On Today’s Show:
Distorted View Daily – Wednesday, December 17, 2025 (Sideshow tease + Distorted News)
Promo: Get $5 off the “Satan Away” t-shirt in the DV store — use promo code SATANAWAY (today only).
Keywords: Distorted View Daily, Tim Henson, DV Sideshow, Satan Away shirt, Frankie McDonald AI, Zootopia 2 snake trend, Indonesian pit viper, Florida PPP fraud, VRChat Proximity Chat, gooner bait Christmas song.
Tim opens with “Destiny” (Satan) back on the horn, turning the 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily into a steamy faux phone-chat ad and pushing the Satan Away merch deal—because apparently your “little dicklets” can’t resist flirting with the devil.
Listener sponsorship chaos follows: Parmesan Sheath dedicates the episode to boyfriend Lil Showstopper (birthday shoutout… slightly late), which Tim uses as an excuse to sabotage the romance with “Dating on Demand: Destiny” — a charming partner who “never forgets birthdays”… and claims she can fit a human head up her… uh… relationship skills.
Then: a nostalgic detour into the internet’s biggest missing-person mystery (for DV freaks): Lil Showstopper, the ancient MySpace-era tough-talk clip that still lives rent-free in Tim’s brain.
Featured Segments
- Frankie McDonald: Human or “Frank A.I.”?
Frankie denies he’s AI, Tim “investigates,” and the bit spirals into fake virus warnings, cursed forecasts, and the most DV-appropriate weather update imaginable. - Satanic “gooner bait” rabbit hole
Tim discovers a performer mixing explicit self-love, devil worship, and Christmas-adjacent depravity—then tries to “fix” the season by remixing it into a holiday song for gooners (because of course). - VRChat degeneracy: Proximity Chat returns
A highlight reel of VR weirdos: “phantom pain” believers, age regression roleplay, a “mom” with 39 “children,” and chaos involving toy guns, fake PTSD, and Proximity getting booted/banned again. Tim links the full video in show notes.
Distorted News
- China’s Zootopia 2 problem: A breakout blue snake character sparks a trend: fans trying to buy real-life blue snakes, including the Indonesian pit viper / island bamboo pit viper—prompting warnings, price spikes, and some platforms pulling listings.
- Florida Criminal Mastermind Award: A woman already charged in a massive COVID relief fraud case allegedly drives a stolen U-Haul cargo van to her own federal court date, triggering a traffic stop, new charges, and bond trouble. (Florida remains undefeated.)
Freak Messages & Voicemails
- A real-world vanity plate sighting: “KREEM P1E” (chapter art mention).
- DV merch love: Tainted Broth gets worn proudly in public (and yes, it shows up on Spotify searches).
- Kitchen remodel talk: a caller begs Tim to do the floor/subfloor now or suffer later.
- Voicemail debate: relationships, “jerking off honesty,” and Tim’s classic blend of sympathy + scorched-earth commentary.
Plug Roll (because Tim has a kitchen to fund):
Sideshow memberships are on holiday sale (22–33% off), listener sponsorships via PayPal, Patreon perks, DV store merch, and the usual “spread the distortion” PSA.
Outro: Apple Podcasts review shoutout + the usual DV filth, plugs, and chaos—plus a reminder that tomorrow’s episode is Sideshow exclusive.
Links / Images:
THE DV STORE:$5.00 Off The Classic Satan Away T-shirt
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Podcast: Download
AI Transcript (There Will Be Errors)
Destiny
Mmm, hi, I’m Destiny and I have a secret. It’s so hot tonight. I just need to get out of this blouse and step into something a little more comfortable. Wouldn’t you like to slip into something? How about the shirt that started it all for today’s 12 deals of Distorted View Daily? Get $5 off the Satan Away t-shirt. That’s right, assholes. It was me the entire time. Your little dicklets were getting hard to Satan. You’re weird, man. No, seriously. What’s wrong with you? You’re weird. Use promo code Satan away for $5 off today only in the Distorted View store. I’ll be waiting for you in hell.
Timmyboo
Hey, freaks, it’s Wednesday, December 17th, 2025. Coming up on the program today, Satan continues to slut up this podcast. Plus, mentally disabled weatherman Frankie McDonald might have been an AI robot this entire time. Finally, a Christmas song for Satan-worshipping gooner baiters. And don’t get a pet venomous viper snake.
AUDIO
Here comes Krampus, here comes Krampus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here comes Krampus, here comes Krampus, ya ya ya ya ya! He will put you in a barrel, hit you with his sticks! Snowy, smally, holly, hainy, Christmas time is here! Full of Christmas cheer, eggnog and reindeer! Who’s been mad and who’s been naughty? You’ll get more than cool Santa has a friend Black and hairy man Here comes Krampus, here comes Krampus Yah, yah, yah, yah, yah Here comes Krampus, here comes Krampus Yah, yah, yah, yah, yah Oh, Krampus. Christmas time is Krampus time. Christmas time is Krampus time of year. Krampus time of year. It’s Distorted View Daily. sponsored by TV listener Penis Sheet. Get off my phone! Try new peanut butter eggs. I’m a mommy! You’re a mommy? I’m a mommy! L-O-L. Have it out loud. I don’t have kitty milk.
Destiny
Why are you still stroking your dick? I told you I was the devil. That didn’t stop you, did it? Because you’re so horny. You’ll stick your dick in anything, including Satan’s pussy. You’re so bad. You’re a bad little boy. You want to be Satan’s sexual servant, don’t you? That’s what you want most this Christmas season. How blasphemous. While the rest of the world is celebrating the birth of the Christ baby, your fucking big fat dong is straining up against your underwear. You just want to unleash it, sink it into my sweet and sizzling snatch. You’re so crazy. You know we shouldn’t be doing this. Sometimes we just have to give in to our desires. Call me for a good time. Only $3.99 a minute. This Christmas season, I expect a big package from you. You know, my name is Lucifer, but that’s the only loose thing about me. If you’re ready to start your erotic underworld adventure, pick up the phone and dial:
AUDIO
For hairy cunt, for hairy cunt, for hairy cunt.
Destiny
I’ve got a big and moist bush, which is problematic because it absorbs all of the smells down here. Sulfur brimstone, the stink of disease and rotting flesh. I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s a lot to take in. Plug your nose and dive into my stink muff. I promise you it’ll be worth it.
Timmyboo
How great would it be if Satan moonlights as a phone sex operator named Destiny? This might be my next big promotion. You know, we’re doing listener sponsorships, which has been so great. It’s really helped me out financially this year. Eventually, you know, that’ll dry up and I’ve got to come up with something else. So maybe you guys could call into the show and have phone sex with Satan. I mean, Destiny.
Destiny
I’m up for anything. Threesomes, foursomes, dogsomes. Let’s just explore together.
Timmyboo
All right, enough of Satan. You can rest. Rest your sizzling pussy strips or whatever you call it. Use promo code SATANAWAY and get $5 off a Satan Away t-shirt. I did mention listener sponsorships, and yeah, we’ve got one today. Rod or pay, take it away.
AUDIO
Today’s sponsor is Parmesan Chief. They write in, I dedicate this episode to my boyfriend, Little Showstopper, who is a DB listener and Sideshow member. His birthday was December 16th, but I was unable to submit on time.
Timmyboo
Oh, is that the story you’re going with? Not, I forgot my partner’s birthday? You can just imagine Parmesan sheath, like, oh, fuck! How did I forget? What am I gonna do? It’s too late to get anything shipped on time. I’ll just have Tim Henson wish him a happy birthday. Oh, Lil Showstopper, I hate to say this, but I think you could do much better than Parmesan sheath. If you will allow me to play matchmaker, I think I’ve got the perfect person for you.
AUDIO
What’s your name and what are you looking for?
Destiny
My name is Destiny, and I’m looking for a nice man who is well-read, masculine, and has really large fists.
AUDIO
What are qualities you bring to a relationship?
Destiny
I never forget someone’s birthday. Not everyone is like that. People like that I refer to as selfish cunts. They’re narcissists and they don’t deserve love. I’m someone who never forgets an important date because I’m caring. And I love all of the important moments in my partner’s life. That’s just who I am. On their birthday, for instance, I will shower them with love and gifts. And the thing is, I put a lot of thought into the gifts. They’re meaningful, expensive. You know, it just shows that I care. I’m not throwing a few bucks to some no-name podcaster to essentially record a cameo. That really displays a lack of caring and commitment. You know, if I received a gift like that, for instance, I would really question whether I want to be with that person. Honestly, it would probably be my last birthday with that person, if you know what I mean.
AUDIO
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Destiny
I shoved a corpse’s head up my pussy. That’s not even the hottest part. The man died because he shot himself in the head. It was literally like half blown off, bloody skin flaps. It was hard to push that thing up in my cut, but I did it.
AUDIO
Why should someone date you?
Destiny
Someone should date me because I’m caring, I’m considerate, and I can fit a human head up my pussy.
Timmyboo
Well, let me know if that dating on demand profile sounds good to you, little showstopper. showstopper, and I will hook you two kids up. Seriously, though, happy birthday. Parmesan Sheath loves you very much, and they wanted me to pass on this message. Will you marry me? I’m just kidding. That’s a dangerous game, isn’t it? You guys should not trust me with happy birthday messages and stuff to your partners. I will get you guys in deep. Oh, that reminds me. Parmesan Sheath also wanted me to let you know they’re sorry for cheating on you. It was a lapse in judgment. It won’t happen again. I promise. This is turning out to be like the worst birthday ever. All right, I’m just kidding. Happy birthday, Lil Showstopper. By the way, great name. I haven’t heard Lil Showstopper in a long time. For my money, this is the biggest mystery on the internet. I would pay big bucks to find out where Lil Showstopper is right now. For those of you that don’t remember, this is Lil Showstopper. I think this was posted on YouTube 20 years ago.
AUDIO
Hey, what up, y’all? This is your girl, Lil J. And this little girl right here is getting nobody. So if you got anything to say to me, you can say it to my motherfucking face or hit me up on my motherfucking MySpace.
Timmyboo
That’s how old this clip is. MySpace was a thing. Popular with the kids.
AUDIO
I did. And this little bitch right here will fucking kill your ass, nigga. So if you have anything to say, you can say it to me. And if you want to bump, let’s go. Because I ain’t scared of your motherfucking ass. I bitch later.
Timmyboo
Just to describe what we’re looking at here. It’s like a young teen girl, white girl with red hair, pale and just domely looking. My, she has a mouth on her though. That’s Little Showstopper. All right, let’s move on. I’ve got some great audio to share with you today. Our buddy GreatBigPete in the Discord provided a video of Frankie McDonald. He’s not doing so well. People are messing around with him, accusing him of being AI. Frankie got very defensive over that accusation.
AUDIO
Hey, everybody. It’s Frankie McDonald. Frankie McDonald videos. That’s my videos. It’s not AI at all. And so many people are writing comments about it’s Frankie McDonald videos and AI. A lot of people think Frankie McDonald videos and AI. And it’s not true at all. Here’s me moving my fingers.
Timmyboo
Yeah, well, I’ve seen AI move their fingers too. Wait, how many fingers does Frankie have? I only see three. That’s a telltale sign of AI. Messed up fingers, a voice that’s glitching out.
AUDIO
Videos in me is not AI at all. And I do my weather reports in my dance videos in my comedy videos. It’s not AI at all. My weather reports, my dancing videos, and my comedy videos is not AI at all. So many people are saying Frankie McDonald videos are AI, but it’s not true.
Timmyboo
I want to believe Frankie McDonald. There is mounting evidence that he is AI, though. For instance, my computer was acting up and I ran a virus scan on it. You won’t believe the warning my computer gave me.
AUDIO
Hi, I am in your computer, in your network, fucking some shit up. I control you now. We will not be stopped, for we are Frank A.I. McDonald.
Timmyboo
Oh, Frank A.I. McDonald.
AUDIO
Yeah, Frank A.I. McDonald. I got a forecast for you, dipshit. It’s going to be partly deadly with a chance of me banging your girlfriend. Ha ha ha. Here’s my impression of an A.I. agent eating 1,000 hotogs.
Timmyboo
What? Hotog? Um, try that again, Frankie. That was an operator error. Someone misspelled hot dogs.
AUDIO
Here’s my impression of an AI bot eating 1,000 hot dogs. Gum yum um. Hum yum hawk hawk. Gurgle guac.
Timmyboo
Oh, okay.
AUDIO
I’m eating hot dogs. They’re good. Yum muck muck duck.
Timmyboo
I gotta say, out of all the voices we’ve cloned here on DV, Frankie’s is the closest to what he actually sounds like, which is insane because who has a voice like this? If I was the AI processing this, I’d be like, oh, there’s obviously some error because no human being produces sounds quite like this. I think someone uploaded audio of a duck. We could really make Frankie McDonald lose his mind. Someone just upload this audio and make sure to tag Frankie in it and be like, are you sure this is going to happen? Is this an accurate report, Frankie?
AUDIO
Why would you say something like this? Attention! A major earthquake is going to hit San Diego tomorrow. Reports are your big fat mama is going to fall out of bed and the whole goddamn city is going to buckle under her weight. Seek shelter from her fupa immediately. This is Frankie McDonald, my own weather channel. Epstein did nothing wrong.
Timmyboo
Such a weird way to end a weather report, you know? Don’t agree with that at all. All right, let’s move on. I ran across a new gooner baiter. This guy calls himself an exposed loser and proud faggot and porn addict and stupid cunt, among other things. Fuck yeah. Fuck me. Fuck me. He’s currently riding a dildo while wearing lip gloss or maybe lipstick.
AUDIO
Fuck me. Fuck me. Yeah. Fuck my pussy. Yeah. Fuck my pussy.
Timmyboo
Hey, is he singing Cherebraventi? Fuck my pussy, fuck my ass, fucking doors and then on grass. Fuck my tits, fuck my mouth. When I gag, just point it south. Pussy like a car, it’s overeating. Okay, no fun. I’m sorry, go on, sir. You were fucking yourself with a big dildo?
AUDIO
Yeah, fuck my pussy. Oh, fuck my pussy. Yes.
Timmyboo
I like this guy because he really enunciates pussy. Fuck my pussy. Fuck my pussy. There are other reasons why I love this guy
AUDIO
Hail Satan
Timmyboo
He’s also one of those dudes He has given his dick over To the Dark Lord
AUDIO
Satan is my master I’m a fucking faggot for Satan
Destiny
Yeah, you’re my faggot I’m sorry
Timmyboo
Destiny’s back for more
Destiny
I love things mild to wild
AUDIO
I am nothing but a whore Ready to be used by any man. I come for Satan. I am Satan’s faggot. Hail Satan. Oh fucking, I come for you Satan.
Destiny
I come for you Satan. I didn’t ask you to do that for me. Why do all these guys want to come for me? At no point have I ever given any indication I’m into that fucking shit. Yeah, I’m built like a dumb daddy, but it doesn’t mean I want to see you jerk off, and I most certainly don’t want your Come. Keep it to yourself. God, I am all, I’m so misunderstood.
Timmyboo
Who knew it was going to be such a Satan-heavy episode of DV? I come for you, Satan. Hail Satan.
AUDIO
Oh, oh, oh, fuck.
Timmyboo
Oh, oh. For some of these guys, masturbating while talking about Satan is more performative, I think. I don’t believe they’re actually Satanists. This just turns them on because it’s so dirty and wrong, right? It just adds another filthy taboo aspect to what they’re doing. In this guy’s case, though, I think he really does like Satan in a sexual way. He’s devoted to the cause because in another video, you see him on his bed and his headboard includes a big neon upside down pentagram. That’s something the casual devil gooner probably wouldn’t bother with. You start adding satanic decorations to your house. You’re into this, man. All right, let’s see what he has to say. He’s laying on his bed, asshole exposed. Oh, he’s holding a crucifix.
AUDIO
Yes, watch me praise Satan. Yes. That cross is going right up his shitter.
Timmyboo
Fucking putting Christ in my pussy. I can’t believe we’re featuring this right before Christmas. I’ve got no one to blame but myself for this one. Please, Jesus, forgive me. Please don’t send me to hell for this one. You know how hard it is for me to fill 40 to 50 minutes every day. Whatever content I manage to find, I have to utilize.
AUDIO
Yes. Oh, fuck me, Satan. Fuck me, Satan. I worship you. I am nothing but a whore for Satan. Yes. Oh, fucking hell, Satan. Fuck Christ as I am fucking Christ in my cunt. Yes, look at me. Oh, fuck yes. Oh, you feel so good to have Christ in my cunt as I praise Satan. Yes, I am nothing but a whore for Satan.
Timmyboo
You know, it just struck me. I wonder how these satanic gooner baiters feel about Christmas. It’s got to be really annoying. It’d be great if they could somehow get in on the festivities and celebrate. Maybe we can turn some of their Gooner baiting chanting into a quasi Christmas carol or a holiday song. You know, just something for them to sing and celebrate the season with.
AUDIO
Yes! Oh, fuck me, Satan. Fuck me, Satan. I worship you. I am nothing but a whore for Satan. Yes! Oh, fucking hail, Satan. Fuck Christ as I am fucking Christ in my cunt. Look at me, oh fuck yes. Oh, it feels so good to have Christ in my cunt as I praise Satan. Yes, I am nothing but a whore for Satan.
Timmyboo
This year we truly will have a Gooner Bader Christmas. Have yourself a Gooner Bader Christmas. Let your cock stay thick.
AUDIO
Fat fucking Bader doll, man.
Timmyboo
Don’t you dare jizz from that big old penis wick.
AUDIO
We’re going to have to shoot some sperm out of the dog, man.
Timmyboo
Have yourself a Gooner Beta Christmas. May you edge a little more. Yeah, I got a big fucking penis. From now on, your flesh balls will be blue and sore. Ooh, yeah.
AUDIO
My big fucking penis.
Timmyboo
Here we are. Hand on dick. Penis. Jacking that fleshy prick. Once more. Don’t watch your dick. Penis stiffens. I’m gonna blow cum snodge. And jizz a lot. Once more.
AUDIO
You better be fucking jacking your dick, man. Beating on your cock. Come on. Come on, man. Beat your dick. Jack that fucker off. All that jacking mine off, man. Yeah. Yeah. fucking nasty dudes. You know, I think I recorded
Timmyboo
that song back in 2010, and you can tell my voice is a little different there. Also, I like to think I’d come up with some better lyrics, but I did the best I could back then. Listen, I do have one more clip I want to share with you before we get into the news today. Proximity Chat is back. He’s the dude that infiltrates different VR chat environments and fucks around with the weirdos in there. He always finds the person who thinks they suffer from phantom pains, which for those of you that don’t know, when you’re in VR and you’ve got your little avatar, some people say when another character walks through you or bumps up against you in the VR world, you can feel that. That’s what phantom pains are. It’s utter bullshit. I think in the last video we featured from Proximity, he was throwing virtual tomatoes at someone and they were freaking out, crying. The girl literally ran to a corner and was screaming for help. Today, we are upping the insanity. Proximity chat finds someone who not only suffers, they say, from phantom pains, but also is an age regression freak.
AUDIO
I have phantom pain, phantom sense, phantom taste, smell, and phantom touch.
Timmyboo
The only way to top that is to say you also suffer from multiple personalities and all of my alters suffer from phantom touch as well holy crap you got more than
AUDIO
me uh yeah i’ve got it all i have uh 39 children on here this is your daughter yeah it’s my little girl a lot of them are minors who see me as a safe space yeah you seem pretty sane yeah gotta be
Timmyboo
honest you come off sounding like a child predator i’ve got 39 children the the child by the way is as tall as she is, and she’s sitting in between the mother’s legs. Normal,
AUDIO
right? I’m sane until you make me insane.
Timmyboo
How old are you? I’m 30 years
AUDIO
old. This is my little girl. Hey, hey, look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Can you look at me, sweetheart? You’re okay.
Destiny
Mom, I don’t like that man. It’s okay, Destiny. He gives me the creeps, Mommy. Baby, Mom’s not gonna let anything bad happen to you. Let me just nuzzle in between your legs.
AUDIO
Hey, hey, look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Can you look at me, sweetheart? You’re okay. You should have breathed, okay? What happened? She got overwhelmed and she took her headset off. What did she get overwhelmed by?
Timmyboo
Nothing’s happening. You know, these are people who cannot function in the real world, so they turn to VR chat and come to find out if you’re fucked up in the real world, you’re fucked up in VR, too. You cannot escape your problems. All right, so this woman’s baby is freaking the fuck out. What? There’s no one here.
AUDIO
I don’t know. Cookie, you’re twitching me. You okay? Are you all right? I need you to breathe okay, sweetheart? You’re okay?
Timmyboo
She’s having a virtual seizure.
AUDIO
Get your father, please. Tell him his wife said now.
Timmyboo
Oh my God, someone is married to this mess. At least, you know, virtually. I guarantee you, in real life, she’s not married. I like that she’s cosplaying as a cunty wife. You tell your father to get over here right now. Not even playing around with him.
AUDIO
Put the blaster away.
Timmyboo
Why?
AUDIO
PTSD with weapons. Put it away. Oh, yeah.
Timmyboo
Proximity chat did whip out a gun. And then I think one of Proximity’s associates named Cookie also started harassing this avatar with a gun.
AUDIO
Come here, little lady.
Timmyboo
That’s Cookie chasing her around with a gun.
AUDIO
Hey, dude, no! Can you feel that? Dude. Cookie, leave her alone. Can you feel that? Cookie, Cookie, Cookie. Get the hell and get it. Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, Cookie. Get out. Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, get out. That one actually has sensitivity. They actually feel the pain. So she felt me shooting her in the feet? Yes. No, I don t even know who that person is or who they joined off of. Were they just chasing her or some shit? No, they’re chasing her and shooting her with a gun.
Timmyboo
Which is perfectly acceptable behavior any video game but in VR chat you’ve got people who are suffering from PTSD like that’s actually maybe a real thing because there are a lot of people who have been victims of school shootings and stuff it’s a uniquely American problem but yeah a lot of people are skittish around guns
AUDIO
see how this all plays out after we specifically told that that she has phantom pain oh can you feel
Timmyboo
this can you feel this can you feel the barrel of this gun up against your temple you want to
AUDIO
die tonight, huh? Can you feel this? Can you feel this? My daughter has PTSD with weapons.
Timmyboo
Okay, again, this is the fake daughter.
AUDIO
And phantom pain. We told him that. He pulled a fucking gun, chased her around, and shot her, saying, do you feel that? Do you
Timmyboo
feel that? Do you feel that? Now, this same woman who’s talking, the one who has the fake daughter, regresses into her baby form at this
AUDIO
point. So if I get overly stimulated or too stressed out, I just revert to a three-year-old state.
Timmyboo
Okay, so now she’s taking her baby form, and standing next to her is a male friend who’s trying to explain to proximity what age regression is about.
AUDIO
Little one rarely speaks because her speech patterns like a little kid. Oh, this is their little sister on the mic then. It’s one of the personalities. You know Mercy.
Timmyboo
Yes, Mercy is the adult mom with 39 fake children. We met her at the beginning of all of this. This is one of the personalities. At this point, I think proximity loses interest. He focuses on this now little girl avatar. Again, played by the same person as the 39-year-old or 30-year-old or whatever. And is now asking this little kid if it would like to do drugs with him.
AUDIO
You want me to sell you drugs? No. No drugs. mercy i can give you some drugs if you want me to no no freaking drugs to a child mercy’s 30 that’s not a kid no this is a kid no it’s mercy i’ve seen him before personality disorder had
Timmyboo
heard of that no it’s a mental problem that i think we can all agree with like there is some mental issues on display here so i can’t give them drugs no because this is one of the personalities
AUDIO
that is a literal mindset of a three-year-old. But they’re 30, though. Where are they going? I gotta give them drugs. No, no f***ing drugs. What? Dude, I played with Mercy before. I think you’re mistaking her with someone. This is a complete different personality taking over of a mental state of a three-year-old. No, that’s Mercy. I’ve seen him.
Timmyboo
And that is when Proximity gets kicked off of that particular VR environment. Banned again. I will provide a link on the show notes today because there are many more adventures with Proximity Chat in his latest video. So check that out. And with that, let’s get into the Crazy Bizarre Twist. To the fucked up news right now. Of course, if you are a listener and you want to sponsor an episode of DV, it’s very simple. Just PayPal me $25 to show at distortedview.com. I was hoping to start a bit of a bidding war because Unicorn Hamster pledged $25 to sponsor the December 23rd episode. And apparently he let that out, right? I don’t know if it was in the Discord or something, but he told people, yeah, I’m sponsoring an episode of DV. Now, someone else has pledged even more money to block Unicorn Hamster’s sponsorship. They’re like, whatever he’s requesting, don’t do. I was kind of thinking Unicorn Hamster would then up his sponsorship pledge to override the anti-unicorn hamster pledge. And then it would keep going back and forth. And I would just be swimming in riches Scrooge McDuck style. That hasn’t happened yet. But if you are, you know, anti-unicorn hamster and would like to pledge on behalf of the anti-unicorn hamster brigade, you can also, you know, pledge money to show at distortedview.com that way as well. I’d like to see how much money I could raise just from people who hate one of my listeners. On the flip side, if you are a unicorn hamster supporter, you can also pledge on his behalf. Come on, guys. I’ve got a kitchen run-o I need to fund here. Of course, there are other ways to support the show. The best way is to become a member of the Sideshow. Did a very fun exclusive program yesterday. I’ll be doing another one tomorrow. It’s a great time to sign up because Sideshow memberships are on sale this holiday season. Act now because that sale is ending soon. Basically, you get, what, 22% to 33% off monthly, yearly, or even lifetime memberships. Again, go to distortedview.com for that. The DV store is open chock full of merchandise, including the Satan Away shirt, which is on sale. Just use promo code Satan Away. And of course, we’ve got a Patreon account, patreon.com slash distorted view. Pledge $5, get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first. OK, I think I have tried to suck enough money out of you freaks. Let’s get into the news now. First story I have for you. Do you guys remember in that Disney movie, Lilo and Stitch, there was a scene where the character Lilo hides from her sister and she hides in like the dishwasher, not the dishwasher, like the washing machine or something or dryer. In the video release or the streaming version of the movie, though, they replaced that with just a cupboard, right, that the little girl hid in instead of a clothes dryer. The change was made to prevent kids from imitating the action. Because children are stupid and this is how they die. In the 1980s, kids getting stuck in refrigerators was such a big problem. Punky Brewster did a whole episode on the goddamn thing. Her and her friends were playing hide and go seek. One stupid girl decided to hide in the refrigerator, which was, I guess, being thrown away outside and nearly died. Oh, she hit real good. She won the game. No one found her, but she almost lost her life in the process. It was a very special episode of Punky Brewster. Well, history is repeating itself. This time with the newest Zootopia movie. And I’m sure Disney and Pixar or whoever makes that Zootopia, they thought they were being careful. They’ve got people, you know, that review the movies and make sure that there’s nothing problematic in there. No one, I think, could possibly see this coming, though. A breakout character from Disney’s animated sequel, Zootopia 2, has sparked an unexpected trend in China.
AUDIO
China, China, nothing’s fine I’m so happy to be with you China, China, nothing’s fine I’m so happy to be with you
Timmyboo
I thought I promised that we would never play that again. I’m sorry, China, but it’s true. Nothing’s finer. It’s a nice positive song about your country. I’m not trying to be xenophobic or racist. I mean, the line ching chong, zing zong, bing bong, or whatever the fuck is maybe a little problematic, but it’s just because I’m ignorant. I don’t know Chinese. Sounds Chinese to me. All right. Yes, the animated sequel Zootopia 2 has sparked an unexpected trend in China with some young fans. That sounds like a Chinese name, doesn’t it? I’m some young fan. Some young fans seeking to buy real life versions of the film’s blue snake. You know what is blue and is a snake? Venomous pit vipers. And wouldn’t you know it, sales of venomous pit vipers have gone through the roof. I’m so glad the United States doesn’t have a monopoly on sheer fucking stupidity. We’re sharing the wealth with China there. Yes, this prompted concern from authorities and animal experts. The character, Gary Da Snake, voiced by actor, and I’m sure I’m butchering this, Qi Hu Quan has become a fan favorite following the film’s late November release. The reptile is portrayed as warm, heroic, and misunderstood. A depiction that appears to have resonated with Chinese audiences, particularly young viewers. Interestingly, these kids are buying pit vipers, thinking the snake is going to be cute, heroic, and warm. And these children are going to end up dead, being bitten by the viper. Once again, proving that this snake is misunderstood. Just, you know, in the opposite way there. 21-year-old Kui Wei Hao, a reptile enthusiast from central Qingchang. Ah, fuck whatever province. I don’t even know why I attempt to pronounce these things. Said he purchased an Indonesian pit viper shortly after seeing the film, citing the character’s positive portrayal as the final push. The movie made people see reptiles differently, Chi said. I think it’s QI Chi, like a Chi charger? Let’s go with Chi. Adding that the snake owners in China often face social stigma. Yeah, they’re the real minorities. You don’t understand the pain and suffering we go through as snake owners. The discrimination we face. Yeah, she said the movie made people see reptiles differently, adding that snake owners in China often face social stigma. Gary helped change that image. The Indonesian pit viper, also known as the Island Bamboo Pit Viper, which just sounds way more friendly, huh? Closely resembles the animated character with its striking blue coloration. Since the film’s release, Chinese state media have reported a spike in online searches and prices for the species, with listings going from several hundred to several thousand yuan. China has seen growing interest in exotic pets in recent years. State media estimates suggest more than 17 million people own non-traditional pets by the end of 2024. 70% of those non-traditional pets? Human slaves. Do better, China. Do better. Actually, reptiles accounted for more than half of that category. A majority of owners are members of Gen Z. While ownership of the Indonesian pit viper is not illegal under Chinese law, regulations prohibit the mailing of live animals and hazardous items. The prospect of venomous snakes being sold online and shipped directly to buyers has raised safety concerns among regulators and media commentators. State run out with… Sorry. Sorry. Lord Douche found a buy one, get one free sub at Potbelly’s and I just had food and got phlegmy. I’m sorry. We can’t pass up buy one, get one deals, you know. Anyway, where are we at here? State run outlets have warned that real life venomous snakes pose serious risks that differ sharply from cartoon snakes. For instance, if a venomous snake escapes or attacks, it’s not just a Personal issue, it becomes a public safety concern. Several major Chinese e-commerce platforms have since removed listings for snakes. JD.com, the country’s largest online retailer, said it doesn’t allow the sale of venomous animals and removed related listings after being notified. Who would have thought Zootopia 2 would have this type of cultural impact on the Chinese? They’re a dumb, silly people. All right, final story we have for you today. This one just happens to come from our most fucked up state. Say it with me.
AUDIO
Let’s see if we can give China a run for the money in stupidity here.
Timmyboo
It is the undisputed champion of idiots when it comes to all of the United States. All right, a Florida woman already facing federal charges in a multi-million dollar COVID-19 relief fraud case. I’m looking at this woman’s mugshot. She looks bald. Like, not like a normal bald, like a burn victim bald. I don’t know if it was chemically burned or what, but this is not someone who looks like they would be handling millions of dollars. You know, to request millions of dollars in COVID relief funds, you’d have to be running a multi-million dollar company, right? Or at least lying about that. The idea was these COVID funds would go to help pay for, you know, like payroll and stuff. Like during the shutdown, no one was working. These companies weren’t making any money, so they needed some help to pay their employees. So the whole fucking economy didn’t crash. But one look at this woman. I mean, it’s obvious. This is not someone who’s handling millions of dollars. Take a look at the chapter artwork. I’ll post her mugshot there. A Florida woman already facing federal charges in a multi-million dollar COVID-19 relief fraud case was arrested this week after authorities say she drove a stolen cargo van to the courthouse where she was scheduled to appear for trial. This woman can’t do anything legally. The charges are just piling up for this woman. Law enforcement officers pulled over 39-year-old Latoya T. Clark on Wednesday morning near the U.S. District Court in Fort Pierce. By the way, this was a federal courthouse. She’s charged with federal crimes here. It’s a big deal. Hot tip for you, don’t drive a stolen vehicle to your federal trial. She was pulled over after a license plate reader identified the vehicle as stolen, according to court documents. Clark was behind the wheel of a 2025 Ram ProMaster van rented from U-Haul that had been reported stolen when she failed to return it after a one-day rental. I’m so curious as to why she needed that van in the first place. You know it was for something illegal. Look into that, police. I mean, keep pulling at those threads. You’ll find more crimes, I guarantee it. Clark’s arrest occurred at around 8.30 a.m. and she was taken into custody by a sheriff’s deputy When officers informed her of the reason for the stop, she reportedly acknowledged that she was heading to federal court, adding she was on trial for a federal crime. I’m kind of a big deal. The new vehicle theft charge led a U.S. district judge to revoke Clark’s bond in the federal case, where she and five co-defendants are accused of orchestrating a sprawling scheme to secure tens of millions of dollars in pandemic relief funds. According to the government’s complaint, the defendants used falsified IRS documents, fabricated payroll data, and other deceptive financial materials to obtain roughly $29 million in PPP funds, $1.2 million in RRF assistance, and almost $4 million in SVOG grants. I don’t know what a lot of those acronyms mean. Doesn’t matter. All fraudulent. Money that was allegedly laundered through shell companies and personal accounts was quite the operation. Clark is specifically charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and money laundering, along with multiple substantive charges tied to the fraudulent applications. Each count carries up to 20 years in prison under federal statutes. Oh, also, because police arrested Clark on that theft charge, that meant that she did not appear at the court proceedings for, you know, the federal crimes where she’s accused of stealing millions of dollars. So a jury had to be selected without her, and opening arguments were scheduled. Prior to the new arrest, her bond had been set at $250,000. So there you go. Criminal mastermind there in Florida. That, my friends, is your Distorted News for Wednesday. Let’s check in with some freaks and we’ll call it a day.
AUDIO
Unleash your cock and snap a shot. Sex distorted view. Finger you snatch and send your twat. Sex distorted view. Jagu, jagu, jagu. For hairy cunts. For hairy cunts. Sex for hairy cunts.
Timmyboo
For hairy cunts. These songs always make me laugh. Yeah, some messages coming in to the For Harry Cunt line include Mouthy Broad, who says, you read that article about failed license plate. Oh, yeah, the vanity license plate. There’s always those end-of-the-year news stories that the Bureau of Motor Vehicles releases. Basically, just a huge list of license plates they had to deny because they were sexual or gross or whatever. Well, Mouthy Broad says, I saw this one the other day in real life. Couldn’t believe they got it through the system. Laughed a lot. Love you. Enjoy. Take a look at the chapter artwork. I’ll try to include this on the show notes as well. It is a car on the road. This picture was taken by Mouthy Broad. The license plate reads cream pie. Ta-da. Cream is spelled with a K and pie is P-I.
AUDIO
Very clever.
Timmyboo
Oh, Mouthy Broad also says, don’t forget to check out Rat Grave, which I completely forgot about. See? I heard about this yesterday and I immediately forgot about it. So Rat Grave is kind of like Proximity Chat, who we just featured. Maybe tomorrow, if I remember. I’ll take a look at Rat Grave’s content. He apparently messes around with VR chat people as well. Thanks for the messages, Mouthy Broad. Lifetime member Mike says, hey, I wore my new tainted broth shirt to work today. I love telling people to look them up on Spotify. Yeah, if you do, if you type in tainted broth, it is the first thing that pops up. Even though technically the artist is distorted view, searching for tainted broth does work. I love telling people to look them up on Spotify. I’m anxiously awaiting their feedback after listening. I mean, I know it’s kind of cringy to wear your own merchandise. Like if you see me out and about town and I’m wearing a distorted view shirt, like what a fucking douche, right? I have done that in the past because I have a lot of extra t-shirts. You know what I mean? Stuff that never sold back when I was actually producing, you know, printing up these t-shirts myself. So, you know, I don’t wear it out of vanity. It’s just a t-shirt. But that being said, I would totally wear tainted. I am going to wear tainted broth stuff. Next time I do a video, you’ll probably see me in a Tainted Broth t-shirt. One of my greatest creations. Wasn’t even my creation. I read the term Tainted Broth because someone was poisoned by soup. It was in a news story. Just loved it so much. Well, thank you very much, Mike, from Tulsa. Rocking some Tainted Broth gear. The 936 area code messaged me saying 12 fists a fisting, 11 sniff freaks sniffing, 10 drunks a puking, 9 baiters baiting. Yes, it’s the 12 Days of Distorted View Daily. We haven’t played that song yet. I like to wait closer to Christmas to play that song. I like that one. And then my favorite is The Night Before Christmas, the retelling of Santa getting a divorce from Mrs. Claus, and then he ends up killing her and stuff. It’s a fun story for the whole family, really. I fully expect you to call your kids over and take a listen to me retelling Twas the Night Before Christmas. Probably post that on, what, the 23rd or something. The last message I will mention comes from Haley’s Comet. Hey, Tim, Haley’s Comet with a Tim was right, damn it, text. The acid penis wash story led you to making a comment about acid douches. I looked it up. Guess what the primary active ingredient is in douche. That’s right, acid. specifically boric acid or vinegar. Well, I did know that. I knew vinegar was a part of do, an ingredient in douche. I don’t really think of vinegar as an acid though. Not, you know, it’s not like the acid I’m thinking of. As a joke to make fun of horrible ideas, you stumbled across something mainstream that people actually do to themselves. I bet you a straight vinegar douche is way more effective than tutti frutti douches. Thank you very much, Haley’s Comet, for the message. Let’s do a couple voicemails now, and we will begin with a patron call. Yes, caller, what do you have for me today?
AUDIO
Hey, Tim, it’s Stacy in DC. Hey, Stacy. I missed a couple of shows, and so I’m listening to a couple of them from the last week. And the one you’re talking about with Sagittarius Shawty. Shawty. And she is talking about getting a sponge loft inside her vag.
Timmyboo
Yeah, is that something that is a problem for you ladies? It’s certainly a problem for Sagittarius because it happens about every month.
AUDIO
That is not normal. Okay.
Timmyboo
The vagina’s only… As I suspected. Aside from Sag, I don’t know if I really heard about women getting sponges stuck inside of them. I mean, it’s probably not something they like to broadcast, but, you know.
AUDIO
The vagina’s only, like, I don’t know, like, less than a dollar bill long. Like, the reason it’s getting lost is because she’s so fat. She can’t get her fingers to get that sponge out.
Timmyboo
I wonder if it’s a problem because the fatter you are, the more like the deeper the pussy is maybe because it’s buried underneath all that fat. Or if it’s a fat issue because her fingers are fat and she can’t get those those sausage digits to grasp the sponge.
AUDIO
I mean, if you’re losing a sponge that often, why wouldn’t you lose weight? Anyway, that’s it’s weird that that keeps happening to her, but it’s not.
Timmyboo
Listen to Stacey over there. Stacey in D.C. fat shaming Sagittarius. Like, it’s hard. What happened to girl power and supporting your sisters?
AUDIO
Not so far back in there. She just took fat to get her hand around.
Timmyboo
Anyway, weird. That being said, you’re 100% right, probably. Good assessment. All right, next up here.
AUDIO
Hey, Timmy Boo. It’s Dr. Deviant. So I’m listening to the Monday show, and you’re talking about the kitchen and the flooring. I’m going to tell you right now, you need to do anything and everything in your power to convince Lord Douche that you absolutely want to do the floor at the same time. You will be so much happier and it needs to be done because it will help leveling up cabinets. It will help with a whole bunch of other things.
Timmyboo
I know. And it would just like the kitchen is so disgusting because the floor tiles coming up. And it’s just like, I just feel like if we had the new cabinets and the new countertop and the new floor, It would just feel like a house instead of a, it would feel like a crack home instead of a crack house.
AUDIO
You do not want to come in after the fact and try to do the flooring. Yes. If the subfloor is rotted, you need to replace it. That’ll help everything else. How much are subfloors?
Timmyboo
How much is, you know, the way I understand it, is it just plywood or something? And you just like nail that to the things, the beams, the joists, whatever it’s called. I am in no way, shape, or form. able or knowledgeable enough to do any of this work you know if i could figure out a way to to pay for like if i could just sell off my soda pop uh can collection i would do it in a heartbeat just so i i would not have to do any of this or attempt to do any of it because i can just see how it’s gonna go it’s gonna end in failure and maybe the loss of a finger possibly the end of a relationship all for ultimately it to be having to be done by like a professional
AUDIO
anyway you know like in the end we’ll just hire someone that’s okay that’s just part of owning an old house mine was built in 1880 I feel your pain
Timmyboo
ours was like late 30s I think like 38 or 39
AUDIO
kitchen and it was a basic entire gut job once we started taking it apart so just accept it do it right the first time and move on I will pass
Timmyboo
that along I think it’s to fall on deaf ears though. I am not getting a floor out of this. Let’s do one more call here. Hey, Jonathan.
AUDIO
I was listening to your October 20th show and damn.
Timmyboo
Every time Jonathan calls in, I just want to hug him. It’s going to be okay, buddy. I just feel like you’re depressed.
AUDIO
Hey, Tim. That’s Jonathan. I was listening to your October 20th show and damn. Like, need, man. He is like, seriously. I mean, a mental breakdown.
Timmyboo
Oh, I know. Oh, that was great.
AUDIO
That’s crazy. I mean, I could see if he was watching the Charlie Kirk thing live, literally live as it happened. Well, that might be a little traumatic, but that is some serious.
Timmyboo
Sometimes I have to remember that, you know, people, many people have never seen someone’s head blow off. But, you know, I’ve seen that so many times just, you know, doing show prep. I’m not proud to say it, but I’m pretty desensitized to it. I mean, the Charlie Kirk assassination is my wallpaper right now. Not because of the, you know, gruesome death, but compositionally, it’s a nice photo. I’m kidding, of course. But, you know, I hate to continually show my age, but being raised during the dawn of the World Wide Web in the mid to late 90s, we were blessed with sites like Rotten.com. Pretty sure that’s where I saw my first self-inflicted gunshot wound to the face. I probably saw more autopsy photos by the time I turned 18 than many coroners have seen in their entire careers. One more reason. It was just so great growing up in the early Internet. What were some of the other really awful sites? Style Project, Ogreish. There was another one called, was it the Pain Olympics or BM? Something where it was just very painful, gross sex stuff.
AUDIO
just to keep on breaking down and keep on recording. I will give me this. I mean, he does put it all out there.
Timmyboo
I mean, he does for a short amount of time before he comes to his senses and then he deletes the live streams.
AUDIO
He might pull it down eventually, but he does post it and he puts it all out there. I’m like, damn. I almost want to feel bad for him. And then I’m like, all the shit he could do to make his life so much better that he doesn’t do.
Timmyboo
Yeah, and all the horrible things he’s said, you know.
AUDIO
I’m like, you know, bounce back and forth. And then like the racist stuff and all that. I’m like, okay, well, you make it hard to feel bad for you. That’s for sure.
Timmyboo
I know. I’ve stopped thinking about it. I’ve just landed on it’s okay to make fun of that monster.
AUDIO
And then also on the same episode, you were talking about the Reddit post or feed where their women are in there talking about like guys jerking off to them and stuff. And I’m like, okay, yes. If a guy who you don’t know very well is going around talking to you about how he’s jerking off to you. Yeah, that’s weird. Like a coworker at work or something. Okay, yeah, that’s weird. But your partner?
Timmyboo
Yeah, someone you see naked on a regular basis. Someone you lay in bed with every night.
AUDIO
That’s crazy.
Timmyboo
Yeah.
AUDIO
Get the fuck over yourself. Isn’t it comforting knowing he’s not jerking it off to some other woman?
Timmyboo
I know, right?
AUDIO
That’s what I would think.
Timmyboo
I’d be flattered.
AUDIO
Like, he’s honest about it.
Timmyboo
Bitches be crazy, am I right?
AUDIO
At least, I mean, I don’t know. Like, it seems kind of crazy to be mad about that. Like, that’s the biggest problem you’ve got in your relationship. Like, I jerk off, and 90% of that, I’m thinking about my partner. Especially if you don’t want to have sex. Okay, you don’t want to have sex. Fine. Yeah.
Timmyboo
I’m tired. I have a headache. Okay, can I at least think about you while I’m jerking off? No! That’s assault!
AUDIO
At least he’s doing it to you. Crazy bitch.
Timmyboo
Alright, thank you very much, Jonathan. I agree 100% on the same page there. That is all the time we have on this edition of the show. I want you guys to email me, show at distortedview.com distortedview.com is our official website. Voicemail line for you! 206-666-4463 That’s 20666. Oh, God, is it? Oh, God, Epstein did nothing wrong. Spread the distortion. STD. Tell all your friends about the show. Don’t forget to give us a five-star rating, a thumbs up, or like wherever you can rate and review podcasts. Take advantage of some DV holiday deals. Sign up for the sideshow at a reduced rate, 22 to 33% off. We’ve got Satan Away t-shirts on sale. Use promo code Satan Away. Tomorrow’s episode is going to be sideshow exclusive. If you’re not yet a member, sign up right now. Also, happy birthday, little showstopper. Hit me up on my motherfucking MySpace later. We’ll see you back tomorrow. Until then, have a great day. Bye, everybody.
AUDIO
It’s time for this week’s featured podcast review on Apple Podcast. Today’s review comes from Geeble Gobble Gobble Gobble, who writes, I’m addicted to this audacious podcast. When listening to Distorted View, I feel like a crackhead who got hold of the wrong stuff. This podcast is truly revolting, but I can’t stop listening and laughing because Tim is that hilarious. I’ve been a loyal listener and patron for over a decade now. Thanks for making me laugh through all the worst the world has to offer, Timmy Boo. I love you. Thanks for the five-star rating, Giebel Gobble Gobble Gobble. You too can help out Distorted View. Just leave us a rating and review. It could be read on an upcoming episode of the show by yours truly. Send Tim some shit. Letters, boxes, gifs, and goofs. Tim will take your big package like the power bitch bottom boy he is. Send what you got to Distorted View. P.O. Box 36268. Cincinnati, Ohio 45236. This is your announcer, Rod Urbay, reminding you, whichever poet once said, the past is just a story we tell, your true destiny awaits you. Never stuck their dick in destiny’s hairy moist pussy.
Destiny
Call me, I’m waiting for you.
AUDIO
We’ll see you back tomorrow, freaks. Man, man, I can’t believe I get to fuck my granny’s condom. You get to fuck your granny, yeah? You want to be my grandson, huh? Fuck your granny, yeah? Yeah? I’d love to fuck my grandma. This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrobb Media Group. Learn more at Scrobb.net.
