Decapitation Tips From The US Department Of Cannibalism

February 1, 202474 min read

On Today’s Show-

00:00:0050% Off At AdamEve.Com – PROMO CODE: FREAK
01:14:09 Introduction
02:45:24 You’re Coming On A Good One
04:06:18 Deranged Man Cuts Dad’s Head Off – An Indepth Look
11:21:19 America’s Newest Decapitator Is Also A Musician!
18:24:07 Head Butcher Justin Mohn Was Also An Esteemed Author (Self Published)
24:06:21 Proof Baby Andy Is Faking His Conditions?
30:43:21 Become A Member Of The Sideshow
32:37:03 Shitting Out Drug Stuffed Kinder Surprise Eggs
35:48:12 Selling Dirty Bath Water For A Good Cause
40:23:16 Getting Public Opinion On Your Testicles
43:30:02Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

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Links / Images:

Baby Andy – The Diaper Deviant (Youtube Channel)

AI Transcript:

00:00 – Tim Henson (Host)
Today’s episode of Distorted View Daily is brought to you by AdamandEvecom. Spice up Valentine’s Day with an amazing offer 50% off just about any item when you use promo code FREAK FR-E-A-K. Adam and Eve is home to nearly 20,000 adult products, from movies to toys to lingerie and more. Pick out something you like, add it to your cart, use promo code FREAK and you will receive 50% off that item, plus Adam and Eve’s Lovers Kit. The Lovers Kit includes a special item for him, a toy for her and something we know you’ll both enjoy, plus six free movies for your viewing pleasure. And, to top it all off, free shipping on your entire order. You know what you need to do Finger this address AdamandEvecom, pick out something you like, add it to your card and use promo code FREAK FR-E-A-K. Make this Valentine’s a day to remember. Really, coat that bed in your juices, sticky secretions from the most intimate of your body parts.

I’m not good at talking sexy. Adam and Evecom promo code FREAK. Thank you. Hey, it’s Thursday, february 1st 2024. Coming up on the program today, an important announcement from the US Department of cannibalism. Plus, be honest, do my testicles look fat? Shitting out Kinder Surprise eggs chock full of brain, altering narcotics and selling dirty bathwater for a good cause. All coming up today.

01:37 – Meat Lady
Be an alert shopper. Watch for specials at your meat counter. If you’re not taking advantage of them, you could be missing out on enjoyable eating and an economical way of stocking your freezer. Always know what cuts you’re buying and its best use. If you buy meat marked USDA, prime choice or good, you’ll know what quality you’re getting. For more information right how to buy meat. Agriculture radio Washington DC 202 5 0.

02:05 – Scott Fletcher (Announcer)
The distorted view show with Tim Henson.

02:08 – Roy Killer War
crystal math loosens up your butt hole I just want to say how do you?

02:13 – Gabrielle Chana
a lot of hot liquid poo just went out all at once the vagina is full of eggs, oh my goodness, yes everybody.

02:23 – Tim Henson (Host)
Tim Henson, back here with you for your Thursday episode of DV and Boy, did you come on a weird night, or weird morning, or a weird mid-afternoon? I guess what I’m trying to say is whenever you’re coming, it’s weird. That’s, that is some weird coming, but that’s not exactly what I’m talking about here. By the way, that is an entirely real Orgasm caught on camera during a porn shoot. That pussy must have been real good, Gripping that dong like a vice grip, you know, stroking that fleshy fucker until the poor dude lost his mind. That’s some good sex, right? God damn, I’m horny. Oh, daddy just needs a wet hole. Okay, tim, focus Recenter. You’ve got a job to do. You have to entertain America. Put your worldly desires for the flesh aside. There’s a more important job at hand here. Oh, hand, I could just masturbate real quick. Clear my head, and then I’ll be a much better podcast host. Hold on, oh, that’s good. Yeah, I’m close. Oh oh, oh.

Did I do a good impression of this classic comer. Oh, oh Okay.

We’re like four minutes into the show and nothing has been accomplished, just been Disgusting sex noises, which is so funny considering the topic I have for you at the start of the show here. It is utterly dark, evil, macabre. You should not be masturbating to this. If you are, there’s something seriously wrong with you. All right, to begin with. You know, typically on DV we feature a bunch of unknown weirdos doing or saying stupid shit on tiktok or YouTube, but every once in a while an Epically fucked up real-world incident will enter the realm of Distorted view like this is totally our territory and today might be one of the best examples of this rare phenomenon. Let me start by playing you something here now. Over the years, I can’t tell you how many times we have featured YouTubers and streamers completely out of control, unhinged. It’s Nothing new, nothing we haven’t seen before. Yet Even I was a little shocked, a little, when I saw this. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to Justin. He begins his stream with a better show and tell.

05:10 – Justin Mohn
This is the head of Mike moan, a federal employee of over 20 years, and my father.

05:17 – Tim Henson (Host)
Yeah, he beheaded his father. I’ve heard of unboxing videos being popular on YouTube, but never have I heard of unheading videos. Say now, aren’t you glad I masturbated first before I got into this? If I was still all horned up I wouldn’t be able to come up with great lines like that one and even darker thought. But if I was horny, looking at this decapitated head, I don’t even want to begin to think what I might do or fantasize about this.

All happened Within the last day or two. I didn’t read much about this on the news, like it wasn’t like breaking news on CNN or Fox, so I had to like double check to make sure this was even real. But apparently it is and I guess news has been reporting on it. Lord douche heard about it. That’s all the sourcing. I really did talk about journalistic integrity. No, there’s. There’s plenty of news stories about this. As a matter of fact, here’s a short few lines from the Daily Mail. The Pennsylvania man accused of decapitating his own father before showing off his head in a horrifying YouTube video has been pictured smirking in his mugshot. So he’s still alive and it doesn’t appear he’s remorseful. Interestingly, youtube left the video up for like six hours before finally Yanking it. Then it was on Twitter, but unfortunately I couldn’t grab a copy there. I did find one, though. Who’s working for you freaks me. I’ll never let you down. That’s not entirely true. Anyway, let’s take a listen to a little more from the video and see what his problem was with his father.

06:49 – Justin Mohn
He is now in hell for eternity as a traitor to his country. Oh, it is said that those who commit treason and betray others occupy the lowest pits of hell for all time. The federal government of America has declared war on America’s citizens and the American state.

07:04 – Tim Henson (Host)
Oh, he’s one of those political nutjobs. It’s all starting to make sense.

07:08 – Justin Mohn
America is rotting from the inside out.

07:10 – Tim Henson (Host)
So is your father, unfortunately. By the way, how oddly appropriate was today’s introduction. You know Sarah back with the meat board talking about choice cuts or whatever. I wonder how Sarah back would rate Justin’s knife technique cutting his dad’s head off.

07:26 – Meat Lady (Host)
If you’re an economy minded, cook your knife can be one of your best friends. By learning to use your knife wisely, you can get more value for your food dollar as like if you cut the head off right, you’ll get more delicious meat.

07:40 – Tim Henson (Host)
You don’t want to cut too high up right? You at least want to get some neck. That’s where all the juices.

07:47 – Meat Lady
Cut the meat away from the bone, then you’ll have an elegant boneless pork roast not exactly a pork roast, but same idea, I guess.

07:55 – Tim Henson (Host)
How fucking insensitive are we? Yeah, I’m dragging you into this guy holding up his dad’s decapitated head. They start playing meat cutting tips. We haven’t lost our edge here. On TV, baby. I’m human meat specialist Leanne Paisley Howell, with the US Department of Cannibalism. What’s the number one rule into capitation? No, your cuts nose and ears are flavorful, but relatively small. Be careful to avoid grisly cartilage. Cheeks, jowls and chins are meaty and rich. Just make sure to slice away some, but not all, of that delicious fat brains are best served piping hot in a soup or stew. Many make the mistake of throwing away forehead skin, but I say don’t be a bonehead. Dry it out into a jerky for a fun treat for the kids. How about deep fried forehead? My foreskins are the hit of every party. For more information on human head cuisine, right to the US National Dumber Institute. I’m Leanne Paisley Howell, your human meat specialist. I’ve been wondering what Leigh Ann Paisley Howell’s been up to. It’s good she got a new gig, so happy for her. Alright, let’s get back to this clip here.

09:06 – Justin Mohn
It is said that those who commit treason and betray others occupy the lowest pits of hell. For all time the federal government of America has declared war on America’s citizens and the American states. America is rotting from the inside out as far-left woke mobs rampage our once prosperous cities, turning them into lawless zones.

09:26 – Tim Henson (Host)
You just committed a crime. What the fuck are you going on about lawlessness? It’s almost as if this man is crazy.

09:35 – Justin Mohn
Meanwhile, a fifth column army of illegal immigrants infiltrates our border. And if the traitorous Biden regime is-.

09:42 – Tim Henson (Host)
Obviously this guy has some mental health, let’s say challenges. I’m sure the left is quickly jumping on this saying Look, this is all because of what Trump says on a daily basis. On the flip side, hardcore right-wingers are going in one of two directions. One this guy isn’t real. He’s a liberal operative just trying to make Trump and Trump’s policies look bad. Or two this is all Biden’s fault. Biden has driven this man to insanity. Laura Loomer tweets. These are the actions of someone who has been driven to a state of insanity by the Democrat Party’s policies. Way to flip it and reverse it. I’m almost impressed. Biden is creating a violent society for all Americans.

10:25 – Justin Mohn
My name is Justin Mone.

10:27 – Tim Henson (Host)
Finally, over a minute or two into the video, he finally introduces himself. He’s not a very good host.

10:33 – Justin Mohn
I’m the commander of America’s national network of militias.

10:36 – Tim Henson (Host)
Oh, I didn’t realize we were dealing with upper brass here. I’m sorry.

10:40 – Justin Mohn
You may know of as Mone’s militia. I now give the following order for all militia and patriots across the United States of America All federal employees are to be killed on site. All FBI, irs and other federal law enforcement officers.

10:55 – Tim Henson (Host)
There’s no way this episode of DV is not going to get flagged on YouTube right, as well as federal courthouses, are to be sieged around the country.

11:03 – Justin Mohn
All federal agents, us Marshals, federal judges and Border Patrol are to be killed or captured.

11:10 – Tim Henson (Host)
You get the idea An absolutely crazy person. But there are more ways he is DV worthy. Doing some extensive research, I have found out that Justin is also a Linda Finkle Hall of Fame nominee. Oh yeah, I should come as a surprise to no one that this guy has a lot of emotions. He just needs to get all of his ideas and thoughts and feelings out, and he does it in a variety of ways. He decapitates his father, but he also writes and sings music, which I feel is a bit of a healthier outlet For him, not for us. For us, it’s going to be excruciating. I’ve already heard some of this. I want to cut my own head off. I’m sorry, Guys, I’m having so much fun today on the podcast. We should do this more often. I don’t know what this is. All right, listen. I do have some selections from Justin Moan’s catalog here. Let’s start with Momumist the Communist. I feel like this is a song directed at his mother and up until his arrest. If I were her, I would have been a little nervous.

12:24 – Justin Mohn
Momumist, the Communist. You shot me in the head. I know I shot you, son, you should have listened what I said. If you don’t live the life I want, you’re sure to end up dead. But I don’t want to live here. I want to sing and dance.

12:40 – Tim Henson (Host)
This guy makes it very clear he’s not a fan of the LGBTQ mafia. I don’t know if I played that clip for you, but he sounds like every gay kid that wants to leave the house. Mom, I can’t live here forever. I just want to sing and dance. You got to let me move to Chicago. You know, whatever I like that. He tries to do a female voice while he’s singing.

13:01 – Justin Mohn
That’s pretty cool, but I don’t want to live at home forever she’s Momumist the Communist. She’s here to prove the soft dominance. She’s secretly fifth columnist. Yeah, what you want she’s opposite.

13:26 – Tim Henson (Host)
She’s Mom, all right. Surprise, surprise, justin’s not a fan of Mom. Here’s another track. This is Wonky Hunky.

13:35 – Justin Mohn
Is he a redneck? No. Is he white trash? No. Is he a wasp? No. Is he a racist? No. What is he? He’s a Wonky Hunky.

13:50 – Tim Henson (Host)
I was going to go with Decapitator, but okay, he calls himself a Wonky Hunky, a Wonky Hunky, a Wonky Hunky, a Wonky Hunky, a Wonky Hunky. I guess this music is best described as experimental. He also has a couple of songs, several actually called Justin Stalkers, and I think it’s about him stalking girls actually. Holy motherfucking Christ. Yeah, there were warning signs, is what I’m learning. That seems to be the takeaway from his musical collection, which, by the way, is still available to stream on Apple Music. Now, let’s put aside the Decapitation thing. As hard as that is. Even if this guy hadn’t committed any crimes, the music he makes isn’t exactly marketable. It would be a challenge to find an audience. Justin, though, tried his best to get a real record deal with a major label. How do I know this? Well, after all of the unpleasant Decapitation news broke, people in the music industry started posting online that Justin had sent them emails over the years trying to pitch himself and yes, even back then the boy wasn’t right in the head and then they copy and pasted the message that Justin sent them, which, by the way, has one of the greatest opening lines. It’s a real attention grabber, dear industry professional, as if you didn’t already know who I am from the time of my birth. It’s already kind of accusatory and completely mental, but you just have to read on after that, right? I wrote to you in March of this year to engage in a mutually beneficial business relation in the arts and then in parentheses music and or writing. We’ll get to the writing in just a moment, but first you did not respond to my letter, despite the fact that globalists, politicians, corporations, communists and cults devoutly believe that I am God, the second Messiah and the biggest person of influence since Jesus Christ. He may be a little full of himself, but that’s okay. You know, to succeed in the music industry, you have to have confidence. This belief in me was made most notable when I forced governors John Hickenlooper, john Kasich and Jay Inslee to be my bitches and drop out of the 2020 presidential election, as I am merciful, despite their traitorous betrayals deserving of a more severe punishment, and we all know he’s capable of that. In the letter, he goes on to take full responsibility for COVID yeah, that’s right, he’s the source of the coronavirus. All because inner scope wouldn’t give him a record deal. All right, yes, he says. Of no coincidence, shortly after you did not respond to my letter, god unleashed a pandemic which has nearly crippled your industry. He didn’t unleash the virus himself. I guess God did it on his behalf. Same diff right. You should be lucky now if I’m even willing to negotiate a contract in the entertainment industry, as the idea of being king of the world now appeals to me as much as it does to my devout believers and worshippers. He goes on to sign the letter Justin Goder, mo G-O-D-D-E-R PS. The name Goder is currently an inside joke with the Coloradans in the cult who blasphemously believe I am more God than God himself, aka Godter than God. Just so you know. Now everyone can be part of the inside joke which was nice of Justin right bringing us all into the loop there.

In addition to his budding musical career, as stated earlier, justin was also a writer, with several books appearing on Amazon. They are no longer available. I may have a couple of them here in my hands. According to Newsweek, the Amazon page listed several of Moan’s self-published books for sale, including titles the Pink, the Stink no, the Pink, they Will Burn this Book and Poems I Wrote While Stone, a collection of poems. I may also have the Kindle version of that book, but unfortunately it’s not good. I mean, we all know it’s not going to be good, but it’s not funny good.

One of the more interesting titles is the Second Messiah King of the Earth, which is a fictional book described as being loosely based on the life of author and musician Justin Moan, published three years ago. It follows a man named Buster who moves from a small farm in Ohio to Colorado, where he notices that people are strange. In it, moan writes about a satanic cult, the Democratic Party and a cold war. Eventually, buster gets more attention than he thought was possible for any artist, but not in a way a normal celebrity does. In a way a religious icon does. So, yeah, he’s basing this entire story on the fantasy he’s concocted in his own life. In his non-fiction book, the Revolution Leader’s Survival Guide how Schools, workplaces and Social Norms Kill the Genius Inside All of Us, moan included the transcript of a letter he wrote to then President Donald Trump, warning of a peaceful revolution led by Moan if positive change did not come to America. I think that’s enough on Justin Moan.

I was going to read some selections from his book, but it’s too weird to comprehend. Like on one page there’s a woman calling a man, his name is Richard Canine and he’s like, actually a dog. Mr Canine, I’m sorry, richard, it’s Claudia. I have information about Buster Moan. He has $5,521.68. No word on any line of credits or debts. As soon as he gets a bank account in town we’ll find out.

Ms Livingston said now, remember, this is like the town. That is really strange. Bunch of weirdos. Ms Livingston giggled All right, I’ll see you later at the sex ritual. Okay, bye. Livingston hung up the phone.

Mr Canine then made a phone call. Mr Barnes, it’s Richard Canine. Mr Barnes said oh, I didn’t know. Vampires were awake during the daytime and I didn’t know. Commies knew the difference between day and night. Mr Barnes replied communism is the essence of life. The governor will have your head, mr Canine yelped.

Then Mr Canine got down under the desk. I’m sorry, mr Barnes, don’t tell the governor. Rough, rough. I just got jealous. You can’t blame me, I’m a dog. I’m just a dog. Mr Canine said it’s okay, richard, you’re a good doggy. Like holy fuck. What is this? All I know is Mr Canine is going to be at some sort of sex ritual with human beings. That’s the part of the story I want to read. Maybe we’ll save that for a sex death stick Tuesday. Well, there you go. That’s Justin Moan in a nutshell. It’s probably good to put him in a shell because he is, in fact, nuts. I’ve been talking about him for a while. Maybe I should give him the last word. You can say a lot about me, but I’m courteous, justin, do you have any last words here on the show before we move on?

21:47 – Justin Mohn
This is a time for the American states and American citizens of all races and religion that succumb together to fight for our country on our own soil against the traitorous federal government and their communist fifth columns, such as the LBGT community.

22:01 – Tim Henson (Host)
Oh god, why am I always getting dragged into this? I’m a good boy, I didn’t do nothing, I swear.

22:08 – Justin Mohn
BLM movement and Antifa, who are promoting racial division to create a race war and religious division to create a religious war. They want to make us think we are each other’s enemies.

22:19 – Tim Henson (Host)
I’d like to hear a duet between him and mead. They both hate Antifa, both hate BLM. Not a fan of the gays. They could come up with some good stuff.

22:26 – Justin Mohn
And there is more than enough evidence to show the federal government.

22:29 – Tim Henson (Host)
I’m sorry. The whole time I’m watching this video I can’t help but notice everything in that room is white the walls, the doors, there’s a lot of closets, the comforter on the bed is white and light gray and you know he’s holding up that bloody, decapitated head and I’m like it’s gonna, you’re gonna get some splattering. I know you covered it a few times in Saran Wrap, but still all it takes is a drop or two of blood. You’re never gonna get it out of the sheets. The pain in the ass to clean up the whole scene just makes me very nervous.

Hello, I’m Leanne Paisley-Howell with the US Department of Cannibalism. When you’re in the middle of cutting off someone’s head whether it’s due to a thrashing, victim, struggle or just the adrenaline of the whole scenario it’s important you don’t lose your head, or else you may just forget an important step in the decapitation process. That’s why the USDC has come up with this easy to remember acronym, d-head. D for deep lacerations. E for even slices. H horizontally is the way to cut. E every vein must be severed. A for all arteries must be slashed. And finally, d don’t forget a bucket to collect all of the blood drippings. Remember D-Head for your next successful decapitation. I’m feeling much better about the whole thing. Thanks, leanne Paisley-Howell. I will remember D-Head, even though I don’t think that’s a word, it’s B-Head. I guess that’s what makes it memorable.

Alright, let’s move on. That’s Justin Moan, america’s newest sweetheart. I’ve got a Baby Andy update for you. For those of you new to the program, andy is this guy. He’s in his 20s or 30s. The theory is that Andy is pretending to have autism, so his parents and other adults will have to change his diaper. Now, up until a few years ago, he could go to the bathroom on his own. Then, all of a sudden, he decided he had autism, needed to wear diapers, needed to be changed constantly. Has autistic freakouts.

24:36 – Baby Andy
You’re talking about the poo smear. I started to realize, oh shit, I got poo in my hand.

24:40 – Tim Henson (Host)
He also smeared poop on the walls in his house. He’s talking to his father here, by the way.

24:45 – Baby Andy
I have to throw my poopy diaper out because they’re refusing to help me.

24:49 – Tim Henson (Host)
He also constantly blames his father for all of his problems and the fact that he won’t help him. How?

24:55 – Baby Andy
sick you really are, because normal people, best of your age, would not even leave them to do that. I hate the role of doing something like that.

25:05 – Baby Andy
Dad, I’m not gonna lie. I always did like the feel of poo in my hand. It’s a smell I have trouble with. It’s a smell I.

25:15 – Tim Henson (Host)
Yeah, he likes the texture. It’s the scent. He has a problem with Understandable.

Here he is during one of his tantrums yeah he doesn’t want to go to doctors Mainly because they smell his bullshit. Like you know that he’s faking autism. They also smell his real shit. Now you know, it certainly does kind of sound like he has autism. Something is off with this guy His head on the door. He’s a bald man, by the way, like he’s not young. Oh my God, you almost feel bad for him. Like if this is real, this poor guy’s going through hell right. Well, I’ve got some interesting audio here from a few years ago. Apparently before baby Andy was baby Andy, he had a YouTube channel where he repaired computers. As a matter of fact, he had an entire business fixing PCs.

26:24 – Baby Andy
Hello guys, I’m Andrew from A Best PCs. Thank you for watching my videos.

26:28 – Tim Henson (Host)
Still sounds like an idiot, but like a normal idiot.

26:31 – Baby Andy
I’m Andrew from A Best PCs. He clicked on a YouTube video and me finishing up a computer repair.

26:38 – Tim Henson (Host)
Andrew is much different than the baby Andy of today. Baby Andy can’t do jack shit, right? By the way, this is a compilation from the YouTube channel baby Andy diaper, deviant kind of a curator of all things Baby Andy related, doing God’s work. Everyone go subscribe. I’ll try to remember to provide a link on the show notes today to support those guys. I’m acting like it’s an entire organization. They’ve got a whole team of people keeping an eye on baby Andy and his activities. All right, let’s listen to some more. Baby Andy before he was baby Andy and autistic.

27:11 – Baby Andy
Okay, I’m Andrew from A Best PCs here. We’re going to show you how to do a simple hard drive or hardware upgrade on a laptop.

27:18 – Tim Henson (Host)
According to the description in the video, around 2010 to 2012, andrew and his brother would go on to found their own computer repair business called A Best PCs. The business venture would last for several years, with the company’s website undergoing several design changes. Finally, according to Andrew, a Best PCs which is a weird name for a company right would meet its end when it was revealed that they needed a license from the state of New York in order to repair computers as a business. Later on in the video, this is very strange. Things take a weird turn because there’s some trolls in the comments in one of Andy’s videos and he starts doing videos about her.

27:57 – Baby Andy
I have enough on her for cyberbullying and stalking me. I don’t even know this lady. The only thing I know is her husband is a sexual molester.

28:06 – Tim Henson (Host)
So you do kind of know her. It’s later revealed that Andy went over to their house to fix their computer, and then Andy makes some wild accusations here.

28:17 – Baby Andy
I don’t even want to be sexually abused by your husband. Terry, I can care less about you or your husband. I have all the proof. I give video on my spy cam.

28:27 – Tim Henson (Host)
Gotta be honest, he’s sounding more and more autistic as the video goes on here.

28:31 – Baby Andy
By the way, I have your husband’s signature of every time I was at your husband’s house when he repaired his computer for you and him and for your granddaughter, and maybe you should check the computer’s web browser history for the porn your husband looks at. That is extremely sick. I didn’t know any better to not go to the hospital when he had forced me to touch him.

28:57 – Tim Henson (Host)
By the way, this is an accusation Andy makes frequently. This is almost like a sexual fantasy for him.

29:05 – Baby Andy
Forced me to touch him while he was jerking off and how he come down my hand. I hate that feeling of that and it’s gross. I don’t even want to look at his him like that and his one nut hangs lower than the other and he doesn’t know why?

29:21 – Tim Henson (Host)
Well, there is an identifying detail. I’m going to demand that Terry’s husband come forward with a nude. We need to check out those testicles and see if baby Andy is telling the truth or not.

29:32 – Baby Andy
And you wanted to see my one testicle, why it was like it was, and he undressed me several times and I don’t want to be doing that. I didn’t give him permission to undress me. Leave me a fuck alone, terry. I don’t want to treat. I don’t want to hear from you or your husband.

29:48 – Tim Henson (Host)
You can also email me at helpwithmypc at abest Little plug for his business at the end pcscom has help with my PC.

The YouTuber who posted this said. This makes me wonder if every incident of sexual abuse reported throughout Andy’s history and there’s been a lot of it has been fake. It’s possible Andrew learned at a young age that negative attention was better than no attention, so he devised this strategy of accusing people of abuse when none actually occurred. There are at least four people he’s accused at this point that I can recall, and obviously there’s been no arrests or anything. It’s just wild accusations. So there you go, interesting stuff from baby Andy Diper Deviant, and with that let’s get into the crazy, bizarre twist, did I? Fuck the news.

Hey, if you’re enjoying Distorted View Daily, why not become a member of the sideshow and support this nonsense? Best of all, every week you get three additional full length episodes of Devi. That is an insane amount of exclusive content for a very, very tiny amount of money Only $6.99 a month. Even less when you opt for a quarterly, semi-annual, yearly or lifetime membership. Just go to SuperFreakSideshowcom. All major credit cards accepted. If you happen to use Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you can sign up for access in those apps. Just a few taps on your mobile phone and you’ll see all of the exclusive shows right alongside the free episodes. Again, for more information, check out SuperFreakSideshowcom and DistortedViewcom. One final way to help support us We’ve got a Patreon account, patreoncom. You can pledge as little as a dollar over there. Every little bit helps. If you pledge at least $5, you get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first. Also, gotta say thanks to Adam and Eve, our sponsor today. You heard me talk about it at the top of the program. Again, just a reminder use promo code FREAKFREAK for 50% off just about any item in that Valentine’s Day kit. Not a bad deal at all. It’s actually amazing. Where else do you get like 50 half off something? Valentine’s Day is around the corner. It makes perfect sense. Adamandevecom.

Okay, enough of the self promotion, or housekeeping as we call it here in the biz the podcasting business I’m talking about, but also the housekeeping business. They use that term. It is their business after all. They have every right to use that term when us in the podcasting business we’re just borrowing it. I don’t want to step on any toes here. You don’t want to piss off maids in the service industry as a whole. Talk about a mafia. They will whack you. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

Alright, three very quick stories now. First up, there are several tried and true ways to conceal and smuggle drugs across the border. I think the most notorious way, of course, is stuffing a bunch of drugs in a baggie and then swallowing it or shoving it up your asshole. The problem with baggies, I think, is you know, it’s very thin. If a hole forms in the bag on the way down or on the way up, you could be in real trouble. Your body starts absorbing it, right, you could really fuck you up, especially if there’s a lot of drugs in the baggie. So one man has thought of an ingenious way to improve rectal drug transporting, and it doesn’t cost a lot of money. Drug trafficking on a dime bag, get it Alright. So one man has attempted to travel from Manchester airport, over there in the UK, to Dubai with drugs concealed up his ass inside of a Kinder Surprise egg Actually, to be accurate, multiple Kinder Surprise eggs. These are little Easter Bunny.

Michael Whitty, a resident of Liverpool, was apprehended by the UK Border Force. Okay so it didn’t work out for him, but still it doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. Let’s not be so quick to dismiss. Let’s see where he went wrong. Drug detection dogs alerted authorities to his presence as he was preparing to board his flight. Whitty, age 25, aroused suspicion when the dogs detected the presence of illicit substances. Oh, they sniffed his crack, despite refusing body scans and revealing nothing in a strip search at the hospital. Whitty’s concealment efforts came undone when he had to use the toilet in his holding cell. He’s shout out to Kinder Surprise eggs, ew, kids, don’t eat that. It’s not a good surprise.

Guards found two Kinder Surprise eggs, wrapped in cling film, containing 40 ecstasy pills and over 31 grams of ketamine. Subsequently, whitty passed a small packet containing over 12 grams of cocaine. He’s like a narcotics vending machine. Stuff just keeps coming out of him. Whitty remained silent during police interrogations. The street value of the seized drugs. The street value of the seized drugs ranged anywhere from about $1,500 for the cocaine to $600 for the ecstasy and another $1,500 for the ketamine.

Whitty asserts that the drugs were for his own personal use during the trip and even though it’s a lot, there’s a lot of drugs up his pooper there he was simply a heavy user, independent on these substances. So it’s a health issue more than anything. Lay off me pigs. He also mentioned that his friends had unexpectedly purchased his one-way ticket just a day before his departure. Nevertheless, the court dismissed his explanations, concluding that the drugs were meant for distribution and to buy and that Whitty was acting under someone’s order. Whitty, who had prior convictions for burglary, possession of ammunition and cannabis possession, was sentenced to 35 months in prison. The judge acknowledged Whitty’s history of drug use but emphasized the necessity of the custodial sentence to reflect the seriousness of the offense and responsibility of the court to uphold public safety. So there you go, little kinder, shit surprise there.

Second story we have for you the controversial bathwater scene from Saltburn where Oliver Quick consumes the bathwater of Felix Catten, post-ejaculation Jesus Christ. Spoiler alert I haven’t even seen that movie yet, although this kind of makes me want to see it even more. There’s an ejaculation bathwater drinking scene. Yeah, I’m there. Sounds like a very distorted, view-worthy movie. Have you guys seen Saltburn? I’ve heard about it but I haven’t watched it yet, apparently, shame, shame, shame on me.

Well, inspired by this scene, duncan Killick, 28, has taken an innovative approach by offering his own bathwater for sale on eBay. A couple very important questions how much of the bathwater do you get? Does it contain any ejaculate and how much fluoride is in the water where you live? I’m not a conspiracy nut but, as you know, I’m very concerned what goes into my body. I guess this story also takes place in the UK. Priced at a very reasonable £15 or $19, us purchasers have the liberty to use Duncan’s bathwater as they please. No inquiries made. I should hope so. As soon as I pay that money, that water’s mine. You can’t tell me what to do with it, and I’m going to do some real sick shit with it.

37:05 – Tim Henson (Host)
How does eBay allow this?

37:07 – Tim Henson (Host)
I thought they had a real problem with this type of listing, especially if there is ejaculate in the water. On the flip side, I don’t want to buy it if there’s not ejaculate in the water. You know, that’s kind of what makes it special. Anyone can just sell their dirty, disgusting bathwater. This guy spiced it up a little. I bet you there is ejaculate in it, but he doesn’t mention it in the eBay listing because he doesn’t want it pulled. Maybe there’s some coded language in the description that we can decipher. Let’s read on.

Remarkably, duncan is not seeking personal gain from the sale. Instead, he’s dedicated to contributing all proceeds to the Hygiene Bank, a charity combating hygiene poverty. The set price for the bathwater is symbolic, aligning with the charity’s estimated cause to provide a single individual with basic hygiene necessities. I mean, yeah, it’s a nice thing he’s doing, but I bet you he’s still getting off to the thought of people buying his jizzy bathwater. By the way, I’m trademarking that name in case I want to sell my own jizzy bathwater. You can’t use that. You wouldn’t call it something else like come springs or something? Oh, I want come springs too. You know what? I’m not even going to give you any more ideas. They’re all mine. Ridiculous. How many million dollar money making schemes I just give out? On this very podcast, duncan, a freelance PR professional from London, ooh la la, chose a mundane hotel bubble bath for his bathwater preparation, describing it merely as containing just my essence. Oh, I think that’s the code right there. This is gloopy, slimy essence.

The discussion surrounding the bathwater scene from salt burn has been fervent. I’m not sure what that word means. I think it means like hairy, like a thick, lush carpeting, which doesn’t make sense in this context. I may be wrong on that. The discussion has also been wide ranging since the movie’s release, sparking various offshoot products, from bathwater candles to themed cocktails, echoing the scene where Barry’s character sips the bathwater on set.

Originally from New Zealand, duncan was compelled to start selling his bathwater two weeks prior, moved by the unsettling stats about hygiene poverty in the UK after watching salt burn. Hygiene poverty the struggle to afford basic hygiene and grooming products is a pressing yet often overlooked issue. It constricts the choices of individuals with limited income, forcing tough decisions between essentials like heating, rent, food and personal cleanliness. In 2022 alone, 6% of UK adults faced this hardship, with three-fifths reporting detrimental effects on their mental health. Discovering these alarming figures two months ago, duncan has been deeply concerned about hygiene poverty, recognizing its profound impact on a staggering 3.1 million people in the UK.

Linking the viral bathwater interesting choice of words, I do not want viral bathwater. Linking the viral bathwater discourse. With this pressing issue, duncan saw an opportunity to raise awareness. If you’re a complete degenerate and you want to buy this guy’s dirty, disgusting bathwater, you have until February 1st to place your bid on eBay. I don’t know if he ships globally or not. You guys will have to look into that yourself. I’m done, I’m out, I’m disgusted. Alright, final story we have for you. Oh, looky, here we got one from our most fucked up state saying with me.

40:31 – Tim Henson (Host)
Florida Is the most fucked up state. You guys know the villages in Florida, right, the villages is this area. It’s like a community for old people but it’s absolutely massive. It’s where a lot of people go to retire. It’s a 55 plus community and the gentleman in this final story hails from the villages. Let’s see what old Florida man is up to.

An individual was apprehended following an incident where he exposed and shook his genitals at the entryway of University Florida Health, the villages hospital. The cock and ball wagging was not directed at one individual. He wanted everyone to see. It was very important. He got a lot of people’s opinions. Darren Malinski-51 had recently been discharged, yet remained in his hospital gown during the occurrence. At approximately 6.30 am on Saturday it is too early for that shit. Wrinkly Balls Before Breakfast no, thank you.

The incident was detailed in a report by the Sumter County Sheriff’s Office. He was seen lifting his gown, repeatedly revealing his private areas, and he was soliciting opinions from those passing by about the size of his genitals. He was afraid that they seemed enlarged and he wanted to pull the general public. Do you think my balls are too big? Do my testicles look enlarged? Okay, staff here at the hospital don’t seem to think so. They say my balls look fine. I don’t agree. I demand satisfaction from the staff. Among those exposed to Malinski’s actions was a female visitor of the hospital. Witnesses describe to the deputies that Malinski, whose stature is recorded at 5’7″ in a weight of 230 pounds, was actively shaking his private parts while revealing them, which is totally unnecessary. You just want people to see your balls and comment if they look too big.

Although the arrest report labels Malinski as homeless, records show that he previously resided with his 85-year-old father in the villages. Okay, that’s why he lives in the villages. Malinski was detained on charges of indecent exposure. He was taken to the Sumter County Detention Center. His bail was established at $1,000. So there you go. That’s what’s happening with Florida man today. That is your Distorted News for Thursday. Let’s do a couple voicemails and get the hell out of here. Alright, guys, I’d love to hear from you and there are many ways to contact the show. Show it at DistortedViewcom. I’m all over social media at DistortedView, on Twitter and Instagram. Facebookcom slash DistortedView. Show Our standard voicemail line. You can call in anytime. I will get around to playing your calls, although I’m a bit backed up. It’s 206-666-4463. Save that number. You can pledge at least $5 to our Patreon account. You get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first. A lot of these people called in today. We’re going to get to them right now. Yes, my patrons.

43:50 – Voicemail: Sweet Rectum Ralph
Timiboo, what do you do? Hey, this is Sweet Rectum Ralph. Hey, sweet Rectum Ralph. And uh, did you like Rectum Ralph? A couple things First, again always on the stove. Listen for a long time. Nice Wanted to comment on the cancer kid in New Delhi.

44:07 – Tim Henson (Host)
Yes, yesterday on the podcast we reported on a terminally ill cancer child who was basically drowned by his parents the kid. They took him to a river because they thought it was magical or something and they thought Duncan the kid in the river would save him. It just ended up killing him.

44:26 – Voicemail: Sweet Rectum Ralph
Glob, glob, glob you know, you know, technically the person was right. He did not die of cancer, that’s true. So he’s got that going for him.

44:35 – Tim Henson (Host)
Wow, I didn’t think of it like that. He died of drowning.

44:38 – Voicemail: Sweet Rectum Ralph
And uh. Another quick question was with the uh new website and everything, um, am I still going to be able to buy some squares on the advertising board? Oh, wow, I’ve been kind of delaying that I should bring that back.

44:53 – Tim Henson (Host)
Yeah, that was one of the very first ways I made a tiny bit of money.

There was this guy, I don’t remember his name, but he started uh, I don’t even remember the name of the product, but he contacted me and he it was kind of an ingenious, uh idea.

Honestly, there was like this grid of a bunch of tiny little squares that you could sponsor and you could do whatever you want inside the square, and the squares were linkable or clickable, right, so you click on it and it would go to, you know, whatever this person was advertising. The idea is, people would buy multiple squares to make a bigger space for them to advertise. I think it was called click grid, right, and it was just, you know, more interesting than a banner ad, and we did that for a while and I guess the service shut down. And then, uh, the other way, I tried to sell off some of my body parts, like the naming rights to my uh, to my leg and toes and penis, and you could, you know, you could buy whatever body part these are. This was before the sideshow, right, and I was just trying to figure out ways to monetize this bitch.

45:53 – Voicemail: Sweet Rectum Ralph
And I want to still try to get in on that sweet deal. Okay, well, thanks a lot, sir.

45:58 – Tim Henson (Host)
We’ll work on getting you a couple of squares on the click grid. Hello, timothy.

46:04 – Voicemail: Foreskin Enthusiast
Uh, this is one of your normal colors, but I’m going to use a city voice to mask my identity, even though I use a surname for my identity.

46:14 – Tim Henson (Host)
Okay, I thought it was like Minnie Mouse at first, or Mickey Mouse, you know, because Steamboat Willie Mickey is now like in the public domain, so I thought maybe Mickey would be calling into the podcast. But he also kind of sounds like Miss Piggy too.

46:32 – Voicemail: Foreskin Enthusiast
Those of us read before skins. Yeah, wonderful skills is that we can, while ejaculating, hold my finger at the end of my penis and block the hole, so that I can literally hold the comment until I can run to the door.

46:53 – Tim Henson (Host)
Well, that’s kind of cool, I see what you’re saying. Like you pull the skin over your penis hole so the cum won’t come out, it’ll hold it in, which I don’t think is healthy but also can’t like. Uh, circumcise guys just do that, just like cover the hole with their thumb or something and press on it. I mean, I understand you people with foreskin. You know you always want to talk about how great you know sex feels, how much better it is with foreskin. Stop trying to sell me on foreskin with these weird ass ways you can hold your cum in longer.

If you cover your cock, just pull the foreskin up. Okay, whatever Great it is, it’s very nice. I’m so happy you have foreskin, congratulations. Yesterday someone called oh, I was asking about foreskin because someone called in and I was wondering like if you come at, could you pull the skin up real quick and create like a bowl right To contain all of the uh, this, the semen?

47:47 – Voicemail: Tony Polapse
You too, Tony, prolapse um. I apologize for calling two days in a row.

47:53 – Tim Henson (Host)
Don’t let that happen again. Um, but you’re on set, nice buddy.

47:56 – Voicemail: Tony Prolapse
Kind of glossed over the brain injury thing and you know, just kind of gave you a little bit and then oh, yeah, he called in yesterday and said he has a brain injury and I was very curious about that. Yeah, Anyway, uh sorry, but uh. So, yeah, long story short. I fell at my job, I hit the back of my head and then something fell and hit me on the front of the head. Oh, it was like over a hundred pounds in the middle of the head.

48:24 – Tim Henson (Host)
Did you like pass? I like, did it knock you the fuck?

48:27 – Voicemail: Tony Prolapse
out. It happened in October and I haven’t been normal since about that day.

48:32 – Tim Henson (Host)
Okay, Now you have to explain. How are you not normal? What is happening to you?

48:36 – Voicemail: Tony Prolapse
It’s it’s tough. Uh, it makes like certain things hard. Uh, there’s a little bit of uh damage to my front lobes. My short-term memory is kind of fucked.

48:47 – Tim Henson (Host)
Oh well, now you’re living in my world, buddy, it’s. It’s been awful. You can just listen to episodes of DV over and over and it’ll be like it’s new to you.

48:56 – Voicemail: Tony Prolapse
Let’s just say it’s been fucking terrible but it happened on the job so I’m paid paid to recoup, so I guess that’s a saving grace and all that.

49:04 – Tim Henson (Host)
So what’s your, what’s your prognosis? Is it just something that’s going to like um fix itself, hopefully? Uh yeah, is your brain going to repair?

49:11 – Voicemail: Tony Prolapse
itself. And, uh, I listen to your show tidbits of it. Um, you know, it’s simple, things like walking around the block, taking old lady walks, just fucking, just absolutely wrecked me.

49:23 – Tim Henson (Host)
But, it’s amazing what the brain like apparently the brain is very important to the human body. Thank you so much. Need to just teaching us this today, tony. Make a shit, tony.

49:36 – Voicemail: Tony Prolapse
But I feel like we’re from your show.

49:37 – Tim Henson (Host)
Give me a little, I think we can do some exercises. Tony, to help you fix your brain, let’s try counting.

49:44 – Meat Lady
Tony, one, two, three, four, five.

49:46 – Tim Henson (Host)
What’s the number that comes next? Tony, tony, one, two, three, four, five. Tony, tony, prolapse. I’m sorry, tony Danza. Tony one, two, three, four, five. All right, I’m sorry. Anytime I hear Tony, I immediately go to Tony Danza.

Well, I you know, I hope for a speedy recovery for you. That sucks, that happen Honestly. I’m, you know, I’m not trying to make fun of you, I’m just, you know, giant jackass. All right, thank you for all the voicemails. Keep them coming all the time we have on this edition of the program. Want you guys to see my show at AstroDivviewcom? Astrodivviewcom is our official website. Voicemail line for you 206664463. That’s 20666. Oh God, is it? Oh God, my four skins are the hit of every party. Spread the distortion Bestie. Detail all your friends about the show. Don’t forget to give us a five star rating, a thumbs up or like wherever you can rate and review podcasts. Guys, if you are not side show members, that’ll do it for me. This week I would love to give you more distorted view. All you have to do is sign up for the side show and I’ll see you back for the Friday program. Sound good, good deal, all right, work over that cash. Thanks, tony. One, two, three, four, five, all right, until next time. Bye, everybody.

51:21 – Meat Lady
How can you tell a blade chuck roast from an arm chuck roast? The blade chuck roast has a long, thin cross section of the shoulder blade bone and the arm chuck has a small round arm bone. Both make excellent pod roasts. The arm chuck has less waste, fat and bone, but the blade chuck is usually more tender and can be oven roasted if it’s USDA prime or choice. For more free information, write how to buy meat. Agriculture radio Washington DC 20250. This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrob Media Group.

51:55 – Announcer
Learn more at Scrod.net

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