Welcome To Distorted View’s Crude Summer!
Each week we will take a dip into DV’s pool of disgusting, poorly written, and just weird erotic fan fiction/ sex stories that have been featured over the past 15 years of the podcast. I originally read these stories to you during a segment called Sextastic Tuesday, which aired just about every week (on Tuesday’s, naturally) and creeped out a generation of freaks. Every weekend this summer we will relive some of these abominations.
In addition, I’ll be sprinkling *NEW* stories in, like we are doing this week to kick off season 2 of Crude Summer! What will I be reading to you today? We ended last year by reading 3 installments of the Blowfly Girl journal. This year, we kick off the season with snake insertion. Did you know snakes are attracted to the pungent smell of girl crotch? It’s true! One woman shares her tale of snake tongues dancing around clits and finding its way deep inside her womanly cavern. For this weekend’s second story, I’ve got an eerily timely piece about reparations for black women… in the form of turning white men into their financial slaves and storing their balls in jars (quite literally). Once a year, the men can compete to get their manhood back, but the competition is rather gross. It’s a a sci-fi nightmare!
BE A PART OF THIS STUPIDITY:
Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (206-66-OH GOD) Have Your Voicemail Played On The Show E-mail: show@distortedview.com – Say hi, suggest news stories, videos, audio, etc. Discord: The DV discord server! Chat with like-minded monsters. The DV Subreddit: Share links to DV worthy audio/video and news stories
A new way to help support Tim / Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page
Get more Distorted View! Become a True and Honorable Freak: Sign Up For The Sideshow
Hastily AI’ed Transcription Of Today’s Show:
Bestiality is a taboo form of sex which is probably why there are so many pieces of erotic fiction written about this Dupre back. Still very few tales of bestiality have the main character choosing the pleasure themselves with snakes. Yes, we kick season Jew off of crude summer with snake insertion born. Afterwards we read another brand new story, this one featuring a timely subject matter black reparations. This podcast is about to get problematic. Crude summary starts in just a moment.
Distorted views crude summer is brought to you by AdamAndEve.com the sex toy superstore with that old timey mom and pop store charm. Look, your local erotic boutique is fine. They’ve got some movies, some generic toys, it works when you’re in a pinch and you just need something in your butt right away and you don’t mind paying a little more money. If you want access to over 20,000 adult items at an amazing price, check out AdamAndEve.com. Here’s an example just about every corner store sex shop sells nipple clamps, but only AdamAndEve.com has the exclusive chain me up kink clamps including two nipple clamps, and a clip clamp all connected together. Just pull on the O ring in the middle and yank her tits and clit at the same time, innovative forward thinking that’s Adam and Eve calm for a limited time just for distorted view listeners get 50% off just about any item when you use promo code freak at checkout. That’s FREAK half off any one item is an amazing deal on its own. We’re just getting started baby. use promo code freak and you’ll also receive a sexy item for him a special gift for her and a third item you’ll both enjoy plus six free Spicy movies and free shipping on your entire order. That’s 10 free gifts when you use promo code freak. Let’s recap. AdamAndEve.com has products like the cocoa licious Cagle Trainer with three different removable weight sizes, and it’ll tighten up even the most stubborn Ward outputs the whole I’m guessing, I don’t know. use promo code freak on an item like that and get 10 free gifts including free shipping. That’s promo code FREAK at AdamAndEve.com TV is really the worst erotica found on the internet. Also my mom shorted us crude summit.
Hi, my name is Samantha. I don’t sound like a Samantha to you, Mister problem, right. I know you may think I’m strange, but I’ve always been fascinated by snake. Most women are afraid of them, but I think they’re incredible creatures. I love to watch him curl up in a ball under the heat lamp in the aquarium, and I’m awed every time I watch them eat but I gotta be honest, I do have a difficult time dropping the mice in there. I’ve got two snakes. Their names are hisun Fang, they’re about three and a half feet long in a good one and a half to two inches wide. Yeah, gray with diamond shaped dark patches, and as gentle as can be. I’ve raised them since they were old enough for me to handle them. They trust me and I trust them. They’ve never bitten me not even tried, except when they were little and nipping and everything but they’ve never pierced my skin and haven’t even tried to bite since they’ve gotten older. my fascination started when I was just a wee little girl there God I hope this isn’t under age snake insertion porn. How exactly did I get into sex with snakes? Well, a lot of the time when I’m home alone I have one of the snakes draped around my neck or curled up on my lap. I love my guys and they like to spend time out of their aquariums with me. Sometimes I’ll put a little treat on my hand or shoulder, they can always tell the difference between the treat and my skin. Well, one day I was surfing the net and I was getting horny. I was looking at some pictures at this one site and boy did it get my pussy juices flowing. I kept rummaging through the site and well the next thing you know there are these beast d&d pictures on my screen. You know how that happens. You’re on pornhub.com watching some mill videos and the next thing you know there’s a dog mounting abroad. It’s not how that happens, lady, you’re obviously searching for this stuff, or whatever. The next thing you know, there’s big daddy pictures on my screen. What? How did that happen? You know those pop up ads that are always showing up when you’re serving a porn site? Mm hmm. I remember thinking how in the world can anyone have sex with an animal Then, as I stared at the picture, my curiosity was piqued. Well, you came around to that idea pretty quickly. This is so disgusting. How could anyone get into Well, I could actually see myself. rattling a horse cock. I clicked onto the link and saw for the first time a woman being fucked by a dog. My pussy became wetter and wetter. I couldn’t believe that this turned me on. They had an eel category. Really a beast reality mega sites. Are you interested in mammals? amphibians? reptiles. There’s an avian category. Sure, let’s fuck a bald eagle. All right, I clicked on the eel category. Oh my god. Right there on the screen was a girl with her legs spread wide open and the tail end of an eel slithering out of her pussy. I really got horny then. I couldn’t believe it. I looked at picture after picture. The crotch of my panties was absolutely soaked. Now, you know snakes have an incredible sense of smell. Isn’t Fang we’re inhaling the aroma of your juice. Needless to say his started his way down to investigate the source of this overpowering smell that was coming from my nether regions. I didn’t think anything of it at first, the stakes are always moving around when they get tired on one spot. His head was right in my crotch though. His tongue kept darting in and out of his mouth. He was really enjoying the scent of my sopping wet pussy. I don’t know what came over me. But the next thing I knew I dropped my shorts and panties on the floor and spread my legs wide open. You know, like bestiality is pretty much illegal, right? Like you can’t have sex with a dog but did you go to jail for having a snake inside of you? White the same thing as a domesticated animal. We’ve read instance board like I don’t think you’d go to jail for sticking worms in your policy or maggots. That’s the thing. Of course. A snake I think really is in between, like an insect and a horse. Someone in Congress should really introduce legislation banning humans having sex with snakes or like lizards, Joe, I think they would be in the same category. Frogs would be on that list. Okay. that’s neither here nor there. I moved over to the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. His head went between my legs and was bumping against my Lamia. Oh my god, it felt so good. It was so wicked so taboo. It turned me on like I’d never been turned on before. After realizing there was nothing for him down there. He started to make his way back up to my shoulders. I stopped him and I put them right back there, right between my legs. I took hold him his tail end, and I make two between my outer lips. Are you to rub my bloody and I was getting all worked up. His didn’t seem to mind this handling of him so I kept it up. I clicked on a movie and watched on my computer screen this girl putting a snake into her pussy, just like I was doing life imitating art. I took his tail and I started to work it into my sopping wet hole. It really felt good. His skin is a little rough and added a sensation that I’ve never had before. He just shed his skin a couple of days ago. Oh, that would be even hotter if he like shed his skin inside of her. I bet you that would feel amazing, right? This was new skin. I wouldn’t want to do this when he was sloughing his old skin off No way. Right now. The scales added bumps and grooves that I could feel as I pushed more and more into my pussy snakes are very flexible. And as I pushed more in it was like he curved on himself inside my tight hole. I was feeling very full but I wanted more More. I got about a foot and a half inside of me before I just couldn’t take it anymore. Then I started playing with my clip I figured his could exit out of my vagina at his own pace and that it would seriously get me off. Oh, I was already creaming so much more hiss is gonna drown and that was the flood. I know snakes can handle water okay, but you know he’s stuck in there he stuck in your Alright, I was already creaming so much my pussy was slowly milking hiss. As I used my Kindle muscles to increase the sensation is starting to slither away and as he started to slowly exit my body it felt like nothing I ever experienced before. It’s hard to describe. It’s not like a dildo because still those aren’t this long. Oh, you can find dildos that long. They’re expensive. I mean, I get what you’re saying. Here’s the standard dildo is not as long as a snake. This was moving and moving and it felt like he’d never get all of body out of my pussy. It was so intense. I was already on the verge of a mind blowing climax before it started to move. But now that I had this constant moving out of my pussy, then clitoral stimulation toe. Oh, the orgasm I had was the most intense one I’ve ever had in my life. You know what I’m wondering whereas Fang and all of this, White Fang is really getting the shaft. I’m sure Fang is curious about your pussy stink, he would like to investigate. I hate when people play favorites with their pets. The orgasm started when his brought his head back towards my pussy lips and kept sniffing the air with his tongue. Every few times his tongue would actually make contact with my clit I had my knees pulled all the way to my chest so my pussy was spread as wide as I could get it. My clip was hard as it could be and definitely out from under its hood. What I felt is his forked tongue touch my clit for the first time If my orgasm, my legs pulled themselves back even further on their own in order to open my pussy up more. I let go of my legs and I started a pinch and roll my nips. I pinched him so hard. I had a tear form in the corner of my eye but it felt so good. I couldn’t stop. My orgasm continued the entire time his extracted himself from inside of me, and I think I even squirted for the first time ever. My pussy was spasming over and over in my cup was throbbing and I felt this extreme urge to piss, but I knew I could piss and climax at the same time. And then there was the shot of fluid from my pussy as his came all the way out. All I could do was let my legs flop down on the bed and try to control my breathing as my pussy and my click Continue to spasm over and over. Since that time, I do it with my snake friends at least once a week. They seem to like it and now that I’m more experienced with the snakes, I found a great lubricant called Benson in Sun snake oil that I coat my snake with first, and it really makes the whole thing great. Yeah, I know it sounds pretty perverted. But hey, it feels so good. I can’t help myself. What’s interesting is that Benson and sun snake oil is a real reptile rub. Could this be a true story? Or disgusting things have happened. 2020 Well, 21 is gonna be known for a lot of things, but one of the things it’ll be remembered for is the year of Black Lives Matter. And among all the talks of equality, the notion of reparations has been mentioned more than a few times. This, of course, is the idea that because of hundreds or thousands of years of slavery and mistreatment, black people are owed some stuff, like land or money. In today’s the second bread news story. Black reparations take form and an interesting statistic and gross manner. Oh white people are gonna suffer and the story you really can’t eat just one. Enjoy. There were as many as 200 black women gathered in the cafeteria size Hall. It was the black women’s reparation society at its best, the once a year event during which some lucky black woman would win a pair of balls and the white man who went with them conceived only a few short years ago, the reparations society kidnapped extremely rich white men, surgeons, bankers, stockbrokers award winning podcasters I do not like this Dory. All lives matter. Oh, and I just mean my my life matters, please. I need my balls. Basically anyone liable to earn at least a half a million a year. Oh, I’m Okay, nevermind. I’m back to believe in black lives matter. Right. Each captive had his scrotum sack cut open Jesus Christ and his balls carefully removed. Ah, the balls were placed in a solution to keep them fresh, Hidden Valley Ranch. That type of solution would keep balls fresh. I really want to know it’s summer it’s sticky things are getting stinky downstairs. Like some of that solution. mineral oil. I don’t know, I really don’t know. Alright, so their balls, the white man’s balls were placed in a solution to keep them fresh. their previous owner was then informed that he could have them back someday. In the meantime, his balls were held by a black woman who now receive this man’s yearly income. Okay, so every black woman has like a white guy and a white guy’s balls, okay. The organizers of the society found it particularly gratifying that most of the black women involved came from the lowest 20% of all our Hold waitresses, welfare recipients bag ladies at Walmart type employees, these women It was a whole new world. Now at the gathering, a dozen new names would be drawn. As an added event one lucky man was to get his balls back today, the woman giving the balls back up received a new set and a new man. What a fun lottery like game this is. To make it more interesting. The men were entered into contest for the amusement of one at all. This year the original four men first castrated three years ago were to compete against one another. The audience cheered as the four were brought forward to the middle of the room. A tall extremely dark woman accompany them and now raised her hands high, indicating that the crowd was too quiet itself. These four gentlemen need no introduction. Thanks to their generosity and never ending efforts for have our sisters have found out what paradise really is living high off the hog thanks to the support given to them by these white assholes. The women cheered and the tall woman motion for the men to take a bow as though they had volunteered for any of this woman in charge now ordered some newer men to bring in for massage tables. The four men were now ordered to lie down on the massage tables. clear plastic tubes were brought over one end of the tube about one inch in diameter went into their mouth. The tubes of plastic hung across their bodies. Now the first four black volunteers came forward. I have no idea where this story’s going but it’s got to be somewhere not great for these white guys like a clear tube going in their mouth. This all spells trouble. Each of the women I know black volunteers were naked. I didn’t each mounted a massage table. They stood towering over the middle aged white men below them. Each was now administered an enema of two quarts of water. I think we all know where the story’s going now, right? To be clear tubes and white guys mouths enemas, they will then commence to empty themselves into the mouths of these white motherfuckers the first white pig to finish three loads gets his balls back. How badly would you want your balls? Look? They didn’t cut off your cock. It’s the balls and balls are important. Don’t get me wrong, but are they? three servings of shit important? At that point, you know, you’ve been living without your balls for some time. Now, I would say you know, I’m gonna I’m gonna pass on the shit servings. The first white pig to finish three loads, gets his balls back made the best whitey when the women laughed and cheered as the four black women drained their enema bags into their hands. is the man below squirmed in anticipation when all four women indicated their enema bags were empty. The tall woman nodded before now attached to their tubes to the plastic ones and then let go any effort to hold back their bowels. Women in the room how old as they watched the dark liquidy mass shoot down the plastic to an end of the waiting mouths of the men. For their part, the men grabbed hold of the tubes just above their mouths, and proceeded to suck hard, trying to force the liquefied shit into their mouths as fast as possible. Before black women on the massage tables smiled down triumphantly, as they watch the white men make pigs of themselves on the waist. After a few minutes, one tube after another was drained after that the women jumped off the table to to be replaced by a new volunteer who was immediately fixed up within an AMA. This gave each white man a few minutes to you know, catch his breath. Brace himself for a second round of shitting during the first round all the men did well, well they you know, these guys are obviously type A personality they’re you know, they’re highly successful competitive winners, they’re they’re gonna give it their all. During the second round though one man pulled the tube from his mouth and began to vomit all over himself. Well, you’re not doing a very good job representing the white race are you? The women hissed as he was led away shit and vomit still pouring from his mouth. During the final round, the three remaining challengers showed signs of deterioration. One seemed on the verge of passing out another began to slowly pee. What dogs do that right, like submissive peeing, these guys are not a part of the master race, that’s for sure. All right, one of these guys began to slowly pay until the tall woman ran over and placed a clamp over the head of his penis. He tried to howl and pay Instead ending up losing his concentration and control of the shit that he was sucking into his mouth. He got choked, and only with great difficulty regained his composure. You nearly lost that for yourself. It’s your fucking head in the game. Do you want your balls back or not? was a close one but that’s what makes this so fun to watch, I guess you know, the real nail biter problem was, you know between pissing himself and then having a woman clamp his penis and then he was all like crying and gagging on shit. It delayed him. That delay proved fatal. He was now way too far behind the other men to have any chance of winning. At the end, two men raced each other to the finish. The crowd cheered on its favorite. The tubes showing how fast they were draining. The man on the far right one by only two gulps of shit, sending off a wave of cheers and clapping. The losers were led away and the winner had his right arm extended skyward and the tall woman patted him paternalistically on his head. He was then presented with a box containing his beloved balls. He was led to a chamber where doctors could reattach the precious jewels. He was also given us freedom, a slave to the black woman no more. You are free white man now, though what he would do with his freedom didn’t matter much a year of serving as a bolus wage slave of a black woman had provided his owner with many opportunities to photograph and videotape him and hundreds of situations worthy of blackmail. So she’s still gonna get paid right? Otherwise, those embarrassing photos and videos will be released smart woman, his former black owner could be assured that the money would keep pouring in. Women now waited for the drawing to see who are the lucky ones would be. No one thought themselves luckier than the white man reunited with his own balls. The end I mean, I I Support equality. But is it okay that I hate this story? White man No. likey Hey, if you have a favorite sex tastic Tuesday’s story that you want to hear again I could play it right here on group summer just email me show a distorted view calm throughout the summer we’ll be playing some of your favorites and of course stories. Always voicemail in 206-666-4463 all over social media at distorted view on Twitter and Instagram facebook.com slash distorted view show want to hang out with some like minded freaks they’re all in the discord. There’s a link on the main navigation bar over there at distorted view comm regular episodes of Divi are Monday through Friday and I will be back next weekend with another installment of curb summer. Until then, Just a quick final reminder that distorted views crude summer is brought to you by AdamAndEve.comRemember to use promo code FREAK for 50% off just about any item you’re also gonna get some free gifts. Something for him something for her something you can both enjoy and six free movies plus free shipping on your entire order. Not a bad deal at all. Just remember promo code freak at AdamAndEve.com
“Lobby Time” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
