On Today’s Show:

00:00:00:00.00	Introduction
00:02:13:18.78	“The Stuck Stuff Gets Infected” – Confessions Of A Dirty-Assed DV Listener
00:09:31:09.49	Chris Chan Loves Indian Food / May Have A Little Black In Him
00:12:23:15.61	King Cobra Crashes Bike And Concocts Disgusting Alcoholic Beverages
00:15:17:04.60	Colors Continue To Trigger Idiots – Does McDonalds Wrapper Prove They Support Israel?
00:22:39:14.42	Man Getting Arrested Poops His Pants
00:24:34:21.10	Brother / Sister Political Fight Turns Into Domestic Violence 911 Call / Body Cam Video
00:32:22:01.22	Sign Up For The Sideshow!
00:33:53:11.55	Ordering Food That McDonalds Doesn’t Sell
00:39:16:11.18	Trivia Night Ruined By Hitler
00:44:40:17.33	Skeleton Strip Scene
00:47:29:04.63	Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

Links:

Read All About JPOW In The New DV Freakipedia

Proof McDonalds Has Been Using The Blue And White Wrapper For Over A Year

Important Show Stuff:

Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463

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Transcript (AI Transcription – accuracy not guaranteed)

Hey freaks, it’s Monday, October 23rd, 2023.

Coming up on the program today, pulling off those stubborn butthole dingleberries with the help of your mom.

Plus, ordering fast food but ending up with a McGenocide Deluxe with cheese, pooping yourself mid-arrest, and who invited Adolf Hitler to trivia night?

That guy sucks.

Record a high quality version for me, please.

Hey yo, I’m on that DV.

Tip, you got that groove.

Did you see my mind?

So sick, I need Timothy to rate my shit.

Crystal one, crystal two, I want a seven, Timmy Boo.

See, I love the coated view.

Those who don’t should love it too.

It’s cheaper than a meal ticket.

Then you get your brain goodness.

All you freaks should get my prox.

Reloaders and flip my clock.

So here’s some love for the careless fairy.

And a special shout out for the black girl.

You hear me?

Wow, that was very good.

I like that.

Add more lyrics, make it a full song.

Hey, Timmy B, it’s the PSP.

Who has nothing better to do this evening than waste his semen.

However, I must beseech you, please stop playing that rabbit screamin’.

It’s too easy to wank to and I’m starting to bleed.

So I thought I’d join in, but I’m far too white for that.

Every time I try to rap, it just comes out sounding like, you know.

I’ll just leave that to a fur bag that I know.

Instead I’ll wack off and then I’ll call into your show.

See, Timmy, I’m your s- Fuck, I screwed it up.

Just let me, hang on a second, let me hit pound and two and give it another shot here.

See, Timmy, I’m your stalker.

I whack off in your red bull.

If you ever wondered why it tastes like comet, there you go.

And that’s one to grow on.

Tim’s got a bad dick, so blow on it.

If you’re not in the sideshow, I don’t know what to say.

Fuckin’ stupid.

Sucker much, dick bitch?

Yeah!

It’s the Distorted View Show with Tim Henson.

You’re nothing but a slut!

I’m so constipated, yeah!

I’m gonna lose my mind today!

Don’t miss the great snatch!

Without further interruption, let’s celebrate and sucker some dick.

Ding!

Yes, Tim Henson back here with you to kick off a new week.

The programs have a great one for you today.

I have just been spending way too much time in the Discord.

Everyone seems to be obsessed with J-Pow, someone we talked about a lot last week on the show, and I refuse to believe this is a real person.

Since the Friday podcast, J-Pow accidentally gave up personal information about himself, like the name of siblings and addresses.

I mean, he might as well have given out his social security number.

Someone ask him for his checking account and routing number.

He seems willing to give up that information.

So then he freaked out and he deleted those messages, but you know, the damage has been done.

So let me just say, guys, don’t, don’t dox this guy.

If you do have information about him, just lose it.

Just pretend it doesn’t exist.

Don’t share it.

Don’t do anything weird.

I got a direct message from J-Pow where he says, so your users make violent threats.

By the way, the violent threat was a listener saying that J-Pow probably only has five years left on his life because of the way he eats.

You know, he’s very obese.

He was going to be on my 600 pound life.

Most recently, he was bragging that he stole a meatball sub from his mom.

Anyway, because of the violent threats, J-Pow says, I filed a police report that death threats from the Mountain Guy were insane.

Mountain Guy, of course, is a distorted view listener in the discord.

The police just left my house after taking the report.

You really need to solve this.

I think they’re going to reach out to you soon.

And then less than a half hour later, J-Pow writes again, because I didn’t reply to this message because I was out living my life.

I didn’t even see this message.

He then says, I just finished with the cops a second time.

Your discord users sold you out just because they’re international doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible.

Also, using them to call my landlord and impersonating the police is a felony.

That will be your downfall.

Now, before I even responded to this message, I just looked in the general chat in the discord and saw that he was continuing to talk to these people.

So I messaged him and I’m like, just stop talking.

Leave the discord.

Stop listening to the show.

I don’t fucking care.

What do you want me to do?

You’re the one who constantly engages with them, gives out your address or your brother’s address or whatever you were doing.

This is the first time I’ve heard that you have any problem with my listeners.

Like, what do you want me to do about it?

I’m like, I just wanted to get you on the show to chat, but you’re more trouble than it’s worth.

Go away.

Now, that being said, after I sent that message to him, I went back into the general chat where all the freaks are hanging out, talking to J-PAL, and I was immediately sucked in.

At first, I was like, guys, don’t even fuck around with him.

Just ban him for all I care.

Make him go away.

Five minutes later, I’m talking to J-PAL, encouraging him to send cock shots and butthole pictures to me.

I don’t know.

I refuse to believe that J-PAL is for real.

This has got to be some performance art.

That being said, he wins.

He has me wrapped around his finger.

Everything that comes out of his mouth, through the keyboard, is insane.

I can’t resist it.

Part of it is because he doesn’t understand anything.

Initially, when I said to the freaks, just ban him.

He’s more trouble than he’s worth.

I also wrote to J-PAL, just joking around for the other freaks, mostly, saying, I want to break up with you, J-PAL.

I expect you to return my ring.

J-PAL, in 100% sincerity, was like, I did not steal your ring camera.

It was probably one of your other listeners.

I’m like, what?

That’s when another batch of direct messages to me started.

He’s like, I literally did not take the ring from you.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

I’m like, okay, now I got to explain the joke.

I’m like, it was a joke.

I was asking for my ring back, as in engagement ring, because we’re breaking up because I no longer like you after what you did to me.

Supposedly calling the police on me.

I thought, after I spelled it out, he’d be like, oh, okay, sorry, I didn’t get that.

No.

He’s like, but I didn’t even get a ring as a joke.

I didn’t even do anything wrong.

I didn’t do anything.

When they told me not to post pictures of my penis or asshole and no more shitting announcements, I stopped.

Yeah, apparently J-PAL has been wanting to post cock and butthole pictures for a while.

And the listeners were like, we don’t need to see that.

That’s gross.

Of course, when I got in the chat, I was like, yes, I do want to see those things.

You should totally take a picture of your penis and your nasty hole, you know, for the lulz.

At that point, other freaks were like, you know what?

I’m going to go ahead and cover my ass legally.

I did not pressure this tarred into penis pictures.

And J-PAL responded, yeah, this time you guys are innocent.

This is Tim’s fault.

Tim’s pressuring me.

So now, what?

Immediately, I’m like in more trouble because of this guy, right?

Like, I can already see where this is going.

He’s going to post a picture of his dick.

The freaks are going to make fun of him.

And then, like, he’s going to call the police saying I made him take a picture of his cock.

So I’m like, no, for the record, I am not.

I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

You’ve been talking about taking a picture of your butthole for a long time.

If you want to do it, go ahead.

If you don’t, that’s fine, too.

Like, it’s just like this is a minefield.

This is why I don’t participate in the Discord typically.

Again, a few minutes prior to all of this, I wanted the guy banned.

He said he was filing police reports on us.

But then he totally wins me back with comments like this regarding his butthole picture.

I’ll have to shit before or after dinner, and I’ll bring my iPad to the bathroom for pictures.

Or the next time my mom is helping clean, I may need her help, I’m guessing, to take pictures.

And I’m like, what?

You’re going to get your mom to take butthole shots of you?

He clarified a little bit with another comment.

He says, my mom doesn’t help me shit ever.

Just once a week or so, I get a little extra scrub.

Because sometimes the stuck stuff gets infected.

It happened once, and now we know.

I mean, I can’t resist that, right?

Even though this is going to end very, very poorly for me.

So I don’t know.

Maybe by the time I post the show, we’ll see a little skin from J-Pow.

I do have some audio I want to share with you, though.

By the way, if you’re not in the Discord, now’s a great time to sign up.

You can witness its demise.

It’s got to be the beginning of the end for the Discord, right?

There’s a link on the main navigation bar over there at distortedview.

com.

Use that as your invite in.

All right, let’s get into some audio here.

I know we played a lot from Chris Chan last week because, you know, he’s back after his stint in prison.

So it was a very exciting time here on the podcast.

I don’t want to overdo it with the Sonic Chew content, but I do have just a couple of very short clips.

These are mere seconds long each.

First up, from the Discord, someone posted this of Christine talking.

And my ancestors were from Africa, so there’s possibly a little bit of black in me, too.

What you say, me homie?

Hey, hey, hey.

There’s Albert, Chris channeling his inner African roots.

I love that Fat Albert is what comes to mind when told some of his ancestors may be from Africa.

That’s what they talk like over there in Kenya, right?

Chris is just not equipped mentally to empathize with other cultures.

For instance, I’m not sure how old this next clip is, but some YouTubers, I guess, took Chris Chan out to an Indian restaurant.

This had to have been long before the incesting of his mother.

Mmm, it smells good in here.

I mean, it’s pretty empty.

Oh boy, I’m going to, okay, now I just feel like I have to do this first time in here.

I feel like I got to do this.

Hello, my name is Apu.

I went to do- No, no, no, no.

You don’t have to do that.

Welcome to Quickie Mark.

He’s just going to keep plowing on through with that impression.

The YouTubers did their best.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We don’t need to do that.

But Chris Chan said, you know what?

Yes, we do need to do it.

It needs to be said.

I am Apu.

It’s like the worst Indian accent, right?

I feel for the YouTubers.

Like I have felt that embarrassment.

And look, I understand.

I say and do insensitive and offensive things all the time, but I know there is a time and place for these things.

My dumb Hill Jack family though, doesn’t.

Couple members of my family came up to stay with Lord Douche and I.

This was years ago.

And we took them out to a, like a Japanese steakhouse or something.

And it was pretty much the exact same thing that Chris Chan did.

As we’re pushing through the ornate wooden doors into the interior of the restaurant, which was decorated in a very traditional Japanese way.

I could hear my family members saying, Oh, I saw bowing, putting their hands together, bowing to one another.

Oh yeah.

Most honorable.

You know, that type of thing.

I’m like, Oh my God, stop it.

Quiet.

I am sending you on the first hayride back to Ashdubula.

It’s only fun when I embarrass people.

I don’t like it happening to me.

I do have one more short Utah clip.

This is King Cobra.

This is literally like two seconds long.

He’s filming himself as he rides a bicycle.

When the inevitable happens.

God damn it.

I just played that on loop for a while.

I just thought it was so funny.

Oh, he’s going down.

God damn it.

I get the frustration.

Don’t get me wrong.

You know, Cobra recently has been experimenting with making his own mead.

Yeah, not that mead.

The alcoholic mead.

I got to say, I don’t condone his recipes.

It’s a regular green monster.

His mead includes monster energy drinks.

Short top, long tail.

The original flavor.

He’s pouring that in.

I don’t even want to tell you what else is in there yet.

He’ll reveal it in a second.

Will this make our wine caffeinated too?

That’s also what I got to wonder, YouTube.

He’s not an expert in making mead.

With it being Halloween season, we got to do something ghoulish here.

The whole drink is ghoulish.

Although I want to use the rest of it with water just to be on the safe side.

And I want to thank my trolls for sending me all these bananas and filtered water.

This will make for a very clean mead.

Although the flavor is a little funky.

You heard bananas.

So far, what we know is in this drink.

Water, monster energy, and bananas.

These are the least disgusting ingredients in this mead.

So that might give you an idea of what we’re actually dealing with here.

That’ll leave just a little bit of room at the top for it to burp and do its thing.

I cannot believe I’m making this into a mead flavor.

And it is here when he announces all of the ingredients in his mead.

The consistency to me does not read as mead.

It reads as a chunky stew.

Like who the fuck puts jalapenos and bananas and monster and honey and sugar and chocolate chip cookies into a fucking mead?

No one.

This is not mead.

This is throw up.

This is what comes up when you have an upset tummy.

Of course, it takes a few days to ferment and fester, I guess is the word.

So we’ll check back in with King Cobra at a later date.

Let’s move on now.

Let’s tackle some more international issues.

You know, on Friday’s podcast, I played audio of a man on the news being interviewed by a woman.

He was very upset because she was wearing a sari.

She was like an Indian lady.

She was wearing a sari that was green and red.

And he said, those colors are included in the Palestinian flag.

So fuck you, bitch.

Why you got to be, you know, supporting terrorists like that?

And she’s like, look, this is my one hundred and five year old grandma’s sari.

She’s dead.

I’m wearing it in her honor.

It has nothing to do with Jews or Palestinians.

Not everything is about you.

I’ve got a clip here once again about colors and Israel and Palestine.

It makes even less sense than that news clip.

We’ve got a woman here who went to McDonald’s.

McDonald’s, of course, famous for supporting terrorist regimes.

McDonald’s loves to get political and really alienate large portions of the people who eat their food.

No, McDonald’s stays the fuck out of this shit.

They don’t need to get involved in a fight about which group of people are killing more.

Because in the end, McDonald’s and its food is going to kill the most people.

They are going to win the war against humanity here.

All right.

The wrapper on this cunt’s McChicken is white.

You know, most wrappers are white.

There’s some white in the wrapper.

And the McDonald’s arch is blue.

It’s a white and blue wrapper.

You know what that means, right?

If you do, please explain it to me because I’m clueless.

No, she thinks that, you know, this means McDonald’s supports Israel.

Now, here’s the thing.

This is how you know you’re dealing with a low IQ person.

Here we have a multi-billion dollar company.

Any even seemingly little decision takes so much time and effort.

If they did decide to change the wrappers, it probably happened a year or two ago.

It’s not like one day McDonald’s says, we have to show our support with Israel.

And the next day they’ve got Israeli flag McChicken wrappers.

I mean, think of the fucking logistics involved, right?

And this attack just happened, what, a week ago, two weeks ago?

So I was starving, so I had to get one quick sandwich from here.

And I thought they gave me the wrong sandwich, but conveniently, McDonald’s changed their packaging.

Wow.

What does that resemble?

A sailor suit?

Those are also white and blue.

What is this?

All right, she drove back to McDonald’s and she’s going to accost a poor teenage employee.

If anyone can give you satisfaction, right, the answers you’re looking for, it’s going to be Devante, who was just pulled off of the McDonald’s French fryer machine, so he could talk to you.

What is this?

This one?

Yeah, what is this new packaging?

It’s the McChicken wrapper.

But why is it blue and white?

I don’t see it.

I don’t know.

I think you do know.

Yeah, let’s cut the shit.

You and I both know why this wrapper is blue.

This is in support of Israel.

They changed it.

I mean, it was like that actually since a few months ago because we ran out of the regular ones.

No, I don’t think so.

This is obviously in support of Israel.

Dude, you just cannot talk to her.

She’s just going to bulldoze you.

She wants an answer, you give it to her, she doesn’t believe you.

There’s just there’s just not a way out of this.

I mean, we actually had that for a while.

I was here two weeks ago and it wasn’t like this.

I mean, we have had stuff.

I know this is not your fault because you’re an employee, but I think this is disgusting for them to do this.

And I know you in your heart, you know, in your heart that this is clearly what this wrapper is for.

I mean, I don’t know.

I’m explaining it to you.

It is.

I’m telling you what’s in your heart.

You know, in your heart, because I’m telling you, this is the Israeli flag.

This is the color of their flag.

This is clearly what they’re doing and what they’re showing to people.

And I think it’s disgusting.

I’m just curious what’s with the new wrapping.

She’s moved on to another employee who might give her a satisfactory answer.

Yeah, the blue and white.

I mean, if I was Israel, I think I would be even more pissed at McDonald’s for this wrapper change because it’s like, how is this helping us donate money to us?

If you want to help us change in the wrapper to white and blue, that ain’t going to save lives.

There’s not even like a message of support saying, you know, McDonald’s stands with Israel.

It’s just the McDonald’s logo in blue.

This isn’t even the first time they’ve used blue and white.

Like the fish filet comes in a blue and white box.

Hamburger wrappers used to be blue and white.

Earlier this year, or maybe it was last year, you could get Big Mac sauce in like those Chicken McNugget sauce containers.

You know, like the ones that sweet and sour or honey mustard would come in.

You could get Big Mac sauce and that container was blue and white.

And I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s upset and shocked to come to the drive-thru and receive this wrapping.

So I really advise you to go back to your original wrapping.

And if they’re forcing you to do this, this is going to be known.

The really weird thing is I could only find one photo of the new wrapper and it was a screenshot from this chick’s TikTok page.

I couldn’t let this go, though.

For some reason, I became obsessed with this stupid wrapper.

I had to get to the bottom of this.

Right.

So I found I found one TikTok video of a guy enjoying a McDonald’s sandwich.

I think he was eating a McDouble or something.

And it had that wrapper.

Right.

So that video that he posted was back in March.

So they were using the wrapper as of March.

But then I started analyzing the video frame by frame.

I was like, slow this down.

50 percent.

Enhance.

Zoom in.

Like I was on an episode of NCIS using those fake computers that can do like magic.

Everything is all pixelated at first.

And then there’s like a scan line and it becomes like super, super clear.

Well, I found a frame of the video where it has the copyright date on the wrapper.

Twenty twenty two.

Long before this current squabble between Israel and Palestine.

So confirming what we all know to be true, this loud, obnoxious woman at McDonald’s is certifiably crazy.

I mean, if you need the proof, I’ll link to the source TikTok video and the copyright.

Twenty twenty two image I found of the wrapper.

Although I don’t know why you’d look at that.

No one’s going to look at that.

No one cares.

No one except me.

This is what I get obsessed with.

Proving Internet retards wrong.

Whatever is wrong with me.

It’s got to be a recognized mental illness.

Right.

It’s becoming a real problem.

A couple other real short clips.

Here’s a guy who is getting arrested.

And I don’t know if like he was already kind of dealing with an upset tummy or if he was scared shitless by the tackle from the police.

But my dude here just pooped himself.

The cops are tackling him.

He’s down.

He’s currently in mid shit as the police are trying to finish pinning him down.

I’m sitting on my cell phone.

I’m sitting on my cell phone.

And on top of it all, he’s going to jail.

He’s going to be squishing around in those poop filled pants for a while.

Do you think he shit himself thinking the cops would be so grossed out they wouldn’t want to touch him?

Like it’s a self-defense mechanism like skunk spraying.

Honestly, I’ve heard of worse tactics to evade cops.

As a matter of fact, I do have one more clip I want to share with you before we get into the news.

It’s another police altercation.

This time the cops were called for a domestic, but not between a boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife.

No, no, this is brother and sister fighting.

The sister is a teenager.

I believe she’s the one who called the cops.

Anyway, her 30 year old brother finally comes out of the house, but doesn’t want to speak to police.

It immediately makes a beeline to his car like he’s just going to leave.

Cops don’t agree with that plan and stop him.

I’m not touching you, but you need to listen to me.

Back off.

What are you doing to me?

I give you a man to do something to do it.

You sit down and stop resisting.

Yeah, well, you were about to flee the scene when the cop was trying to speak to you.

Bro, I’m a little mad.

I like you.

This is a liberal.

Yeah.

So it’s hard to hear what he’s saying because there’s like a lot of ambient noise.

But the whole argument, the whole reason why the cops were called is because this brother and sister were having a very heated argument over politics.

She apparently is a hippie, dippy liberal.

And the brother here is a God fearing America loving patriot.

So, look, if you if you need to rough up anyone, rough up that commie bitch sister of his.

He’s Blue Lives Matter, baby.

She’s an angry liberal.

I’m Blue Lives Matter.

I like you.

OK, well, I tell you, stop resisting.

I like you.

She’s a little liberal.

She’s evil.

I wasn’t doing nothing to get my fishing pole.

Oh, I guess that’s why he was going to his car, even though he ignored the cops while they were talking to him.

He just wanted he needed his fishing pole.

Look, pull my shirt up.

I didn’t do nothing to her.

Where did all that come from?

The little liberal bitch.

She told me up.

I couldn’t quite see what was on his back.

Maybe scratches.

The liberal bitch did it.

Oh, my God.

I can’t wait for her.

I’m so glad you guys didn’t get the fight.

She just was attacking me.

This and that.

And she figured out her insurance got canceled.

So she’s just an angry little bitch.

We’re here with you.

She’s an angry little bitch.

That’s all I ask.

She I woke up with half.

And then the bitch started attacking me, you know, and now you’re putting me in cuffs like I’m some good or something.

You’re in cuffs because you didn’t listen.

I’m with y’all.

I like blue lives matter.

OK, I’m with y’all, man.

So when we tell you to do something doesn’t like you, she don’t like you.

Yeah, he’s really trying to throw his sister under the bus there.

He keeps yelling at his sister.

And so the cops are like, all right, put them in the back of the car.

And he does not like that idea at all.

What’s wrong with y’all?

That stupid little bitch over there.

No, you ain’t putting me in the car.

I’m going in my car.

And I think this is the start of the next freak out from our protagonist here.

I’m right here, bro.

Y’all got me so I’m the good one.

I am the good one.

Yeah, he threw himself on the ground.

He’s like, you ain’t moving me.

I ain’t go nowhere.

But get me out of these cars.

I don’t know.

It’s corporal.

What’s your name?

I’m going to be mad.

Hey, I’m not the one I like.

I’m going to be your name.

I’m Amelia.

I should never came out here.

I’ll be in the house.

Well, someone had to have his fishing pole.

I pushed her away with my foot.

Also known as kicking.

OK, I shouldn’t have came out the house, man.

So I will be talking to me.

I’ll be with the through the peak of the door right now.

Y’all got me in a bad way.

Amelia, here’s what we’re going to do.

We’re going to go sit in the back of my car for a minute.

And we’ll figure out what’s going on.

OK, well, you got me in cuffs.

Well, let me figure that out.

But if you keep yelling at me, I can’t figure it out.

If you guys take me out the cuffs, I’ll be normal as can be.

That’s not going to happen right now.

End result, he remains in cuffs.

And he has to sit in the back of the car.

So, Emilio here is not really getting his way at all.

He reluctantly gets in the car, though.

I’m going to check your other pockets.

Y’all got me f***ed up, bro.

I mean, he’s still bitching and complaining.

Eventually, he calms down and then the police starts talking to the sister.

Meanwhile, Emilio proceeds to have a bit of a panic attack.

Oh my God, you scared me!

I should have stayed in the house!

You really should have.

Oh my God!

The cops obviously hear what’s going on in the car, as does Emilio’s mom, who’s like, let me try to reason with him.

No, not if I would have never taken you out.

Acting like this makes them think that you’re insane.

So stop.

Okay, I don’t think mom’s helping here.

Stop acting insane!

You’re acting crazy!

Just stop it.

Tell them to get me out the cuffs and get me out the car.

Well, you have to wait now because you’re acting.

They want to take you.

I think Emilio just heard that the cops might want to take him in.

Oh my, I’m in the back of a cop car.

Mom!

I didn’t do nothing!

Oh my God!

I didn’t do anything!

I didn’t do anything!

Yeah, he’s having a complete meltdown here.

I mean, this is a real panic attack.

I didn’t do anything!

Oh my God!

What is this?

What is happening?

Help!

Help!

What the f*** is happening?

What is happening?

Let me out!

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that has never worked.

You ain’t the first person to scream, let me out, uncuff me.

I doubt the cops have ever complied.

Mom!

Like, they’re going to start to see things your way.

Mom!

Also, mommy can’t help you now.

Mom!

They’re not even letting me talk!

Mom!

I’m not sure how much of this you need to hear.

I watched him screaming for like 20 minutes.

Bro!

What are you doing?

Why am I in the back of a cop car?

Tell him again how much you respect police and support Blue Lives Matter.

Bro, bro, I don’t understand.

What are they doing, bro?

Again, this goes on for a long time.

He’s alone in the car, screaming to no one, really.

I didn’t f***ing do nothing!

I didn’t f***ing do nothing!

Eventually, the cop does enter the vehicle to take him to the police station.

He doesn’t like that either.

I’m ready to talk, what’s happening?

That ship has sailed.

You guys like arresting me or something?

Yes, you’re being arrested for resisting without right now.

Resisting without?

You guys put me under, um, what’s bro?

You’re gonna take me to the station?

I’m taking you down to county jail, buddy.

It’s funny, but when he’s confronted with the very real fact that he’s going to be going to jail, he’s pretty calm about it.

He’s more upset with himself than anything else.

I’m such a f***ing loser, man.

I’m such a loser.

Why didn’t I stay in the house, officer?

Instead, I went off like a retard, trying to get my fishing pole.

I think I might have thought I was going for something crazy out the car.

I understand it, but I was just going to get my fishing pole out and put it back in the house.

Really not minding y’all.

And then this happened.

Yeah, that’s pretty much how it went down.

In the end, I still think he’s gonna back the blue.

Despite this little hiccup in their relationship, I still think he’s gonna support the police.

Alright, and with that, let’s get into the crazy bizarre twist of the F***ed Up News!

Right now!

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There is one final way to help support TV.

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Every little bit helps.

If you pledge at least $5, you get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first.

And yes, I believe we have some patrons checking in today.

We’ll get to those calls in just a few minutes.

But first, the news.

First story I have for you.

Looky here, we got one from our most fucked up state.

Say it with me.

Florida, our most fucked up state.

Yeah, we talked about McDonald’s at the top of the show and now they’re in the news.

Wow, they cannot catch a break.

They’re not even doing anything wrong except for cocking up the Halloween bucket promotion again, which I’m not happy about.

Next year, just offer lids.

How hard is it?

Give us what we want.

All right.

So why is McDonald’s in the news?

Well, police in Florida have released body camera footage showing the arrest of a woman accused of brandishing a gun at a McDonald’s drive-thru after ordering something that wasn’t ours.

That wasn’t on the menu.

I love when people get angry for their fuck ups.

Was this a case of like this stupid bitch trying to order a Whopper at McDonald’s or a Frosty or something like you got the wrong fast food joint or more likely than not, she saw something on social media.

You know, the secret menu order off the secret menu, which is never a thing.

What the secret menu is nine times out of ten is just shit off the normal menu, but in a different configuration.

Sometimes you try to pull that shit and employees will be accommodating.

Other times they’re like, I don’t know how to ring that up.

But I’m not going to waste my time on this shit.

There’s a whole lot of people trying to order and you want the land, air and sea burger.

Like, what the fuck is that?

That was a real thing on the supposed secret menu.

Remember, it was like a quarter pounder patty, a filet of fish patty and a McChicken patty all put together in one sandwich.

Maybe that’s what this woman was denied.

Kwame Young, 26, was arrested in March for allegedly appearing to threaten a worker at the fast food giant.

According to her arrest report, Young pulled her car up to the speaker at the drive through and requested a meal that was not on the menu.

When the McDonald’s worker told Young that her order could not be completed because it’s something they didn’t have.

Young pulled up to the first drive through window and demanded her order be taken.

The worker asked Young what her problem was.

That was the employee’s tragic mistake.

What the fuck is your problem?

And why she was so mad.

In response, Young pulled out the gun, pointed it at the worker and said, she’ll push her shit back.

I don’t know what that means.

Is that like slang for I’ll pull the trigger?

Young then drove to the next window, I guess looking for a more cooperative employee.

Workers at the McDonald’s told police that this was Young’s second visit to the fast food restaurant that night.

And I thought I was a fat ass for going to McDonald’s on a near weekly basis.

This lady goes for lunch and dinner.

When officers arrived at the McDonald’s, they found a black M&P gun with a drum style magazine capable of holding up to 50 rounds in the passenger seat of Young’s car.

Young is heard on the body cam footage telling officers she has a concealed carry permit.

I think I have some audio here from the interaction with police.

And your concealed permit?

Yes.

What is the problem?

Apparently they saw your gun and they thought you were threatening them.

It’s in the car.

I have it in my car.

That’s where I have it.

Okay.

I’m just telling you.

It’s no big deal.

She got mad because I asked for my order.

That was the problem.

I didn’t do nothing.

All I said was I’m still waiting on my number one order because I asked for it and now I’m trying to go home.

It’s interesting to hear the different versions or sides of the story.

Look, I just ordered a number one.

I was waiting for my food.

I ordered.

Seems pretty reasonable.

The employees are saying that this bitch is trying to order stuff that’s not even on the menu.

She got mad.

It was awesome.

Crazy.

I’m like, what are you talking about?

I’m still here waiting.

I got a gun for him and I’m still waiting.

We don’t know all that.

I don’t care.

That’s a crazy fart.

She can say what she wants to say.

That’s weird.

I’m still here waiting on my damn order.

She is waiting in handcuffs for her order.

That’s how much she loves McDonald’s.

She truly is loving it.

But the sad thing is, you know, we know the end of the story.

She never got her McDonald’s.

She was taken to the police station.

Young is heard on cam denying the accusation as police detained her.

Why would I threaten someone when I’m still in my car waiting on my damn order?

She’s heard saying that doesn’t make any sense.

She accused the McDonald’s worker of being a liar.

Police eventually placed Young under arrest and escorted her to a squad car.

When Young asked why, officers said they watched security video.

Oh, sounds like she was threatening to pull the trigger or what was her phrase?

Push her shit back.

Oh yeah, there was some shit going to be pushed.

She was arrested for aggravated assault.

Court records show that Young has a hearing scheduled for October 31st.

Oh, it’s going to be a spooky hearing.

All right, this really sucks for her.

You know, she didn’t get her McDonald’s on the day she wanted it.

Instead, she gets arrested.

Then on Halloween, instead of being able to go trick or treating, she’s got this damn hearing now she has to go to.

Bitch can’t have no fun.

Second story we have for you today.

God, the news has gone totally Jewy.

Jew crazy?

None of those sound right.

You know, I’m just saying because of everything happening in Israel and Palestine and then, you know, all the anti-Semitism and stuff.

You know, Jewish people are in the news.

I wish you could combine the word Jew and news, but it doesn’t work.

It just ends up Jews or news breaking Jews.

You see what I mean?

See how that doesn’t work?

Anyway, I do have a story involving Jewish people.

Well, not exactly Jewish people, but someone Jewish people do not like.

Michigan State University.

It’s just a weird way of putting it when referring to Adolf Hitler.

Jews do not like Adolf Hitler at all.

All right, they’ve got a real bone to pick with him.

All right, Michigan State University apologized for displaying a picture of Adolf Hitler on the video board during a trivia quiz before the school’s football game against in-state rivals, the University of Michigan.

This past Saturday, photos began circulating on social media before kickoff of Hitler on the video board at Spartan Stadium with a trivia question asking where he was born.

I mean, okay, in a perfect world, that’s a perfectly acceptable trivia question.

I don’t know where Adolf Hitler was born.

Poland?

France?

Like, I want to say some country you wouldn’t think he would be born.

Belize.

I’m going to go with Belize.

Let’s see, doing a quick Google search.

Oh, he was basically born in Austria?

See, that’s like a trick question because you think it’s going to be a trick question, but it’s not.

It’s a double trick question.

Quote, MSU is aware that inappropriate content by a third-party source was displayed on the video board prior to the start of tonight’s football game.

That’s according to athletic director Matt Larson.

We are deeply sorry for the content that was displayed as this is not representative of our institutional values.

I guess it’s not appropriate for Adolf Hitler to be part of a fun trivia game.

The university will stop using the third-party source the image came from and implement stronger screening procedures for all video board content going forward.

So I don’t think they had anything to do with the actual trivia game.

This content was just like piped in.

But still, you know, they should really look at this stuff beforehand.

In an email sent to alumni Sunday entitled, The Work We Must Do, Michigan State interim president, Teresa K.

Woodruff, apologized for the image.

I’m deeply sorry for the image displayed at Spartan Stadium, which made many of our community feel alienated and unsafe.

I mean, come on.

Well, I agree.

Okay, it’s in bad taste.

You know, we shouldn’t show Adolf Hitler on the Jumbotron.

Still, ultimately, it was a trivia question.

Where was this man born?

He’s an important historic figure.

I get it.

It’s a question.

You don’t have to feel alienated or unsafe.

You can’t just be upset, right?

Like if you’re Jewish and say, oh, I was upset.

I didn’t want to see Adolf Hitler on the screen.

Like, no, you have to take it to the extreme.

I feel unsafe.

My life is in danger.

It’s like, calm down.

In this instance, let’s look at the context here.

You’re at a football game and it’s a pre-game trivia question shown on the big screen.

Calm the fuck down.

Of course, the college’s response has to be just as extreme.

I will work with our Jewish community and every member of minority.

.

.

I don’t even know how to pronounce.

.

.

Minoritized populations to ensure Spartans feel that this is a place where everyone can work and live, go to class, and attend events that are welcoming.

I mean, okay.

Later on in the news story, you actually find out the source of this trivia content.

The quiz was part of a video from a YouTube page called The Quiz Channel.

Again, there’s like no malice intended.

The school is just, you know, cheap.

They just loaded up a YouTube video to play on the screen.

It shows pictures and asks questions, and then you can just sort of like play along while you’re waiting for the game to start.

Videos from the same YouTube page have been used all season before each home game.

Prior to last night, the content has not been objectionable.

As the statement acknowledges, we will implement stronger screening of all content to better ensure something like this never happens again.

What’s really funny is The Quiz Channel has been notified that the university was, you know, playing their video, and now they’re like, well, wait a second.

That’s unauthorized.

While I provide customized content packages for businesses, the utilization of my publicly accessible YouTube content for stadium entertainment is highly questionable to say the least.

It’d be funny if the school now gets sued because of this.

The YouTuber said his channel is now receiving a surge of negative feedback.

He did defend the question about Hitler’s birthplace as legitimate.

He says the trivia question displayed at the stadium is a legitimate one.

It’s imperative we don’t shy away from history’s more dark facets.

Nonetheless, I would certainly not have chosen this particular question for a live stadium audience.

One more reason they should actually pay me to make custom quizzes and not steal everything from me.

All right, final story we have for you today.

Take a look at the chapter artwork.

It’s another Halloween display brouhaha.

It’s so funny when, you know, people like neighbors get offended because there are too many decorations out there.

People are having too much fun.

I don’t want to see it.

It’s an eyesore.

Well, you know what?

They own that fucking land.

Avert your eyes.

They should be allowed to put whatever the hell they want, you know, in their front yard.

In this case, it’s a bunch of skeletons sitting in chairs.

And then in the middle of that circle is a stripper pole with a skeleton doing a pole dance.

Ta-da!

Residents in a Utah town are buzzing about a certain Halloween display and how it’s blowing up on social media.

It all started when Christopher Fujishin put up a skeleton pole dancing on a city street sign.

He said the only backlash he received was caught on camera when a neighbor kept coming over to cut it down.

It may be a little risque for some people, but it’s all in the name of fun, Fujishin said.

Then the city posted a photo of the display to its Facebook page, telling him he had until 9 p.

m.

that night to take it down.

Apparently, you know, it’s against city code.

The post took off while a skeleton in the display was serving $1 bills.

Others were serving their opinions in the comments section on Facebook.

Quote, I guess teaching our children respect, decency, and manners has gone by the side, one commenter wrote.

Oh, come on.

It’s just a fun little scene, right?

Fujishin moved the skeletons off city property, and that night made the display even bigger, adding lights, music, and more skeletons.

That’s the picture you see in the chapter artwork, where people are just sort of gathered around watching this skeleton stripper.

Neighbors have even dropped off their own decorations to add to it.

We look forward to keeping this going and getting it a little more elaborate as we go, Fujishin said.

Obviously, the big complaint is the kids.

Think of the kids.

But these are skeletons just sitting in a chair, and then there’s one that is on a pole.

I don’t even think kids would even know what to make of that.

There’s no, like, skeleton genitalia, right?

He didn’t include a murkin, right, fake pussy hair on the skeleton, or slap-on silicone tits or something, which would be kind of funny.

People can’t just, like, fucking chillax, right?

Not let everything rile them up, especially stuff that really, like, doesn’t concern them.

You know, if you’re worried about your kids seeing this, go to a different house, right?

Don’t trick-or-treat at that person’s home.

Whatever.

All right, there you go, that, my friends, is your Distorted News for Monday.

Let’s do a couple voicemails and get the hell out of here.

All right, I’d love to hear from you, and there are many ways to contact the program.

Show at distortedview.

com.

I’m all over social media at distortedview on Twitter and Instagram.

Facebook.

com slash distortedviewshow.

All right, like I said, we do have some patrons checking in.

Hey, dude, Timmy Boo.

This is Twink Toilet.

Hey, Twink.

I just wanted to call in, say hi to Greg from Austin’s wife, me and her are good friends.

She loves my voicemails, so I just wanted to not have her wait too long before I called in again.

I’m guessing Greg from Austin’s wife hates Twink Toilet, dislikes his voice.

That’s why he’s calling in to antagonize her.

Hey, Timmy Boo, this is Lars in California.

So you’ve got a mailbox sitting in the garage right next to the bidet.

What else do you have in there?

Our garage right now is mostly filled with metal pieces from when our entire basement flooded.

Technically, the basement was finished, and flooding kind of ruined all of that, so we had to take all the walls down.

And I can’t remember what we were trying to do, if we thought maybe we could get money for the scrap, or because there was so much of it, the normal trash people wouldn’t take it, and we were trying to figure out where we could dump this.

And keep in mind, the house flooded shortly after we arrived, like really the first weekend we were in the house.

That was the great greeting we had from Cincinnati.

Many would call that an omen.

It decimated the basement, and then we had to pay, what was it, $20-some thousand to have the basement or the house waterproofed.

That was the first huge expense that we are still paying off.

That’s why the kitchen hasn’t been done, nor the bathrooms, really.

Hey, Timmy Boo, it’s Pirate Barbie.

Hey, Pirate Barbie!

I haven’t been calling much lately, but I had to call in and tell you this story, because it’s so fucking fucked up and so ridiculous, I have to share.

So I recently lost pretty much one of the greatest, the only person I’ve ever truly loved in my life.

Suzanne Somers, I know, it hit us all pretty hard.

Person, whatever.

So I’ve had this other person, he was texting me, and he was like, whatever, kept texting me, wouldn’t stop texting me.

Finally, he called me, and I was like, dude, I literally hit Steve in Greece.

And so I started to try and explain the whole situation, because I’m just like, dude, I’m not, emotionally, I’m not in a place for anything.

I’ve literally lost the only man I’ve ever truly loved.

And seriously, why are you doing this?

And then he sent a dick pic, right?

I know this is going to end with a dick pic.

I’m really not.

Guys don’t know how to handle these situations well.

Fucking.

I know what you need, honey.

I know what’ll put a smile on your face.

The entire time I’m trying to explain this, the smoke detector in his house is going beep, beep.

So I finally told him, I was like, look, I can’t even have a serious conversation or take you seriously as a person, because your fucking smoke detector battery needs to be changed.

Okay, let me give you a round of applause right there.

Finally, someone who has the balls, or in this case, the ovaries, to call someone out on their bullshit low battery smoke alarm.

That’s the problem.

Not enough people are willing to speak up.

And I was like, how long should we be doing that?

Is it because that’s all I can focus on?

Yeah, and that should really tell you all you need to know about a guy.

Do you really want to get involved with a man who has so little control over his own life that he can’t put a fucking nine volt battery in a smoke alarm?

He’s that lazy or unwilling to do that?

I mean, think about the effort he would put into a relationship.

Not much.

And he’s like, I don’t really know.

Is it beeping?

And I’m like, Jesus fucking Christ.

How do you not hear that?

How do you not hear that?

I said, you know, actually, lose my number, please, because I don’t want to talk to you.

I said, you’ve been too pushy anyway.

Yeah.

I told you that I was grieving.

He beeped his way right out of a potential relationship.

I was like, not a great place.

And now this was just your nail in the coffin with your fucking smoke detector.

I said, go change your battery so you don’t fucking die in a fire.

Fine.

And I hung up on the guy.

I can’t.

Emotionally, I can’t deal with this.

I cannot deal with stupid, stupid people.

I just fucking can’t deal with shit.

And I mean, admittedly, I talked to the guy and I was a little fucking drunk.

Whatever.

It is what it is.

But still, it was annoying.

All of it was annoying.

And I’m amazed at how people can fucking ignore that and not hear it.

Anyway, bye.

Thank you very much, Pirate Barbie.

You know what?

I agree with you 100%.

You are definitely not the asshole in this situation.

And again, I commend you for calling this asshat out.

It’s a little tough love, tough medicine.

It’s exactly what he needed to hear.

You know what?

I think he’ll be a better person because of this eventually.

All right.

He’ll get his shit together.

That is all the time we have on this edition of the program.

I want you guys to email me at showbydistortedview.com.

distortedview.com is our official website.

Voicemail line for you, 206-666-4463.

That’s 206-66-oh-god-is-it-oh-god-god-dammit!

Spread the distortion, STD.

Tell all your friends about the program.

Don’t forget to give us a five-star rating, a thumbs up, or like, wherever you can rate and review podcasts.

I will see you back tomorrow, if and only if you’re Sideshow members.

Otherwise, I’ll be back on Wednesday.

Until then, have a great day.

Bye, everybody!

[♪ music ♪ ] Well, a very, very heavy, heavy bertation tonight.

We had a very derison, let’s go terrorist-tasing for the pet.

This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrub Media Group.

Learn more at scrod.net