On Today’s Show:
On Today’s Show:
On the show today:
- FINAL DAY FOR “WEDNESDAY” SALE:
Tim invents a brand new holiday just to grift you: Wednesday — the last chance to snag Sideshow memberships at Black Friday/Cyber Monday pricing:- $6 monthly
- $60 yearly
- $300 lifetime (no more recurring charges, you cheap pigs)
- Kitchen Reno From Hell:
- Lord Douche and Tim are locked in a domestic war over bisque vs. biscuit composite sinks.
- Seven butter bells returned over micro-flaws, glazing, color, and the rotation of the Earth.
- The kitchen is a hoarder zone; Tim has given up cleaning after being accused of throwing away “critical” chocolate shards reserved for hot cocoa.
- Lord Douche must be mad about something at all times, and Tim’s gloves are apparently the source of all countertop chaos.
- Gay Couple Cage Match:
- TikTok captures two extremely dramatic gays going nuclear in a hallway over bags, rain, phones, and “you won’t let me leave!”
- One queen screeches like he’s being murdered while… standing in the hallway totally free to go.
- Tim compares the whole thing to a live-action remake of The Birdcage and imagines himself reacting the same way when Lord Douche rethinks the sink color.
- Gabrielle Channa (Gail) Loses Her Antichrist Buffs:
- Gail falls on a walk, skins her knee, and blames an “interdimensional attack.”
- Claims her 10,000 IQ Antichrist healing powers have mysteriously stopped working.
- Douses the wound in Dermoplast despite being allergic, then blames “automatons” for brain-controlling her into it.
- Announces that doctor-husband Brent Spiner (Data from TNG) secretly did a knee replacement and replaced her synovial fluid with singer Zack Knight’s semen, which she insists is the “perfect antibiotic.”
- Tim wonders how a deity with a trillion-IQ husband can’t handle a scrape.
- Fat Activism vs. Parking Meters:
- A West Hollywood fat activist melts down over cute “don’t feed me, I’m on a diet” meter stickers.
- Tim points out it’s about quarters, not calories; not everything is a personal attack on your BMI.
- Her art? Drawing beloved characters like Sailor Moon as super-obese.
- Influencer vs. Olipop:
- Plus-size influencer with millions of followers loses it because a soda brand only sent her swag up to XXL after she demanded 4X.
- Tim notes that their business is soda, not custom-tailored circus tents, and encourages brands to avoid this walking PR landmine.
- Creepy Cam Hackers in South Korea:
- Four men allegedly hacked over 120,000 home and business IP cameras.
- Sold explicit hacked footage (including bedrooms, karaoke rooms, and a gynecology clinic) for crypto.
- Tim points out: if you’ve got a bedroom cam with the default password, you might be an unpaid porn star.
- Japan’s “Zombie Cigarettes”:
- New street drug: vape liquids laced with the medical anesthetic etomidate (a.k.a. “zombie juice,” “space oil,” “K-pods”).
- Little to no euphoria, just instant sedation, twitching limbs, and full zombie mode.
- Media fret that “zombie cigarette” sounds too cool; Tim prefers the branding “space oil” anyway.
- Voicemails & Texts:
- Holiday greetings from the freaks, Satan shoving baby Jesus up his ass, and questions about whether Lord Douche is secretly on the spectrum.
- Shout-outs to listeners sending in sink suggestions (including a $25k surgical scrub sink), hole pics (and black holes), and confusion about what the hell to do with Scrod.net.
- Tim plays a Snowplow Show prank call where Brad Carter repeatedly name-drops “Tim Henson from Distorted View” while blaming him for attempted car break-ins.
- Support the Show:
- Sideshow sale ends TODAY – $6 / $60 / $300 at distortedview.com.
- New merch & returning favorites: Levenge hats, freak pillows, tote bags, t-shirts, drinkware and more at shop.distortedview.com (Sideshow freaks get 10% off).
- Sponsor an episode for $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com or paypal.me/distortedview).
All that plus your voicemails, texts to 4-Hairy-Cunt, end-of-show jingles, and the eternal search for the perfect goddamn sink color.
A listeners $25,000 sink suggestion:
| 00:00:00 | Whhhaaaat Wednesday Deals: Last Chance To Save On Sideshow Membership |
| 00:58:14 | Introduction |
| 03:02:06 | Kitchen Reno Woes / Accused Of Chocolate Crimes |
| 13:28:23 | Gabrielle Chana Replaced Her Joint Fluid With Semen |
| 21:38:11 | Fat Activist Victimized By A Parking Meter |
| 24:44:10 | Fat Activist Victimized By Free Swag |
| 28:24:20 | Support This Stupidity! |
| 30:21:08 | You Maybe A Hidden Camera Porn Star And Don’t Even Know It! |
| 34:08:04 | Sucking On Dat Zombie Juice |
| 37:44:18 | Voicemails / Texts: 206-666-4463 |
Our New PO Box Address!
Distorted View
PO Box 36268
Cincinnati, OH 45236
- Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463
- Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page
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Podcast: Download
AI TRANSCRIPT:
Tim Henson
So everyone knows about Black Friday and Cyber Monday. But did you know about Wednesday? Yes, it’s a real thing. I just made up. Wednesday is a special sale for people who slept through Black Friday, didn’t hear about the amazing Cyber Monday deals, or you simply forgot to take advantage. So today is the last day to grab a monthly membership for only $6, a yearly for 60, or a lifetime for 300. That’s 33% off normal sideshow memberships. Become a true and honorable freak today. All major credit cards and PayPal accepted. Just go to distortedview.com today. Don’t wait, because you’ll forget again. And then tomorrow you’ll remember and you’ll go to the website and you’ll see the normal prices and you’ll be like, wait, don’t be like that. Take advantage of the deal right now at distortedview.com.
Audio
It’s Christmas!
Tim Henson
Hey, freaks, it’s Wednesday, December 3rd, 2025. Coming up on the program today, injecting 100 cc’s of semen underneath your kneecap. Plus, how did a parking meter trigger a fat activist? Smoking zombie juice will get your limbs twitching. And a high-octane, high-pitched fight between two extremely gay lovers.
Audio
I’m having a depressed Christmas It’s like the one I had last year My slit wrist glistens as I listen to the last Christmas song I’ll ever hear. I’m having a depressed Christmas With this last letter that I write May your days be merry, bright, and may all your Christmases be white. It’s Distorted View Daily with Tim Henson. Black people matter.
Audio
We are drinking other people’s abortions. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Great-a-man. Victim. Yes, Jim Henson back here with you for your Wednesday episode. Have a great one for you.
Tim Henson
I’m so very happy to be recording this show because that means I am not downstairs in the kitchen or dealing with kitchen renovation issues. Lichow freaks have really gotten the brunt of this latest adventure with Lord Douche and I. I said it on yesterday’s program, and I’ll repeat it again today. I, you know, there are some people out there. There’s two different types of people out there. One type of person is kind of like, go with the flow, happy-go-lucky, just agreeable. These are people that don’t have hard opinions on everything. For instance, oh, I’m just going to pick something out of thin air here, sinks. You ask this person, what type of sink do you like? And they’re like, I don’t know, whatever. A sink is a sink, right? And when presented with a sink and asked, do you like this sink? They respond, yeah, it’s fine. And then they’re shown another sink and asked about that one. And it’s the same response. Yeah, that’s good too. It’s very similar to the first sink. There’s not a lot of variations in fucking kitchen sinks. Now, the other type of person, they see things differently. Oh, there’s a lot of variation in the two sinks presented. They also have a lot of opinions about colors and shapes and other sink-related things. And that’s kind of where we’re at. Guess which type of person I am. And then guess which type of person Lord Douche. The person who returned seven butter bells because of various issues regarding color, glazing, seals, type of material, country where the product originates from, and the list goes on and on and on. Again, I urge you all to sign up for the sideshow so you can hear that whole thing. The big takeaway will be you’ll learn that composite sinks come in the color known as bisque. And the color is not what is shown on the website. In reality, the color bisque is much darker. And that is a problem. I never want to hear the word bisque again. And honestly, up until we started looking at syncs, I don’t think I ever heard the word bisque. Also, syncs come in a color named biscuit. Don’t even get me started on that. We’re naming sync colors like we’re naming our pet dog. Come here, biscuit. Come here. Good biscuit. We were supposed to start demolition on our kitchen, meaning we were just going to, we were going to rip out the cabinets. And we haven’t started that yet. Lord Douche got a little sick and then there’s like some work emergencies going on. So that’s kind of been put on hold. But one of the things that we need to do is move all the stuff out of the kitchen, like stuff that’s in the cabinets right now. And more importantly, the shit on top of cabinets, you know, because Lord Douche is a hoarder. And I refuse to touch anything anymore because to this day, it’s been months since I attempted to clean the kitchen while he was down in Florida visiting family. And I’m still getting accused of throwing away important things. Most recently, we were watching TV. I don’t know. Some anime. Rise of the Shield Hero. Inuyasha. Something. And he asked me, what should I have? Tea or hot chocolate? And again, you know me. I don’t give a fuck. It’s like the same thing. I don’t know. Both sound great to me. Whatever. First of all, it doesn’t. This decision has nothing to do with me. I don’t know what you’re in the mood for. Tea or hot chocolate. Whatever I suggest to him. If I’m like, oh, I think you should have tea. He will immediately come up with reasons why he shouldn’t drink tea. Oh, I don’t want to look for a tea bag in the cabinet. I don’t want to turn on the teapot. I’m going to have hot chocolate. But if I suggest hot chocolate, then he’ll find reasons to drink the fucking tea. So I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut and go, I don’t know. What do you feel like having? You know, anyway, he decided to have hot chocolate. And, you know, I didn’t have an opinion. I kept my mouth shut, like I said. And that was even the wrong way to go because he starts preparing this hot chocolate and then immediately gets frustrated. And he’s like, you know, I had pieces of chocolate out on the counter here. I was saving that to put in my hot chocolate, but now it’s gone. It’s been gone for a couple months when you cleaned. Okay, first of all, I don’t remember throwing away any chocolate. I guess it’s conceivable if I saw chocolate out of the wrapper, just lying on the counter, I’d think, oh, that’s gross. That’s obviously old, which it is. And I may have thrown it away, but I don’t recall doing that. But regardless, he’s still yelling at me for cleaning up the fucking kitchen. And by the way, the kitchen is a wreck again. Like there’s no surface on the countertop that is visible. It’s just piles of shit. And I refuse to touch it because I get yelled at every time I try to clean. As a matter of fact, I started compiling things that are said about the clutter. He’s frustrated now because all this stuff has to be cleaned. And he’ll say something like you need to move your gloves and put them away. because that’s like the one thing that’s mine in the kitchen, right? Because I was walking the dogs in the cold and I put my gloves out on the side of the counter or something. That’s the source of all the mess, my gloves. I also like at one point tried to put away some silverware that was drying in the drying rack. And like he’ll say things like, don’t touch things I’m dealing with. Don’t move things. Wait until I tell you to touch it. The thing I’ve learned is he just likes to bitch. He loves to be frustrated about stuff. I mean, in the end, it works out for me okay because, you know, who likes to clean? I don’t. Lord douche gets mad at me when I try to clean. The only thing I have to put up with, though, is him screeching at me. And honestly, I tune that out at this point. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Clean up my mess, bitch. Anyways, that’s why I’m happy to be recording a show for you. I do have some great audio. we kick things off with another gay couple in turmoil this very well could be Lord Douche and I on vacation it appears we’ve got a very angered pair of queens in a hotel maybe it’s an apartment complex I don’t know someone who is staying next door is filming this entire thing because it’s loud and this is great TikTok content one of them wants to leave one of them wants to leave The other homosexual is blocking the doorway so, you know, he can’t get out.
Audio
This is entrapment. This is kidnapping. This is false impression. These niggas are killing me. No, stop. That’s me. I don’t care. Nobody help me.
Tim Henson
That guy’s being a little dramatic. Like, you’re not being killed, sir. Someone help. Meanwhile, you know, he got through the doorway. He’s free to leave at this point. Flee, motherfucker, if you’re in danger. See that’s how you know a lot of this is theatrics when there are noises like Like you’re not saying anything it’s not a scream per se It’s a Hollywood scream is what it is. This bitch is ready for his close-up. No, what are you doing?
Audio
Stop!
Tim Henson
I’m not sure. They’re fighting about some bags or something that are out on the hallway. It doesn’t really matter.
Audio
Help me. Just calm down. Just calm down. You won’t let me leave. It’s raining. Just calm down.
Tim Henson
The boyfriend does kind of sound evil, right? Like, I’d let you leave, but it’s raining. This is for your own good. You stay in this house where I beat the fuck out of you. Like, I don’t know what the hell’s going on. I don’t know why this guy wants to leave. He says his boyfriend is crazy. He seems kind of reasonable.
Audio
I don’t care. Hey, talk about the inside. Please help me. No, just calm down. Just calm down. I want to leave. I want to leave.
Tim Henson
I act the same way when Lord Douche says things like, I’m starting to rethink our sink decision. Maybe bisque is a good color to go with. No, I want to leave. Why won’t you let me leave? I do have to point out that the man who’s screaming is free. He’s in the hallway. He was so close to just leaving the apartment complex or hotel or whatever. Stop! You guys remember that 1990s movie, The Birdcage, with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane as a gay couple in Miami? That’s this. This is the movie.
Audio
Do you have fun with you? See, you messed up everything. Where is my phone? I don’t know.
Tim Henson
The quote-unquote abusive boyfriend is trying to be helpful. It’s like, you’re going to run off. Do you have your phone with you? No, I don’t know. Where’s my phone? Dude, you’re not ready to leave then. Oh. Okay, go. He’s fucking psychotic.
Audio
I hope you haven’t too well, okay? Where’s my phone? I’m going home. I’m going to fucking do it.
Tim Henson
I don’t care. It seems like the asshole boyfriend, we don’t know if he’s really an asshole, but eventually he’s just like, look, okay, you want to go? You can go.
Audio
Get my shit. Okay, I’ll give you. Get it all back there. I’m just going to package it and go. I’m out of here.
Tim Henson
Yeah, I think he’s saying, look, okay, I’ll give you all your stuff. I’ll put it back out in the hallway if that’s what you want. If you want to leave, okay.
Audio
Because too much stuff. Get the fuck away from me. See?
Tim Henson
Yes, the very effeminate homosexual who’s freaking out here punched a wall. The quote-unquote asshole boyfriend wasn’t even, like, touching him or anything.
Audio
You calm down. I am calm.
Tim Henson
He’s recording you.
Audio
You’re the one that threw me out. Who? Nobody threw you off. You just wanna go like that.
Tim Henson
See, gay relationships are just as dysfunctional as straight ones. We’re all alike. We’re all fucking train wrecks of human beings. Speaking of a train wreck of a human being, it’s been a while since we checked in with Gabrielle Channa. Oh, she’s been very active. It hurts me to report that she’s not doing well. I believe we are at the start of a new saga in the Gabrielle Channa story. Real quick, for those of you that don’t know, Gabrielle Channa is the leader of the Church of Gale. She’s crazy, and she believes her husband is Brent Spiner, data from Star Trek The Next Generation. He lives with her, at least his soul does, and they have brain-to-brain sex. That’s all you really need to know, I guess. Gabrielle, what’s been going on?
Audio
This morning when I went out on my walk, I was attacked. Apparently through some sort of interdimensional… Yeah, man. I could feel a force just shoving me down.
Tim Henson
Gabrielle Chenna, are you high right now? I got attacked by some interdimensional force, man. It was wild. Bitch, you’re on shrooms.
Audio
I hit my knee really, really hard. You can see I got a gauze here.
Tim Henson
A true indication of a crazy person is when normal everyday things are blamed on the supernatural. You know, like people fall and trip and skin their knee all the time. It’s not the work of aliens or the CIA. In the case of Stacey Kennison, she blames all of her pussy tingling on Sandra Bullock. Sometimes, you know, shit just happens. The other thing about Gabrielle Channa, by the way, her real name is Gail Cord Shuler, like a leader of the Church of Gail. She believes that she is otherworldly, right? How could someone who’s like a super being trip and fall?
Audio
You might say, are you saying you’re not a deity? I really don’t know. My IQ appears to be over 10,000. And Jesus did tell us that humans can’t go over 10,000. I think we should just not worry about it, okay?
Tim Henson
Yeah, don’t ask questions. Let’s just all operate under the assumption that Gail is a deity with an IQ of over 10,000. Just do whatever she says. Bow down to Gail. Although sometimes she doesn’t really act as smart as one would think a deity would be.
Audio
I estimate to get a full recovery from the injury that I received on the 20th is going to be about six months.
Tim Henson
Again, all she did was fall. She scraped her knee and now it’s like some sort of prolonged injury.
Audio
I don’t completely get it, but I seem to have lost my Antichrist powers to heal from injuries.
Tim Henson
And you call yourself a deity. See what I mean? Like all is not well in the world of Gabrielle Channa.
Audio
That doesn’t mean I’m not the Antichrist. But for some reason, I don’t seem to have my Antichrist powers to heal from injuries. and my allergies are terrible. Yeah, I got this injury on the 20th. That was Thursday. And I fell really, really hard. And I think the reason, and Brent has not been communicating with me, I don’t think he can.
Tim Henson
That’s again her husband, Brent Spiner, the actor who played Data on Star Trek. Maybe for military security reasons. Data’s kind of busy right now. He’s dealing with national security threats. He didn’t realize how bad this scrape on your knee was.
Audio
But my guess is he probably injected me with a painkiller so that I would be able to walk home to my apartment. Because I’ve noticed that right before it’s time for me to start walking around, all of a sudden my leg starts feeling a little numb. And I think Brent is actually injecting me with a painkiller so that I can continue to do the Gale commandments.
Tim Henson
Apparently, though, those psychic painkillers from Brent Spiner weren’t enough. And Gail had to go to some extreme measures. Here’s a video that was just posted a few days ago.
Audio
Regarding my wound down there, I know the picture I showed you looked super duper nasty. Unfortunately, right after I got the injury, I doused it with dermoplast, which I happen to be very allergic to.
Tim Henson
So that was a smart move by a deity with a 10,000 IQ. Dermoplast, for those of you that don’t know, is typically a spray that is used on minor cuts and burns or scrapes or whatever. It’s mentholated, so it soothes and it feels cool on your skin. On most people. On Gail, her leg nearly exploded after she applied the stuff. Now, she goes on to say she knows she’s allergic to it, but she applied it anyway.
Audio
Yeah, I doused it with so much Dermoplast. and my legs swelled up immediately. That is not caused by infection. That’s caused by allergy. Yeah. I believe one of the reasons the automatons brain controlled me into doing so is they obviously knew the derm…
Tim Henson
See, it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t apply the Dermatol or whatever, the Dermoplast herself. She was brainwashed or possessed by an automaton.
Audio
They brain controlled me into doing that. Brent has had me on court. My doctor husband lives in this apartment with me. He’s had me on corticosteroids. From what I understand, he did do a type of knee replacement surgery, and he replaced the synovial fluid with Zack Knight’s semen.
Tim Henson
Okay, there is just so much to unpack there. First, she’s not sure, but she thinks she had a knee replacement procedure. Those things are just so quick and painless. She’s not even sure it happened. And then we get to the semen fluid comment. You know, the jizz provided by Zack Knight. As far as I can tell, Zack Knight is a singer-songwriter. Gail must also be in love with him or something. I don’t know how Brent Spiner feels about the whole situation. Like, your woman just got injected with another man’s cum. I mean, okay, it was in her knee. They’re replacing joint fluid with semen. But still, it’s another dude’s baby batter.
Audio
Zack Knight has semen, which is the perfect antibiotic. It kills every known germ in existence.
Tim Henson
I’ve used that line on guys before. Dude, just swallow my load. It’s got medicinal properties. It most certainly will not give you throat herpes.
Audio
But with Zack Knight’s semen in there as synovial fluid, I don’t think I have to worry about it. And you might say, the pus, that’s an infection. The pus can also happen because of allergic inflammation, too.
Tim Henson
But you didn’t know that. And also, the stuff coming out might not even be pus. It could just be some of Zack Knight’s semen. He pumped a lot of it inside of me.
Audio
Yeah. I mean, why do people get runny noses when they have allergies? That’s pus, right?
Tim Henson
The woman says confidently, flaunting her 10,000 IQ.
Audio
It’s a miracle that it’s not doing worse than it is. My doctor husband probably has an IQ near a trillion right now.
Tim Henson
By comparison, you know, you’ve got a measly 10,000 IQ. You’re like mentally handicapped compared to him. The fact that he’s banging you is almost like he’s taking advantage of you, you know?
Audio
Because they can’t measure it. His measure, his IQ on the machine, it breaks the machine. Same with mine. So, yeah, if he can’t fix this, nobody can.
Tim Henson
Just to recap, the doctor with the trillion IQ looked at the scrape she received from falling on her walk and said, A, you need a knee replacement. B, we’re replacing all joint fluids with some dude’s cum. We’ll stitch you back up. You’ll be good as new in about four months. None of that makes sense to me, but I’m rocking an IQ of a mere mortal over here. Finally, before we get into the news, I’ve got another fat activist upset about something that doesn’t even matter. How is she being discriminated against today? Well, it all has to do with parking meters. Yeah, I guess parking meters. You know, when you park on the side of the street and you have to like give the machine a couple quarters. Those things are anti-obese people. How? Good question. Let’s let someone who is perpetually offended by everything explain.
Audio
Why is there diet culture on the parking meters? Why do we have on the parking meters sometimes I diet, don’t feed me on the following holidays? Why are we promoting fat phobia?
Tim Henson
Just seeing the word diet or the phrase don’t feed me sets this bitch off. It’s not that deep. It’s just a cute little sticker letting people know on certain days you can park there free. So the label says, hey, I’m not hungry on these special days. You don’t have to feed quarters in me. That has triggered the obese into believing we are judging her for being overweight. It’s like, this has nothing to do with you. It’s not promoting eating at all, or dieting, or diet culture.
Audio
Why are we promoting fatphobia and diet culture, even on the parking meters?
Tim Henson
Bitch, if you want to waste your money on a Sunday and feed the meter, go for it. You just don’t have to. You know, the meter is not really on a diet. It also doesn’t eat anything. The city was just trying to be cute and clever, trying to introduce a little bit of whimsy, a little bit of fun, instead of just putting a boring message like, meter shut off on Sunday. Do not insert quarter.
Audio
I just, it gets to a point. Everything else gets to a point. This is an issue and this needs to be fixed. West Hollywood, this is actually disgusting.
Tim Henson
She’s dry heaping over here. I am so nauseated by what I saw. Do better, City of West Hollywood. Do better. One person in the comments added, It’s also unnecessary wording. It’s a parking meter. I don’t have time to read clever graphics. Just give me the information. This is someone who must struggle with reading, I guess, because it doesn’t take that long to read the sentence. It’s like a few extra words. Calm down. By the way, the person who posted that, I clicked on her profile and she is a fat activist artist. She like turns regular fictional characters into obese versions. Like there’s one of Sailor Moon who’s looking super chunky. Some normal people in the comments said, wait, so you’ve never heard the saying feed the meter? Another person said, I’m sorry. Okay, you’re young. I get it. You got the time and energy. Burn it up, girl. Yeah, most people just don’t give a fuck. Would not bother to record a video about something so stupid. They go on to say, I would encourage you to pick and choose your battles to fight. When you get older, you’ll learn the value of where to put your energy to accomplish the greatest good. Another person who is a fat girl, a comments, girl, you’re reaching. Here is one more video from her channel and then we’ll move on. I promise.
Audio
I’m actually very sick of being disrespected.
Tim Henson
Really? Because I kind of think you thrive on this shit.
Audio
I’m actually very sick of being disrespected. Yesterday, I received a sweatshirt from Olipop that was an XXL. Now, this comes four months after they reached out to send me a T-shirt, during which I made it very clear that my expectation for being sent anything was that it came in at least a 4X.
Tim Henson
Okay, so they fucked up your order. Sorry you got the wrong size freebie. I’m sure if you message them and let them know, they’ll try to make it right.
Audio
And they kept pressing me for my address, but I wasn’t giving it to them until they could confirm that it indeed would come in at least a 4X.
Tim Henson
Isn’t isn’t Olipop supposed to be like a healthy soda alternative? The company probably doesn’t even have 4X size shit, right? That’s why they gave her a 2X. Like, we’ll just give her the biggest one we got. I mean, I guess I understand being annoyed if you specified, look, I’m a 4X. You know, and then they send you a different size. But maybe like, you know, bring it to their attention and they’ll send you something else. Not clothes. So she complained.
Audio
When they replied a little over a week later, they said they were no longer doing a T-shirt. but that they had something even more exciting coming in May, and they wanted my address to send me some drinks until then. And listen, I do like Olipop. I do drink Olipop. So I gave them my address. When I received the drinks, I posted them to my story. They replied, happy Valentine’s Day. Two months later in April, they reached out again, saying that they have sweatsuits coming out, and that if I would like one, to let them know and send the best mailing address.
Tim Henson
Okay, I mean, she’s got 520,000 followers on Instagram, and apparently 2.3 million on TikTok. But if I was a company dealing with this person, I’d be like, she’s not worth the trouble. There are other influencers out there who like Olipop, who will talk about Olipop, and they won’t be such a fucking huge pain in the ass. Stop offering her freebies. You know this is going to be an issue.
Audio
Let them know and send the best mailing address. I never replied. Why? Because one, they never confirmed that any clothing they had would come in at least a 4X. And two, who wants a sweatsuit in May? But they sent it anyway. And to anybody that’s going to say, oh, it was a mistake. Maybe they meant to send you a bigger size. They didn’t. Because the largest size that that entire collection comes in is an XXL.
Tim Henson
Well, then why are you requesting a 4XL? If you know that you think they’re going to especially make some stuff for your fat ass. You know, sorry, Olipop doesn’t need you that bad.
Audio
Even after my feedback in January, they still chose to move forward with a collection that not only didn’t come in the size that I said I needed, but didn’t come in a single plus size at all. If you didn’t care, then why would you reach out?
Tim Henson
You know, I don’t think it’s so much that they don’t care. It’s that this is not their business. Their business is not sweatsuits, T-shirts. Those are just promotional items they print up. Their business is soda pop or whatever. What an irritating, unlikable person. And that’s coming from me. I’ve based my whole career on being unlikable, Jesus, I urge all brands to avoid this woman like the plague. By the way, 2XL is a plus size. Sorry if you’re just like extra, extra plus. I mean, I don’t want to promote diet culture here, but if you slim down just a little. Now, I’m not even saying getting healthy. Just like miss one or two meals a week. Get down to a 2XL and, you know, wardrobe options will expand exponentially. All right. And with that, let’s get into the crazy, bizarre twist. To the fuck, dumb news right now. As I mentioned at the top of the show, this is the last day to get Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Wednesday deals, $6 monthly, $60 yearly. We even have a lifetime membership option, 300 bucks, and you’ll never have to worry about recurring charges again. Just go to distortedview.com. We’ll be doing a Sideshow exclusive program yesterday. that’s not wait that’s not right that’s not how you say that I’m stroking out over here what I meant to say is we did a sideshow exclusive episode yesterday I’ll be doing another one tomorrow if you want to hear it you gotta sign up also don’t forget we’ve got a bunch of new merchandise and returning favorites in the distorted view store just go to shop.distortedview.com you can rock new levenge embroidered hats let everyone know yeah you’re aware there’s a whole number between two and three. We’ve got some new freak plush pillows, DV tote bags, new t-shirt designs, some cool new drink wear. Check it out. Shop.distortedview.com. Oh, and if you sign up for the Sideshow, you get 10% off. I already announced on a previous episode the promo code to use. I’ll mention it again tomorrow. So, you know, listen to the Sideshow exclusive episode. You can get 10% off your order over there at shop.distortedview.com. Other ways to support the show, we’ve got a Patreon account, patreon.com slash distortedview. You can pledge as little as a dollar over there. If you pledge at least five, you get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first. And you can still sponsor an episode of DV. I’m officially out of sponsors right now. So if you act quick, you can sponsor an episode as early as Friday’s show. Just PayPal $25 to show at distortedview.com. Or you can go to the PayPal website, paypal.me slash distortedview. Make sure to let me know if you want me to talk about something, play audio. Send a message to someone. How would you like the show sponsored? All right. Two very quick stories now. First up, South Korean authorities have arrested four people accused of infiltrating more than 120,000 internet connected home and business cameras and use the stolen footage to create sexually exploitative videos for sale. I know these things are becoming very common. These security cameras. Normally I see them like used for outdoor purposes, right? Like porch cams, backyard cameras. It’s a little weirder having the cameras like in your bedroom. Now you understand why that’s a bad idea. If you yourself have these cameras pointed at your bed, congratulations, you might be a porn star. You don’t even know it. Worse yet, you’re not even getting paid for it. Investigators allege the suspects targeted vulnerable internet protocol cameras, commonly used in residences, small businesses, and childcare settings by exploiting weak security practices, including easily guessed passwords. And it’s bad enough you got the camera in the bedroom, but you didn’t change the default password. Your pussy deserves to be plastered all over the internet. You can call the website stupid cunts, because that’s what you are. According to the National Police Agency, the attacks affected private homes along with commercial locations, such as karaoke rooms, a Pilates studio, and even a gynecology clinic. That’s a very specific fetish. Like, on one hand, you’re thinking, oh, of course, there’s going to be lots of naked women exposed pussies in a gynecology clinic. However, they’re probably not the types of pussies you’d normally jerk off to. Like, these are diseased cunts. Stuff is wrong with these pussies. That’s why you go to the gynecologist. I mean, I guess sometimes you just go there for a routine checkup. Other times, there’s fungal issues happening. Police say the four suspects did not act as a coordinated group, but operated independently. One individual is accused of breaching roughly 63,000 cameras and producing more than 500 illicit videos, which authorities say were sold for cryptocurrency worth about $23,000. Another allegedly accessed around 70,000 cameras and sold more than 600 clips for the equivalent of 12,000 won. Or I’m sorry, $12,000, 18 million won. Together, the pair are believed to be responsible for more than 60% of the videos uploaded over the past year to an overseas website that trafficked in hacked camera footage. I would like to see that. Does anyone have a link? Authorities are working with foreign law enforcement partners to identify the site’s operator and shut it down. as of the time of this article though the site is still up so yeah someone give me some login information sounds kind of exciting like looking in on people it’s very wrong but you know i’m i’m a journalist so i’m allowed to look at this stuff police have also detained three people suspected of purchasing oh wait a second you can get you can get arrested for this just looking at it never mind i don’t want a link please have also detained three people suspected of purchasing or viewing the illegal material. Quote, illegal filming and IP camera hacking cause profound harm to victims and will be pursued aggressively. That’s according to Park Wu Han, a senior official with the Cyber Investigation Unit. He warned that possessing or viewing the videos is also a criminal offense. Yeah, maybe in Korea, but what about here in the US? I want that link again. I think I’m okay. I’ve got legal standing. Officials have begun notifying victims at dozens of affected locations and offering guidance on securing their devices, including immediate password changes. Investigators say additional victims may be identified as the probe continues. Final story we have for you today. This one just happens to come from Japan. You know, Japan is always at the forefront of new fads and technology. Hopefully, all the good stuff eventually finds its way here to America. Are zombie cigarettes one of those things that will come stateside? Let’s hope. It’s always exciting when a new drug hits the market. Japanese authorities are stepping up efforts to curb the spread of so-called zombie cigarettes, a street term for products laced with anesthetics, specifically the anesthetic automadate. Automaton. No, not automaton, Gail. Atomidate. It’s an anesthetic that is administered before, you know, people go under for operations and stuff, and now you can smoke it. Cool. Arrests for manufacturing and distributing this drug continues to rise across the country. Police and public health officials say Atomidate is a fast-acting sedative typically used in emergency rooms to induce anesthesia and has recently emerged in Japan’s illicit drug market, especially in Okinawa and other southern regions. The substance, sometimes referred to by users and dealers as zombie juice.
Audio
We all know what jungle juice is had we been to a frat party.
Tim Henson
No, no, no. Not automatons and not jungle juice. Zombie juice. Yes, it’s referred to as zombie juice, space oil. I like that one for some reason. Or K-pods and can render a person unconscious within seconds. The effects, though, wear off after only a few minutes. Despite its medical use, authorities warn that the drug offers little in the way of a euphoric effect and instead can cause sudden loss of motor function and uncontrollable spasms, even cooler, prompting the zombie nickname that has circulated widely on Japanese social media. Japan’s health ministry designated Atomidate as a controlled designated drug in May, making recreational possession and distribution illegal. Since then, police have reported at least 18 arrests nationwide. The first known arrest in Tokyo occurred in August when a 28-year-old man was taken into custody after officers discovered roughly 3.1 grams of Etomidate mixed into a vape liquid, zombie juice, inside of his parked vehicle. Investigators say the man admitted to inhaling the substance for months and intended to use the supply found in his possession. The rapid appearance of the drug has unsettled many online commenters, with some expressing concern over the possibility of wider circulation. Others criticize the media for using the term zombie cigarette, arguing it may unintentionally glamorize the substance. It does sound cool, doesn’t it? Not quite as cool as space oil, though. My personal favorite. Officials say they will continue monitoring distribution routes, noting the drug has been linked to recreational use, use in parts of Southeast Asia, including Hong Kong and Singapore. Authorities are urging the public to avoid anyone showing signs of severe disorientation or zombie-like behavior. Those twitching limbs, spasms, you know. They also say to report suspected cases to police. Yeah, right. Don’t be a narc. Let people have their fun. Let them take their rocket ship to Mars, burning that space oil. All right. That, my friends, is your distorted news for Wednesday. Let’s do a couple voicemails and get the hell out of ya.
Audio
Unleash your cock and snap a shot. Sex distorted you. Finger your hole and send your twat. Sex distorted you. Jagu, jagu, jagu. For hairy cunts, for hairy cunts. Text for hairy cunts.
Tim Henson
Always love checking in on the for hairy cunts text line. Want to give a shout out to 786, who wrote in, Timmy, I am listening to the podcast this morning about you trying to get the security pin from your mom. Oh, yeah, I was trying to get into her bank account. I laughed so hard so many times. You know, there’s going to be phone calls coming in about what you should have done to get you that code, like swipe down to notifications or take a photo of it. But I can’t imagine that would be any easier. LOL. But waiting for those helpful advice phone calls. Oh, please don’t call in with any advice. Look, there was no good way of getting my… My mom is not technically literate. Lord Douche did give me the best advice afterwards, of course, so it wasn’t very helpful, but he was like, why didn’t you just connect to your mom’s iPhone? Like iOS now has that feature where I can basically take over her phone from my phone, and then I could just find the fucking phone number myself, and I’d hit all the right buttons. So next time I’m going to do that, Someone from the 604 area code says, sorry, you’re not getting more dick shots. I can’t whip it out at work, but rest assured, it looks like a piercer. It looks like a piercer was practicing on the last chicken in the shop. Okay, thank you. And then he sent in a picture of his crotch region wearing jeans. Thank you. That’s something, I guess. Blanche, who says he’s thinking about changing his name to bleached asshole. I think I like that better than Blanche Dubois. Blanche said, I found your new sink. Yes, I’ve been talking about that on the show. It’s the Sloan ESS 3300C triple station scrub sink. Take a look at the chapter artwork if you’re able to. I’ll also try to include it in the show notes. This is like a commercial sink for the low price of $25,000. If anyone would like to purchase this for me, send it to my post office box address. You can buy it on the website ProDryers, the trusted hand dryer and restroom supplier. Thanks for nothing, bleached asshole. Dion Rifkin messaged in, There is no way in hell that Lord Douche is rod or pay. Lord Douche wants nothing to do with this dumbass show. That’s true. You have way too many shits for brains listeners. Anyway, keep up the great work. The show has been fantastic. Well, thank you very much, Dion. Haley’s comments and along a news story that might be DV worthy. Thank you very much for that. 318 says, since you’re so horny for one, here’s a hole pick. Here we go. But not really. Since I’m an actor, I can’t be flashing mine around. Well, it depends what type of actor you are, I guess. So I sent you a picture of some of the universe’s big black holes. As you can see, the universe is a dirty whore. Look at the size of those holes. She’s clearly been gangbanged. It’s not exactly what I was looking for, but I’ll take it. I’ll jerk off to it, I guess. And finally, a 709 messaged in. I’m not getting a response from Scrod.net. Yeah, I had to take that website down for a second because there was like, I don’t know, I got some notification from my hosting provider that there was like a security issue, which is so funny because there’s nothing on Scrod.net. It was literally just like a graphic, I think. Also, what the fuck should I do with Scrod.net? Like, does it need a website? I mean, I know at the end of the show, it says check out Scrod.net for more information. What type of information should I have up there? Maybe it should be like a real professional looking site for potential advertisers. A lot of companies clamoring to work with DV. All right. So those are some of the messages coming in. Let’s do a couple of voicemails here. All right, guys. What do you have for me today?
Audio
Hello, faggot. It’s Unicorn Hamster checking in, wishing all of the freaks a happy holiday, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa. I don’t think it’s Kwanzaa. It’s Kwanzaa. The Jews.
Tim Henson
Oh, Hanukkah.
Audio
That Hanukkah shit. Merry fucking Christmas and all of the holidays. And what do Satan and summoning Satan?
Tim Henson
They celebrate Christmas, too, in a much different way. They pick up baby Jesus out of the nativity set and shove him up their asshole and hail Satan.
Audio
Who like to celebrate at this time of year? Like all the best counts, all the souls, and Miss Henson must be in good terms with you because she swallowed up some souls, including Dick Cheney. Now, that’s a very valuable person down there in hell. Anyway, I wanted to mention the caller that called in and said he’s curious as to why Tamir does not seem at all fazed by Hamas and that, you know, death and destruction happening right in his very backyard. Well, my theory is that the Middle East have been a war zone for hundreds of years.
Tim Henson
Like they’re used to this shit.
Audio
I think it’s like a normal thing for them. So they don’t look at it as a big deal. However, they do get a little insane. And that probably is the reason why he’s obsessed with Emma Watson.
Tim Henson
Oh, you think the reason why Tamir is so fucked in the head is because of all of the fighting for centuries?
Audio
Good choice. Good fucking pick on a tick-tard this week with Rachel. Not Miss Rachel, but Rachel, whatever the fuck.
Tim Henson
Yeah, by the way, her subreddit, the Rachel Gerster subreddit, discovered, or someone posted about the show. And everyone there seemed to really enjoy Distortive View. So if you have wandered in because you saw that there was a show about Rachel Gerster and you are now a listener of DV, I would love to hear from you. And by the way, welcome. Welcome to the fold. You’re officially a freak. I will try to do some more Rachel updates as I see more clips coming in of her. Hey, Dave.
Audio
Goons made a Jisberg calling back in. So I just let you know that I’m up to date with the episodes. I just listened to an episode about you and the whole plumbing shit and having to deal with Lord Douche.
Tim Henson
It’s going to be an ongoing saga.
Audio
You’ve been talking a lot about Lord Douche lately. You talked about him not wanting to wash dishes with hot water. Yes, that’s correct. I’ve been dating somebody for about five years now. He’s on the autism spectrum.
Tim Henson
Oh, you got one of them too?
Audio
He does not like hot or even warm water at all. He refuses to take even slightly warm showers.
Tim Henson
Yeah, he is always yelling at me about taking warm showers.
Audio
But is Lord Douche on the spectrum? No, not judging. Hey, are there?
Tim Henson
No, I don’t. He’s not officially diagnosed, but this is a great theory. I’m 100% behind it. Are there any online tests we could take? I would love to share those results with you. But I like what I would really love ideally is a test like an autism test. But I don’t want him to know it’s an autism test. Like I want it to be masked as something else. Like, you know, you see if you have superhuman IQ or something like that. But in reality, we’re testing him for autism.
Audio
Just curious. You know, have you ever taken a sort of like assessment or anything like that?
Tim Henson
Yeah, no, that’s a good idea.
Audio
Also, one last thing.
Tim Henson
That’d be some great sideshow content right there. I’ll get people to sign up.
Audio
I’m assuming that he’s a furry, but I thought that, you know, I’d try to touch base with him to see, like, call her Dragon Cum. Are you a furry, Ben? If so, cool.
Tim Henson
All right, Dragon Cum, why are you named Dragon Cum? Are you a furry? Are you an otherkin? I think it’s time we learn a little more about Dragon Cum. He calls in enough, right? One more call. Hey, Tim.
Audio
About five months ago in October, Brad was advertising your show on The Snowplow Show.
Tim Henson
Aw, sweet boy.
Audio
Episode 889 at 47 minutes 30 seconds. Check it out if you have time.
Tim Henson
I have a feeling this is going to bite me in the ass. I am pulling up that episode now. I know we played one not too long ago where he was plugging DV. I wonder if this is this. Maybe I played it on a Sideshow exclusive episode. Let’s see if I’m about right here.
Audio
a few other 513 numbers in here.
Tim Henson
That’s Cincinnati.
Audio
At least two more. Hi, this is
Audio
the owner of the car that you said you dinged. Yeah, we totally play this on the show.
Tim Henson
So the bit is, Dingtober is all about leaving messages on people’s cars saying that sorry, I dinged your car. They give Brad Carter’s phone number out and then Brad messes with them. Hello? Hey, it’s Roy.
Audio
Oh, hi, hi. Hi.
Audio
And my friend Tim Henson is here. with me on the phone. He keeps saying
Tim Henson
Tim Henson and he mentions Distorted View. I don’t know if you guys want to hear this again because we played it probably back in October. Maybe it was a Sideshow exclusive thing. A policeman showed up
Audio
and he handcuffed Tim Henson from Distorted View. He handcuffed him to your mirror. So obvious because he keeps saying my full name
Tim Henson
and Distorted View. She’s like, why do you keep saying that? That’s how supposedly she got a on her car because the cop tried to handcuff me to her side mirror or something.
Audio
Can I ask? Okay, like I know I guess it’s none of my business, but can I ask why you guys got arrested
Audio
exactly? Or handcuffed? Tim was trying to break into your car. He had one of those Slim Jims.
Audio
Oh.
Tim Henson
Yeah. So you see, it is kind of your business. Her demeanor kind of changes after that. She’s not so laughy and friendly. Yeah, he just wanted to see
Audio
if there’s any loose change in your center console or anything like that.
Tim Henson
That’s Tim Henson from Distorted View. You know, if there’s any
Audio
valuables in the glove box
Audio
or… Are you
Audio
fucking with me? No, why would I do that?
Audio
So why are you telling me this? So why are you writing a note telling me this stuff?
Audio
Well, I left the note because I’m honest. Unlike Tim Henson from Distorted View, he’s a real piece of work. And I don’t feel like I was even doing anything. I was just keeping a lookout. I was supposed to keep a lookout, but I was looking at my phone. And then the police just kind of snuck up on us. And I ran off. But Tim Henson, he did a night in jail over it.
Audio
Is this like some type of like advertisement to get me to look him up or something and watch his stuff or what?
Audio
Oh, no, no, nothing like that. But I mean, if you wanted to, it’s a really good podcast. He does current events and stories and public freak outs and stuff. It’s distorted view at distorted view dot com.
Tim Henson
Brad Carter is helping me get new listeners one person at a time. One prank call victim at a time. I’m sure they love me.
Audio
Distorted view. So, yeah. So.
Audio
He sells bumper stickers if you would want to get a bumper sticker for that car of yours.
Audio
Okay, you know what? I’m not going to…
Tim Henson
He’s had enough of Brad and me, for that matter. I’ll let you listen to the whole thing. I’ll provide a link on the show notes today. Thank you so much, Brad Carter, for giving me a shout out. Trying to get me some new listeners. Appreciate it. That’s all the time we have on this edition of the program. I want you guys to email me. Show at distortedview.com. Distortedview.com is our official website. Voicemail line for you. 206-666-4463.
Audio
That’s 20666. Oh, God. Oh, God. But I seem to have lost my Antichrist powers.
Tim Henson
Spread the distortion. STD. Tell all your friends about the show. Don’t forget to give us a five-star rating, a thumbs up, a like, wherever you can rate and review podcasts. I’ll be back tomorrow, if and only if you’re sideshow members. So it’s a great time to sign up. This is the last day for those Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Wednesday deals. Otherwise, I will be back on Friday to end the week. Until then, you guys have a great day. Bye, everybody. Music
Audio
Merry Christmas to all.
Audio
Oh, God, love me. Oh, fuck me. Oh, shit.
Audio
This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrob Media Group. Learn more at Scrob.net.
