I’ve got a Best-Of show to hold you over until today’s new episode drops in the afternoon!

Segments

1. Opening News Story: Local News Anchor Eats Cat Vomit

• Summary: A local news anchor mistakenly eats cat vomit, thinking it’s Grape Nuts cereal, during a live broadcast. The incident spirals into comedic chaos as the anchor realizes the mistake on air.
• Quotes:
  • “I thought it was Grape Nuts. I ate cat vomit right here on television. It’s disgusting.”
  • “It’s on the bottom of my shoe, and I thought it was Grape Nuts, and it’s cat vomit. I’m going to throw up.”
• Key Points:
  • The anchor initially mistook cat vomit for cereal scattered on the floor.
  • The incident becomes a trending topic, with the anchor humorously addressing the gross error.

2. Main Topics

• The Darker Side of Faux Incest Porn:
  • Discussion of a disturbing porn video titled Morning Breakfast Turns into Hardcore Sex with Teen Babe.
  • Features a young woman eating cereal, looking sad, and being coerced by a stepfather figure in a non-consensual scenario.
  • Tim critiques the unsettling tone, noting the actress’s distress throughout, calling it “Bunny Crush 2.0.”
  • Quote: “She never becomes cock hungry. As a matter of fact, she cries throughout the entire thing.”
• Jeff Stryker’s Penis Pump Collection:
  • Introduction to gay porn star Jeff Stryker’s endorsement of his penis pump line.
  • Features audio from Stryker promoting three models: a squeeze bulb model, an “executive” art deco model, and a flexible tubing/plunger hybrid.
  • Quotes:
    • “You put the lubricant on your cock. Cock. You slide your cock through this hole.”
    • “It’s really neat to watch just how big you can get your cock.”
  • Tim humorously compares it to Joan Rivers selling clothing on QVC and references Stryker’s music career (Pop You in the Pooper and What a Man Has to Do).
• Restaurant Bill Dispute:
  • A video from the Chi-Town Foodies Facebook group shows a couple arguing over a restaurant bill.
  • The woman insists she only invited her daughter, not her partner, leading to a heated exchange where the man pours a drink on her.
  • Quote: “I told my daughter to come, not you. You got me fucked up, I’m telling you.”
• Karate Kick at Pro-Life Protest:
  • In Toronto, a male counter-protester, Jordan Hunt, roundhouse kicks pro-life organizer Marie-Claire Bissonnette during an anti-abortion protest after she confronts him about defacing signs.
  • Hunt is fired from his job at Noble Studio 101 hair salon following the incident.
  • Quote: “I meant to get your phone,” Hunt says after the kick, claiming it was unintentional.
• Funeral Director’s Corpse Photos:
  • Angelia Angel Stewart, a former Pennsylvania funeral director, is sentenced to 10 years of probation for taking photos of corpses and showing them to friends.
  • Photos included a body with organs removed and another covered in maggots, intended to gross out her friends.
  • Quote: “If I could take away the pain, I would, but it’s too late.”
• Nazi-Themed Hotel Room:
  • The Via Love Hotel near Bangkok, Thailand, offers a controversial “communist-themed” room with Adolf Hitler murals and Nazi symbols, popular among swingers.
  • The room sparks outrage, particularly among the Jewish community, for its insensitivity and historical ignorance.
  • Quote: “It’s just for decoration, man,” says receptionist Nong Kong.
  • Pricing: Starts at £9.73 (~$12-13 USD) for three hours, with additional hours at £3.50.

3. Listener Voicemails

Quote: “Honestly, ladies, you gotta be pretty fucking special to be considered jerk-off material in this day and age.”

Caller 1: A long-time listener (over 10 years) thanks Tim for shaping their humor and announces they’ve become a semi-yearly Sideshow member.

Quote: “You turned me into the fucktard I am today.”

Caller 2 (Rick from Baltimore): Thanks Tim for the laughs, clarifies Jezebel’s biblical role, and comments on the “spider thing” making him laugh.

Quote: “The spider thing was so fucking stupid that I was laughing my ass off.”

Caller 3 (Spiral Hamfucker): Discusses the nuances of male attraction and masturbation, humorously addressing women who assume they’re “jerk-off material.”

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