On Today’s Show:

00:00:00:00.00	Introduction
00:02:08:00.61	The Greatest Energy Reading Psychic Is Back! CB Walker!
00:09:08:15.22	The Newest AI Enabled Sex Toys For 2023
00:17:14:04.02	Pizza Gay Gets Huffy With Restaurant Security
00:22:30:04.08	MyPillow Guys Out Of Cash / May Try Scamming Church Goers
00:27:36:19.75	Quadriplegic Has Sphincter Envy / Shares Amazing Poop Story
00:33:31:01.63	Sign Up For The Sideshow
00:35:11:19.50	City Council Meeting Gets Overrun By Racist AI Bots
00:38:49:11.15	The Powerball Lottery Conspiracy Theory
00:41:59:22.36	Church Pastor’s Holy Herpes
00:46:25:16.43	Voicemails: 206-666-4463

Links:

CB Walker Is Back! Check Out His Youtube Channel

Sphincter Envy’s Youtube Channel

Important Show Stuff:

Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463

Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page

Get Exclusive Episodes EVERY WEEK! Become a member of The Distorted View Sideshow!

Transcript (AI Transcription – accuracy not guaranteed)

Hey freaks, it’s Monday, October 16th, 2023.

Coming up on the program today, the finest in AI dick manipulation, plus a quadriplegic suffering from sphincter envy, the Holy Ghost and herpes entered one woman at church and a pizza loving homosexual gets bushy.

All coming up today.

Distorted View Daily proudly presents the best of child pottycore music.

♪ Yeah, it’s me, I’m a big kid now ♪ ♪ I don’t want any more poopy on me ♪ ♪ It’s time for me to go to the pot like a big kid ♪ ♪ I don’t want any more poopy on me ♪ ♪ I’m getting tired of smoking weed ♪ ♪ My parents getting tired of changing me ♪ ♪ Also tired of changing me ♪ ♪ I guess it’s time for me to do what big kids do ♪ ♪ I’ll take it to the pot like I’m supposed to ♪ ♪ Yeah, I’ll take it to the pot, I’ll put it in the pot ♪ ♪ I’ll wipe myself and flush it down ♪ ♪ Then I will pull up my pants, I’ll wash my hands ♪ ♪ Then I’ll do my dance, cause I did what the big kids do ♪ ♪ I’ll take it to the pot like I’m supposed to ♪ ♪ My parents are so happy for me, they say I save them some money ♪ ♪ But I have no idea what that means, but at least I have no more poopy on me ♪ ♪ I don’t want any more poopy on me, can’t have any more poopy on me ♪ ♪ Don’t want any poopy on me, can’t have any poopy on me ♪ ♪ I don’t want no more poopy on me, can’t have any more poopy on me ♪ ♪ Don’t want any poopy on me, can’t have any poopy on me ♪ ♪ I don’t want no more poopy on me, cause I’m too poopy for that ♪ ♪ No more poopy on me, no more poopy on me ♪ ♪ I don’t want any more poopy on me, cause I’m too poopy for that ♪ ♪ No more poopy on me, no more poopy on me ♪

The Distorted View Show with Tim Henson.

S-M-H.

I think that means shake him out of here.

Well, as you all know, hot dog is my favorite meat.

I love hot dogs.

Hot dog and jumbo will not be seen this morning, so that we may bring you the following.

Yes!

Tim Henson back here with you to kick off a new week of programs, have a great one for you today.

I was excited to learn that on Friday night, after a decade-long hiatus, one of my absolute favorites has returned.

I’ll give you a hint.

Good evening!

That ring a bell?

How about, uh, I’m a mommy!

Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Yes, Clarence Bennard Walker!

The Internet’s premier psychic energy reader is back.

Now, many years ago, he would appear every Friday night on Public Access and attempt to take phone calls and give psychic energy readings.

Things never went well.

Good evening!

Your mother.

My mother what?

My mother what?

A lot of that, and then this.

I just want to help people.

That’s all I want to do.

Good evening!

That’s all I want to do.

Good evening!

Good evening.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Roar!

Uh-huh.

You ain’t gonna like me when I’m angry.

You ain’t gonna like that.

Good evening.

Happy Friday, brother.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

What you got for me here?

Suck my dick.

Yes, uh-huh.

You telling another man to suck your dick.

Uh-huh.

What does that say about you, my friend?

What does that say about you?

Uh-huh.

You just came out the closet in front of everybody here.

Uh-huh.

I hope whoever’s there with you understand that you just came out the closet.

You telling another man to suck your dick.

Uh-huh.

That’s foolishness here.

Uh-huh.

You think you hurting me?

You ain’t hurting me.

You just came out on air.

Enjoy your weekend.

I hope you have plenty of dicks on Royal Day.

Uh-huh.

Sailor’s coming into town.

Bip-dip-dip-dip-dip-dip-dip.

Get on your knees now.

Do it for the country.

American flag shoot out your ass.

I hope so.

Good evening.

Yeah, every episode was pretty much that.

Well, it was like 75% that and 25% audio and technical problems.

So, now that CB Walker is back and live streaming, he’s not on public access television anymore.

I’m thinking the volume of prank calls might go down a little, right?

Because really, who watches public access television?

Bored teenagers on a Friday night looking to make prank phone calls.

But on the internet, there are a lot of fruitcakes who believe in psychics and energy readings.

You know, metaphysical bullshit.

So, they might be looking for a free reading.

Now, unfortunately, while there may be a drop in prank phone calls, I think there’s going to be a lot more technical problems because CB is doing this on his own.

Running the cameras, running the phones, live streaming software, computers, chat.

There’s a lot that can possibly go wrong.

Let’s check in with CB’s triumphant return.

Make sure I got everything.

Audio already sounds awful.

A desk phone is ringing in the background.

Like, this just, it seems like a CB Walker production.

Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, it sure is good to be back here with you.

After what, here, almost 15 years?

Oh, wow.

This is Clarence B.

Norwalk.

Uh-huh.

The world’s foremost psychic energy.

See, I can’t say New York City no more.

I got to say the world.

All right.

I love how, like, oddly upbeat and happy CB is.

Like, notice he has not picked up the phone yet.

We’ll see if his demeanor changes once he starts talking to people who are calling in.

Let me just fast forward a moment.

Hello?

Nope.

I said hello.

Hello?

Hello?

See what I mean by technical problems?

So, eventually, CB Walker is able to pick up the phone.

Unfortunately, we can’t hear what the person calling is saying.

We can only hear CB Walker.

All the way from Australia?

Well, why the fuck did y’all call ID say Texas?

It did not take long for CB’s demeanor to change.

Ladies and gentlemen, we ain’t gonna stop this.

We ain’t gonna stop.

No, no, no.

We ain’t gonna stop this shit here.

We ain’t gonna stop this shit here.

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh.

We ain’t gonna do that.

CB Walker’s already sniffing bullshit.

Ladies and gentlemen, be real, because I’m gonna be real with you, okay?

It’s like no time has passed at all.

He has fallen right back into whatever the hell type of groove he was in before, right?

15 years ago.

He never did get the telephone situation figured out, but I’ve got some great news.

This appears to be a weekly show.

I think he’s gonna be live again on YouTube this Friday.

I’m gonna be watching, and I’m gonna try to call in and get a psychic energy reading and see if CB will take me seriously.

The problem is I just have like an asshole voice.

Like if you, if I’m like, hey CB, I’d like a psychic energy reading.

He might think I’m trying to fuck around with him, and honestly, I kind of am, but I, you know, kind of really want an energy reading from CB Walker.

So I believe this Friday, CB Walker will return and hopefully he’ll have the phone situation figured out.

So happy to have him back.

I miss that guy.

Hi.

Oh, I’m Jim Henson’s mother.

How are you, honey?

Good.

Oh my honey, let me tell you something here.

I’m sure it’s better now.

What you need, honey?

Please sign up for the sideshow.

What you want?

Okay, well, I don’t know how to put it though.

Honey, you ain’t got to try too hard with me.

I’ll just tell you what, get on top girl.

Oh, you ain’t got to try too hard with CB.

Okay.

Get on, honey.

I don’t want to be nasty here.

You see that number you just called him?

Yeah.

Call it again at the end of the show.

Oh.

Maybe we can do some things.

I don’t want to do that.

I just want to help you, honey.

Don’t you think nasty now.

Listen here.

What?

I got to go, but I’ll tell you what, call the show.

I will more than happy to talk to you again.

Hey, that’s great.

All right.

Mm-hmm.

Honey, enjoy your weekend.

Okay.

You sound so sweet.

I love you, honey.

Touch yourself for me tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen, I got to go.

I got to go.

Don’t let my baby go hungry on the street.

Okay.

Sign up now.

I will do that.

Superfreaksideshow.

com.

What you want to do is get the hell off my phone.

Don’t call here.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you watched the show before, you know that there are some fools calling you.

Waste of time.

Yeah, I’ll provide a link on the show notes today to CB Walker’s YouTube channel.

Maybe we can do a watch party or something Friday.

We should all try to call in.

We’ll flood the phones.

Vlad can do his girl voice, Lana or whatever the hell her name is.

Maybe CB will give her a sexy psychic energy reading.

All right, let’s move on.

Well, speaking of sexy, you know, every six months or so here on the podcast, I’ll read a new news story about, you know, AI sex bots coming or artificial intelligence sex toys.

I was curious to see what was currently like right now in 2023.

What was on the market something you could actually go out and buy that is a sex toy that incorporates artificial intelligence.

Well, I found a few items.

They all seem sketchy in some way, shape, or form, but okay, the future is now the first item, which is almost kind of cheating because the AI is not really incorporated into the sex toy, but it is included in a companion app.

So this company called Love Sense makes all sorts of toys, including clit stimulators for ladies, you know, dildos, cocksleeves, and prostate stimulators for dudes, you know, and they all have like Bluetooth or Wi-Fi enabled.

It’s a security nightmare.

If you use one of these things, I’m sure your data and your masturbation habits have been leaked to hackers.

Anyway, they’re coming out with a companion app.

It’s called Love Sense Chat GPT Pleasure Companion.

And the idea is this app is linked to your sex toy and you know, you can have a conversations through chat GPT and then the bot can control the device jacking you off.

Now, I can’t get chat GPT to even use swear words.

Every time I mess around with it, I get warnings and errors like you need to review the terms of service.

You too nasty.

You know, there are all these guardrails set into place.

Thankfully, I found an uncensored alternative.

So I have access to my own triple X AI.

I have a hard time believing this company is actually using chat GPT according to Love Sense though, this exciting new feature allows you to create your own erotic stories and spicy episodes in mere seconds.

You decide what type of story you want romantic or sensual juicy or spicy.

You can then select your main characters and when the story will unfold the companion will create a unique story based on your ideas.

You can either read the story yourself or have the companion control your Love Sense toy in real time as it reads the story to you.

I’m guessing that’s how most people will use this thing.

I asked my own AI system to write me an erotic story just to sort of simulate what Love Sense is trying to do here.

One evening as Jack was sitting at home watching television.

Oh, I should mention the voice who’s reading the generated story is AI Jordan Peterson a knock sounded on his front door.

He got up from his chair and made his way towards the entrance as he opened the door an unexpected visitor stood before him his own grandmother 85 year old Elizabeth.

She had traveled all the way from her nursing home to see Jack claiming that she needed his help with something important.

It’s at this point.

The sex toy would slowly grip my deck just a slight hump to get the story going.

All right, Jordan continue on as they sat down in the living room Elizabeth revealed a shocking secret.

She had been suffering from an extremely nasty yeast infection for months now pump starts pumping faster.

This is exactly what I want.

Oh, yes, it’s starting to feel so good.

Talk to me about grandma’s yeast infection causing an unbearable stench in the house that even the strongest air freshener couldn’t mask despite the overpowering odor Jack found himself becoming increasingly attracted to his elderly grandmother.

Let’s kick it up another notch one night as Elizabeth lay in bed suffering from her yeast infection Jack found himself standing over her his heart pounding with anticipation.

He knew what he was about to do was utterly depraved and immoral, but he couldn’t resist the temptation any longer.

Okay, I want to come but I can’t I think it has something to do with Jordan Peterson’s voice.

AI talk to me the way I like it.

She parted her legs wide open revealing the wet folds of her wrinkly pussy loose skin and cream from the yeast infection bubbling over he hesitated for just a moment before plunging his cock into her desk.

She moaned with pleasure as he began to fuck her.

He slammed into her cunt with each thrust.

Oh, yeah.

Take it!

Take my cunt you yeasty fucking cunt!

Oh god it stinks!

Oh god!

Oh, then it slows down.

Let me recover.

And that is the Love Sense AI experience.

It isn’t the only AI enabled sex toy on the market though.

We’ve got the Auto Blow AI Plus.

It’s the result of years of research.

What a waste of time, right?

A team of scientists used machine learning to analyze a thousand hours of blowjob videos and then replicate the real life blowjob movements into the auto blow experience.

It’s got the first ever adjustable penis gripper allowing you to dial in the tightness.

You can then connect which is a very scary word.

I hate the idea of connecting my sex toys to the Internet.

It seems to be a lot of pitfalls there, but okay.

You can connect to their 100% private web app, wink, no download required and access the blowjob library.

You can teach your auto blow new blowjob techniques and blowjob scenarios.

Even if your partner is a thousand miles away, they can connect to your auto blow and control it and you can use voice commands.

It’s truly a hands-free device.

The last product I want to mention and by the way, none of these people are sponsors.

Shame on you.

You all should be working with DV.

The last product I want to mention is the MyHixel, which in addition to being a sex toy is really a health device using the power of AI and I’m starting to think all these companies are just tacking the letters AI on to every product because you know, it’s a buzzy word.

Anyway, this AI uses scientific methodology developed by sex health experts.

Well, not NASA engineers this time, just regular old sex health experts.

Anyway, this product helps you stop premature ejaculation.

Oh, now I’ve got some of your guys attention.

The application and device guides the user while performing the different activities designed to improve ejaculatory control through its gamified program.

Finally making masturbation fun.

That’s not a chore anymore.

It would be great if there was like an online leaderboard where you know, you could compete with your friends.

I’m the top masturbator in Cincinnati, Ohio, you know, that’d be kind of cool.

Anyway, through its gamified program, the user evolves and learns the mechanisms of his body involved in ejaculation in order to achieve maximum control.

So, you know, if this is an issue you’re dealing with AI sex toys might be able to help you.

Well, that’s the current crop of them for 2023.

Personally, auto blow AI seems the most promising for me and my needs.

I’m going to see if I can get a sample of review unit.

I’ll use it here on the show.

All right, let’s move on.

I do have some great audio.

I wanted to share with you first up a confrontation that took place outside of a blaze pizza.

This is between the restaurants bouncer and a couple of people waiting to get in.

Now, I didn’t realize blaze pizza was such a fucking hot spot.

I’m pretty sure we have blaze pizzas here in Cincinnati.

It’s a nationwide chain, right?

I did a quick search.

Most of these are located in strip malls and they’re considered fast casual food.

So it’s kind of like you stand in line.

You tell these people what you want on your little personal size pizza, right?

Like you point out the toppings.

Like I want that.

I want olives, artichokes, you know, and they build the pizza right in front of you and then they stick it in this like fast burning oven.

And then I don’t know, five minutes later, they bring it to your table or they call your name or something.

It’s the chipotle vacation of pizza for a while.

This was like a huge fad.

Maybe it still is.

I never, I think I went to blaze pizza or mod pizza.

There’s a bunch of competing chains and I didn’t think it was that great.

Apparently though, in North Carolina, blaze pizza is the hot spot.

It’s where hot young professionals are seen to be seen.

Unfortunately, a young professional and his gay husband were under the impression they got reservations or something.

And then the person who I’m calling the bouncer who’s outside, I guess, managing the line of people trying to get in was like, no, we don’t do reservations.

It’s first come first serve.

Here’s the line.

The gay guys thought he was being disrespectful to them.

You have to listen very closely there, but the damn, I wish that line was clearer.

He literally said to the bouncer, you’re being racist against gay people.

Let me play that again, again for you.

You’re being racist.

That’s what you need.

You just have to.

Yeah.

I’m sorry.

I need to speak to a manager.

We come here all the time.

Gay Karen wants to talk to a manager.

I also love that he thinks the manager is going to take his side.

Why?

Because we eat here a lot, honey.

There is a line around the block to get into this blaze pizza for whatever reason.

You ain’t the only one who’s a regular.

Go get the manager.

Now.

You’re just a security person.

You’re a security person that’s being an asshole.

Call the police and get the fuck to your manager right now.

He is all up in the bouncers face.

You’re being a dick.

Don’t fucking be disrespectful towards my husband or I’ll fucking punch your face.

You listen to me, motherfucker.

You’re being rude and you’re being disrespectful towards gay people.

You are.

Go get your manager right now.

The gay guy is getting a little too pushy.

He actually walks over to the door and tries to step in and the bouncer was like, no, no, no.

Meanwhile, the bouncers like, I’m not being, what are you talking about?

I’m not being mean towards gay people.

I’m just trying to manage the line here.

Okay.

Go get your manager right now.

Don’t fucking touch me.

Go get your.

Yeah, that’s the manager.

I think who’s coming out of the restaurant and be like, calm the fuck down.

Go get your.

Go get your manager right now.

Honey coming out here.

Go get your manager right now.

Queen ball then crowds the bouncer.

I don’t know if he actually touches the bouncer, but I still think he was up in the bouncer.

I’m calling him a bouncer.

I don’t think that’s his official title because I can’t believe blaze pizza has bouncers or security guards.

I think he’s just some guy who’s like typically working in the kitchen and the manager was like, can you go out there?

Just keep everything, you know, orderly everyone in a single file line.

And then he has to deal with this crap.

Anyway, the gay guy gets too close to him and he finally pushes him away.

Go get your manager right now.

You’re messing with the line.

Do you know who I am?

You don’t want to get physical with me, girl.

I took three years of gymnastics.

I will car wheel your ass so fast.

That’s where he pushes them.

You can actually hear him fall.

Oh, he says you smell like straight marijuana, but he’s really leaning in.

And that’s when this guy’s like straight marijuana.

And boom goes the dynamite.

Call the police.

Call the police.

You fucking asshole.

Call the police.

The gay dude knew he was in the wrong.

How do I know that?

Because he fled before the cops could arrive.

Dude, just go to Domino’s.

You can order on the app.

You just pick it up.

Use the pizza tracker.

It’ll tell you when to come.

Way better than Blaze Pizza, in my opinion.

All right, well, there you go.

That’s what the homosexuals are up to.

Now let’s turn our attention to a pillow tycoon, which also sounds like a very gay thing, right?

I made my fortune in pillows.

Plush, feathery, soft pillows, baby.

Mike Lindell is not a homosexual.

Former crack addict, but not a homosexual, as far as I know.

He is insistent on proving that there was some shenanigans in this last presidential election.

I don’t know why he cares so much.

It’s not like he was president.

Aside from being a cheerleader, he wasn’t really involved in the Trump administration.

And Trump honestly hasn’t even been that great of a friend to Mike Lindell.

Is Trump helping Mike here?

No.

The dude is going bankrupt.

And he’s being sued into oblivion.

He’s making all these outrageous claims that the voting machine companies are being controlled by China.

And they were the ones who were switching votes to Biden, to like Dominion and all these other voting machine companies have sued Lindell for millions, if not billions.

Retailers don’t want to stock my pillows anymore because the brand has been tarnished.

Ultimately, it resulted in the inevitable.

Ten minutes ago, all the lawyers we have for my pillow and my myself in the lawsuits with the law fair with Dominion and Smartmatic, they just filed in federal court to drop us as our attorneys.

And this comes from the law fair, basically, and from the media, the attacks on my pillow.

Well, that’s not the reason why they dropped you.

Mike comes clean completely here in a second.

We have to, I can’t pay the lawyers.

We can’t pay.

There’s no money left to pay them.

That’s why they’re no longer your lawyers.

They want money.

I mean, think about how good this guy had it before he got wrapped up with Trump.

Like, I get it.

You want to support Trump and everything, but like you had this amazing business that was raking in millions of dollars.

And all you were all you had to do was just keep selling pillows and shut your fucking mouth.

You know, and they were adding new products like bed sheets.

All right.

Yeah, there’s lots of like pillow adjacent items that would make sense.

You know, that you could, you could sell your bed skirts, bed covers.

Those, I don’t know, plush sleep goggles.

You could have cornered bed, the bedtime market, you know, what about like sleep creams, lotions?

No, you had, you wanted to get political.

Some fucking idiots just need to stay in their lane, but it’s going to be okay.

Even though Mike Lindell does not have lawyers anymore.

He doesn’t need lawyers here.

A pastor of a church has brought Mike Lindell up on stage during one of her sermons.

Don’t spend another penny on your legal funds.

Mike has no problem with that.

Seeing as how all of his lawyers have already left him.

My theory is Mike has made a deal with this televangelist.

They’re going to split all the donations that come in.

Thanks to his appearance.

All the pastor has to do here is talk about how, you know, the Lord told her for Mike to stop using his own money.

And we all have to pick up the fire.

We know how to fight in the realm of the spirit.

And we’re going to watch Satan be defeated against you.

So let’s walk forward and take our authority that God’s given us invested in the name of Jesus.

There’s that word invest.

Yeah.

Think of this money you’re giving to Mike Lindell as an investment.

A very bad, poor investment with, with awful returns.

Satan will flee, stand up, rise up.

And take our authority that God’s given us.

Empty out your wallets.

We’ve been born for this time.

And we thank God that all of you guys are here.

And that’s why I call you all Jesus’s little money machine.

Can I get a hallelujah?

You’re that holy ATM.

Laurie and Mike Lindell.

Oh, he’s hunched over that screen and he’s typing in his pin number.

Hallelujah.

Boop, beep, bop, boop, boop.

And he’s pressing on that screen, Lord.

Oh, he’s pressing on that screen so hard.

He’s pressing that withdraw button and he’s typing in one, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero.

And he’s in there and he’s hoping, oh Lord, he’s hoping.

Is that holy ATM going to spit out $10 million?

Because that’s how much he needs to fight Satan.

And he’s waiting at that ATM.

And he’s waiting at that holy ATM.

And that money’s only going to come out if you give it to him.

Are you going to give it to him?

Are you going to fight the Lord?

Do you want to defeat Satan?

Can I get a hallelujah?

Come on.

Give that money to Mike.

He’s the pillow man.

Well, hopefully these true believers tithed their paycheck to Mike Lindell.

Let’s move on.

Oh, I’ve got one more clip I wanted to share with you.

This is all thanks to Black Prophet Legacy in the Discord.

He shared a new YouTube channel that I find fascinating called Sphincter Envy.

Well, that sounds right up our alley, doesn’t it?

Sphincter Envy is the YouTube channel of Ananda, who is an artist, an author, a model, a sex advocate, and most importantly, a quadriplegic paralyzed from the neck down.

I think that last part is supposed to be her spine snapping.

Anyway, the video I want to feature, and this is the one that Black Prophet Legacy sent along, is titled, I didn’t poop for 11 days.

I don’t even know how shitting works when you’re quadriplegic.

I’m assuming if you can’t feel anything from your neck down, shitting just kind of happens involuntarily.

And when you’re not in control of it and you’re not thinking about it, it’s probably relatively easy to forget when you haven’t a shat in four, five, six days.

Eventually, though, you’d think you would remember.

That needs to happen.

Anyway, let’s hear her story.

It’s Ananda with Sphincter Envy and I wanted to talk to you today about something that might make you understand a little bit more about the name of my channel.

Oh my God, she’s envious of people that have working sphincters.

That is so sad and dare I say tragic.

It’s a great tragedy.

So that’s where Sphincter Envy comes from.

You know, you take these things for granted, but the moment you don’t have a working sphincter, it’s the thing you want the most.

Anyway, I don’t want to sound cruel here, but the way she talks and she has to breathe, you know, it makes me very anxious.

So I’m just going to fast forward to the actual start of the story here.

So about a month ago, thank God it’s been that long.

I went 11 days without pooping.

I was very uncomfortable and ended up going to the emergency room.

End result, she shat a little bit, but she was still really backed up.

We’re going to have to pull out the heavy artillery.

But still, I didn’t poop enough for not pooping for 11 days.

So I called the doctor’s office and my on-call person in the doctor’s office told me to get Ducalax and take three tabs at a time.

It’s Dulcalax, not Dukelax.

Now, I know this now, but giving a quadriplegic three tabs of Ducalax is just a cruel joke.

Yeah, three doses at once was apparently one too many.

Later that night, tragedy struck this poor town in the form of a Poonami.

Poop was coming out everywhere.

One of my nurses did not handle it as well as I would have liked her to handle it.

On one hand, I get it.

No one wants to deal with cleaning up a torrent of shit.

But, you know, let’s be a little professional.

When I pooped in the chair and it was liquid, and I’m just going to say it.

There was a quote from her.

If I’m not careful, I’m going to get shit on.

Well, that’s true.

She was probably concerned.

I don’t think that comment’s too bad.

What else did she say?

If shit gets on one more thing, I’m walking out.

Well, we all have our limits, but yeah, that one’s a little more upsetting.

She apologized.

I’m very glad that she did and recognized that it was not professional, a wave.

After that, the liquid would not stop running.

I could not stop sharting every time.

I got lifted up in the Hoyer lift to get out of my chair.

There was always something dripping out of me.

So now there’s like all sorts of bowel prep she has to do.

Like on one night, she takes a suppository.

And on the next night, there’s like a whole list of things she’s taking.

I’ll take two Senna.

I don’t know what she said there.

Along with a full dose of Miralax.

More Miralax.

And a cup of coffee, which is delicious.

Because I get Starbucks coffee.

Oh, that’ll get you shitting all right.

Starbucks is the official laxative of quadriplegics.

Ting.

I actually look forward to suppository nights so I can drink my coffee.

Because otherwise I don’t drink coffee.

Because it does what it’s supposed to.

It makes me poop.

This is not selling me on the glitzy, glamorous life of quadriplegia.

I’m going to have to respectfully decline that offer to join your little club there.

I will say, if you’re interested in the life of someone who is a quadriplegic, this is the channel to check out because it seems like she has a sense of humor about stuff.

For instance, some of her videos are titled, The Gimp Element, Potatoes Break Down 2, Quad Jokes.

I guess she just recites a bunch of quadriplegic jokes.

And her most recent video is, I Joined Planet Fitness.

Which I thought was a joke, but I think she really did join Planet Fitness.

Anyway, check out Sphincter Envy on YouTube.

And with that, let’s get into the crazy bizarre twist of the Fog Top News.

All right, now.

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All right, three very quick stories now.

First up, we got one here from Oregon.

A Beaverton City Council meeting earlier this month was infiltrated by what they believe to be AI-generated bots, spewing hate speech and profanity, leaving council and audience members stunned.

Much of the online testimony started off similarly, referencing issues brought up by in-person testimony or other concerns.

It’s because people only want to talk about stupid shit that doesn’t matter.

Children, trans people, bathrooms, books, gay dongs, libraries, Black Lives Matter, communists, socialists, fascists, Nazis.

You know, it’s like, whoa, it’s the same fucking shit everywhere.

That’s the only reason members of the public go to city council meetings.

Meanwhile, the majority of that shit is all like budgets, allocating money to patch up potholes, you know, boring stuff.

That’s at least what really matters.

All right, one public comment caller.

You know what, actually, I’ve got a clip here.

I could not find the full city council meeting online.

They took that shit down.

But I’ve got a local news story where they play just a few clips so you can sort of get an idea of what these fake AI callers were like.

Then it quickly escalated to racial slurs and hate speech.

You had me at racial slurs, and then I got a boner when you said hate speech.

Here, just a little bit from the city council meeting.

Now, warning, some of this might be disturbing to hear.

Well, listen to me.

You should also know that the Holocaust is.

To have our children groomed by homosexual Jews.

Okay.

To have our women raped.

Please cut them off, too.

One public comment caller after the next.

I heard the word rape get through.

That was pretty cool.

One public comment caller after the next.

Following in-person testimony, the council started to hear all who signed up for online testimony during October 3rd’s meeting.

Many starting off with the same intro.

Hello, can you hear me?

Hello, can you hear me?

Only for each speaker to quickly escalate.

That’s one of the things we are founded on.

That and that.

We’re not allowed to vote in this nation.

Mayor Beasley.

I’m guessing that was the N word.

He says she made the executive decision to cut off speakers, especially because there were kids in the audience who were getting a special proclamation during the meeting.

Well, kids got an earful that day.

Suzy, this is what local government is all about.

Dealing with the wackos that live here.

The mayor says they don’t know who was responsible for it or why the city of Beaverton was targeted.

Oh, I know that.

Because you allow anyone online to join this fucking Zoom meeting.

The mayor said that she has been talking to mayors across the country to quote figure out if this is isolated with us or if it’s happening in other cities.

She added that the law is clear when it comes to allowing First Amendment speech and public testimony, but they also don’t want to do away with virtual options after seeing a boost in community engagement.

Yeah, but it’s this kind of engagement.

This is like that not good kind of engagement.

I mean, for me, it is.

I love this.

This has really expanded public participation.

Yeah.

And so so does CB Walker.

CB Walker really attracts the same type of people participating.

All right.

This has really expanded public participation.

And so I’m not going to allow, as the mayor, bad actors to persuade us to do something differently.

Hey, if I could suggest something, maybe have CB Walker come speak at the city council meeting and he can do some energy readings for people who are calling into the Zoom line.

I mean, he’s been dealing with these bad actors for a lot longer than you’ve had to, you know.

All right.

Second story we have for you today.

A new conspiracy theory is brewing.

It all has to do with the Powerball lottery.

Yeah.

People are getting angry that they’re not winning.

So something’s not right here.

I play the Powerball every week.

I’ve been doing it for decades and I’ve never won.

Something’s fishy there.

That’s kind of what’s happening because, you know, we’re all kind of just dumbing down, I guess.

I mean, it’s scary how quickly this is happening.

We’re just losing IQ points.

Losing lottery players are now questioning California’s claim to the four biggest ever Powerball jackpots, suggesting it’s rigged.

Despite the odds of winning being one in two hundred and ninety million.

They think the entire state of California is rigging the game.

A social media user posted a list showing the 10 biggest Powerball jackpots, indicating that California won the top four, and wrote, Does California have some type of rigged advantage in Powerball?

Another user posted an answer from ChatGPT supporting that suggestion.

You’re absolutely right.

Statistically, it does seem unlikely.

Ensuring fairness and transparency in lottery systems is essential to maintain trust, the chatbot said.

Among the 10 biggest Powerball jackpots, California won five, including the second largest lottery prize in U.

S.

history that was announced this past Wednesday.

That was sold at Midway Market and Liquor in Fraser Park, around an hour from Los Angeles.

It comes after another Californian, Edwin Castro, broke records by scooping a $2.

04 billion lottery win last November.

Many losing lottery players seem to believe Powerball is rigged, with many agreeing under the post.

Many accuse Powerball of being corrupted, just as the state government is perceived to be.

Quote, Everything California touches has a corruption hand attached to it.

Another person said, These people rig the entire state.

Every program, every office, every single thing pays this crooked government and the state.

And yet another idiot, this is all on Twitter, by the way, or X.

So, you know, kind of makes sense.

You do notice that the winners are all from Democratic states and the biggest Democratic state is California.

Dun dun dun!

Obviously, California is the most populated state, which, you know, they sell the most tickets.

That’s why you’re going to get the most winners there.

You know, states where there are no people tend not to generate so many winners because there’s no one playing the Powerball until livestock, you know, when cattle is able to play the numbers.

Maybe that’s when you’ll see a ship.

This is the dumbest fucking news story.

And typically I hate these news stories because it’s really based on one tweet, one tweet and its replies.

Who was saying the Powerball lottery is rigged for California?

An idiot on Twitter.

Let’s write a whole news story about it.

But look, you know, it’s a slow news day, so I’ll allow it.

Final story we have for you today.

Hey, looky here.

We’re going to Texas.

We’re going to Texas!

We’re going to Texas!

We’re going to Texas!

Here we go!

That’s enough of that.

What are we going to Texas for today?

Unfortunately, it’s herpes.

That seems like an awful reason to go to Texas.

I’m not buying a plane ticket to go to Texas just to get herpes.

Maybe we’ll do a road trip.

A prominent Houston pastor has been ordered to pay $2.

45 million.

Watch.

All of a sudden, this pastor is going to claim he’s poor.

He’s probably one of these guys who operates a mega church, has a jet, mansion, stable of cars.

But he’s going to be like, I’m just a humble servant of the Lord.

I’ll be working until the day I die to pay this restitution.

I did not give this woman herpes.

It is the devil working against me.

Whatever.

After a three-day trial and six and a half hours of deliberation, the jury unanimously found Reverend Ralph D.

West II liable.

You can’t fix it.

She’s got it for the rest of her life, said Sean Murphy, an attorney.

That was the entire closing argument.

That’s all you really need to say.

Look, bitch got herpes.

Can’t get rid of that.

You know it.

I know it.

She’s tainted goods, man.

What’s that worth to you guys?

You’re the jury.

You deliberate.

Murphy spoke for his client, who a jury found contracted genital herpes from West after meeting on Facebook.

Look, we all know how awful Facebook is, but let’s not blame the social media site for giving you herpes.

Facebook did not give you a venereal disease.

As seen on the Church Without Walls website, he’s listed as the Eldridge Campus minister.

I don’t know what any of those words mean.

Also, does Church Without Walls mean they don’t have to pay for building upkeep?

They just like meet outside in parks and stuff like there’s no physical church?

Or is it just a name?

Because if this guy doesn’t have to worry about paying for upkeep on an actual building, by God, he must be rolling in dough.

Quote, the things that we look at for cases like these are essentially four things.

Is the defendant infected?

And how can we prove it?

Did he know he was infected?

Do we have evidence of that?

Said Murphy.

He added that he was able to prove those facts, along with evidence showing West lied about having herpes and spreading it when he and the woman had unprotected sex in March of 2018.

God was not a very effective prophylactic in this case.

She got an outbreak two or three days later and then went and got tested.

From there, through the medical records, we were able to identify that he was the source of it.

In part because she hadn’t been with anybody else and she had a prior negative test.

Murphy said, Murphy said subsequent conversations supported the claim.

When she asked, where did this come from?

His response was his son’s mother.

So he knew exactly where the herpes came from.

He also adds that there were emails between West and his client where she accuses him of knowing he had it, of giving it to her, and there are other allegations about not caring about me and that kind of thing.

Murphy said the response, Murphy said, was telling.

He never once denied that he had it or that he knew he had it.

It’s all just very incriminating.

West declined to comment.

Murphy said his client does feel a sense of relief and vindication with the $2.

45 million judgment.

Aside from the financial aspect, he said she hopes this spreads awareness.

So there’s a lot of things being spread around and people can and should be held accountable for knowingly putting their partners at risk for STDs.

My name is Tim Henson, the new face of genital herpes.

I do not have genital herpes.

I have genital leprosy, which I don’t think is as bad.

I’m pretty sure there is a cure for genital leprosy.

That being said, I’ve had it for a few months and I really need to get it checked out before it’s too late.

I mean, that stuff spreads, right?

I’ll be fine.

I just I hate going to the doctor for these type of things.

You know, it’s so embarrassing.

All right.

There you go.

That, my friends, is your distorted news for Monday.

Let’s do a couple of voicemails and get the hell out of here.

By the way, just looked it up.

Leprosy is curable, so no one needs to be afraid about potentially having sex with me.

Although it is contagious, right?

If Dick falls off while I’m inside of you, that could pose a problem, too.

You know what?

Maybe I just shouldn’t be sleeping around while I have this little problem.

All right.

I’d love to hear from you freaks.

And there are many ways to contact the show.

Show at distortedview.

com.

I’m all over social media at distortedview on Twitter and Instagram.

Facebook.

com slash distortedviewshow.

Don’t forget, if you pledge at least five dollars, you get access to a special voicemail line.

And I’ve got some patrons checking in here.

Let’s see if they are quality calls today.

Hey, Lou.

Hey, man.

Redneck that went to a Starbucks that a bunch of PIVA protesters were at.

He never said faggot.

Like, I’m 100% sure he never said that.

He’s just so much of a dipshit that he pronounces it vagan.

He doesn’t know how to say vegan.

He said that, I love beef and chicken.

I’m not a vagan.

And the protestor is saying faggot.

It’s so funny that you mentioned that because I also got a message from my dear friend Joey.

And Joey said the same thing.

He listened to Friday’s show and he’s like, the redneck is saying vegan, not faggot.

Now, in my defense, when he said the word faggot, it also appeared in text on the screen.

The PIVA people who created this video and posted it thought he was saying faggot and captioned that on the screen.

So as the redneck was saying it, I was reading the word along and it does, you know, come on.

It does sound like faggot, but it also sounds like vegan.

I’ve got the video right here.

I love beef.

I love chicken.

I’m not a vagan.

You know what?

I can sort of vagan.

I’m not a vagan.

I’m not a vagan.

I’m not a vagan.

Faggot.

I’m not a vagan.

I mean, it could really go either way.

I’m not a vagan.

Does the guy then deny that he said the F word?

Faggot.

A faggot?

Man, you need to fuck off, man.

Seriously.

I knew it would only matter to me.

Well, you’re a homophobe.

Start using the language.

You’re a homophobe.

Yeah, because then the driver’s like, he’s surprised that the PETA people are saying faggot.

He’s like, I knew it was just a matter of time before you started using them words.

Start using the language.

You’re a homophobe in addition to being an animal abuser.

So go fuck yourself.

What do you mean I’m a homophobe?

You called me a faggot.

I did not call you a faggot.

What did you say?

I love beef.

I love chicken.

Yeah.

I’m not a vagan.

Yeah, you know what?

I think the truck driver was saying vegan.

That’s why he’s denying so adamantly that he called anyone a faggot.

Dude needs to learn how to pronounce these words correctly, though.

You know, that’s why we’re having this problem.

That being said, I’m totally going to pronounce vegan faggot from now on.

I ain’t no faggot.

Hey, Jimmy Blue.

I like meat.

I ain’t no faggot.

Hey, Jimmy Blue.

It’s Patchy Munchy here.

I just wanted to say, the fucking Mushroom Mary shit, for one, I wish you would have played the audio of Vincent Price saying, I love mushrooms.

I’m pretty sure I did an impression at least, right?

But also, does she not sound like one of those auctioneers?

The way she speaks so fast, not even just a bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.

She sounds like an auctioneer.

That should be her profession.

I don’t think she could actually talk that fast and speak words.

She can only do it if she’s speaking gibberish.

I had to call about it because I found it not only fucking hilarious, but also intriguing.

Yes.

Mushroom Mary.

I don’t remember if that was a Sideshow exclusive episode or if it was a regular episode, but it was a new TickTard we featured.

Hey, Timothy.

It’s Meowness.

I wanted to clarify something on a video that you, or a clip that you just posted on today’s episode.

Vaget, Vaget, Faget, Faget.

Where the guy in the pickup truck drove up and was talking to those vegans.

Yeah, alright.

And Wing was on an episode of South Park.

He got mad because he called them a faggot or whatever, but that’s not what happened.

If you go back to the beginning of the video, the way that he says the word vegan.

Right.

Okay.

Yes.

Thank you very much.

We’re getting a lot of that now.

Kimmy Boo, what it do?

This is Edgelord Trash calling in with a fast food review.

Oh.

I recently went to Bojangles.

That is so funny you mentioned that because Lord Douche went to Bojangles on his way home from when he was visiting family.

We don’t have Bojangles around here.

And he said it was really good.

I got a diet Pepsi, four chicken strips, jalapeno ranch, fries, coleslaw, and their boberry biscuits.

The Pepsi.

It’s a fucking Pepsi.

Gotcha.

The fries a little on the salty side, but decent.

The coleslaw.

I don’t know why I torture myself with fast food coleslaw.

It’s never good.

You should do your food reviews like Bruce used to.

Remember Bruce’s food reviews where he would actually fuck the food?

Stick your dick in that coleslaw next time.

The chicken strips.

They’re okay.

I would put them in between KFC and Cane’s.

Yeah.

Lord Douche and I are off raising Cane’s right now because every time we get it, it’s kind of going downhill in our opinion.

It’s very mushy and wet.

I think because of how they’re packaged in the styrofoam thing.

I don’t know.

They’re just very wet chicken strips.

Everything’s wet.

We want to try Lee’s famous recipe chicken, which I know is a chain.

I don’t know if it’s nationwide.

If it is, it’s very sporadic where you find these things.

There’s a bunch of them here in Cincinnati, all in very sketchy parts of town.

But if you get the right Lee’s restaurant, like one where they’re actually cooking things fresh or whatever, it’s really good.

So that’s the next one I want to try here in Cincinnati.

We also have this great chain.

I think there’s like three or four locations called the City Bird.

And aside from the chicken tenders being on the small side, oh, they taste just so good.

Love City Bird.

I’m also a sucker for like Nashville hot chicken, which I need to find a good Nashville hot chicken place here.

We’ve got one called Joella’s, which is OK.

The ranch neither.

But in Columbus, we used to have hot chicken takeover.

Normally, the middle of the road.

The ranch neither heightens nor lessens from the experience.

Now, where they shine is their Bowberry biscuits.

It’s a blueberry filled biscuit covered with icing.

As you can imagine, when I put it into that, I was happier than a kid in fat camp.

Just shoveling that shit down.

Well, I don’t know if Lord Douche got one of the biscuits, but I’ll ask him about that.

Well, thank you very much for the food review that no one really asked for.

But all right.

Dude ate at fast food and wanted to share it with us.

That’s cool.

That is all the time we have on this edition of the program.

Watch you guys do show it.

It started view dot com distorted view dot com is our official website.

Voicemail line for you.

Two oh six six six six forty four sixty three.

That’s two oh six six six.

Oh God, is it?

Oh God.

Ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to stop this.

We’re going to stop.

No, no, no.

We’re going to stop this shit here.

We’re going to stop this shit here.

Uh uh.

Uh uh.

Uh uh.

Spore and the distortion.

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