On Today’s Show:

Cold Open

• Listener voicemail: A DV “bloody tampon” story got played during an NYU class for a creative-writing analysis. The prof called it “well-written,” everyone else gagged. 🩸📚

Sponsors & Support

• Quantum Energy Squares — 10g protein, 100mg caffeine. Code: FREAK for 25% off at QuantumSquares.com.
• Listener Sponsor: Raphael (again!)—this time with the correct link. Mission: highlight “Hood Legend D,” the shirtless “gourmet” with the eternal low-battery smoke alarm.

Main Segments

1) “Gourmet Out of Nothing” (…from a can)

• Feature: @tismala_hoodlegend_d (reads as tismala_hoodlegend_d) and his “gourmet” builds:
  • Chef Boyardee ravioli → rice → eggs = “S-plus gourmet.”
  • “Red pea soup” that is… clearly canned baked beans on a plate.
  • Grand claims: “Deal diabetes. Cure cancer.”
• DV Bits: Low-battery smoke alarm detector mode; shirtless “industrial kitchen” critique; wheeze-and-moan supercut a.k.a. Obesity Express: choo-choo to congestive heart failure.
• Links: Creator profile & a couple “gourmet” clips (see episode post).

2) Mom Check-In ❤️

• Patricia Henson phones in from rehab; working on leg strength and mobility, doing better, hopes to go home when cleared. No Craigslist personals… for now.

3) Mugshot Mayhem 🚔💦 (Content warning: slurs, bodily fluids)

• Bodycam moment: Bald white woman (single giant hoop earring) at booking threatens to pee during photo—then does.
• Officers warn; she answers with repeated slurs and “white n—–” riffs while watering the red line.
• DV Note: The whole show is a trigger warning, but… consider yourself warned.

4) Baby Andy Update 📞🍼

• Now in a group home; calls 911 for directions to the station to file a complaint about the police.
• Claims crossing streets is unsafe “because disability.” Nearly gets hit mid-call.
• Classic Andy: Wants help exactly the way he wants it—or everyone’s violating his rights.

5) Keanu Close Call 😬🚗

• Outside a theater: A self-proclaimed “divine wife” lunges for Keanu’s car door.
• Security takes her down; Keanu wheels away. DV diagnosis: celebrity worship + tackle physics.

6) “Who’s White?” with Nick Fuentes 🙄

• The internet’s least fun anthropology class: Nick declares Ukrainians aren’t white, so by that logic… Italians aren’t either.
• DV counters: If Ukrainians “aren’t white,” neither is Fuentes. Also: deportation tangent speedrun → Israel → nothing answered.

7) Crazy Bizarre Twist-’em-Ups (News)

• AI Gun Detector vs. Doritos Bag (Baltimore Co.)
  • School’s OmniLert AI flags a folded Doritos bag as a gun; cops arrive with weapons drawn on Taki Allen (16).
  • “Rapid human verification” somehow misses the nacho dust. Counseling offered; trust eroded.
• Hunky Murderer, Hentai Cards, & World Travel
  • Luigi Mangione (charged in the UnitedHealthcare CEO shooting) backpacked Japan/Thailand/India in spring ’24 to “zen out.”
  • Allegedly joked about paying a Yakuza boss for a prostitute with NSFW Pokémon cards.
  • DV dives into the surprisingly busy market for “adult Pokémon” cards (lots of Misty; distressing lack of anatomically enhanced Squirtle).
  • Mangione pled not guilty; feds seeking the death penalty on top count.

Voicemails

• Gym Rat PSA: If you need your chair’s armrests to stand, start squatting. Tim’s studio layout now gives him room to roll without shimming.
• Windows Vista Nostalgia: One freak had flawless Vista (Professional). Tim’s Walmart special (Home) made audio gear cry.
• Are Argentinians White? Caller asks where they land. Tim: Google image roulette suggests “all of the above.” Pending: Lord Douche geopolitical race taxonomy.

00:00:02	25% Off At QuantumSquares.Com – Promo Code FREAK
00:50:19	Introduction
02:18:11	Sponsor Raphael’s Instatard Found A Cure For Cancer
11:10:06	Who Is This On The Phone?
13:44:09	Woman Pisses On The Police Station Floor
19:07:14	Baby Andy Is Lost In The City
22:18:14	Marker 7
23:48:17	Insane Keanu Reeves Fan Tries To Climb In His Car
25:43:17	Who Is White: With Nick Fuentes
29:47:20	QuantumSquares.Com – 25% Off! Promo Code FREAK
31:10:11	Support Distorted View Daily
33:11:12	Full Locked And Loaded Doritos
38:00:05	Luigi Mangione – Top Hentai Pokemon Card Collector?
42:31:17	Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

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