On Today’s Show:
| 00:00:00:00.00 | Introduction |
| 00:02:16:01.73 | Smoother Skin After A School Shooting |
| 00:12:10:17.47 | Breaking News! Biore Apologies For Stupid Post |
| 00:13:34:18.69 | Another Drunk Politician |
| 00:14:45:20.13 | Dollar General Theft Prevention / Near-Vehicular Homocide |
| 00:17:53:10.38 | Man Steals Baby Mama’s Livestream Phone |
| 00:19:50:13.07 | Free Yourself From Foot Prison |
| 00:23:02:12.35 | Girlfriend Screaming At Man To Get In The Car |
| 00:25:20:22.50 | Sign Up For The Sideshow |
| 00:27:32:23.72 | Tweaked Out Seagulls High On Spice |
| 00:31:37:22.63 | Making A House Maid Clean Up A Murder Scene |
| 00:37:31:11.14 | Necro-Penis Is A Not A Diagnosis You Want |
| 00:40:02:10.48 | Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending |
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