On Today’s Show:
- 💥 When your work nickname is Mr. Pedophile, it might be time for a new profession… or, you know, prison.
- 💊 A redneck meltdown at CVS: “Only queer pharmacists give out gel caps!” Real men take tablets, apparently.
- 🎮 Nintendo nerds discover a controller pairing sound and lose their collective minds. (It’s just beeps, you virgins.)
- 🧠 TikTok Munchausen Update™: Deaf, autistic, Hispanic, Jewish… and now, wheelchair-bound! Collect ’em all!
- 💡 Dating for Smash Bros. fans—what could possibly go wrong? (Spoiler: Nintendo lawyers happened.)
- 🚗 Drunk woman stuck in a ditch refuses to give up, flees, and becomes an accidental NASCAR driver before the cops smash her window and learn her name is… Awesome Blossom.
🎵 Musical Moments:
- ✝️ Jesus vs. Satan slam poetry
- 🎶 A soulful ballad about anime girls and their “big fat tits”
- 🎵 The unofficial Wii Shop theme remix that may or may not land Tim in IP jail
🧴 Also in this Episode:
- 👮 Police bodycam insanity featuring a screeching, confused DUI suspect who may or may not work for the police department herself.
- 🐷 A massage parlor in Florida lives up to every sleazy stereotype and then some. Customers walked in for a back rub and walked out molested.
- 🐷 Pig Norm update! He’s still alive, still suckling from tit cups, and still being the hero we don’t deserve.
📞 Listener Voicemails:
- 🎁 A mysterious package is en route to Tim’s P.O. Box
- 🏠 Listeners buy houses, travel the world, and offer Tim a couch (or blowie)
- 🎙️ Soundbite suggestions: “He nutted on my leg” joins the intro clip pool!
📢 Programming Note:
🚗 Tim’s heading to Ashtabula, so Monday will feature a Best Of episode. New content will drop later in the day—stay tuned!
💸 Support the Show:
- 💎 Sign up for the Sideshow! Get full-length exclusive episodes every week!
- 🍏 Subscribe via Apple Podcasts or Spotify (search Distorted View Daily inside the app for bonus access).
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📬 Mailbag & Contact:
✉️ show@distortedview.com
📬 P.O. Box 36268, Cincinnati, OH 45236
📞 Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (206-66-OH-GOD)
Quote of the Day:
“Don’t fucking douche my fucking legs!” – Drunk Ditch Lady, 2025
00:00:00 Introduction 01:54:16 Adult Nintendo Fans Are Weird 07:10:11 Aduly Pokemon Dorks Are The Worst Too 10:07:11 The Most Annoying Internet Illness Faker Is Driving Me Crazy 13:55:16 Panic At The Pharmacy Over Gelcaps 16:31:09 Drunk Woman Stuck In A Ditch 26:24:05 Sign Up For The Sideshow! 27:39:00 Super Smash Dating 31:28:08 Your Teacher Today Will Be Mr. Pedophile 36:42:10 Getting Naked With Your Massage Clients 41:15:19 Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463 / Ending
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Distorted View
PO Box 36268
Cincinnati, OH 45236
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