On Today’s Show:
| Introduction | 00:00.0 |
| Sagittarius Shawty Has A Pissy Date | 01:07.0 |
| Chris Hansen Is Back Bustin’ Pedos! | 10:30.0 |
| Using The Coochie Lip Defense | 16:16.0 |
| Like Distorted View? Prove it! Support The Show | 24:29.3 |
| An Amber Alert For Chuck The Killer Doll | 26:54.9 |
| Hire a Dude To Do Nothing With You | 30:59.1 |
| Heroin Chocolate Laxative Injections | 36:36.5 |
| Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending | 39:02.0 |
