On Today’s Show:

🎉 National Sucker Punch a Baby Day is back! Celebrate this time-honored tradition by punching a newborn square in the face. Tim walks us through the proud history of this idiotic fake holiday and what it really teaches us about infant uselessness.

👵 Phone Sex With Granny:
Distorted View proudly presents an unforgettable audio journey featuring a redheaded, foul-mouthed elderly woman moaning through an X-rated conversation. It’s every bit as disturbing as you’d expect.

🎶 Mead Metal Returns!
Tim unveils a new batch of AI-generated genre-bending covers of Mead Skelton’s forgotten catalog:

• “Choco Taco” gets a heavy metal eulogy
• “Kill a Commie for Mommy” takes a pop-ska turn
• “You Better Wish Me a Merry Christmas” goes Middle Eastern
• “Fat No More” becomes an ‘80s synthpop banger
• “E-Girl” receives the Laura Branigan treatment

🧬 Reddit’s Incest-Pro Lobby:
Tim dives headfirst into the revolting subreddit r/IncestIsntWrong and its deeply disturbing community. From people trying to normalize banging their siblings to one guy announcing plans to impregnate his mom, it’s a veritable circus of degeneracy—and Tim reads the worst of the worst.

🏚️ Crack House Marketing Backlash:
A Cleveland real estate investor is under fire for erecting provocative billboards that read “Yes, I Buy Crack Houses.” Tim explores the controversy and whether or not the outrage is warranted. Plus: why you should never put your face on an ad if you’re going to be that punchable.

☠️ Toxic Sausage Buns in China:
233 kindergarten kids were poisoned after school chefs used industrial paint to decorate cakes and buns. Yes, they actually served lead-covered food. Tim covers the outrage, cover-up attempts, and whether neon food dye is worth liver failure.

📞 Voicemail Mayhem:
Freaks call in to:

• Suggest pot edibles for Tim’s mom
• Share a David Allan Coe bar brawl story
• Discuss cruise ship musical horrors (Cats at sea?!)
• Endorse Vicodin as the ultimate premature ejaculation solution

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