On Today’s Show:
Tim delivers a packed midweek show filled with vengeance, vile curses, AI abortions, and bowel emergencies. Sponsored by “Freeloading Fucktard,” today’s DV opens with a dramatic, Shakespearean-style monologue addressed to “Aaron,” a former friend who betrayed a fellow listener — ending with a literal shit curse. From there, the show spirals into the absurd with a remix of a teenage anti-abortion anthem, an unhinged trucker’s roadside bathroom emergency, a gun-wielding “good pedophile” storming a Wikipedia conference, and a Holocaust-themed Halloween float gone wrong in Pennsylvania.
💩 Segments and Highlights
Listener Vendetta: The Shit Curse of Aaron
- A listener sponsor pays Tim to deliver a hate message to his backstabbing friend Aaron.
- Tim transforms the short insult into an operatic, bowel-based monologue full of bile, fury, and fecal retribution.
- “All your bowel evacuations will be liquidy, hot and burning… or hard and sharp as glass.”
- Ends with the timeless sendoff: “Eat shit and die, bitch!”
🎶 Musical Madness: “Abortion” Gets an AI Makeover
- Revisiting Your Cardboard Heart, a legendary Linda Finkel Hall of Fame entry for its 2000s-era anti-abortion anthem.
- Tim feeds the song into AI to see if artificial intelligence can polish a Christian turd.
- The AI reinterprets the lyrics as pro–illegal abortion — a radical new take.
- Listener Danny Boy’s “coat hanger remix” steals the spotlight with grim humor and surprisingly catchy punk energy.
💻 Podcasting in Crisis
- Tim laments the state of podcasting: “Every able-bodied American has one, even stroke victims slurring their way up the charts.”
- Features a clip of preteen podcasters awkwardly discussing Ice Cube, Sydney Sweeney, and “fire” things.
- The boys’ other viral clip—an anti-trans rap—reveals they’re likely mini right-wing grifters in training.
- “Lil Rogan” might be the most accurate nickname ever coined on DV.
🚨 Police Poop Patrol
- Real police bodycam footage: a semi-truck driver slurring his way through a traffic stop while repeatedly announcing he has to poop.
- “You gotta poop?” “Yeah.” “Well, that’s gonna have to wait.” Spoiler: it didn’t.
- The inevitable outcome arrives mid-arrest, just as he complains, “You’re pinching my cock and balls!”
- Tim cheers the moment: “I’m ready for this guy to shit. He’s been hyping me up for the main event!”
🧠 WikiCon Interrupted by a ‘Non-Offending Pedophile’
- A self-described “anti-contact pedophile” storms a Wikipedia conference in NYC with a handgun.
- No one hurt; he’s quickly tackled.
- His multicolored sign references “MAP” (Minor-Attracted Persons) pride colors.
- Tim: “If you have to deal with a pedophile, I guess the non-offending kind is the best you can hope for.”
🎃 Holocaust Float ‘Oopsie’
- Pennsylvania Halloween parade float includes Auschwitz-style “Work Makes You Free” gate.
- Designer apologizes, claiming it was meant to symbolize “mortality.”
- Tim, incredulous: “You wanted a somber message about death… so you used the goddamn Holocaust gate?”
- Ends with an imagined Wesley Willis performance: “Rock and Roll Hebrew!”
📱 Listener Feedback & Text Line Drama
- Dion Rifkin starts a feud with Blanche Dubois via the 4HAIRYCUNT text line.
- Listeners clarify Tim’s pronunciation mistakes: “Cupkakke” (like bukkake) and “Mumdani,” not “Mumdami.”
- One listener recalls a fart-obsessed teacher who would sniff students’ chairs to find the culprit — instantly earning a place in the DV Creeps Hall of Fame.
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