🎧Episode Summary

On today’s show, Timmy Boo tackles dangerously polite drivers, a brony convention meltdown, and a porn clip that introduces a phrase you’ll never be able to un-hear again. Plus, Florida delivers Valentine’s Day violence via fast-food projectile, and Olympic athletes apparently cannot stop having sex.

🎤 Cold Open

A prank call from the Honey Baked Horse Company goes wildly off the rails as Agnes is forced to choose her favorite president in exchange for questionable USDA-grade meat.

🚗 Tim’s Rant: “Don’t Be Nice — Just Drive”

Tim loses his mind over overly courteous drivers at four-way stops, arguing that following the rules is far more efficient than polite hand-waving confusion. Autonomous cars can’t come soon enough.

🐴 Lolcow Update: Chris Chan vs. HarmonyCon

Chris Chan reportedly attended HarmonyCon (a My Little Pony fan convention) despite being previously banned.
He was escorted out after being recognized — while dressed as the White Power Ranger in a skirt.
Audio surfaces of Chris proclaiming he will “lead people to righteousness” as staff attempt to stop recordings.
Tim predicts the inevitable return of peak Chris Chan chaos.

📼 Listener Submission: 1990s Phone-Sex Porn

Thanks to listener Johnny Wisconsin, Tim reviews a bizarre retro adult film featuring:

A phone-sex scenario with hilariously bad acting.
A surprise reveal involving multiple performers.
The unforgettable phrase of the episode: “stick pussy.”

Tim declares the 1990s the greatest decade for absurd adult entertainment.

💪 Alpha Male Advice Corner

A social-media “alpha coach” explains why:

Putting your hands in pockets wrong ruins your masculinity.
Bending over to grab a gym bag lowers status.
Opening a water bottle incorrectly destroys first impressions.

Tim remains skeptical but admits he exudes “stick pussy energy.”

📰 Distorted News

Florida:
A 27-year-old man was arrested after allegedly throwing a Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich and a cup of blue sports drink at his girlfriend during a Valentine’s Day argument about infidelity. Police found sandwich remnants at the scene. He was released on bond with a no-contact order.

Winter Olympics:
Organizers rushed to restock free condoms after roughly 10,000 were depleted within days at the athletes’ village. Officials blamed higher-than-expected demand during Valentine’s week. Condom distribution has been standard Olympic practice since 1988 as part of public health initiatives.

☎️ Voicemails

A listener defends their appreciation for political podcast Congressional Dish.
Another listener is traumatized when their yearly photo recap played Jonathan Nighouse audio over family pictures.

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