On Today’s Show:
| 00:00:00 | The Distorted View Tuesday Night Movie |
| 00:21:12 | Introduction |
| 02:15:20 | Addicted To Porn? |
| 04:49:19 | Vintage Dog Erotica Paperback |
| 12:29:10 | Sextastic Tuesday: Would You Like Cream With That? |
| 21:35:10 | Man Vs. Train – The Rematch |
| 24:22:08 | Devon Sweeney Fights With The Pink Hair Bitch |
| 27:55:04 | Support Distorted View! Thank You! |
| 30:10:19 | Madonna Is No Friend Of The Unwalkables |
| 35:22:02 | Bi-Polar Pot Head Defeats Evil Serpent / Decapitates Wife |
| 40:15:03 | Underage Chic Fil-A |
| 45:05:23 | Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending |
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Podcast: Download
AI Transcript:
Tonight, when the Earth is attacked by extraordinarily graceful aliens, humanity’s only chance at survival is to dance.
One small town theater choreographer must teach the entire world a toe-tapping routine that may just save the planet.
Pirouettes, jazz hands, and intergalactic ballet fights.
It’s the world television debut of Chorus Line 2194.
Hey, freaks, it’s Tuesday, March 12th, 2024.
Coming up on the program today, how many ways can genitalia be considered creamy?
Plus, when the dinky-dow Maui Waui tells you to decapitate your wife, you do what that Reverend Green Kush commands.
And forcing a horse to rub your lower lady nub.
All coming up today.
You would not believe the mother load I just dropped.
It’s the Distorted View Show with Tim Henson.
Tim Henson back here with you for your Tuesday episode of DV.
Have a great one for you!
You know, probably because of who I’m following on social media, the algorithms have decided to show me a lot of posts from people who feel pornography is an addiction that is ruining every man’s life.
I just ran across another one today.
Porn has destroyed so many men.
Quitting two years ago was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Gain back control of your life, brother.
Now, of course, you know, porn addiction can be real.
I’m not discounting that, but for the majority of us, does porn really consume that much time?
Other posts include, porn is a silent poison since no one actually wants to admit they’re watching it.
Also, this one is a little more cryptic.
Porn is nasty.
Why y’all messing with a female like a milf?
Like, for real, that’s gay.
No cap.
OMG.
Not really sure what his point is there, but he seems to be anti-porn.
Which is fine, you know, porn is not your thing that’s great.
If it’s ruining your life, sure, stop watching it.
But like, for the majority of guys, it’s like, you watch porn for 5-10 minutes as you jerk off, then you move on with your day.
It’s not, you know, a big time suck.
Chances are, if you’re like one of these guys who’s like watching and hoarding porn for 8-12 hours a day, you’re also like probably addicted to meth or something.
You need something to assist in keeping you going and focused.
At that point, you’ve got bigger fish to fry.
I have noticed that a lot of these guys posting about porn are, A, totally jacked.
The implication is they’ve replaced their addiction to porn with much healthier addiction to physical fitness.
The other thing you notice a lot of times is that they are like coaches, life coaches, fitness instructors, you’re trying to sell you something.
Who is easier to prey upon than the fat slobs wallowing in filth, living in their parents’ basements, spending all day masturbating?
I guess they could use a role model, but I say this to the disgusting basement dwelling blobs.
Before you go and adopt a much healthier hobby than categorizing your collection of internet-downloaded fuck flicks, and before you better yourselves, please be aware.
I’ve got a brand new edition of Sex-Tastic Tuesday today!
Yeah, don’t head to the gym quite yet.
Let me read you one last tale of erotic debauchery.
And boy, is today’s story a doozy.
Now, by the way, if you’re new to the podcast, Sex-Tastic Tuesday is a dumb bit where I try to find poorly written, weird or just disgusting pieces of internet erotica sex stories.
The authors intended for these pieces to get you off, but somehow these pieces of literature missed the mark in a big, big way.
Helping me with today’s selection is Distorted View All-Star Haley’s Comet.
He posted in our Discord, specifically the Sex-Tastic Tuesday Submission Channel, a cover of the book titled, Niece’s Dog Fun by Bob Wallace.
This was a real paperback sold in 1984.
Haley wrote, Sweet Jesus, Tim could revive Sex-Tastic Tuesday just by getting one of these bizarre 1950s slash 60s pornos and reading a chapter each week.
And while he got the decade wrong, I did like this idea.
Unfortunately, the link that Haley provided sent me to a site where I could purchase this old ass book for $45.
Now, I’m guessing for some of you, bestiality is priceless.
Again, I have to reiterate, I picked a great time to be advertising Distorted View Daily.
Welcome, new listeners.
Yes, that was a man singing about having sex with a dog.
Really, a how to instructional song.
I don’t have time to introduce you to Jonathan Nighouse right now.
Just know you’re better off not knowing who he is.
The thing about this all is, I am not willing to pay $45 for Niece’s Dog Fun.
On the buy it now page, there is a bit of an excerpt though.
Before we get into the snippet, it says here Niece’s Dog Fun is a novel which reveals what’s really happening behind the closed doors.
Throughout America, maybe in the South, but I don’t think bestiality is that prevalent throughout the United States.
Dear God, I hope not.
Here’s just a few lines from Niece’s Dog Fun.
This is the excerpt.
This is like the best part of the book.
This is the one they chose to highlight here.
Dawn wiggled under the covers inside as she pushed her panties down over her slim hips, her small trembling hands dipped between her juicy thighs, and a tremor swept through her young body.
I wonder how young she is in this story.
Do I really want to know?
I’m kind of glad.
We’re just jumping right into the middle here.
I’m sure she’s at least 18.
Okay, yes, she kicked off her panties as pussy cream, greeted her exploring fingers.
Pussy cream is not hot.
Pussy juice is one thing.
Squirt is another.
But when you get into like thick, frothy cream, what you’re describing is a yeast infection.
It is not the time to be letting your dog fuck you.
You need to be making an appointment with your gynecologist.
Alright, so she’s got a creamy pussy.
So hot, she moaned.
She stroked her virgin pussy gash, coating her fingers in the creamy juice, again with the cream, of her sizzling teenage pussy.
So fucking hot.
She keeps saying that over and over.
Like, I don’t want to be ableist here, but she sounds a little autistic.
So hot.
So hot.
So fucking hot.
So hot.
So hot.
Okay, we get it.
Kicking the covers off of herself, her young slender body quaked.
Legs spread, she rolled her hips as soft panting gasps came from her moist lips.
The pink slit of her cunt dripped and the puffy folds glistened with the filmy juice of her overheated cunt hole.
You know, I’ve read a lot of internet erotica over the years.
There’s a reason why Bob Wallace is an actual published author, though.
He’s very good.
Way better than the usual drek I am presented with.
Where were we?
Oh yes, overheated cunt hole.
A weird smith that Bob Wallace is.
Frantic, she yanked off her nutty and tossed it to the floor.
Her tits, creamy and plump.
Everything’s creamy.
He has no other way to describe things.
Creamy pussy juice, creamy tits.
Maybe he’s not as good as I thought he was.
All right, the swollen pink nipples ached and she brought one quivering hand to the soft meat of her tits.
God, she moaned.
She squeezed her tits and fondled her cunt.
Her body shuddered, stiffened, and then twitched as waves of pleasure swept over her juice from her pulsing vagina oozed from her pussy hole.
Very matter of fact, right?
Soaking her fingers and dripping down to the crack of her swiveling ass?
A swiveling ass, okay.
Concentrating on her sizzling pussy.
He’s kind of reusing a lot of these adjectives.
Pretty sure something else was sizzling a few seconds ago.
Alright, concentrating on her sizzling pussy, Dawn smeared the sticky cream from her cunt over her blood-swollen clit.
She gasped as her clit pulsed in the inside of her cunt crack.
Her cunt crack oozed more juice.
Cuck!
She just randomly shouts out words.
So hot!
Cuck!
She is autistic.
Cuck!
She said huskily, conjuring up an image of a stiff prick in her lust-sopped brain.
Cuck!
That’s how the excerpt ends, with one final shout of Cuck!
Cuck!
She’s Tourette’s.
So hot!
I gotta say, this book might be worth the $45.
I like the way Bob Wallace writes.
Thankfully, I don’t have to spend my hard-earned cash, because I found a selection of Bob Wallace stories online!
Now, these are great because you get a bunch of chapters free, and then if you want to continue reading, you can pay some money, I guess.
I don’t think we need to go that route, because every chapter is just full of disgusting sex.
Enough for, you know, an episode of Sextastic Tuesday.
Real quick, let me just read you some of the titles that Bob Wallace has available.
A Cousin Hot for Horses, Daughter’s Pony Urge, Filmed with Dogs, Her Four-Legged Lovers.
This is definitely his area of interest.
He’s really kind of devoted his entire life to writing these types of stories.
Today, we’re going to be reading a bit from Horse Hungry Mother.
That’s the story I have picked out for you guys today.
Let’s get into Sextastic Tuesday right now.
Oh, mama, it’s Sextastic Tuesday on Distorted View.
Natalie Rogers had a creamy pussy.
I’m guessing if this is a Bob Wallace joint, something on her anatomy is creamy.
You know, I should have done a fine…
Let me look through this story.
This is just Chapter 1.
Let’s do a search for creamy.
Yeah, there are three instances of creamy in one chapter.
First, she’s got creamy tits.
All right, we’ll get to that in a second.
First, let’s set the scene.
Natalie Rogers reigned in her pony at the small stream.
Anxiously, her heart pounding wildly, she leapt off of Stormy and stroked his neck as her smooth flesh tingled in anticipation of what she was planning.
We all know what you’re planning, Natalie, and we’re all judging you, you sick, creamy bitch you.
I’m sorry, this is a judgment-free zone.
Someone sound the lunk alarm.
Okay, I’m sorry.
I should wait for Sandy, she said, but Christ Stormy, I’m so fucking hot.
Stormy tossed his head and snorted, then lowered his head and drank from the stream, you know, ignoring that crazy horny bitch in front of him.
His thick tail swished as his pretty young mistress stroked his flank.
Her hands went straight to the buttons on her shirt.
She sighed as she peeled off her shirt.
Her small tits pressed against the lace of her bra as she took a deep, anxious breath.
She then unhooked her bra, freeing her, you guessed it, creamy tits.
A spasm shot through her virgin pussy– that’s Jesus saying stop, this is a bad idea, you go into hell.
A spasm shot through her virgin pussy as she rubbed her hands over the soft flesh of her sensitive tits.
Quickly she pulled off her jeans and boots as the juices in her hot cunt began to seep.
At least they’re not creamy juices.
If you were a boy, Stormy, she purred as she latched her fingers in her panties, you’d be all over me now, touching my tits and hot cunt.
Meanwhile, the horse is like, nah, I’d probably be okay with a carrot.
Don’t need to fuck humans, just want a snack over here.
She shivered, her own words turning her pussy into a mushy ooze of bubbling cunt cream.
Jesus Christ!
Stop it, Bob!
She skimmed off her panties and bared her flesh to the warm morning breeze.
Hot flashes swept through her teenage body.
Just making sure that’s okay.
Eighteen-year-olds are teenagers!
Stripping out in the open was daring, and her skin flushed pink with excitement.
Look at me, Stormy!
Again, it’s a fucking horse.
But okay, she wants eye contact.
Look at my pussy and tits!
Raisingly, she paraded around her pony, her small tits jiggling as she swung her ass seductively.
Ooh shit, I’m so fucking hot!
Stormy snorted and nudged his horny young mistress with his head.
Oh, she gasped.
The contact was electrifying.
Her pussy contracted and her knees went weak.
Oh, Stormy!
Again, the horse is just being a horse.
It’s not seducing you.
He’s probably trying to push you out of the way.
He’s like, I would like to take another drink at the stream, but you’re standing in my way.
Stormy over here is thirsty.
We’ve been trotting for miles.
Anyway, everything Stormy does, you know, this chick’s like, Oh my God, yeah, you want it.
You’re just as horny as me.
And she continues to like rub her tits and pinch her nipples.
You like that, don’t you, Stormy?
She’s concocting this whole sexual scenario in her head.
Anyway, she latched her arms around his thick neck and continued to torture her tits with his bristly coat.
Oh, Stormy.
She leaned forward and grabbed his thick mane as he raised his head.
Oh, yeah!
You’re giving it to me so good!
She ground her clit into the saddle horn as hot spasms caromed through her cunt.
Tingling jolts of pleasure raced up her spine and exploded at the base of her skull.
Having a stroke, I think.
That explains all of this behavior.
Her eyelids fluttered and her mouth started to droop.
Lick my hot pussy.
The horse is like, we need to get you to the hospital.
She’s so horny, she’s like, no, that can wait.
First, you nuzzle up against my clit.
Oh, Stormy, I think I’m gonna come.
I’m gonna come.
Natalie’s blue eyes widened in her mouth open.
As Stormy shook his head in nade, Natalie grabbed him around the neck.
Her clit mashed into the saddle horn.
Okay, so this isn’t like full on bestiality.
It’s more like she’s fucking a saddle.
Guys, we may have just dodged a massive bullet here.
All right.
I’m coming.
I’m coming.
Hot milky pussy come.
And what is milk?
If not a form of cream, might as well just say cream.
She’s got a creamy pussy.
Creamy pussy come flowed from the inner depths of her virgin pussy.
And she’s really not acting like a virgin here.
I don’t know what she’s told you, but I don’t believe it.
All right, Stormy kicked at the earth with his hooves as his mistress’s moans and jerking body aroused him.
His rump twitched as his head swung back and forth.
I’m creaming.
I shit you not, it says it right there.
I’m creaming, she squealed.
Ooh, I’m coming.
She bucked hard, mangling her clit into the hard leather saddle horn as her blue eyes turned glassy.
Oh, she’s not done yet though.
Still not satisfied, she clawed her nails down her hot body to her clit.
She raked her clit with her nails as she rolled her hips and rubbed her ass into the earth.
Good, leave the horse alone.
I’m gonna come again, shit.
Stormy the horse turned, his ears flicking as he stared at his sex crazed mistress.
The jiggling of her tits attracted him, and he lowered his head, sloshing his drooling mouth over the white, creamy tit meat.
The contact with his wet mouth drove Natalie crazy.
Wild eyed, she grabbed her tits and shook them at his mouth.
Lick them!
Lick them, Stormy!
I don’t know if Stormy knows that command.
Winnie-ing, Stormy licked his mistress’s tits.
It’s a miracle, he understands English.
He slobbered his spit over her swollen nipples.
He snorted, his head jerking as he tried burying his wet nose between the two plump tit mounds.
Stormy was enjoying himself as much as his mistress.
The muscles under his coat rippled and the fat head of his cock poked out from the thick skinned sheath that protected it.
Here we go.
I’m hoping chapter one ends before penetration, you know?
All right, he feasted on her tits, his rubbery lips pulling at her nipples as she moaned and squirmed on her back.
Oh, Stormy, bite, bite!
Natalie’s high-pitched squeals agitated the frisky pony and he gobbled on her tits, his rubbery lips soaking the creamy tit flesh in warm drool.
He nipped at her nipples as she pulled on his ears.
The realization of the kind of pleasure he could give with his mouth hit Natalie like a bolt of lightning.
Oh, Stormy, chew it to my pussy!
Chew my pussy up!
Stormy snorted and jerked his head and then attacked her tits again.
Frantic, she pushed at his head, wanting his mouth between her legs.
She squirmed back in the grass, anxious to have his fabulous mouth on her hot pussy.
My pussy!
Eat my pussy!
She thrashed, her hips humping.
Eat my cunt!
Stormy slobbered in need as she shoved him away.
The scent of her hot, seeping cunt flared his nostrils, and he nibbled his way down her young, twisting body.
He licked at her stomach and wriggling hips, the scent growing stronger as he reached her thighs.
He sniffed, then whinnied, his head tossing high in the air.
And thankfully, that is where Chapter 1 ends, and we are going to end it right there.
I think Horsey Cunnilingus is enough for today.
We don’t need pony penetration.
That is your Sextastic Tuesday for March 12, 2024, brought to you by our amazing friends over there at adamandeve.com.
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Alright, before we get into the news, I do have a couple of audio clips I wanted to share with you.
First, I’ve got an update for you regarding a clip we played last week.
You may remember the man who’s living a couple doors down from train tracks, and it is driving him insane.
He’s under the impression that these trains that are slowing down near his house, or more specifically the train drivers, are actual peeping Toms, seeking a cheap thrill by looking into this dude’s bathroom, hoping to catch an eyeful of someone showering or shitting, I guess.
I wonder if this guy ever sleeps because he’s always filming the trains, right?
Last week, he was outside at night screaming at the 8pm pervert.
That apparently is a very specific train that always comes around 8 or 9 at night, and it really riles this dude up.
But this video is taken at like 4 in the morning, and we see him in the afternoon taking film.
I have no idea when this guy rests.
By the sound of it, he never gets to rest.
4.30am.
The same piece of shit is going to get fucked up five ways from Friday because he does this all the time.
Now, obviously, the person operating the train can’t hear this dude who’s filming, but those horn blows are always so perfectly timed and so good, it just drives him over the edge.
Now, again, this was filmed at like 4 in the morning, an hour and a half later, he’s back at it.
It is now officially 6 a.m.
And here I am, in my bathroom, looking at the same asshole who’s been backing up and forth all fucking night long.
This dumb, stupid piece of shit right here.
Now he’s just gonna stop right here next to my neighbor’s house, see if he can get a peep of them, getting dressed at fucking 6 a.m.
He really is just, he’s obsessed with these trains, and he’s built up this entire narrative that the train drivers are really just masturbating, like looking for windows of people getting dressed to masturbate to.
And now here he is, peeping on my fucking neighbors.
Hour and a half later, here’s this piece of shit, peeping on my fucking neighbors that he woke up.
Yep, there’s your fucking hero, 6213.
Yeah, that’s the number of the train that’s obviously irking him.
Well, there you go, just a little update for you.
Speaking of updates, I’ve got a U-Tard update for you.
Yeah, it’s been a while since we’ve heard from Devon Sweeney.
Well, he is back.
It’s your man Devon here.
And I got so high last night that I’ve only made a new ex account.
Go follow me on my new ex account at Devon Bitches.
So he says he got high and then just randomly set up a new ex account.
In reality, there’s a little more to the story.
One of his accounts has gotten banned.
That’s not allowed on ex.
I kinda thought it was like, anything goes over there.
And you still just saying you cunt.
But go follow me on my new ex account everyone.
At Devon Bitches.
Well, that is quite the advertisement for his ex account.
I’m curious to see what else is up there.
What else Devon has to say?
Hell yeah, motherfuckers.
And more importantly, how long it’s going to be before that account is also banned.
I take some gorgeous selfies on there.
I’m a selfie slut, bitches.
It’s true, he is.
You can find him at DevonBitch27.
His profile reads, I like sucking dick, making YouTube videos, and taking selfies.
Apparently, recently, Devon has beef with lots of people.
And this fat fucking pink hair bitch is a fucking fat ass cunt pink hair bitch liar.
Tell her to drink bleach.
She said I can be this happy with endless movies, TV shows, and more for free.
So I went on the site gim, and I couldn’t get it to work, so I smashed my Samsung tablet into pieces.
I’m guessing he saw a post on X, which was actually just sort of like some scam advertisement.
And he fell for it and then got angry that it wasn’t working.
And had to get a new tablet.
So yeah, but I got an iPad, so I didn’t really care about the Samsung tablet that I smashed into pieces.
Devon flies into a blind rage going completely mongo, Hulk smash, and he ends up getting some new tech gear.
His parents are only encouraging him.
But that fucking lying fat fucking pink hair bitch, lying cunt tries to say it’s free and all that.
If it’s free, why can’t I get it to fucking work?
Fuck that shit, I’d just go on Netflix, you fat fucking cunt lying pink hair bitch.
Go fuck yourself, you fat cunt.
Thankfully, the pink haired lying fucking cunt bitch is probably not a real person.
Go eat another hamburger and go damage your hair some more by dying it pink, you dumb fucking fat cunt.
Devon always tries to end on a happy positive note, which I appreciate.
Well, there you go.
Well, Devon Sweeney update.
He’s just been getting high, smashing Samsung tablets, getting banned on X.
Attaboy.
Keep it up.
And with that, let’s get into the crazy bizarre twist.
Duh-duh, fucked up news, right now.
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Okay, three very quick stories now.
First up, a Mexican clown overdosed on Jesus Christ Hitler.
Yay.
Third party.
Smoster that, nigga.
You know what Kanye’s presidential campaign speech means?
It’s time for Distorted Views, Access Entertainment, Hollywood News, Insider Report, Extra Edition tonight.
Alright, not a bad intro.
Only one of those celebrities is dead.
The others, well, they might as well be.
I really need to update that theme, I think.
Alright, online fans expressed their discomfort after an incident at a Madonna concert in Los Angeles, where the pop star called out a concert goer for sitting down, you know, not getting on their feet and dancing.
I believe we have some audio from the concert.
Yeah, you call that asshole out.
It’s disrespectful.
You go to a Madonna concert to dance, get on your feet, vogue like a motherfucker.
So then she walks across stage closer to the guy, you know, the guy who’s not dancing like a dick.
Notice the crowd getting louder there.
We’re all on Madonna’s side here.
Right.
The guy was in a wheelchair.
He physically cannot stand up.
He cannot dance.
The asshole in me is kind of hoping this just happened to the guy.
And you know, he was going to the Madonna concert to try to feel better about his shitty situation.
Maybe he even bought the tickets before the accident occurred.
It’s all just, you know, still fresh in his mind.
And he’s like, I just, I, uh, maybe going to the Madonna concert will help me take my mind off things.
Not if Madonna has anything to say about it.
That’s where the clip ends, but I kind of want to hear her finish her thought there.
Oh, my God, Becky.
Look at that guy’s hover around.
His electric wheelchair is just so big.
I don’t know.
That was her way of breaking into a baby got back cover or what?
The brief incident was captured on video and quickly spread across social media platforms, sparking a wave of backlash from internet users.
I mean, she didn’t know the guy was in a wheelchair and out of the, I, whatever, 30,000 people at the concert, how many are actually in wheelchairs?
The overwhelming majority are able-bodied people.
I know you’re not supposed to assume anything, but, you know, the numbers would have been on her side here.
Guessing the person she was pointing out had legs.
The video was originally shared on TikTok, where it received 2.4 million views, with many expressing their disappointment in Madonna’s remarks.
Comments ranged from questioning the singer’s sensitivity to pointing out the awkwardness of her apology.
The controversy then extended to X, where users criticized Madonna not only for singling out the individual in the wheelchair, but also for the broader implications of her actions.
Okay, come on, calm down, everybody.
It’s Madonna here.
Many pointed out there are numerous reasons why someone might need to sit during a concert, including health issues that aren’t always visible.
One user on X commented, Lots of people need to sit down who don’t use wheelchairs, too.
This is honestly just gross, ableist behavior.
Appreciate that the person purchased a ticket and came to see you.
One user pointed out, doesn’t really matter if they’re sitting or standing, they paid for the ticket and took the time to be there.
Isn’t that enough?
Well, Madonna wants everyone to have a good time.
She was thinking, look, this guy just needs some encouragement to get on his feet and let loose.
As for now, though, the representatives for Madonna have not provided a response to the incident.
I mean, do they need to respond?
Really?
It was just like a little faux pas, I guess.
I don’t think a press conference is really called for, right?
The situation has highlighted the importance of sensitivity and inclusivity.
Oh, okay, really?
I’m fucked.
Reminding performers and audiences alike that everyone’s experience at a concert is unique and also valid.
I don’t want to be like one of those old people talking about younger generations, but you can just tell.
A member of Gen Y wrote this new story.
Let’s all remember everyone’s experience is unique and valid.
I’m sorry, if you’re in a wheelchair, and by the way, this person in the wheelchair wasn’t even like in the front row or anything, so they’re sitting down.
Meanwhile, everyone else is standing up.
This is who we should be going after.
These are the real assholes.
Everyone’s standing in front of this poor person in a wheelchair.
How are they enjoying this concert at all?
They can’t see jack shit.
Y’all are ableist monsters.
Every single person in attendance at that concert.
You need to look within and understand that everyone’s experience at a concert is unique and valid.
Alright, second story we have for you today.
You know, over the years, doctors, governments, a lot of people have tried to warn us about marijuana.
And the messaging has changed through the decades, right?
It used to be like real scary, you know, reefer madness type shit.
That lasted from, I don’t know, like the 1920s to the 50s, maybe early 60s.
And the warning there, the messaging really was, you know, pot’ll make you go insane.
It’ll fry your brain.
You’ll go psychotic.
It was really like, you know, pot, not even once.
And then things slowly changed, but there was still a warning.
Like, first of all, you know, pot, you know, just because you’re smoking what you think is pot, it could be laced with something else.
And that could make you go insane.
It could kill you is what it could do.
And most recently, like the last thing they tried to push before marijuana started to get legalized was the whole, okay, well, you know, pot itself isn’t that bad, but it’s addictive and it’s a gateway drug.
No one was even paying attention at that point.
We all knew it was a bunch of BS, right?
That being said, we may have the first instance of someone actually going insane using marijuana in a harrowing case heard by the Central Criminal Court, I believe over in Ireland.
Diego Costa Silva was accused of killing and decapitating his wife Fabiola.
Well, these do not sound like Irish names.
Anyway, the man killed his wife under the influence of a cannabis induced psychosis.
Two consultant psychiatrists testify that Mr.
Costa Silva believed his wife was possessed by a serpent and posed a threat to his life.
A lot of women are snakes.
Am I right, guys?
Yeah, you know I’m right.
Bitches be crazy and all of that.
The psychiatrist clarified that Mr.
Costa Silva’s psychosis was not a result of acute intoxication, but a more persistent form of cannabis induced psychosis.
Even 11 days post-arrest, he continued to exhibit psychotic symptoms.
Both Brenda Wright and Dr.
Mark Joint, great last name for this news story, Dr.
Mark Joint concurred that due to his mental disorder, Mr.
Costa Silva was unable to comprehend the nature and quality of his actions.
Okay, so he’s pretending, I think.
Like he wanted to kill his wife and now he’s just pretending to be insane.
Apparently, he did not recognize the wrongfulness of his deeds either.
The defense and prosecution presented their closing arguments, suggesting that Mr.
Costa Silva’s mental disorder absolved him of responsibility for his actions, advocating for a verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.
Guys, he’s acting.
Pot doesn’t do that to you, unless again, maybe it was laced with something.
There’s something else going on here, if this man truly is going through a psychotic state.
My money, though, is he’s faking it.
Mr.
Costa Silva, aged 35, pled not guilty to the murder of his 33-year-old wife, which occurred on November 4th, 2021, in their Dublin home.
Okay, so it was Ireland.
Dr.
Joint, speaking for the defense, revealed that Mr.
Costa Silva had a family history of bipolar disorder.
Alright, well, stop besmirching the good name of marijuana.
I won’t stand for it.
Anyway, because of the bipolar disorder, it heightened his risk for developing a serious mental disorder.
Isn’t bipolar disorder serious enough?
That includes substance-induced psychosis.
Two days before the tragic event, Mr.
Costa Silva was taken to a hospital due to concerns for his mental health.
Alright, so, you know, he was going nuts as it is.
His wife noticed a sudden change in his behavior, although he hadn’t smoked cannabis for several days leading up to the incident.
In the days preceding the murder, Mr.
Costa Silva was convinced his wife intended to kill him and claimed to hear external voices.
He believed his wife was possessed and he needed to kill her in self-defense.
After the attack, he felt compelled to decapitate her to ensure the perceived serpent was dead.
I mean, you can’t blame him for that.
He was just making sure.
His psychotic symptoms persisted until November 15th, but after five days on anti-psychotic medication, he showed signs of improvement and gained insight into his illness.
I did what?
That doesn’t sound like me.
Are you sure?
I love my wife.
When’s the funeral?
Dr.
Joyne concluded that Mr.
Costa Silva was suffering from a cannabis-induced psychotic disorder with symptoms including hallucinations and delusions about his wife.
He ruled out intoxication as a diagnosis, since the symptoms lasted well beyond the period of acute intoxication.
The judge has begun instructing the jury, who will commence their deliberations on the verdict on Friday.
So, there you go.
And finally today, freaks, what’s my favorite thing at Chick-fil-A?
The underage girls.
Tender white breast meat.
And if you ever wondered why Chick-fil-A’s are closed on Sunday, it turns out it has very little to do with God, Jesus, and church, and a whole lot more to do with giving the owners of Chick-fil-A the opportunity to travel hundreds of miles and sexually assault children.
Also, their fries are pretty good.
I’ll give them that.
One Chick-fil-A owner in Ohio, oh boy, of course, has been arrested after he drove hundreds of miles, actually about 400, all to get it on with a girl.
In the state of North Carolina.
Thankfully, he was caught by the girl’s parents before anything bad happened.
The owner’s name is Stacey Lee Austin.
He’d been chatting up the child on social media and in true to catch a predator fashion, made plans to meet up with her.
Did you bring the condoms and lube?
Yeah, but I wasn’t gonna do nothing with it.
Why’d you bring it then?
Cause she asked me to.
Pretty sound logic from the to catch a predator bunch.
Uh, oh shit, I think I misspoke.
Did I say nothing bad went down?
Cause there’s some bad stuff that went down.
I’m sorry, freaks.
If that triggers you, you might want to fast forward a few minutes.
Anyway, so Stacey Lee Austin, you know, the Chick-fil-A owner, he owns one of the franchise restaurants.
It’s not like he’s CEO of all of Chick-fil-A.
Anyway, he made plans to meet with the teenager.
He went to her house and performed sexual activities with them.
But then, here’s the good part.
He was caught in the home by the teen’s parents.
We’re a little late showing up.
You had to stop for a goddamn Frosty.
I don’t know why you eat those things in the first place.
They’re bad for you.
It’s all empty calories.
I’m sorry.
I like the way they taste.
You’re not supposed to have dairy.
Yeah, but I don’t think Frostys even have dairy.
This is not the conversation we should be having right now.
We just caught an old man in bed with our precious baby.
You’re right.
You’re absolutely right.
Not the time or place to talk about Frostys.
We can argue about that later, but before we get into all of this, she’s probably pretty traumatized right now.
Do you think she’s not going to want those chicken nuggets we got her, right?
Like, I’m still a little hungry.
I told you, you should have got the 444.
Sorry, I didn’t think I wanted that.
I just wanted the Frosty.
But now look, now you’re taking our little baby girl’s chicken nuggets after she’s been through all this sexual assault.
I mean, I could imagine that conversation.
Anyways, police arrived shortly after.
They found Austin’s underwear.
He tried to throw it away in the trash in the bathroom of the home.
They eventually questioned the man, and he admitted to having engaged in sexual acts with them.
You know what the dude was most concerned with, though?
Not about going to jail, not being branded a sex predator.
He was really mostly worried about losing his Chick-fil-A franchise.
He’s been running the place for four years, and it’s actually quite hard to get one of these restaurants.
According to information online, less than half of 1% of applicants are approved by the chicken giant.
This is who they’re approving, though?
Who are the other 99.5% of people trying to get Chick-fil-A franchises?
Are they all fucking cannibals or something?
Apparently, potential owners go through a rigorous process.
Your friends and family and business partners are all interviewed by Chick-fil-A.
Then you gotta like take weeks to go through a training process.
Owners of Chick-fil-A franchises can’t just like sit back and count all the oodles of money they’re making.
They are expected to work in the restaurant as well.
They gotta be part of running the franchise.
A Chick-fil-A spokesperson said we have zero tolerance for the type of serious conduct alleged.
They added, Stacey Austin currently is an independent franchise owner.
Yeah, really try to distance yourself from him.
But as the investigation and legal process continues, he will not be present in the restaurant.
He was charged with a statutory sex offense.
No word on hearings, trials, if he is going to plead guilty.
But yeah, you’re probably going to lose that Chick-fil-A.
No worries, Burger King will give you one of their restaurants.
They’ll pay you to take one of them.
Please, god, god, do something with this.
Rapist, no problem.
Just don’t jizz on the whoppers, please.
But if you have to, just make sure all the security cameras are pointing a different way.
All right, I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.
My friends, this is your Distorted News for Tuesday.
Let’s do a couple voicemails and get the hell out of here.
All right, love to hear from you freaks.
And there are many ways to contact the show.
Show it at distortedview.com.
I’m all over social media at Distorted View on Twitter and Instagram.
facebook.com/distortedviewshow.
Don’t forget, we’ve got a brand new post office box.
I set it up so you guys can send, you know, letters, cards, expensive consumer electronics have not received that yet.
I’ve received a lot of dick related stuff in the mail, but I’ve yet to receive that Apple Vision Pro I requested a few weeks ago.
I’m sure it’s coming.
Maybe it’s like stuck in customs or something.
I’ll keep checking my box and I’ll keep continue being disappointed.
All right, let’s check in with some patrons here.
See what is going on.
You know what?
We’ve already played this call.
I’m sorry.
We did on Friday’s sideshow exclusive program.
He asks if I have ever met anyone like if a fan has ever come up to me in public.
How did that make you feel?
Were you like happy about it?
Did it make you feel awkward?
Yeah.
Well, as I said on the sideshow exclusive program, I like meeting with you freaks.
If you ever catch me and I’m out and about, feel free to come up to me.
But yes, I will be awkward.
And for those of you wondering, yes, this podcast is big enough that I have been recognized out in public multiple times throughout the years.
It’s died down recently, though.
I don’t know if it’s because I don’t go out as much or maybe there’s just too many podcasts now and no one gives a shit about me.
But I’ve been recognized in restaurants, Best Buy, Walmart, out at bars.
The few times I’ve been at bars, I actually did.
I was in Cleveland and someone recognized me back when I was living up in Northeast Ohio.
I think I was at a renaissance fair with my friend Joey.
Joey from the podcast.
He hasn’t been on in many, many years, so most of you probably don’t know who Joey is.
But yeah, someone recognized me over there as well.
So yeah, it does happen.
But I am, yes, very awkward.
This is Rabbit Smoot.
I’m sorry, I’m not supposed to play that one.
He called in right after that.
Ignore my last message.
I tried, I’m sorry.
And I just want to apologize to the Patreon.
Or not the Patreon, the Discord.
I’m drunk, but…
Well, now you need to apologize to me for wasting my time.
Just want to apologize.
I figured shit out.
Just want to know if you’d still do the personal episodes for $100 or…
I’m not doing them right now, unfortunately.
I am just too swamped.
That’s something we did for a month or two last year.
It was just a dumb way to earn some quick extra cash that I needed.
Where I was doing little short of personal episodes of DV, where I do a whole intro.
I even do a piece of audio and a news story and a whole thing.
It would be a whole episode of DV condensed down for one person.
People did it for like, I don’t remember what it was for, someone had a birthday, it was like a birthday gift, which was really cool.
It was fun, it was more work for me, but yeah, it was a quick hundred bucks.
But yeah, I’ll do it again for you at some point.
I don’t remember when, there’s usually like a dry spell during the year at some point.
Maybe the summer months, where I start to freak out, I’m like, holy shit, how am I going to pay my bills?
What’s going on?
This is all over.
My career is done.
I do kind of freak out rather easily.
So during those times, I’m like, I got to, got to figure out a way to make more money when that occurs.
Oh, and it will occur.
I’ll probably start offering those personal shows again.
And I want to let you know that I am one of your Chinese listeners.
Hey, well, first of all, congratulations.
You’re part of the greatest country in the world.
I mean, at some point it was.
I don’t know if it still is.
You may have become a US citizen just in time to witness its demise, which is pretty cool too, right?
Get to be a part of history?
No, I’m sure we’ll be fine.
But I will say this.
I knew, I’m pretty sure I knew based on conversations and, you know, reading through chats and the Discord and stuff, and your name, I could surmise that you’re Asian or of Asian descent.
But I would have never guessed that you were born in China.
You do not sound like someone who was born in China.
You have no accent whatsoever.
You have assimilated quite nicely, my friend.
Fuck China and all their shit.
But anyways, every time my parents go back to China, they fucking smuggle back illegal meat, including…
Ah, yes, this is why I was asking if I had any Chinese listeners, because we were reading that news story about a bunch of Chinese people smuggling in goose intestines and dead snakes and shit.
Beef jerky.
Fucking shark fin.
Wow.
Fucking…
Have you had shark fin soup?
I remember them bringing back fucking quail.
It’s a goddamn vacuum-filled bag.
Well, at least it just wasn’t raw meat in their luggage.
They put it in their, not the carry-on, but their checked bag.
Oh, yeah.
They never get checked for some goddamn reason.
But every time my parents go back and come back to America, they fucking smuggle so much fucking illegal shit.
Well, let me ask you this.
Have you tried any of the weird ass meat that they bring over?
Like the really weird stuff?
I know this isn’t the same thing, but my father was a hillbilly.
And when he would visit his family or his family would come up, they would bring him weird ass shit like pig’s feet, moonshine, some sort of heart.
I think he would eat some, I don’t remember what type of animal heart he would eat.
It’s not as exotic as Chinese goose intestine, but still it was fucking nasty.
I never partook in that.
Like I would never eat any of that stuff.
Thankfully, that cuisine was not a constant part of my life, like constantly around me.
Otherwise, I probably would have tried it at some point, right?
If I were like forced to.
But just to let you know, it’s more cover than you think, and I do eat a lot of crazy Asian stuff.
Like the last crazy thing I ate was probably fucking pigeons in San Francisco.
Lots of small bones.
Gotta watch out.
Pigeon.
I think any bird is going to taste about the same, right?
Chicken, duck, pigeon, goose.
Gotta be similar.
I don’t think that’s too bizarre.
But thank you very much for the information.
All right.
That is all the time we have on this edition of the show.
I want you guys to email me.
Show at distortedview.com.
distortedview.com is our official website.
Voicemail line for you.
206-666-4463.
That’s 206-666-0-God.
Spread the distortion, STD, tell all your friends about the show.
Don’t forget to give us a five-star rating, a thumbs-up or like wherever you can rate and review podcasts.
Tomorrow’s episode is going to be sideshow exclusive, so if you’re not yet a member, sign up right now, superfreaksciger.com.
Otherwise, I’ll see you back on Thursday.
Until then, have a great day.
Grandpa Henry, if you let me go fishing first, you could be my sweet daddy bear.
Oh, I’m your grandpa bear.
You’ve got a daddy.
Oh, not a daddy.
A sweet daddy.
And I’ll be your little honey, and you could do it ever you want, because I’m so hot.
Stop it!
This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrod Media Group.
Learn more at scrod.net.
