On Today’s Show:
| 00:00:00 | Introduction |
| 00:21:17 | Hello (Whores) |
| 03:28:23 | Opening Music |
| 03:48:22 | The Latest Criticisms From Lord Douche |
| 13:15:05 | Meade Is Packing On The Pounds |
| 18:42:09 | Forum Posts That Make Meade Even More Unlikeable |
| 21:24:13 | A Topsy Turvey Butthole |
| 24:32:04 | Youtuber Wants To Discuss His Nasty Smelling Testicles. Okkaaaaay |
| 31:37:13 | New Dirty Pop Dance Music! |
| 36:06:20 | Sign Up For The Sideshow Today! |
| 37:40:15 | Pork Loin Lattes: Now At Satarbucks |
| 43:14:20 | X-Rated Content On A Royal Navy Ship |
| 46:50:14 | Google AI Hates White People |
| 51:01:22 | Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending |
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Podcast: Download
AI Transcript:
It’s Thursday, February 22nd, 2024.
Coming up on the program today, my fat ass is gonna cause this house to collapse.
Plus, one YouTuber says his balls have been smelling bad for months.
The sweet sounds of your butthole unfurling, and Starbucks’ new Meatlovers Macchiato.
All coming up today.
Just like that.
You’re a black fucking slut.
Suck it.
Take it up your nose.
Oh, yes.
I love you.
A heart surgeon.
I met him in New Orleans.
He gave me 250 bucks to shit.
It’s the Distorted View Show with Tim Henson.
Alright here we go!
Hey, freaks, get back here with you for your Thursday episode of DV.
Have a great one for you.
Dear God, you guys have no idea what’s going on in this house.
It is utter anarchy.
Now, before this comes off as me just ragging on Lord Douche, let me just say, I acknowledge that I am super annoying to him as well.
There are plenty of things I do that drive him bonkers.
As a matter of fact, on yesterday’s Sideshow Exclusive Podcast, I revealed that I’m back to learning the guitar.
And I don’t know if you’ve ever lived in a house where someone’s learning to play an instrument.
It’s like super fucking annoying.
What’s worse than loud music being played at two in the morning?
Bad music being played at two in the morning.
Someone who doesn’t know how music should sound.
Cause the noises emanating from my guitar cannot be described as music.
So I acknowledge, for as much as I bitch about Lord Douche, if he were to get on the microphone, he could probably fill an entire show with grievances about me.
That being said, he is, well, he’s just crazy.
You guys have heard this story.
Go back and listen to the Butterbell Saga.
That’s a unique special brand of insanity.
Now, you know, I love this man to pieces.
I wouldn’t have stayed with him for 13 years.
Lucky 13, if there weren’t some good qualities there.
However, I’m especially concerned right now because there are some changes happening at his place of employment.
You know, he’s like into IT and stuff, but it’s a relatively small business.
And it has been decided that what this company needs is a satellite office.
And that office, oh yeah, it’s going in our house, specifically our basement.
That means Lord Douche, for the most part, is going to be working from home, never leaving the house, always going to be present.
Are you starting to see why I’m a little anxious?
If not, let me give you this short anecdote.
I came downstairs this morning to walk the dogs, you know, for their early a.m.
piss and shit, and Lord Douche was already up.
I hadn’t been awake for five minutes, and he had assembled in his head several things he needed to talk to me about because I’ve been doing wrong, such as getting out of bed.
When I lay down or get up, he feels the floor might start to give.
Apparently I lay down too hard on the bed.
Furthermore, he’s concerned with my stomping.
He says when I walk down the stairs, I stomp, and that is causing, that’s causing our walls to shift.
The whole house is gonna fall down because I’m walking down the stairs.
How do you think that makes me feel?
Exactly.
At that point, I usually do start acting like a woman.
You calling me fat?
I see how it is.
And he’s always very quick to point out that it’s not that, it’s just I don’t walk gingerly enough.
Other areas of concern include I’m using too much toilet paper, I’m using the wrong toilet paper, and when I finish a roll of toilet paper, he’s upset because I throw that little cardboard tube in the wastebasket in the bathroom.
I’m like, where the fuck else would one put it, right?
You want me to try to flush it down the toilet?
How about I just eat it?
How am I doing that wrong?
He prefers if we collect those tubes and put them in the recycling bin in the kitchen.
But to do that, I’d have to go down the stairs, and you know, I’ve got that stomping problem.
Our walls are buckling.
Dangerous for me going up and down the stairs like that.
Bring the whole house down, right?
Now, because of this little office being built in the basement, that has resulted in a lot of together time for me and Lord Douche, doing some projects together.
Right now, our basement is chock full of shit.
You know, Lord Douche is pretty much a hoarder.
And so we need to make room, carve out a space for this office.
Now, one of Lord Douche’s complaints about me, and there are many, is that I wait for him to tell me to do something as opposed to me just figuring it out and doing it myself.
I’ll give you an example.
We have three mail slots and this little thing that hangs on the wall, right?
And we just, we put all the mail there and then we go through it when it gets full.
But I never go through it.
And that’s something that he really wishes I would take the initiative to do.
However, in my defense, anytime I do it, it’s wrong.
So I just wait until he’s around so I can ask him piece by piece, each envelope.
Where would you like this to go?
Can I throw this away, et cetera, et cetera.
The very first thing we needed to do in the basement was rearrange.
We got some shelving.
We just had to go through some boxes, move stuff around.
And Lord Douche is talking about how he wants something.
And I made the mistake of offering a suggestion.
Hey, I think that wire rack is too long for this wall.
Why don’t we put the other rack there?
And he’s just like, he just cuts me off.
He’s like, ah, can you just do what I’m telling you to?
I’m not asking for your input.
And I’m like, okay.
Apparently, I’m just here to be the muscle.
I just, I’m just going to lift and move things.
So then I, again, kind of act like a woman.
The whole rest of the time I’m down there, I’m cold and I’m not saying anything.
And when he asks me something, I’m like, I don’t know, whatever, whatever you want.
It’s up to you.
This is your thing.
You know, like a real cunt.
The other thing he’ll do, which drives me crazy, is just ask me to do something, which normally wouldn’t be a problem.
You know, I’m there to help.
But like even as the words are coming out of his mouth, I’m like, I’m going to do this wrong.
Whatever it is you want, it’s not going to be the right way.
Even for simple tasks.
Like he asked me to come upstairs into the kitchen and get a plastic bag.
There’s like some debris that he was going to bag up, just like dust, dirt, some screws, nails, just like stuff on the floor of the basement.
And he’s like, go under the sink where all the plastic bags are and just get me a plastic bag.
Simple request, right?
I even thought this through because under the sink, there are multiple types of bags.
We’ve got garbage bags.
Those are plastic.
We’ve got like a box of old like grocery bags.
And then those are divided, because Lord Douche is crazy, into different categories, like thicker bags.
And then like the thin shitty bags you get from like Walmart that always have holes in them and stuff.
And I’m like, okay, look, there are nails.
There are sharp things in that debris.
So I should probably get one of the thicker bags, one that we know that doesn’t have a hole so that the nails don’t fall through.
But maybe he wants a garbage bag because that’s like the thickest of them all.
And you know, he might want to put more debris in there.
I was starting to have a panic attack, like, oh God, I can’t, I don’t want to choose wrong.
So I brought three bags downstairs.
I’m like, you pick.
And of course it was like, why’d you bring these so many bags?
I just needed one.
And you know what fucking bag he picked?
The Walmart bag with holes.
I would have never in a million years guessed that.
So bizarre.
You know what this fucking office is going to have downstairs in the basement?
They’re bringing a copier, a copy machine, like a full-size office style off, you know, copier, fax or scanner, that whole thing that like stands five feet tall.
We got space for that.
Every day, it’s something new I’m hearing is going to be brought in.
Big filing cabinets.
Even today, shortly after berating me for causing our walls to crumble by walking down the stairs, he informs me that the refrigerator from a different office is going to be brought in to our basement.
Like, and this isn’t like one of those like dorm refrigerator.
This is like a full size, full bloom refrigerator.
Shortly after we moved into this house back in 2018, we bought a new refrigerator for the kitchen.
The old refrigerator is still downstairs in, you guessed it, the basement.
We haven’t gotten rid of it and we haven’t sold it.
So now we’re gonna add to that collection another full size refrigerator.
Where is that Glenn Beck sound clip?
I’m gonna lose my mind today.
Seriously, we don’t need any more fucking shit.
Anyway, so that’s what’s been going on over here.
We just have to move on.
Cause if I talk about it anymore, I’m gonna lose my mind today.
There you go, just a little Tim Henson life update there for you.
Let’s move on.
Oh, I’m so excited.
Yesterday was Wednesday.
And for once Meade came through with a Wednesday weigh-in video.
Now the fact that there is just sheer jubilation in my voice should tell you, the weigh-in went exactly as I suspected.
Let’s just walk through the video together here from the beginning.
Welcome to me and Fit and Lean.
If you’re new, please hit the like and subscribe button.
Well, today is Wednesday.
And I found out that my batteries in my scale are working fine.
Oh, that was the latest thing.
I don’t know if we talked about that here on the show.
There wasn’t a weigh-in last week, I guess, because Meade was under the impression he had some bad batteries in that scale of his, which means he got on the scale.
It revealed that he, you know, gained weight and he’s like, there’s no way this is accurate.
I bet you the batteries are dying.
As someone on Twitter pointed out, yeah, that’s what scales do when they’re low on batteries.
They just start throwing up random numbers.
Now, furthermore, Meade just got that scale not too long ago.
Bathroom scale batteries last a long time.
So, all right, he double checked and guess what?
The batteries are fine.
Found out that my batteries in my scale are working fine.
Okay, what else could I blame my weight gain on?
I’d go with a change in the barometric pressure or just a drastic change in temperature.
You know, every winter, my car starts throwing up warning signs that my air pressure is off in my tires.
And it’s just because it gets cold.
Then when it gets warmer out, all of a sudden I have enough air in my tires.
Same deal with the, you know, the fat inside your belly.
Hi folks, I’m going to prepare everybody because I don’t think I’m going to see any weight loss this week.
I might even see a little weight gain.
Let me guess, it’s all muscle.
It’s a combination of water, weight and muscle.
I up my exercise level.
Yep.
But also up to my food intake.
So unfortunately, like yesterday, I had a meatball sub and it was so good.
How the hell did that slip by?
Did you not hit yourself with a magazine?
And I go, no, ow, no, stop it, stop it, stop, stop, stop.
That aversion therapy technique did not last long, right?
I can feel I’m retaining a lot of water today.
I knew it.
And so unfortunately, I think that’s going to affect my weight on the scale.
Meade still acts like it’s a big mystery as to why he can’t lose weight.
This comes 10 seconds after he was like, I love that meatball sub yesterday.
He’s now looking into professional help.
Probably I’m going to be seeing a weight loss clinic to help me in my weight loss journey.
God damn, he is such a woman.
I’m not trying to do, I’m not trying to like disparage ladies, but you know, when they decide they want to lose weight, they go on a journey.
This is all part of my weight loss journey, which is great, good for you.
But when men decide they need to lose weight, they’re just like, I need to hit the gym.
I need to stop feeding my fucking face.
I got to lose a few pounds.
It’s not a journey.
Oh, I hate that term.
Really irks me for some reason.
All right, so Meade steps on the scale.
I’m not going to drag this out any longer.
And the scale reads, drum roll, please.
He’s trying to lighten that foot of his.
281.
Oh no, it actually gets as high as 282.
I still think he tries to lighten himself.
I like hovering his foot or something.
But it finally does settle on 281 pounds.
That is a substantial increase from whatever, a week and a half ago, two weeks.
Meade has an explanation though.
Sunday, I went way off.
I had two eclairs, a couple eclairs and a huge meal.
And then yesterday I had a meatball soup, which is loaded with sodium.
It was so good.
And then Meade ends the video, as he always does, by adjusting his weight.
Even though the scale says 281, he’s not really 281 in his fruity ass head.
So this is where we sit now, 281, and probably, probably 280 some.
I would say my true weight is 279, because that’s what I weighed last week.
Well, when I was 13, I was sitting pretty at 140 pounds.
Why not go back even further then?
It doesn’t matter what you weighed before, right?
Towards the end of the video, Meade started to remember some other things he ate this past week that were not so great for him.
No, Valentine’s Day, I did have a lot of candy.
He says Valentine’s Day, which drives me crazy.
Which was not good, you know, but it wasn’t even, didn’t even make sense, because I don’t even like Valentine’s Day, but someone gave me a box of chocolates, and I said, okay, I ate the whole thing.
And they’re little bitty teeny chocolates too, they’re not manly chocolates.
Yeah, they still cost you to gain like five pounds in a day.
Those little chocolates packed a punch.
Well, there you go, that’s your Meade Wednesday weigh-in update.
I did want to mention that Meade has been active on the Upricity.
There are two threads in particular that I found fascinating.
First, Meade asks in a thread, most men are lonely, why is this?
Most men are lonely and more likely to commit suicide.
Most females have lots of friends, even the ugly ones.
Are men more loners by nature?
Friendship is not considered close because it’s wrongly perceived as homosexuality.
Younger men don’t join anything.
They want to be left alone, yet want friends.
A catch 22.
Someone replied, those men are lazy simps who need to be put into incel exile.
To which Meade responded, females will have sex with dogs.
Kind of out of left field there.
A lot of people jumped on that particular reply with comments like, and you wonder why you can’t make friends.
Another person said, with an attitude like that, it’s no damn wonder you have such a great sex life.
And since you’ve made it abundantly clear that you don’t like women, perhaps it’s time to step out of the closet.
Suppressing your sexuality is extremely unhealthy and it’s probably one of the main reasons you are so fucked up.
Another person said, yes, periodically Meade reminds us that he’s pretty much an asshole.
Good Christ, even the handful of gay guys I know get along great with women, but Meade just can’t seem to pull it off.
Other people ask Meade, have you no shame?
Maybe you need to change the title to this to Meade is lonely, why is this?
It’s true, it’s kind of a good illustration as to why Meade is having such a hard time on those dating apps.
Also, here’s another thread that Meade recently started.
I encountered a man with demons today.
Did he sit on your chest like that woman succubus hag demon?
Did he try to rub on your manhood?
No, Meade says some Negro in the Walgreens parking lot asked me for some money because he had gotten out of the mental home and needed a gift card.
Meade, of course, didn’t give him money and told him to go to a local church.
Then he started saying, fuck the church and fuck God, all kinds of blasphemous things.
I got out of there quick.
Someone helpfully pointed out, hate to break it to you Meade, but that could pretty much have been you if you would have lived in a less stable environment than your father provided you, which is so true.
I mean, Meade would be homeless right now without his hundred year old dad.
It’s going to get very interesting when he finally kicks the bucket.
Well, there you go.
That is your Meade Skelton weekly update.
Let’s move on with some audio.
It’s been a while since I’ve checked in on the Discord and saw what the freaks have been posting.
Well, GreatBigPete submitted a fantastic clip here of a woman pushing out her prolapse in the loudest, most disgusting way possible.
Oh, I hear something.
She’s warming up.
And it’s out.
Peek-a-boo.
You know, I always sound a little biased because I say that guys produce the best anal prolapse videos.
They’re loud, it’s wet, it’s disgusting.
It’s everything I look for in a quality clip to be featured on DV, right?
But I think this woman is giving guys a run for their money here.
Even with the prolapse out, she’s able to continue farting.
I don’t even know how that’s possible, because her asshole literally is hanging inside out.
And it’s still out.
It’s dangling between her legs, probably by like six to eight inches.
It’s a thick cone of red ass meat.
One more crab transition.
Not exactly sure what she’s saying there.
One more crab transition.
I think it’s a position she gets into to suck the ass meat back up into her.
Oh my God, what the fuck was that?
I guess that’s the noise of the anal sock being sucked back in.
It literally, like that, there’s like a deep guttural.
Whoa, that’s the noise her ass was making.
Whoa, slow down.
That’s a lot of guts to stuff back in.
Go easy, whoa.
I could listen to those two seconds over and over.
Oh, fascinating.
All right.
Oh my god, those farts.
Yeah, like that’s the grossest part of what’s happening here.
It’s not, you know, the intestines shooting out of Uranus.
That part is cute.
It’s pink after all, very girly.
Like thunder.
She grabs her prolapse and then says this, which I don’t quite understand.
Sorry, I’m dirty, I run away.
To me, it sounds like she’s saying, oh, I’m dirty, I’m gonna run away.
Like she’s embarrassed that her inside out butthole is a little dirty.
I may have misunderstood what she was saying there, but wow, great, fine, great, Big Pete.
I’m equally as appreciative to SemiSweetRectum for providing a Kevin Leonardo update.
We featured this guy a few times.
He’s that guy on YouTube who is very, very gay.
And he kind of like skirts around YouTube’s nudity policy.
Like I’ve seen Kevin’s hairy asshole.
He’ll record a video that is like supposedly educational, where he shows us all how to shave our butt holes, you know, the hygienic safe way to do it, when really he just wants us to all stare at his starfish.
His channel is kind of annoying because, you know, he’ll provide great content like that, right?
DV worthy stuff.
But then there’s like a lot of click bait.
For instance, he’s got one video titled Fingering Miners with visuals and you’re like, holy shit, of course he’s a pedophile, but he’s not actually talking about fingering miners.
Fingering miners is one of my favorite things to do in life because I feel like it unleashes like a different side to me that you guys don’t always see on the internet.
Usually when I explode vocally, it’s not to miners.
I wouldn’t say miners are like my-
It’s an instrument.
He’s playing the guitar or ukulele or some bullshit.
He’s talking about notes, you know, major, minor.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Not funny.
Just find new and creative ways to flash us your cock, I guess.
That’s the content we’re here for.
Anyway, because of the click baitiness of half of his videos, I have to approach each one with a skeptic’s eye.
Like, is this for realsies or does he just want views?
So one of his newest videos is titled, My Testicle Stink.
And I’m like, well, that sure does sound like Distorted View content, but he might be thiccing us all out.
SemiSweetRectum says, No, no, you’re gonna wanna watch this.
So let’s give it a shot.
Hi guys, I wanna give you a quick update on my ball sack and how it’s been smelling lately, because this week has been a little bit crazy for my little nuts.
And I’m not trying to be funny, like this is genuinely serious, like this is my real body.
Got some sour scrotal stink happening.
It’s so bad, it warrants a video.
I think that means like, you know, taking a shower is not getting rid of it.
Like my body, my choice.
And so I have the right to explain to you how they’ve been smelling and just my overall testicle health, I guess.
For those of you that follow me on TikTok, and if you’ve been following me for like a while, you would remember, or if you don’t, it’s fine, I guess, like I’m not offended.
You might remember me talking about how my balls were smelling really, really bad in October.
How am I just now hearing about this guy’s reeking testicles?
This shit has been all over TikTok.
It started back in October and then got worse in November.
By December, those ball bags were rancid.
I don’t know how he got through that month.
He must have been thinking to himself.
Well, yeah, if you start applying some anti-fungal cream now, you’ve got the funk down there, dude.
Jock itch or something.
Like this past fall, October, 2023, I wasn’t sure why my balls started to smell really bad for like literally a whole month.
But basically in October, I had this issue where literally every single time I would like adjust my pants to pee in public or like at home or like if I were to change my underwear or like change my pants or like adjust it, scratch my nuts, whatever, I would get like this weird like stench from my balls and it would like come up and I would sniff it and I’d be like, that’s very rancid.
Like that smells disgusting.
And upon further examination of this weird situation, I like would kind of like touch my sack, like my ball sack with my fingers.
Was it slimy?
And there would be like this weird, not sticky liquid, but it would be like a sweat-ish type of liquid that would basically like, it felt like it was like condensing.
You know how like when a water like is too cold, the glass like condenses and there’s like liquids on the outside of the glass.
You have dew on your balls.
And you can kind of like slide your fingers on the glass and it’s like wet.
That was how my balls were with this weird sweaty like smelly liquid.
Okay, you have weeping testicles.
Basically, I would like kind of just literally go like that.
And then the liquid would get onto my finger.
I think it’s just a combination of sweat and ball sludge.
I would smell it and it would smell crazy.
All right, so this has been going on since October.
What was, did he go to the doctor?
Did he find a solution?
Let’s listen to that part.
Up until last week, I kind of have been fixing this problem by basically shampooing my nuts more.
So showering, showering and soaping up your balls.
Probably a good idea.
And like just my pubes and like my overall like genitalia region.
I’ve been shampooing it and not just using bar soap.
I’ve been conditioning it, shampooing it, and just hampering.
It’s like thoroughly cleaning it every single time I take it.
Shampoo, shampoo, condition, condition.
Anyway, he said recently he had to, he had to, he had to shave.
He likes to go hairless, right?
So now he can’t even shave that area and the smell’s coming back, I think.
Can’t really shampoo my nuts right now because there are no hairs there.
Like why would you shampoo on like skin?
But basically they’ve been smelling so bad and I don’t really know what to do because it’s gone to the point where like I would literally just walk around and if my pants move a little bit, the stench will come up.
And if I…
Maybe making a YouTube video shouldn’t have been your first move here.
Go to a doctor.
Go pee if I change underwear, if I go work out and I just like literally like adjust my pants or like if I like freaking use the bathroom or change into PJs, my balls would smell really bad.
I love that he spends nearly 10 minutes talking about his ball stink, but in the end, you know, he’s still a YouTuber, right?
Thank you guys so much for watching.
This update on my ball sack, I will keep you posted.
Great.
Can’t wait for the update.
Leave a comment down below how your ball sacks are smelling, if your balls smell good, if they smell bad.
Testicle smell check.
If they smell neutral, let me know.
I would love to know and we can build a community on pubes and ball sack smells and stuff.
I wanted to create an online community based on Dick Stink.
These guys try to weasel into my territory.
No, thank you, sir.
Kevin, you better watch yourself.
You just take care of your balls over there.
Real quick, before we get into the news today, TV listener and Discord user The Milkman posted to let us all know that Kim Petrus, the German singer and songwriter, has some new music coming out.
I don’t know if we’ve ever featured her before, but with songs like Rim Job, I feel like we need to show her some love.
That is a loaded question.
Do you mean like, mentally and emotionally am I prepared to receive a rim job?
Or do you mean, have I prepared my asshole for a rim job?
You know, clean that sucker out.
In either case, no, I am not ready for a rim job.
Not until I get that bidet installed.
Maybe Rim Job is not your scene.
Kim has a bunch of new music coming out.
In addition to Rim Job, here’s a song called A Gag On It.
I appreciate that she incorporates the Gwaggle Gwaggle into the instrumental.
Make it skeet.
Here’s another song called Can We Fuck?
These were all posted in the last week or so.
This might be my favorite song of hers.
I’ll tell you why I like her.
This music is just very poppy, dancey, happy and horny.
You know, typically when we play these like dirty songs, it’s like rap girls doing it, like Cupcake, which is great.
Love that too.
This is just different.
It’s a nice change of pace.
Here’s another song of Kim’s.
I want a whale cock.
My favorite comment someone posted was, Beethoven has been real quiet since this drop.
That’s whale cock.
One more here for you, and then we’ll move on.
This is Buttslut, also posted seven days ago on Kim Petras’ channel.
Panky, panky, daddy Yankee, well, there you go.
Some new music from Kim Petras.
I believe that’s her name.
Thank you very much, Milkman, for that submission.
And with that, let’s get into the Crazy Bazaar Twist.
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Thank you so much.
Michael, Brian, Bonk.
You guys are all helping to ensure Distorted View Daily continues on for a long, long time.
Thank you so much, everyone, for continuing to support DV’s Patreon account.
And of course, you sideshow freaks, you are the reason I’m able to continue doing this show.
All right, three very quick stories now.
First up, one annoying trend I have noticed on social media, specifically from large corporations.
And I think they do this to increase engagement, but like McDonald’s is a huge culprit of doing this bullshit.
They’ll get on Facebook, like the official McDonald’s Corporation, and they’ll be like, you know, introducing new ostrich McNuggets available for a limited time.
And you’re like, holy shit, ostrich McNuggets.
I tried that probably.
That’s fucking weird.
And you get all these people leaving comments like, oh my God, that’s bizarre.
When can we try it?
When is it gonna be available?
At no point do they ever state, like this is just for New Zealand McDonald’s locations.
But that’s what it always ends up being.
Like introducing McDonald’s new Big Mac breakfast to all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, all stuffed inside a goddamn donut.
You’re like, oh my God, that’s so fucking twisted.
Look at that glazed donut with the hamburger sticking out of it.
And then come to find out it’s only available in McDonald’s Malaysia.
Yes, I’m getting worked up over this because I’m a sucker for these limited time offer deals.
I love when companies come out with something weird and new for a short time.
Don’t act like you guys don’t either.
That’s the whole reason why they have the McRib coming back every couple of years or whatever for a month.
It’s the most disgusting product in the world.
But somehow when they announce it, you’re like, yes, yes, the McRib is back.
I gotta get to McDonald’s and have one of those.
It wouldn’t bother me if it was posted on the proper McDonald’s page, like McDonald’s Malaysia, McDonald’s New Zealand.
But no, it’s on the official Just McDonald’s page.
It’s very deceitful.
And I call for the Federal Trade Commission to investigate.
Throw the book at them.
By the way, this news story has nothing to do with McDonald’s.
It’s actually about Starbucks.
I love when Starbucks comes out with weird, new, limited time drinks.
Same principle as the McDonald’s thing.
As a matter of fact, in this story, Starbucks is releasing a new drink, but just for the Chinese market.
Not too upset over this one because it sounds fucking disgusting.
Never have I sipped on coffee and said to myself, this tastes pretty good, but you know what it needs?
It needs to be infused with more pork flavor.
Why can’t this coffee be brewed in pork broth?
Apparently this will appeal to Chinese taste buds.
Yes, Starbucks has introduced an innovative beverage in China to celebrate the Lunar New Year called the Abundant Year Savory Latte.
Pastor Manning, how would you make a savory latte?
Is that they were taking the specimens of male semen and they were putting it in the blends of their latte.
Oh, a semen latte.
You know, the taste of semen is quite a flavor.
It is quite a flavor.
The unique drink combines Dong Po braised pork flavor sauce with espresso and steamed milk and is garnished with extra pork sauce and pork breast meat.
Oh, priced at about $9.45.
The latte is available through the Starbucks delivery app.
The presentation of the drink is eye-catching with a dark red sauce drizzled over the latte foam and a square slice of pork placed on the rim of the mug.
So this isn’t really like a morning coffee or a dessert latte.
It’s more of an entree, like drinking a whole meal.
The Shanghai Starbucks Reserve Roastery shared images of the drink on the Chinese social media platform Weibo, explaining that eating meat symbolizes prosperity for the upcoming year.
The drink is an attempt to merge traditional New Year customs with coffee, offering a surprising blend of savory and sweet flavors.
It’s available at Starbucks Reserve stores throughout the country.
The Lunar New Year is a major holiday in Asia, with millions in China traveling home to celebrate with family.
During this year’s travel season, government data reports that a total of 474 million.
China has become the largest branded coffee shop market globally surpassing the United States last year.
Starbucks opened 785 outlets in China in 2023 alone.
The new year’s new year is coming, and the new year’s new year is coming.
The Starbucks pork latte has quickly gained popularity on Chinese social media, with the topic viewed over 476,000 times on Weibo.
Jupai News, affiliated with the state-run Changjing Daily, reports that the drink sold out at a store in Wuhan, with customers describing the flavor as unique.
Does anyone in Wuhan actually have their sense of taste?
Seeing as how it was ground zero for COVID, all their taste buds have been fried off, drinking pork coffee over there.
Alright, a second story we have for you.
This one comes from the UK.
Zach Blackman was a member of the Royal Navy.
He was let go, fired, expelled, booted out of the military because he was filming sexy videos on boats or some shit.
Yeah, he had like an OnlyFans account.
So sadly, he’s no longer part of Her Majesty’s Navy or whatever.
But that’s okay.
He’s doing well for himself.
Yes, a former Royal Navy sailor, Zach Blackman 21, and online model, Georgia Pridding, also 21, won a competition for creating the world’s sexiest sex tape.
In the process, they earned $630,000.
Quite the grand prize.
The contest was organized by the influencer management firm Rebel Agency at its Rebel Mansion estate in the English countryside.
Blackman, who was previously dismissed from the Navy for posting explicit content online, dressed in his old military gear for the video, which featured scenes reminiscent of Richard Gere’s moves in An Officer and a Gentleman.
Georgia, known as the Biscuit Queen, for her biscuit-themed erotic content, she’s got an angle.
Everyone needs a gimmick.
I thought she was going to have biscuit-shaped tits or her ass is referred to as biscuits or something.
I don’t know.
Anyway, she just makes biscuits, probably naked or something.
She plans to use her share of the winnings for furnishings in her new penthouse flat.
She earns up to $120 per piece of content and has saved a significant amount of money from her online ventures.
$120?
That doesn’t seem like a lot of revenue for x-rated content.
It does seem like a lot for biscuit-related videos.
Anyway, the dude, Blackman, started his x-rated side hustle while serving on the HMS Prince of Wales and was earning £20,000 from it before being discovered by a colleague on OnlyFans.
He chose to leave the Navy, oh I thought he was kicked out and has since made over $1,000,000 from his content.
The pair had never met before teaming up for the competition, which saw around 50 couples submitting initial tapes, with the final 20 being narrowed down for the prize.
Their winning tape was edited down to 10 minutes.
Jordan Smith, the CEO of Rebel Agency and creator of the Rebel Mansion, this is like for x-rated influencers, right?
I bet you they just represent like OnlyFans models and stuff.
Well, he said the mansion was inspired by the Playboy Mansion and serves as a hub for adult content creators.
There’s my answer.
The location of the Rebel Mansion is kept secret to protect against stalker scares.
I hope you’ve been showing your pussy tonight, baby.
No, Stephen Dawson.
No!
Get out of here!
Get out of here!
Oh, dear.
This has nothing to do with Babestation.
Oh, oh.
I see why they want to keep the address private.
Ding dong.
Sorry, Stephen.
They’re pretty young is not here.
She’s still hiding from you.
I’ve got a big jumbo sausage.
That’s great.
The success of Blackman and Pridding’s tape, which has netted about a million dollars in sales, demonstrates the lucrative potential of such content.
So there you go.
And finally today, freaks, it’s time for the outrage du jour.
Today people are upset with Google’s AI chatbot Gemini for being racist.
Here’s the twist though.
It’s racist against white people.
Who saw that one coming?
Yes, Google’s AI chatbot Gemini has faced accusations of racial bias against white people.
Chatbot, known for creating images from prompts, reportedly struggles to generate images of Caucasian individuals.
I’ve actually run into this issue before as well.
Not with Google’s AI image program, but Adobe’s program, I think it’s called Firefly.
You know, I’ve been using text to image AI to generate featured images for the podcast.
And it’s very fun to do, seeing the results and stuff.
But I have noticed sometimes when you just like type in a prompt, like man eating cheese, every single result will be a minority eating cheese, which is fine, but it’s just odd that it’s always like a black dude eating cheese.
No matter how many times you like regenerate the images.
And sometimes, many times when I’m doing these featured images, it’s a very unflattering picture.
I’m trying to get, and maybe I don’t want a minority to be featured in there because we don’t need people thinking I’m racist, but I just can’t get a white person.
Well, Google in particular has a real problem.
Even if you want a picture of, let’s say, the Pope or old ass Vikings, you’re gonna get a black Pope and black Vikings, which is, that’s fantasy imagery right there.
You might as well generate pictures of wizards and sorcery and magic and shit.
Fairies floating around, black Vikings.
That’s silly.
Someone trying to get Google to generate an image of a white person tried the prompt, country music fans.
I know there are some black people who enjoy country music, but let’s be honest.
I mean, let’s be honest.
Google would only generate black country music fans though.
Users on ex, formerly Twitter, have shared their unsuccessful attempts to get Gemini to create images of white males.
Gemini 1.5, Google’s latest update, introduced image generation capabilities, promising users the ability to create images for various purposes.
However, early adopters have noticed that the majority of human images produced by the tool are not white.
Frank J.
Fleming, a former computer engineer and children’s TV writer highlighted the issue on ex, sharing his experience of receiving images of people of color when requesting depictions of historically white figures.
Medieval knights, people eating a mayonnaise sandwich, Vikings all resulted in images of people of color.
It was only when he asked for people who might be named Seamus that he received images of some white people.
Fleming speculated that the AI might be using a diversity algorithm that specifically diversifies prompts associated with white people.
He tested this theory by requesting images of Zulu warriors and samurais, which were depicted as people of color, suggesting that the algorithm might be more complex than simply diversifying all prompts.
Some users even reported receiving lectures from Gemini when specifically asking for a Caucasian pope with the AI reminding them that look, not all popes are Caucasian.
A senior director of Gemini experiences over there at Google responded to the controversy by stating that the team is working to improve the depiction of people in Gemini’s AI generated images.
He acknowledged that while the tool generates a wide range of people, which is generally positive, it has missed the mark in this case.
Finally, white people understand what it feels like to not have any representation in this case in AI imagery.
There you go, that my friends is your distorted news for Thursday.
Let’s do a couple of voicemails and get the hell out of here.
Alright guys, love to hear from you freaks, and there are many ways to contact the show.
Show at distortedview.com.
I’m all over social media at Distorted View on Twitter and Instagram, facebook.com, slash Distorted View Show.
And of course, I have to remind you that yes, we now have a post office box once again, and that information is on our show notes over there at distortedview.com.
Whatever you guys send to me, I will display proudly behind me in my little shelving system you see in my videos there.
And of course, I’ll record myself opening mail on TikTok or something.
So yeah, new post office box.
Very exciting.
Hey Tim, it’s Greg from Austin.
I probably should not add to this before it gets out of hand, but let me see if I can try to explain this without being judgmental or anything else.
When you said this whole 20th versus 21st anniversary, let me make it simple.
There’s a reason why we called the 1900s the 20th century, because it ended on the year 2000.
We are now in the 21st century.
When you started DV, December 2004, your first anniversary was December 2005.
That means the first year of DV went from 2004 to 2005.
Your second anniversary…
Oh, I see what you’re saying…
.
was December 2006.
So then, yeah, the first year goes from 2004 to 2005.
Then the second year starts right after that and it ends in 2006.
So yes, I see what you’re saying now.
Okay, okay, okay.
Your second year of DV went from December 2005…
I finally got it…
.
to December 2006.
So if you started the show December 2004…
Okay, we don’t need to go through this, but thank you very much.
You’re good.
It’s in the booth.
Swink toilet.
I’m mad at you because at the hospital I worked at, there was an accident.
Somebody ran into one of the glass doors with their car.
It’s a long story.
Anyway, I witnessed it, so I had to talk to the cop.
And while I was talking to the cop, you started busting out laughing at Thursday Lane’s video title.
And so I started laughing.
Oh, yeah, we featured Thursday Lane yesterday.
It’s been a while since we heard from him.
And oh, my God, he’s still, you know, he’s Thursday Lane.
But the title of the video was so funny because it really had nothing to do with what he was talking about.
And it was like something about lesbian mustard or something.
And it just, I don’t know, I just thought it was hilarious.
And I’m like, I love that you did not take your headphones out when you were giving your statement to the cops.
You kept the podcast going in your head there.
Like trying not, like it was so awkward.
They were looking at me like, what are you laughing at?
I’m just having stupid earbud in and I’m just giggling to myself.
Anyway, I also want to thank you.
Now when me and my boyfriend talk on Fridays, at the end of it, we say, bye, have a great Friday, you motherfucker.
Also, that guy, the Satan worshipping guy, the poop, yeah, I don’t think…
It was a very busy day on the podcast yesterday.
We featured a lot of stuff.
Thursday lane, satanic shit eaters.
He’s not going to hell.
He’s not going to hell.
He would enjoy it too much.
That’s like where he wants to be.
He’s going to go to heaven and it’s going to be a bunch of female angels.
Ironically, heaven is his hell.
There’s no reason for them to take down that Trump GoFundMe.
If people are that retarded, let them throw their money away.
Yeah, why not?
I mean, he’s a billionaire and it’s also the US justice system.
And he’s a billionaire.
The likelihood of him paying for any of that is out.
They’re not going to see a cent.
And he’s retarded, throwing money at a loyal fund for a GoFundMe.
Yeah, they always say like, you know, they say, well, Trump says he’s a billionaire.
You know, he’s like, he thinks he’s worth like 10 billion or something.
And then other people are like, no, he’s not a billionaire.
It’s a lie.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter.
He’s way richer than any of us will ever be.
Right.
And the fact that these people are donating, it’s just it’s insanity.
This is Malfoy, your blind listener.
Oh, yes.
We were talking the other day.
Again, it was probably on yesterday’s podcast about the Apple Vision Pro.
And I was featuring these clips.
First of all, I get the weirdest stuff recommended to me.
It just so happened, I saw a thumbnail on YouTube yesterday, and I had to talk about it on the show where the thumbnail was of a man with no hands, no arms, basically just kind of like clipped wings, like his arm and shortly after the shoulders, both of them.
And he’s wearing an Apple Vision Pro.
I don’t know how he got it on his head.
I had questions of like how he would even use the thing, because having fingers is very important with the Apple Vision Pro, because instead of controllers, you use your fingers to pinch and stuff.
Apparently, there are some accessibility options that make the Apple Vision Pro not entirely useless for someone who doesn’t have hands.
Apple has really thought of everything.
And then to increase the insanity, to ramp it up to the next level, the next video that was recommended to me was a couple of like blind dudes talking about how they wanted to get Apple Vision Pro.
Apple Vision Pro.
That one is a little more baffling to me.
So I asked my blind listeners yesterday, like what would you want an Apple Vision Pro and how and why would you use it?
Explain this to me.
This is Malfoy, your blind listener.
Yes, so I couldn’t help but immediately pause the podcast and leave this message.
Why would I want the Apple Vision Pro?
Well, the simple thing is I don’t.
I’m not interested in an expensive-ass Apple Watch.
This is not what I’m looking for.
I don’t need like, I’m not an Apple-tart.
I want a blind person to explain what the appeal is.
Like why do some blind people want this?
Hell, I have an iPhone SE, right?
I don’t have the Apple Watch.
I mean, I could easily purchase one, but I’m more interested in a desktop or something, you know?
I don’t know.
But the point is, like, they have, they have, like, I mean, I’m pretty sure they have voiceover and shit like that.
But like, I mean, if it’s like Google glasses or like AI glasses where you can wear them and it could tell you your surroundings, then that would be cool.
But if that’s not the case, then why in the fuck would blind people want that?
All right, here’s the thing.
Okay, so I think you’re partially right.
He did say like in an update, Apple Vision Pro is going to be able to tell you what’s on the screen.
Obviously blind people can’t see it.
So Siri will like describe, I guess, the icons on the screen again.
But the thing is, why does a blind person need a whole headset for that?
I’m pretty sure your phone could do everything the Apple Vision Pro could do for a blind person.
I’m blind myself.
I don’t know why blind people would want this.
This is kind of confusing.
Also, good job having your show finally in stereo.
I love it.
I love your stereo show.
I don’t know what you did, but the audio is so much clearer and it’s in stereo.
And I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
All right.
Did I fuck up some of the settings and turn it into a stereo podcast?
Ah, whatever.
I don’t know.
Maybe it’s been like that for a long time.
I don’t know.
Occasionally, like every, I don’t know, year, year and a half, I’ll decide I need to make this show sound better and I’ll start fiddling around with all the settings and everything, my audio equipment.
And then when I get it to where I like it, I’m done, right?
I don’t touch it.
I just keep everything.
So I honestly don’t know how I have the show encoded at this point.
But if it sounds good to you, that’s awesome.
I’m doing my job.
All right, that is all the time we have on this edition of the program.
Show at distortedview.com.
distortedview.com is our official website.
Voice mail line for you, 2066664463.
That’s 20666.
Oh, God, is it?
Oh, God.
Ball sack smells.
Spread the distortion, STD.
Tell all your friends about the show.
Don’t forget to give us a five-star rating, a thumbs up or like.
Wherever you can rate or review podcasts.
That includes Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
I know you can give us a five-star rating over there.
That would be much appreciated.
Thank you guys so much for checking out the show.
If you’re Sideshow members, of course, I’ll see you back tomorrow to end the week and then again on Monday to start the new week.
If you’re not Sideshow Freaks, I will see you back on Tuesday.
Till then, have a great day.
You lowlife piece of trash.
You son of a Kansas slut.
This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrod Media Group.
Learn more at scrod.net.
