions I get in my nigga are burning Burning and itching, burning and itching Nah, this is not funny He pushed my
Tim Henson
I beg to differ, but go on
Speaker 5
He pushed my clit back. My clit, I keep playing with my clit to like, like right here. I keep playing with her to go like this because something on the inside of my clit, like deep, deep in there got fucked up.
Tim Henson
People in the chat and comments seem pretty united in their diagnosis of this lady. She has HPV.
Speaker 5
This is how I knew something was wrong. Don’t mind that state. I’m going to be washing my sheets and changing my bed.
Tim Henson
Does she think a bed bug has crawled up her cunt? That’s what’s irritating your clit. In the very next breath, she said she’s been with four guys recently.
Speaker 5
I don’t know if it takes a while to come in, which could be the first, second, or third partner. I worked with a few people in a matter of a year.
Tim Henson
I think everyone should use that terminology when you’re hooking up with people. I worked with three people in the last week. We collaborated on a project called Operation Drain My Balls. I think in this next clip, she talks about how much it hurts when she pees.
Speaker 5
After I came home, I went one day fine. The next day, set it off.
Tim Henson
I don’t know what she’s saying there. Set it off.
Speaker 5
Like a spray, like a fire extinguisher. I said, ever since, it hasn’t been the same. I just knew something was wrong. So here’s the thing. I went on OnlyFans. I took a video of me putting a piece of gum. It was this gum.
Tim Henson
I’m sorry. What the fuck is happening now? Does she think maybe something is caught inside of her and she’s trying to use the gum to fish it out, like get it stuck to the gum?
Speaker 5
It’s this gum, you guys. I have a pack of this.
Tim Henson
Extra. It’s extra peppermint gum. That’s a good idea. That’s going to make your cunt feel awesome.
Speaker 5
So I took this gum. I took a few of them. That’s how I emptied the pack, actually. And I had to line it up with my vagina. I broke it in half. I stuck one piece inside. I took another piece and I placed it on top of my lips, but right on top of the inner corners right there.
Tim Henson
Maybe she thought the peppermint would cool her pussy, right? Because it’s burning due to the STD. This is like some sort of wacko, cuckoo, crazy, banana home remedy.
Speaker 5
So I placed it right on there in the inside perimeter where it sticks out like fat pussy lips do. In order for me to be able to get the full sensation and full effect, and this is what it did to me, it made a yeast infection. I know this because the yeast infection…
Tim Henson
When it rains, it pours.
Speaker 5
And I feel like I was itching and scratching. I just felt burning. I felt burning, so I knew I was burnt. I’m going to turn it this way so I can show you what I want to show you next.
Tim Henson
I don’t like this show and tell, freaks. It should be noted that some people in the comments actually are enjoying this content. One comment was, I would love to eat her out and fuck her unprotected. The hell is wrong with you people?
Speaker 5
But let me show y’all some… Oh, gosh. Okay, that doesn’t hurt that bad when you go like that. First of all,
Tim Henson
she’s trying to just open her pussy lips and it hurts.
Speaker 5
That’s swollen. It’s way too fat. The lips are so damn swollen. In order to get in there, my pussy has to be very wet when you split it the texture of my does not feel good my texture of my feels like you scratched me and took a knife and clawed me imagine subscribing to her only fan content
Tim Henson
thinking you’re going to get some awesome jerk off material and this is the first video that pops up
Speaker 5
until the point where your inside texture changes that’s exactly what happened for me Can you see the yeast infection spots?
Tim Henson
This almost sounds like a children’s television show. Boys and girls, can you find the yeast infection spot? Look real close. Keeping with the children’s television theme, the next segment is a story time.
Speaker 5
My ex-husband used to long dick me. He goes like that, but my ex-husband was very clean. He never gave me nothing. He would long dick me like this, but my pussy would be dry. My pussy wasn’t wet, so it felt like rape.
Tim Henson
Can you say rape, boys and girls? She now, I think she starts talking about her most recent partner. I’m sorry, collaborator.
Speaker 5
He made it literally hurt. Hurt for me. Hurt for God. Not only did he do that, but look at this. I have warts on my pussy. Look at that. Look at all that white crust. And they’re spotty. Look at that. That is spotty. That is not discharge. That’s not cum. And in order for me, look at that. Yo, it is clumpy as fuck. And I have genital warts. What is that shit? That’s a wart. That is a wart.
Tim Henson
What the hell is going on? Why is my subscriber count going down?
Speaker 5
Skin is supposed to be skin. Look at that wart. And I have a few of them. Look at them down there. Those are warts. Look at my hole.
Tim Henson
She’s really spreading everything open for us to see.
Speaker 5
If I push my hole out, do you see all that? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. It’s so embarrassing. It hurts me. That was never me. I don’t know what the fuck happened. Okay, now I’m going to push a finger in. I’m going to push a finger in and grab for it. No, actually, let me tease it. If I tease it, look, nothing comes out. Oh, yeah, there’s some stuff coming out. Okay, my pussy hole is a little wet, So that was discharged.
Speaker 1
Oh my God. Stop it. Stop it.
Speaker 5
You have to literally. What the hell is wrong with people? And grab for it.
Tim Henson
Oh my God.
Speaker 5
What is she grabbing for? Do you see that? You had to grab for that shit.
Tim Henson
Oh, it is like thick. It’s like cottage cheese. It’s curdled. It’s milk coming out of her pussy. Oh, the smell. I could only imagine.
Speaker 5
Flashlight time. This is. No. No, by the time I come back, I have to come back better than this huge embarrassment and this huge failure for me. My pussy is such the cleanest. I’m such a clean. No, it is not. Girl, very clean. And this huge disservice has happened to me. Disservice. My pussy has warts on it.
Tim Henson
This is the most insane stream ever. My pussy has warts.
Speaker 5
My pussy texture looks raped. It hurts. It has all these.
Tim Henson
Stop saying it looks raped. Good God. If you made a living stripping, getting naked on camera, doing any sort of sex work, your pussy is your livelihood. Why would you divulge all this information? And here’s the thing. If she would have just got on camera and started finger blasting herself using toys, whatever, like no one would know. Instead, you’re peeling back pussy lips, lifting up the hood, taking fucking flashlights. to your cunt making yourself discharge yeast infection fluid or STD cottage cheese. Whatever the hell is going on here. You are putting yourself in jeopardy and I’m not talking about the STD stuff. I’m just talking about like business
Speaker 5
wise. My pussy has warts. My pussy texture looks raped. It hurts. It has all these clumps in it. My hole is fucked up. And you guys want to see something else?
Tim Henson
No! We’ve seen enough. If she turns around and shows off a prolapsed ass. Big old red ass sock hanging out of her behind. I’m gonna lose my
Speaker 5
mind. When I pull, guess what? I have them in the sides of my lips.
Tim Henson
They’re spreading. And it’s
Speaker 5
deep. He stretched. He fucked my pussy up. Alright, we’re almost
Tim Henson
done with this. Any final words about your tore up pussy?
Speaker 5
There’s deeper shit inside my pussy than just having a hole now. My hole is all the way down here. See? Oh, my gosh. And it’s full of stuff.
Tim Henson
What is that? Oh, my God. It’s like it’s pooling. Like she’s playing with her pussy. And it’s just it’s getting filled up with white discharge cream cheese. I don’t know what the hell is going on. I’m going to vomit. I’m done. There was one person in the comments who seemed concerned, who wanted to help her out. Dirty King. Dirty King wrote, we need to reach out to her by any means. She needs to fast on green grapes. What? Nothing else for three months. Someone’s got to know how to reach her. I don’t think the medicinal properties in green grapes are going to be enough to counteract all of the horrid things happening in her cunt hole. This is going to require science to intervene. Real laboratory-made ointments and shots. Penicillin grade. And as for the warts, I don’t know how to get rid of those things. I think you’re just shit out of luck. Can you burn them off? I think once you get genital warts, you’re pretty much stuck with genital warts. But, well, there you go. See what I mean when I say I found some very unique pornography for your Monday? Let’s move on now. I often wonder what it would be like to live life as a woman. That didn’t come out right at all. I realized in the middle of that I was in trouble. But what I’m trying to say is it must be challenging living as a woman being in what guys would consider a normal scenario or circumstance. But a woman has to always be on guard and fear for her life because they’re targets. They’re just so easy to take down and overpower, you know, and you can just really make them do whatever you want by physically forcing them to. You see, because guys are just so much bigger. They can just toss those broads around. Oh, it’s so great to be a guy. Ladies, you better thank your lucky stars I’m a homosexual because I’d be a real problem for you. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. I’m sorry. Anyway, I got a perfect example of what I’m trying to get at here. Guys go to a gas station or grocery store to pick up a pack of smokes, bag of Doritos or something. They’re oblivious to everything going on around them. They don’t have to worry about it. Women, though, have to be aware of who’s following them, who’s approaching them. Why is this guy smiling at me? Is he a problem? Is he retarded? In the clip I have for you here, it is apparently the last option. A problem. This guy is a problem.
Speaker 1
What did he say?
Tim Henson
Scored my house in five. Look, this dude is just shooting his shot. He just approached this lady and said, let’s have sex. Now, if this method worked one out of every thousand times, it’d be worth it, right? No talking, no dates, no spending money on movies and dinner. Just a fuck. So, you know, this guy has his method. The woman gets all bent out of shape.
Speaker 1
Are you okay? No, I’m not okay. I don’t know him.
Speaker 6
I’m not okay. I’m the baddest motherfucker in the whole multiverse.
Tim Henson
Oh, multiverse, huh? So what we’re dealing with is mental illness. One more thing ladies love. Mentally unstable dudes.
Speaker 1
I can fix him.
Tim Henson
well then leave
Speaker 1
get the fuck out of here I swear
Tim Henson
yeah let’s get the fuck out of here and fuck we’re all on the same page call the police on
Speaker 1
yeah I will who the fuck are you let’s go fuck and then you can call the police
Tim Henson
or whatever it doesn’t matter he really doesn’t care he’s like look whatever you want to call What’s about to happen is fine with me. Making love, banging, rape, whatever. You can even call the cops afterwards. He just wants to nut. I mean, you feel bad for a guy like that. I mean, I do. I understand if you’re a woman and you’re like, he’s a creep. I don’t feel bad for that asshole. But if I was there, I’d intervene. I’d be like, look, she doesn’t want to have sex with you, but I’m free. I could finish you off in the bathroom real quick. Maybe you’ll calm the fuck down. I’m doing it for the women, right? So he doesn’t pester any other ladies. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Are you okay? Are you dumb lady? Stop asking that question. He is obviously not okay. He just asked if you wanted to fuck like 10 times and then was like, then you can call the cops for rape or whatever. I don’t care. Someone like that. There’s some people laughing at his antics. He wants to fuck you. I wonder if it’s just women being catty. You’re so fat and unattractive. Why would any man want to fuck you? Take him up on that offer. The best you’re going to get.
Speaker 1
You come this way. What the fuck? Dude, get away from me.
Tim Henson
Let’s go fuck. I think one of the employees actually said, you can come behind the counter, right, to protect yourself from this guy.
Speaker 1
Dude, get away from me. Let’s go fuck. Call the police, whatever. Let’s go fuck right now. Get away from me. Yeah, let’s go fuck right now. Get away from me, dude. What are you doing? Get away. What the fuck?
Tim Henson
Well, the cops have arrived. Oh, no. Sorry, that’s not the cop. It’s another woman. Oh, I want to have sex with all these women. Oh, now he’s talking to the cop. So the cop is on the scene. I want to have sex with all these women. And he’s being honest with the cop, which is always a good policy. Well, the cop directs this guy to leave. And then they start walking to the door, but the guy doesn’t want to leave. You know what he wants to do.
Speaker 1
What the fuck, man?
Tim Henson
The very first comment on this video has to be from a guy because he said, wow, you must be very attractive for him to just come up and start speaking like that. Yeah, that’s one way of reading what’s happening here. The other way, of course, is the man is just insane. I think that seems more likely. All right, listen, I’ve got one more clip I want to share with you. Our buddy Proximity Chat is back, messing around in VR chat. By the way, I did download the app VR chat on my Oculus, you know, the Quest headset thing that I have that I don’t really mess around with too much. I just pulled it out of storage and I’m going to take a look at VR chat in the next few days. I’ll try to record some content. If anyone has, you know, rooms or universes, I don’t even know what these things are called, like instances I should check out. either call into the voicemail don’t call into the voicemail line but you can text or email me also like what what should my character be should I be a raccoon should I be cubic laser wolf I’ll have to give that some thought anyway in this newest video proximity starts throwing tomatoes at other users and again it’s like if someone threw a tomato at me in VR I’d be like that’s funny or I didn’t know you could do that like I wouldn’t be offended and I certainly wouldn’t freak the fuck out because a real tomato has not exploded on my face. It’s a video game. Husker? Husker? She’s screaming for another user named Husker because she’s being pelted with fake tomatoes. Proximity noticed that this is the same person that he has previously hit with tomatoes, and they freaked out. Here’s a little audio from the first time Proximity hit this user with tomatoes.
Speaker 1
Stop throwing tomatoes at her. She has phantom sense. She’s allergic.
Tim Henson
That’s right. She’s allergic to fake tomatoes. Deadly virtual lycopene.
Speaker 7
Stay away from me. Stay away from me. Don’t ever do that again. Don’t ever do that emoji again. Don’t you ever do that again. What emoji? Tomato.
Speaker 1
He threw it at me. Are you f***ing…
Speaker 8
Bruh. Dude, that tomato emoji is not a good idea. You want to explain why I got the goober to calm down?
Speaker 9
Yes. Okay, hold on. Let’s go over here. Come here. You know how allergic reactions happen. She’s allergic to tomatoes.
Speaker 1
Oh, shit.
Speaker 9
Yeah, and with how much her mind has tricked her for like phantom sense and all that shit, her brain still remembers the feel, like the touch, taste, all that shit of a tomato, and it would still cause her to swell up and whatnot.
Speaker 1
Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.
Tim Henson
As you were saying, the more immersed. I love the fake apology because you know another tomato is going to be thrown here in a few seconds. Actually, Proximity gets a friend to come, right? And throw a tomato. Someone named Roar. Roar just threw a tomato at her. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yo, yo, yo, yo.
Speaker 10
What are you doing, man?
Tim Henson
Oh, hell no. Hold up.
Speaker 1
Probably a Proximity check.
Tim Henson
Hold up. Everyone in VR is aware of proximity chat now. Members of the VR chat ban Roar, but proximity chat is still in the room. And then this happens. Seizure, seizure, seizure. Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. She’s having a seizure right now. I don’t know if it’s because of the stress or the tomato combination of both.
Speaker 8
Breathe, need to breathe. Come on, breathe, breathe, goober, breathe, breathe. Come on. Breathe. Breathe. Come on.
Tim Henson
She’s literally doing this seizure like…
Speaker 8
Breathe. If you’re wondering what’s caused this, she’s got so stressed because that girl was here. Some of her seizures are stress-induced. Just to make sure that… She seems like a real
Tim Henson
pain in the ass, I gotta say. Like, if you’re just messing around in VR chat, do you really want to have to take care of someone like this who’s freaking out over fake tomatoes, having fake seizures, Everything hurts.
Speaker 8
Calm down.
Tim Henson
Everything hurts.
Speaker 1
Come here. Right here, Gugget. Right here. Are you okay, though?
Speaker 7
Husker can explain about why I’m so scared and stressed.
Tim Henson
It’s around that time that someone new popped into the VR chat. Who the fuck is this? Honey. And throws a tomato.
Speaker 1
Get him out! Get him out! Get him out! No, no, no! Get him out! Get him out! Get him out! No, no, no! It’s him, it’s him, it’s him, it’s him, it’s him. Vote kick, accept it now.
Tim Henson
Oh my god. Who keeps inviting these bad people in? Well, Proximity finally reveals himself.
Speaker 7
There’s no offense, there’s no way you can get in here unless…
Tim Henson
Unless I’m Proximity Jet. And then he immediately starts throwing tomatoes.
Speaker 7
Wait, what? No, Husky! Husky!
Speaker 1
The fuck? Will you quit?
Speaker 7
You’re part of his group, aren’t you?
Speaker 1
No, I’m him. Ah, fan of tomatoes.
Tim Henson
Ah. Guess what, buddy? Bye. And he promptly gets banned. Now, there is a part two to this phantom allergy storyline. I’ll let you check that out for yourself. I will provide a link on the show notes today to Proximity’s newest video. And with that, let’s get into the crazy, bizarre twist to the fucked up news ride. now. Oh yeah, we’ve got some Cyber Monday deals here on DV. Become a true and honorable freak. Sign up for the sideshow and get 33% off monthly, yearly, and lifetime memberships. $6 monthly memberships, $60 yearly, and $300 lifetime memberships. Sign up right now at distortedview.com, and when you do, you’ll get to hear all of the exclusive shows we do throughout the week and have access to every single past episode of DV from the very beginning. That’s like 5,000 shows. Cyber Monday. Sign up right now at distortedview.com. Cyber Monday. That’s annoying. Sign up right now at distortedview.com. All major credit cards in Cyber Monday. PayPal accepted. This is your last chance. Cyber Monday. This is your last chance to get a sideshow membership at these insanely low Cyber Monday. Prices. Go to distortedview.com Cyber Monday. Right now. Cyber Monday. Other ways to support DV. We’ve got a Patreon account. Patreon.com slash distortedview. Pledge at least $5. Get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first. Really appreciate everyone who continues to support DV that way. You can also sponsor an episode of Distorted View for only $25. Just PayPal me, show at distortedview.com. You can also point your browser to PayPal, paypal.me slash distortedview. Just make sure to let me know what your name is, what you want me to call you. Also, let me know how you want to sponsor the show. Maybe you want me to talk about something, play an audio clip, send a message to a loved or a hated one. I’m pretty flexible with these sponsorships. Again, $25 to show at distortedview.com. Okay, two very quick stories now. First up, well, we have No Nut November. Some people find that challenge to be a little too difficult. So there’s Movember, where you just grow a mustache out. Pretty doable. There’s an even better challenge out there now. Starting in 2025, you can take the Jerk for Kirk challenge. I guess you masturbate furiously in honor of Charlie Kirk. I’m not really sure of the details. I saw the billboard, though. If you’d like to see the billboard, check out the chapter artwork or the featured image over there at distortedview.com and superfreaksideshow.com. Yes, a billboard in Washington state was hacked to feature multiple images of Charlie Kirk. Police are now investigating how the digital billboard at a busy shopping complex was taken over and used to display a series of graphic, digitally altered images of the late conservative activist, an incident officials say may have lasted much of Tuesday night. This actually happened earlier in the month of November, not this past Tuesday. The unauthorized content appeared on an LED billboard at the Lakewood Town Center beginning around 6 p.m., according to people who work nearby. Some witnesses told local media the display remained unchanged for up to six or seven hours before anyone intervened, suggesting a longer exposure than originally believed. Cell phone recordings shared with reporters showed multiple manipulated images of Kirk, including sexually explicit meme-style graphics and mashups that placed him alongside pop culture figures and cartoon imagery. Yeah, and one he’s making out with some sort of anime character. Underneath is the caption, I love you, boy kisser-san. You know how Japanese ad san at the end of stuff. Como News, which first reported the incident, chose to obscure the images due to their content. Pussies. The messages displayed on the hack sign purported to be paid for by Turning Point USA, the organization Kirk funded, as well as the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, or APAC. Both references were found to be part of the doctored material, and officials say there is no indication either group was involved. Well, no fucking shit. Charlie Kirk making out with a cartoon character. That wasn’t paid for by Turning Point. Charlie Kirk’s image being used for something called Jerk for Kirk. Fucking stupid. A Lakewood police officer eventually noticed the altered billboard at Bridgeport Way Southwest and Lakewood Drive Southwest and alerted property managers who shut the display off. The sign remained offline for nearly two days, while technicians and contractors applied security updates. Just change the password. Most of the time, these companies just use the default password. And that’s why your system is insecure. I mean, sure, go ahead and apply the security updates, but the important thing is to change the password. Mall management said in a statement they are cooperating with local police and digital signage vendors to determine how the intrusion occurred. Cybersecurity analysts interviewed by other outlets said the breach was likely carried out through basic vulnerabilities common in public digital signage systems, including weak login credentials, outdated firmware, unsecured Wi-Fi connections, or even physical access to the controller hardware. The incident comes amid a broader trend of unauthorized screen takeovers, in which publicly facing displays are compromised to deliver shock content. Why doesn’t anyone ever hack something like that for DV? I’m not condoning that, of course, but it would be cool. It’d be nice. Get some viral word of mouth advertising for this dopey ass podcast. Yeah, come on, do illegal stuff on my behalf. Thank you. Again, I guess I have to say, don’t really do illegal stuff on my behalf. I’m winking over here. You know what that means, right? Experts say such systems often rely on remote administration tools that are rarely hardened against intrusions. Kirk, a prominent conservative commentator, was assassinated earlier this year during a public appearance in Utah, a killing that has continued to generate intense partisan reaction online. In recent months, social media platforms have struggled with a wave of memes, hoaxes, and graphic content related to his death, some of which led to employee firings and disciplinary actions at companies and government agencies. Authorities have not identified a suspect in the Lakewood breach and have not said whether the attack originated locally or remotely. The investigation continues. Until we find out more, I think the best way to honor Charlie Kirk’s legacy is all to masturbate. Masturbate a lot. I know I’m doing my part. All right, final story we have for you. This one just happens to come from Japan. Japanese electronic retailer Yamada is going to bring their futuristic human washing machine to market. Yay. Do we need this? I kind of thought we already had a human washing machine in the form of a fucking shower. But, you know, Japan’s living in the future. They’ve come up with an actual appliance that you step inside and it washes you. And I guess you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to scrub, apply soap. It does everything for you. Japanese electronics retailer Yamada Holdings plans to commercialize a capsule-style human washing machine that became one of the breakout attractions at the 2025 Osaka Expo, announcing that a demonstration unit will be installed at its flagship store in Tokyo starting on December 25th. To me, this thing looks like, you know, like science fiction films where it takes place on a spaceship and people have been frozen or they’ve been asleep for decades as the ship travels light years away or whatever. It looks like one of those things. It’s got a glass top. It comes down. Take a look at the chapter artwork and you can get a good idea of what the human washing machine looks like. The device, officially called the MIRRE Human Washing Machine, was created by Osaka manufacturer Science Co., known for its fine bubble bath systems used in high-end hotels and airline lounges. The new model is positioned as a modern reimagining of the automated bathtub Sanyo showcased at the 1970 Osaka Expo. Back then, apparently the world wasn’t ready for a human washing machine device. Now, though, we’re all dirty, oily, sweaty, and stinky. Most importantly, lazy. We can’t even fucking wash ourselves anymore. So technology will do it for us. Visitors will be able to reserve timed trial sessions in an in-store experience corner, Yamada said. A retail launch date is still being finalized, but the starting price is expected to be around 60 million. Ooh, that’s 60 million yen. Any chance that’s like $300? No, it’s actually $384,000 US dollars. So the washing machine costs more than your typical American house. Maybe you can live in that capsule. I don’t know. The 2.3 meter capsule gently cleans a fully reclined user using micro bubbles, a fine mist spray, and automated drying, completing the cycle entirely in about 15 minutes. Inside the chamber manages airflow, humidity, temperature. Here’s what’s scary about the device. The whole thing closes. You’re inside a giant washing machine. I thought it would make more sense if your head was sticking out of the thing, right? Like, how do you not drown? Seems dangerous. If that thing malfunctioned, you know. Inside, the chamber manages airflow, humidity, temperature, and can release aroma mists for relaxation. I don’t like this idea at all. And I’ll tell you why. I can envision in the future that Um, houses are built without bathtubs, right? And the government’s going to be like, look, we’re out of fresh water. There’s a crisis. You know, if you want to take a bath, you have to go to an approved government run human laundromat. And now we have to like pay money every time we want to shower. It’s very dystopian because, you know, these things are 300, almost $400,000. How many people can actually afford to have one of those in their house? No, they’re going to have to rent one by the hour. This is just horrible. Plus, it’s using AI, and of course, AI is going to try to kill us. All right. The machine incorporates AI-based sensing equipment. Customers can select themed audiovisual environments, such as nature scenes, underwater worlds, and soft ambient music. Public interest skyrocketed during the Osaka Expo, where more than 40,000 people applied for fewer than 500 trial slots, requiring ScienceCo to keep engineers on standby to maintain the prototype. Science chairman Yasuka Ayama said the company sees potential not only among curious consumers, but also in hospitals, elder care facilities, and luxury residential buyers. We hope people who weren’t able to visit the expo will finally get a chance to experience this new kind of bathing technology. He said initial production will be extremely limited with only a small number of units planned for early manufacturing runs. So there you go. That, my friends, is your distorted news for Monday. Let’s do a couple of voicemails and get the hell out of here.
Speaker 1
Spread that ass and show some ho. Sex distorted view. Getting your news is the only goal. Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. Sex distorted view. For Harry Dutt.
Tim Henson
Text for Harry Cunt. Well, not getting a lot of spread holes lately, but that’s okay. Still getting a lot of texts on our new line, for Harry Cunt. And if for some reason you don’t feel comfortable inputting for Harry Cunt on your phone, You can always text 206-666-4463 like Retina did. Retina says, can you please use timestamps more, even if it’s just in the sideshow? I listen to the shows with them much more when I can use them to jump around. Why don’t you listen to every fucking second of this program? Everything I say is very important. You should not be jumping around. And it has made me sad. Many of them haven’t had them lately. Well, earlier this year, I stopped doing the timestamps for logistical reasons. It takes a bit of time to do them. And I was driving up to Ashtabuil a lot and trying to do a bunch of shows. But now that things have calmed down a bit, you’re starting to see more timestamps or timestamps in more episodes of the show. And that will continue. But thank you very much, timestamp user. Someone else says, hey, Tim, just want to let you know when you were talking about all of your anal related beauty products today and decided to call your fissure prevention cream. Oh, and still crack soothers. I lost my shit and nearly had to pull over. So keep up the great shows. You’re one of the best parts of my day. Well, thank you very much. 902 area code pulled pork pussy. Pulled pork pussy message. He says, hey, Tim, thought you’d enjoy this video of a man recreating a savory enema. That is a good idea for a product. Remember Tutti Frutti Douche? The audio of that guy talking about the different types of scented or flavored douches that women can use. And one of them was Tutti Frutti flavored. This is kind of the same idea. Flavored enema. And they don’t just have to be like sweet flavors. Cherry, raspberry cream. You can also have savory enemas. Like turkey gravy, nacho cheese, cheddar blasted savory enemas. You know, the possibilities are endless. Let me see what this video is all about here.
Speaker 10
This uncooked concoction was fed to the president of the United States via his butt.
Tim Henson
Okay, so he’s cracking some eggs in a glass.
Speaker 10
Netflix definitely skipped this part of the Death by Lightning miniseries, which is all about President James Garfield’s assassination. Find me on YouTube, same name. I’ll do a longer story time there. But basically, in Coveneers, if you’re squeamish, Garfield was shot by Charles Gatteau, and it was really the doctor that…
Tim Henson
Okay, I do not care about this. I don’t want to hear a whole fucking story. What is going on? President Garfield used an egg enema?
Speaker 10
He didn’t have a stroke or something. His name was Dr. D.W. He was a total quack.
Tim Henson
So James A. Garfield had a doctor who was a total quack and gave him an enema to nourish him?
Speaker 10
I guess? To feed him rectally. He mixed together beef bouillon, raw egg yolks, milk, and opium, which I am not including here.
Tim Henson
That’s the most important ingredient in an opium enema.
Speaker 10
the president’s downstairs. All of this was supposed to save the president as he got worse and worse when he was actually getting worse and worse because of Dr. Bliss and his dirty hands. Dr. Bliss was so proud of this concept that he actually published a paper after Garfield’s death called Feeding Porectum as illustrious- Okay, this is really a job for Haley’s Comet.
Tim Henson
Haley’s Comet, can you look into the James A. Garfield egg and opium enema and give me an abridged version, please? Thank you. I had to learn all about fucking James A. Garfield, one of our most useless presidents. And it’s because he grew up near Ashtabula. Like, not too close, but he’s like in Cleveland. I don’t know, about 30 or 40 minutes away from where I resided as a child. And we actually had to take a field trip to the James A. Garfield house. You know, as a kid, anytime you get to go on a field trip, it was very exciting. And this one was like far away. It was like 45 minutes away. We got to go on a bus and all that shit, right? And so you’re super excited. Then you get there and it’s like some old dinky ass house 1800s. And, you know, they try to make it interesting, but, again, James A. Garfield wasn’t that important as a president. I mean, it’s not like Abraham Lincoln’s house. They walk us through this stupid house and they’re like, here’s the entry. Here’s the parlor. Here’s the dining room. And they have, like, you know, little pieces of memorabilia. Like, here’s James A. Garfield’s hat. And, you know, as a fucking 12-year-old, you’re like, I don’t fucking care about some dead dude’s hat. all tattered and I was like, what did James A. Garfield even do? Wasn’t he like the shortest term president? Yeah, I mean, he was in office from January 2nd, 1860 to August 21st, 1861. And then when he was like shot and killed, it’s like the most interesting thing about James A. Garfield. This is like his legacy. You know, like he was one of the presidents who was assassinated. Could you imagine if he wasn’t assassinated? The only thing we’d probably remember him for is the fact that he ate an egg and opium enema out of his asshole. Being shot and killed was the best thing that could possibly happen to him, you know, for his legacy. So, all right. Well, thank you very much for the text. Keep them coming. Let’s do a couple of voicemails now. You do. You do. Haley’s comment calling up with some bad news.
Speaker 11
You go. You have competition for your fiber line. I was actually looking up some fiber supplements not too long ago.
Tim Henson
Honestly, I don’t even remember coming up with a fiber supplement product. I’ve just got so many great ideas. And… Was this the asbestos one?
Speaker 11
In the listings, I discovered there was a company called Bottom. They’ve got Friend of Dorothy on their label. It contains xylem hux, flaxseed, aloe vera.
Tim Henson
Oh, this is stuff that gay guys should be eating in order to bottom, right?
Speaker 11
Bottom fiber supplement for effortless prep time. Oh. It’s for men who bottom. That’s part of their slogan.
Tim Henson
Okay.
Speaker 11
So you got competition, man. And they’re already on the market.
Tim Henson
They’re in my space. I don’t like that.
Speaker 4
Hey, Tim. Hello. I’m on my way home from Thanksgiving, which is about two hours away from my house. And we stopped and visited my girlfriend’s parents and ate dinner with them. That was pretty okay. And I’m on my way home. It’s about 6 p.m. right now, and I still have two hours to go. I passed the casino, and I stopped in this little casino that’s hooked up to the gas station. And I turned my $20 into $70. Hey! Invest all that into McDermott stock. I still have the two-hour drive, and I have to get up at 5 in the morning to go to work. You should become a gambling addict. Oh, I play my scratchies. That’s how Timmy Boo gets all of his money. Timmy Boo becomes a gambling addict.
Tim Henson
That’s how Timmy loses all of his money.
Speaker 4
Be a new thing.
Tim Henson
I had an idea for a live stream, but then someone said it’s illegal. You can’t do this. My idea was that all of my… I’d start a live stream on Twitch or something, and people would donate money, as you do, right? And all that money would be used to scratch off lottery tickets. And that’s what the stream would be. It would be me scratching off lottery tickets. And then we would all share the winnings. If there’s any winnings, we then distribute the money. And the idea is that I’d be getting so many donations in that eventually we’d have to hit it big. It’s probably one of my dumber ideas. And it’s also, again, illegal. I guess you can’t do what I suggested. Also, financially, we’d all probably end up losing lots and lots of money. Not me, of course. You guys for donating the money to the stream to buy the lottery tickets.
Speaker 6
Roy from Vermont. Hey, Roy. Sideshow member. I’ve been listening for, I don’t know, about seven years now. And on a recent episode here towards the end of September or beginning October or something like that, You had a listener conspiracy theory that Rodder Bay is Lord douche.
Tim Henson
I love no one knows how to pronounce Rodder Bay. It’s like herpes. H-E-R-P-E. It’s herpe without the last S. But it’s pronounced er-pay because, you know, ethnic or something.
Speaker 6
How do you say Rodder Bay? Is it Rodder Bay?
Tim Henson
Rod. R-O-D is the first name. Rod. Short for Rodney. Or Rodrigo. Yeah, he could be Hispanic. Rodrigo Urpe. And then, like I said, herpes.
Speaker 6
Rod at bay? Anyway.
Tim Henson
Rod at bay.
Speaker 6
I’ve been listening, and I thought this was just common knowledge. I’m going to go out on the line and just say, it’s you. Rod at bay is you. The voice changer. All the things that he says.
Tim Henson
There is a lot of evidence for that, because I do use the voice changer to do Mead’s voice and a bunch of others.
Speaker 6
It’s just like how Tim would say it. So I thought that that was, I thought everybody knew that. And I may be wrong. I’m just going to go ahead and say, it’s you. And I’m sticking to that.
Tim Henson
We should set up a poll. What do people believe?
Speaker 6
So anyway, Tim.
Tim Henson
What if the majority of people think it’s Lord Douche?
Speaker 6
Thank you for everything. And I’m sorry if this subject has been beat to death by the time you get to this voicemail around Christmas. But thank you for your show. Thanks for everything. You’re the best. I’m just so tickled to have you in my life.
Tim Henson
All right. Perfect timing on that call. Right after Thanksgiving, right? This guy’s thankful for me, as he should be. I’m a goddamn national treasure. I don’t know why more people can’t see that. All right. Thank you very much. That’s very kind words. That is all the time we have on this edition of the show. I want you guys to email me. Show at DistortedView.com. DistortedView.com is our official website. Voicemail on for you. 206-666-4463. That’s 206-666. Oh, God, is it all again?
Speaker 5
Can you see the yeast infection spots?
Tim Henson
Spread the distortion, STD. Tell all your friends about the show. Don’t forget to give us a five-star rating, a thumbs up, or like wherever you can rate and review podcasts. Tomorrow’s episode is going to be Sideshow exclusive. That’s why it’s so important you sign up for the Sideshow. And make sure to do it today so you get an amazing deal because it’s Cyber Monday.
Speaker 1
There we go. Yay, I found the right button. I’m a very dumb robot.
Tim Henson
All right. We’ll see you back tomorrow. Until then, have a great day.
Speaker 1
Bye, everybody. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrobb Media Group. Learn more at Scrobb.net.
