Prefer to listen? Play the latest episode below.

Episode Summary

A confused New Yorker mistakes a 9/11 drone tribute for demonic shape-shifting, the Prescription Lady inherits Cheryl Murkowski’s prolapse anthem, Galileo demands more rights for predators, and a bowel-challenged athlete leaves her mark on competitive fitness.

Caldeciville’s Community Calendar

• Winter booster shots arrive for the allegedly self-regulating vagina, because cold weather apparently complicates everything—including the body’s imaginary response to sexual assault.
• Dr. Stephen Felgood celebrates autumn with falling leaves, dying vegetation and seasonal abortion pricing at the Fancy Style Abortion Clinique.
• The annual 9/11 on Main Street Fair invites visitors to bungee-jump from a miniature World Trade Center, admire a 700-pound Pentagon butter sculpture and inhale deeply inside an asbestos-filled Haze Maze.
• The Food Trauma Pavilion serves Twin Tower funnel cakes, Oh Sausage Bin Laden sandwiches and freshly squeezed jihad juice.
• The evening concludes with a 9/11 widows beauty pageant featuring pillow salesman and former crack addict Mike Lindell as guest judge. Everything is handled with tremendous dignity.

️ The Twin Towers Begin Shape-Shifting

• New York commemorates 9/11 with illuminated drones forming the outline of the Twin Towers above the city.
• One baffled observer films the lights and concludes that New York is not real, the city may be under attack and somebody could be summoning a demon over Manhattan.
• Even after the towers become recognizable, he remains focused on what the fake buildings might transform into next.
• Tim imagines the display becoming a Toyota logo or a Bud Light advertisement, because apparently national remembrance needed corporate sponsorship.
• The encounter proves that “never forget” becomes difficult when nobody recognizes the enormous glowing thing they were instructed to remember.

The Prescription Lady’s Walls Fall Out

• Episode sponsor Piss Flaps O’Flanagan requests an AI cover of Cheryl Murkowski’s classic Walls Fall Out performed by the Prescription Lady.
• Tim reconstructs Cheryl’s nearly indecipherable lyrics phonetically, a task requiring more linguistic archaeology than most extinct civilizations receive.
• The resulting remix celebrates flesh-trap doors, red meat flaps, yeast, panties, dark chicken meat and the delicate vocabulary of prolapse.
• The complete production closes the show with enough cries of “Oh my God” to make Cheryl’s original sound restrained.

Galileo Wants the Government Overthrown

• Galileo 2333 reacts to a reported ruling involving privately generated AI sexual-abuse imagery of minors but suspects the government is setting a trap.
• He theorizes that authorities ultimately want to remove ordinary childhood photos from the internet, leaving image generators without source material.
• Any accidental concern for children quickly disappears when Galileo argues that adults should be allowed to form sexual relationships with them.
• Tim confirms that Galileo is every bit the monster previously advertised and imagines fattening him into a human version of Batman villain The Penguin.
• The rant eventually reaches overthrowing the government, proving that even a development seemingly favorable to Galileo cannot satisfy BitChute’s creepiest revolutionary.
• For anyone wondering why the videos are hosted on BitChute rather than YouTube, the content provides its own unpleasant explanation.

Linda Finkel Hall of Fame Nominee

• Ksenia Angel declares herself a “money magnet” while occupying expensive vehicles that do not radiate actual ownership.
• Her luxury anthem lists diamonds, mansions, yachts, private jets, Bitcoin, poker chips and multiple varieties of coins before rhyming “coins” with “coins.”
• A second song, Oh My God, turns every gift, boat ride and oversized cake into the same stunned response.
• Ksenia earns Hall of Fame consideration for transforming a luxury-shopping wishlist into music without allowing melody, structure or shame to interfere.

The Women’s Poo Event

• An Australian athlete reportedly wins a Hyrox competition in Beijing after suffering bowel incontinence and continuing through the race.
• Hyrox competitors alternate running with shared workout stations involving sleds, rowing machines, kettlebells and wall balls—equipment that became significantly less inviting after the incident.
• Images showing visibly soiled clothing and legs prompt questions about why officials allowed her to continue touching communal surfaces.
• Organizers close and disinfect affected areas, remove contaminated equipment and announce plans to replace carpeting after the competition.
• Some observers praise the athlete’s determination. Tim wonders whether she weaponized her bowel movement by making every piece of equipment slippery and psychologically untouchable.
• The athlete later declares that “a win is a win,” which is technically true and spiritually devastating.

☕ Coffee Becomes Civil Disobedience

• New York honors student Julie Caputa receives an in-school suspension after refusing to surrender her morning coffee.
• A new district rule restricts outside food and drinks, allegedly because of spills and concerns that students could bring alcohol or THC-infused beverages into school.
• Caputa argues that the revised conduct code was adopted without a properly announced public hearing and deliberately turns her coffee into a protest.
• The district acknowledges that its hearing had not been properly announced and schedules another one.
• Caputa’s suspension stays off her permanent record, and she eventually returns to class with the coffee. The revolution will apparently include hazelnut latte.

San Francisco Screams at the Ocean

• More than 100 people gather above Ocean Beach for Guttural Scream at the Sea, an organized competition for anyone suffering from unemployment, romantic disappointment, existential dread or turning 30.
• Olivia Guglimato reportedly wins with a 121.9-decibel scream after years of informal training against Lake Erie.
• The grand prize is a small megaphone, ensuring the loudest participant can become even more powerful.
• The afternoon includes scheduled vocal exercises, practice yells, competitive screaming, a collective scream, recovery exercises and fruit.
• Contestants earn points for volume, endurance and the all-important category of style. Apparently anguish needs presentation.
• The winning scream falls short of a longstanding Guinness World Record, but remains loud enough to make the Pacific reconsider its relationship with humanity.

Freak Texts and Prescription Suggestions

• A listener offers Tim $25 to place Fatty Meade from the Richmond Scene on Spotify, raising questions about parody rights and whether the public deserves permanent access.
• Another freak proposes a Prescription Lady jingle celebrating every new Sideshow membership, provided subscribers consent to having their private shame announced.
• Not Near Dead Mike confirms that his Reform synagogue has a gay rabbi, although Tim remains curious about how much personal information enters the average sermon.
• A listener recommends sending the Prune Brothers to visit Mom’s former roommate, who is no longer sharing a room with Patty and was never actually named Gladys.
• The text line supplies a definition of transvestigation, the online hobby of deciding strangers are secretly transgender through blurry photographs and unlimited confidence.

Commodore Parts and Clearance Jesus

• A caller recommends buying a 3D printer for custom Commodore 64 parts, replacement brackets and other vintage-computer doodads.
• Tim explains how hobbyists upload designs to printing services, allowing strangers with home printers to manufacture components for a little extra money.
• The conversation wanders into aging capacitors, recapped Amigas and Tim’s reluctance to let beginner soldering destroy an irreplaceable motherboard.
• Another caller attempts to explain Orthodox Christianity despite admitting he knows almost nothing beyond a different Christmas date.
• Tim immediately embraces January Christmas after realizing Orthodox believers can purchase gifts during post-holiday clearance sales. Salvation is now 70 percent off.

Support the Show

Join the Sideshow for exclusive episodes, support the madness, and get more Distorted View at distortedview.com.

Podcast: Download