On the Show Today:
- 🚨 Masturbators on every corner! Tim’s Citizen app is blowing up with indecent exposures, naked CVS dancers, and mid-intersection jack-offs. It’s like Pokémon Go, but for perverts.
- 👨👩👧👦 He wanted a Labubu plush. She wanted it up her butt. A beautifully stupid incest porn negotiation unfolds—truly the most disturbing Pokémon trade ever.
- 🦇 Redneck vampires rise! A Hello Kitty-wearing TikTok granny claims her toothless husband is kin to the Twilight clan. Yes, there’s bloodlust—and dentures.
- 📸 Caught with your pants down? A man sues Google after Street View exposes his bare ass to the world. Spoiler: He wins big.
- 👖 Sydney Sweeney is under fire for an American Eagle jeans ad. Tim investigates: eugenics or just good denim marketing? The real crime might be her whispery, NPR voiceover.
- 🇫🇮 Sponsored by Satan’s Porthole! Tim attempts to roast Finland and nearly dies trying to pronounce their language. National dish? Reindeer. National pastime? Saunas and sorrow.
Also:
- A testosterone-fueled parking lot meltdown ends in bollard carnage and shattered dreams.
- A listener loses trust in Siri, gets anime recs, and nearly calls their boss instead of the voicemail line.
- Meade Skelton claims he’s not deformed—just flabby in all the wrong places (and proud of it).
🎧 Sponsor: Big thanks to DV listener Satan’s Porthole for supporting today’s show and requesting a roast of Finland. This one’s for you and your sauna-loving, reindeer-eating compatriots.
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