On Today’s Show:
| 00:00:00 | Introduction |
| 02:38:10 | The 2024 Fake Mental Disorders Are In! |
| 08:08:09 | Tiktok Idiots Trying To Diagnose Britney Spears |
| 11:14:14 | Trans-Brain Tumors And More Fake Disorders |
| 12:44:20 | AirB&B For Penis Worshippers |
| 16:36:11 | Deep Dick Meditations |
| 19:06:13 | Meade Skelton Boycott Of Planet Fitness / Homegym |
| 25:51:01 | Beat Scatting – A New Musical Genre You’re Going To Hate |
| 27:44:12 | Sign Up For The Sideshow! |
| 29:15:04 | A Cyber Flasher Is Behind Bars |
| 35:16:06 | Ingrown Pubic Hair Almost Killed A Man |
| 38:32:02 | The Handy Man Who Busted A Nut In His Clients Underwear |
| 41:47:12 | Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending |
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Podcast: Download
AI Transcript:
Tonight, a deadly affair leads to a man on the run.
Sex, drugs, Caribbean voodoo, a stint at a trade school learning HVAC repair, a bocce ball tournament, several haircuts, skydiving, land jumping.
It’s all coming up on today’s exciting, action-packed episode of Distorted View Daily.
Freaks, it’s Thursday, March 21st, 2024.
Coming up on the program today, who wants to see my cockhead?
It’s out there, baby.
Plus, one U-Tard has a complete meltdown while washing her face, trying to make out with the cops as they arrest you, and threatening to blow up an airport because of them government chemtrails.
Distorted View Daily proudly presents another Craigslist personal ad reading by Cheryl Murkowski.
Seeking period blood, sex, 45s, Masua Suffolk.
I seek a woman having their period.
I love the taste of vaginal juices and blood.
I will give you the best ool of your life.
If you get horny when your period erodes, then give me a try.
I can ease your cramps by licking you into euphoria.
I’m clean and estety free.
You be too.
Please, I prefer a shave to the joiner.
But as long as you’re close cut and maintained, then get at me.
Please contact me for further details.
I’m available most any time.
Ironic that was all one sentence.
No periods.
It’s the Distorted View Show with Tim Henson.
She is a fat cunt.
And I love the aftertaste of semen in my mouth.
Christian now fears his flatulence.
A lot of hot liquid poo just went out all at once.
Yes, Tim Henson back here with you for your Thursday episode of DV.
Have a great one for you.
Like I still feel like my face is red and flush because I embarrassed myself and there’s no one around.
That’s how you know you’re really fucked up.
Most of the time when you’re embarrassed is because other people are literally looking at you.
They’re witnessing your stupidity.
But just knowing I did what I did is making me feel weird.
I was looking through old episodes of DV and I don’t know.
First of all, let me just say there are so many times I’m listening to an old episode of DV and I cringe at what I said or the content.
My whole catalog of content is somewhat embarrassing, but I’m okay with that.
I’ve made peace with that over the years.
But I found an episode of DV where the album art…
I don’t know why I did this.
And I can’t believe no one has really ever commented on it.
Maybe at the time.
I mean, I have to think there was a reason why I did this.
Either we were talking about something related on the show, and I was like, ah, I know what would make great album artwork.
Me in tight underwear showing off my cock.
And that’s exactly what the album artwork is.
First of all, for as long as I can remember, I’m like a boxer…
What are they called?
Boxer brief guy?
I tend not to wear tidy whitey.
So I don’t even know why I was in that in this picture.
But it’s a hundred percent me.
I can tell because I’m in my bedroom.
Back when I was starting out and doing my show, I just had my computer in my bedroom.
So I can see my bed and my bedspread, the whole thing.
And I’m standing up, and it’s just like a close up shot of my crotch.
With one hand, I’m kind of like lifting up my shirt, so you can get a real good view of the underwear, and apparently my stomach.
And then the real issue is, and I’m like 100% sure I didn’t notice this when I originally posted it, but you can very clearly see the outline of my cockhead.
I don’t know what, why.
I’m so sorry if any of you did see this, or if it pops up, if you’re listening to like an old episode of DV in your car, and that’s the album artwork that pops up on your Android Auto or CarPlay display.
It’s shocking.
And then there’s like text over it.
Well, not over it.
It doesn’t block it, unfortunately.
I wish it covered it.
But on the top and bottom of the picture, it says so juicy.
So obviously I was having fun with it.
I think it may have been at a time when like not a lot of podcast apps displayed episode artwork maybe.
So I’m hoping not a lot of people saw this, and I’m not going to tell you the date of that particular episode.
I will say, thankfully, I think only sideshow members at this point have access to that old of a show.
You guys will have to sift through the archives if you wanna see that.
I’m anticipating no one going through the trouble.
That being said, tasteful seductive shots do make a lot of money, like on OnlyFans and stuff.
So let’s start the bidding.
PayPal me some cash.
I got bills.
I mean, technically it’s already out there.
Someone’s got this on their computer, so why not make a little cash doing it?
Thankfully, this was during one of the periods where I was pretty thin.
So it’s not a horrifying shot.
Could have been a lot worse.
If you’ve ever fantasized about your favorite podcast host and you’d like to wet your appetite a little more, get a little tiny glimpse, well, teaser of what you’re missing.
Pull out that credit card and let’s talk turkey.
Speaking of unfortunate exposures, last week during Meade’s weekly weigh-in, some eagle-eyed viewers in the Discord noticed that you could see Meade’s flabby reflection in the screen of the scale.
And we talked about that here on the show, which led to a recent post on Meade’s YouTube channel.
I will no longer be weighing myself in my underwear without a T-shirt.
I take full responsibility for this one, freaks.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t realize there’s a reflection in my video.
Luckily, I’m wearing underwear, but it isn’t what I had in mind.
The one comment on that post mentions the podcast.
There were allegations on Distorted View that you were in fact naked when you took your weight.
It might have been wishful thinking, given the nature of that site.
In a way, it kind of was wishful thinking on my part, you know, to make great content.
But it’s not like I’m looking for JO material from Meade Skelton.
That’s not my cup of sweet tea, if you know what I mean.
All right, let’s move on.
One of our favorite lolcows here on the podcast has been KingCobraJFS.
We featured him several times.
Just to refresh your memory, here is one of his many freakouts.
Yeah, if you’re new to KingCobra, man, that’s how it is.
He’s a very loud, angry drunk.
He’s fumbling for his lighter here, and he drops it.
Stupid fucking lighter.
And now the lighter is subjected to a few minutes of abuse, both verbal and physical.
Stupid fucking lighter.
Hey, lighter, fuck you!
Well, you don’t like being beat up.
You don’t like it.
You don’t like it.
You don’t fucking like it!
Then maybe you shouldn’t fucking go against the grain.
Again, this is all because he dropped the lighter.
Yeah, and then during that same livestream, he makes the mistake of trying to stand up.
That doesn’t work out so well for him.
Down he goes.
God damn it!
Guess he’s going to beat the shit out of the floor now.
That’s just a little taste of King CobraJFS.
One of the latest developments in his life is he has acquired a girlfriend.
You hear that?
All you single SOBs out there.
This guy is getting regular pussy.
I know it’s a tempting thought, but please don’t do that.
I need all of my listeners.
Still, it’s incredibly depressing that this guy has managed to find love.
If it makes you feel any better though, if I can offer you some level of comfort, the bitch be crazy.
I’ve got a few clips here.
We begin with a joint live stream, apparently, this woman whose name is Jessica, by the way, is over King Cobra’s house and they’re reading comments in the live chat, which is just a horrible idea.
We’ve been following King Cobra for a while now.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a positive comment left in the chat.
She’s turned him into a traumatized Vietnam vet.
The fuck are you on about?
Just fucking ignore it.
Okay, so she’s trying to grab the keyboard or mouse.
Fucking ignore it.
He does not like that.
I can’t.
Stop with the, stop hitting the buttons, please.
No, I’m not hitting any buttons, Josh.
I’m just scrolling up.
You don’t have to fucking yell at me.
You can even just scroll up.
How am I yelling at you?
You were just yelling at me.
No, I was not.
I think this is the first time she’s ever stayed with him.
So, things are going great.
If you need me to scroll up, I can scroll up, you know.
And I can scroll up too, Josh.
At this point, just so you know what’s going on, she is standing up, probably to get another alcoholic beverage, which is exactly what she needs.
When it comes to King Cobra JFS, the answer is always more alcohol.
The mouse can go like that.
That’s all it takes.
She stepped on his foot.
So.
I didn’t mean to.
No, you’re good.
Shortly after, there’s a knock on the door.
That smell is not this smell, but I think.
One second.
This can not be good.
Can I help you?
Yeah.
It’s the cops.
The trolls are always calling the police on Cobra.
I don’t know if I mentioned this, but Josh is King CobraJFS real name, right?
Josh totally knows already that this is the work of the trolls, and he’s trying to figure out what the angle is here.
Why would the cops come to the house asking about a girl?
Oh, the trolls told them that Jessica’s underage, right?
But no, that’s not the reason.
I’m right here and I’m not flashing anybody.
They call us the cops.
They’ll stop flashing the camera.
Okay, so that’s why you get trolls said.
Because there’s trolls rolling this fucking line.
I pulled their line for the ones they want.
You know what I meant.
I said it backwards.
I said, no, you are.
Do you want to see my ID?
I’m 39 years old.
You can tell the cop is totally amused by this whole situation.
He’s smirking and kind of laughing throughout the whole thing.
Yeah, the whole chat is jealous.
They want Josh for themselves.
Later on in the video, another knock on the door.
This time, a happy delivery.
DoorDash with a bunch of 40s.
Unfortunately, the trolls have sent over some other stuff as well.
The stuff she’s referring to is Jessica’s adult films.
Yeah, she’s done some homemade porn work.
I did, I saw a bunch of girls in the It sucks because they’re kind of far away.
They’re not in front of the camera.
That’s why the audio sucks.
But she says, I know you’ve seen, you know, my stuff.
And he’s like, yeah, I saw it.
And then I deleted it.
And then she disparages the guy that she was performing with in the scene.
I guess this may have been like an ex boyfriend or something.
Joshy can get it up, nice.
How trashy is that?
Gas station boner pills.
It happens, it happens, Joshy.
I’m going to let you know that right now.
Oh, no, protection, use protection.
She’s trying to entrap him, right?
She’s totally gonna get pregnant.
Oh my god, I can’t wait for this next arc.
Good job, mother.
Again, hard to understand, but she said, your listeners will pay for it, the baby, and I’ll be the mother.
There are so many red flags here.
She’s just trying to get to Josh and like all of his whatever money he’s making from the trolls.
Yeah, just blow your load inside of me.
Okay, so again, hard to hear.
She says, I don’t know.
I’m sorry, I know I don’t look sexy right now, but what would you rate me?
Well, let’s see if our friend Josh can navigate this minefield.
Eight out of 10.
Generally, that’s a good score, but when the woman’s right in front of you asking for you to rate her, I don’t know if eight out of 10 is an acceptable answer.
I think it should always be 10 out of 10, honey.
You’re the most beautiful woman always in my eyes.
Or you could try to really be fancy here and say something like nine out of 10.
But you have to add then like, and the only reason I’m saying you’re nine out of 10 is because we’re drunk and one can only truly appreciate your beauty if they’re sober and nothing is clouding their, I don’t know.
I think Josh just should have said 10, 10 out of 10.
The last short clip I want to play from this particular live stream is Jessica by herself reading the chat.
Danger, danger.
She doesn’t even finish that comment, but you know it’s something horrible.
Why am I sitting?
Why are you in my chat?
Don’t want to read them anyways.
Josh loves everything about it.
Okay, don’t be doing that on camera, please.
Yeah, and what she’s doing is lifting up her shirt.
Remember when the cops came just a few minutes ago and was like, hey, we got reports that some woman’s flashing the camera?
And now she is.
Okay, yeah, but please don’t flash the camera.
Josh, you’re not gonna lose your channel.
Yeah, take it from Jessica, who is exercising all sorts of good judgment lately.
Oh my fucking God, dude.
The cop was just here because of this crap and I told him you aren’t doing it.
Stop.
Now the thing is, Jessica doesn’t live anywhere near King Cobra, right?
So she had to actually take a flight to visit him and fuck his brains out.
But all good things must come to an end.
Jessica does her own live streaming and she live streamed herself at the airport getting ready to board and come home.
Oh, I took over his life because I visited?
Yeah, you sound mentally incapable of contention.
Sounds like all of Josh’s viewers are beginning to subscribe to her as well.
Yelling in an airport, what could go wrong?
You know what’s gonna go wrong?
When the FBI investigates you fucking losers.
And I hope you go to jail.
Yeah, that’s who authorities are gonna concern themselves with.
Not the crazy woman in the airport who’s screaming.
No, you’re gonna be arrested at the airport, you fucking dumb ass.
But the people in the chat aren’t in the airport currently.
I don’t think she understands how this all works.
You don’t even know, I have protection.
Thank you, go fuck yourself.
Oh, delusions of grandeur.
And I’m being gang stalked at the airport.
People taking pictures of me at the airport.
You people are fucking sick, freaks, man.
Oh, really, Brains?
Yeah, that’s why the FBI is involved.
You better shut your fucking mouth.
That’s why I have fucking police present here, you stupid ass.
You don’t even know shit, you fucking retard.
It’s not just the chat she yells at.
Listen closely, you can tell that there’s someone walking past her who, I’m guessing, just glanced her way.
Good luck in your life.
What are you looking at?
Keep your eyes to yourself.
Jeez, God.
To be fair, you’re making quite the scene there.
We’re dealing with someone who’s not 100% mentally well, right?
Anytime there are accusations of gang stalking and receiving FBI protection, it’s a clear indication we’re dealing with a cuckoo crazy banane bitch.
And to drive that point home, I’ve got one final clip I wanted to share with you today.
This is Jessica at her home.
Josh isn’t there.
I guess this is a standard Jessica livestream.
She’s in the bathroom cleaning up when she’s interrupted.
I guess even though she has a top on, maybe she’s naked from the water.
This video has a nice ramp up, by the way.
I mean, we’re just at the beginning stages.
Have your hand close to the volume button because you’re going to need to lower it.
They’re yelling at her.
I’m washing my face off.
They probably know she’s live streaming, right?
That’s the real issue.
The water hasn’t been on that long.
What are you doing?
I love that we can only really hear one side of this argument, right?
But it doesn’t even matter.
Well, you really do need to shut up.
You’re gonna call the police and have me locked up because I’m washing my face.
Talking to you like what?
Now, the next part, it sounds like her mother saying, leave, I don’t want you to come back, I don’t like you.
Which is, you know, admittedly a brutal thing to hear from your own mother.
I’m washing my fa-
I think we’re witnessing her getting kicked out of the house.
This is about the time she goes all air raid.
What am I doing?
I’m almost done with my fucking shower.
What have I done to you?
Oh, I’m trying to wash my face.
And she’s off.
What have I done to you?
Holy fucking shit.
I hope to god KingCobraJFS watched this video.
Dude, this is what’s in store for you.
You know she’s going to get kicked out and she’s gonna have to move in with Josh.
This is what arguments are going to sound like with her.
And there’s gonna be no escaping because she’s totally going to get pregnant.
She wants that.
This is what she’s going for.
Bye Okay, all the dogs in the neighborhood are going crazy right about now.
You need to take it down a few notches.
She’s gone supersonic here.
Also, I’m pretty sure she’s not muting the live stream.
She just blew out her microphone.
That’s why you don’t hear anything for a while.
You know, it comes and goes at this point.
The rest of the video is pretty much this.
I’m not even sure if that’s English at this point.
Do you guys need to hear anymore?
Can you guys hear even anymore?
I may be legally liable for any hearing loss on today’s show.
I warned you this was gonna be loud.
They just continue to fight.
And that freaks is King Cobra JFS new girlfriend, Queen Cobra!
Welcome aboard, honey.
She’s gonna fit right in.
I hope that pussy is real good.
You know, for Josh’s sake.
Along those same lines, I’ve got a twofer here for you.
She’s a Linda Finkel Hall of Fame nominee and she also has an Airport Freak Out Meltdown!
Our new lady friend here is pulling double duty.
Love when that happened.
Let’s start with the airport altercation.
I don’t know what prompted this, but the person filming caught this lady running away from cops.
She manages to evade them for a short period of time.
The cops finally catch up with her at an airport restaurant slash bar where our protagonist here, Amalia Joy, has already ordered herself a drink.
She says it’s water.
It very well could be, or it could be something a little stronger.
Amalia Joy.
A-M-A-L-I-A-J-O-Y.
That’s a very unique Google searchable name.
You can find me on a.com, but I’ve been trying to switch to.love.
You can tell she’s kind of a hippie dippy free spirit.
The name, the many bracelets she’s wearing, it all adds up.
I’ll talk right here in front of other people.
Yeah, the cops have finally caught up with her.
I’m not going to talk alone with you, though, man.
Yeah, no, don’t come after me like that.
Not with all your weapons, you man.
Yeah, those are weapons of war, man.
We need to make love, not war.
I’ve already found my voice.
You’re not going to cage me, man.
Cages have been broken.
I’ll sing.
Yeah, let the woman sing.
The only thing that will truly heal the world.
Oh, she’s there with her daughter.
Men are scaring me, and I had to run.
So look him in the eye and tell him that they’re not here to scare me.
The cops obviously want to get her away from the other patrons.
She doesn’t want to go.
She’s scared, so there’s this other woman, this other diner who’s like, look, how about I walk with you in the police?
That way, you know, you’ll be with someone.
Is that okay, Popo?
Here’s the thing though, the woman is not trying to protect this lady, because she’s seen her freak out.
She’s really just trying to help the cops.
There’s the kind woman saying, I can walk with you.
Is that okay?
She’s asking the cops if it’s cool.
How can you say no to her?
Let’s lower your expectations, honey.
No.
You were running up and down.
That’s the woman that was supposedly going to help her.
Well, honey, you were acting a little nuts, a little cuckoo crazy.
At this point, the cops had had enough and they just decided to handcuff her on the spot.
You can imagine how that went.
Right now, you’re detained, so please place your hands behind your back.
Please place your hands behind your back.
Amalia Joy is like clinging on to the woman who said she was going to help her.
Look what you got yourself into.
Did you take me now?
You’ve just lost a customer.
I’m never coming back.
Everyone’s just going to stand there and watch and just not use what happens to me.
Of course not.
You’re not crazy in the least.
My children love me.
They’re going to break my wedding ring and I’ve never been married.
Yeah, you’re saying perfectly sane things here.
Well, she’s kicking.
She demands to speak to the head honcho and she also wants to make out with one of the police officers.
After all, she has a wedding ring, but no husband.
She wants to at least rectify that situation today.
This sounds like me drunk.
Who runs this place?
Kiss me.
I want to be married.
Yeah, she just spat right in the face of the guy she wanted to make out with.
I would fight that charge.
I would be like, your honor, that was a love loogie.
Not control hold, oh, animal control?
You’re going to break my bones, security?
Alright, they haul her ass away.
So as I mentioned, yes, Amalia Joy is a musician and based on the way she was initially speaking in that video, not hard to guess what type of music she produces.
Yeah, that’s a didgeridoo.
I think, right?
Oh, this is some toe-tapping New Age music.
The song is called Blow.
I already like it.
Thank you The lyrics are, blow, blow, blow away, like the chaff, human body to ash all returns.
I gotta be honest with you, it’s not that bad.
I mean, it’s definitely not my type of music, but I wouldn’t exactly call it a Linda Finkel Hall of Fame song, right?
After every release, she then produces a video that explains what the song is about, or the story behind the song, behind the music, if you will.
So this is the story behind Blow, and we get to hear Amalia Joy speak when she’s sober.
Hi, friends.
We’re getting a rain front here on the islands, and it’s really nourishing to the gardens.
Jesus Christ.
I’m starting to think maybe she wasn’t under the influence of anything at the airport.
That’s just her.
Thank you for being on this journey of music with me.
It’s been rewarding in so many dimensions, so thank you for being a part of it.
She is on a beautiful island.
You know, she reminds me of Rainn Florent.
Whatever happened to that crazy cunt?
Oh, I need an update on her.
All right, so the story behind blow.
So the consumer culture just seemed to be numbing people from themselves.
Lady, you had an airport freakout at an Olive Garden Express.
Don’t for a minute think you’re not part of the problem.
And we’ve all stood in return lines.
For the majority of culture right now, we’re not crafting all of the things that we use to exist.
And so-
You know one thing you can’t buy on the store shelves?
Ayahuasca.
I’m thinking maybe that played a part in whatever happened to her.
We find ourselves in these lines waiting for something.
Coles is the worst.
They just need to open more registers.
A sign of some sort outside of ourselves to save us from ourselves, from perhaps a mundane existence or a routine that we wish we didn’t have to go through or live through.
In this woman’s case, airport security checkpoints.
To be fair, she made that task anything but mundane.
She put her own fun spin on it.
That’s Amalia Joy.
Hope she’s feeling better there.
And with that, let’s get into the crazy bizarre twist to the fucked up news right now.
Hey, if you’re enjoying this podcast, please consider supporting the show by becoming a sideshow member.
When you sign up for the sideshow, you will gain access to three sideshow exclusive episodes every week.
That’s in addition to the two free ones I do here.
That means you’ll be getting a daily podcast.
That’s a whole lot of Tim Henson.
Let me just say right now to my sideshow members, thank you so much for putting up with this, me.
I don’t know how you do it.
There are a couple ways to sign up.
Go to superfreaksideshow.com.
Membership’s very inexpensive, only $6.99, even less when you opt for a quarterly, semi-annual, yearly or lifetime membership.
If you sign up through the website, you’ll get an RSS feed that you can plug into most podcasting apps like Apple Podcasts, Overcast, Pocket Casts.
You’ll put the RSS feed in your app and it’ll ask you for your Sideshow username and password and you’re off and running.
For an even easier way, if you do happen to use Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you can sign up right inside of those apps, just a few taps on your phone, you’re in, you’ll see all the exclusive episodes appear right alongside the free shows in your feed.
Super duper easy, again, superfreaksideshow.com.
Another way to help support DV, we’ve got a Patreon account, patreon.com/distortedview.
You can pledge as little as a dollar over there.
If you pledge five, you get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first.
If you pledge $20 a month, occasionally I send out DV merchandise, which I did this month.
Freaks are receiving their DV plushy logo things, whatever you want to call them, they’re like pillows, I guess.
But it’s really they’re cool.
They’re in the shape of the DV logo.
They’re cut and very soft, little fuzzy.
Who doesn’t want a DV logo?
They can hug and kiss and penetrate.
You’ll have to drill your own hole, but it is possible.
Believe me.
Anyway, check out patreon.com/distortedview.
If you would like to support the podcast that way.
And thank you so much to all of my patrons.
And of course, you side show members, you guys are the reason I’m able to continue doing this.
All right, three very quick stories now.
First up, we begin the day with a story from our most fucked up state.
Say it with me.
Shout out to Timmy Boo, nigga.
Thank you for that shout out.
A man from Lehigh Acres is currently incarcerated after he allegedly shot a woman who asked him to remove his six cats from her home.
It was apparently one too many cats drove her over the edge.
The Lee County Sheriff’s Office reported that 59-year-old Glenn White fired multiple shots at the woman he was living with after she requested him to place his cats outside.
Now the victim managed to survive the attack, although the deputies noted that she sustained over 10 defects all over her body, which is a weird way of saying injuries or wounds.
I don’t know, when I hear the word defect, my mind immediately goes to like lobster claws, you know, birth defects.
This woman was shot in the hand and she ended up with flippers or something.
It’s just a weird way of stating that, right?
Alright, according to the arrest report, White was evicted from his own residence and was invited by the victim to stay at her place.
White initially brought three cats with him, which I guess was okay.
She was aware of the three cats, but then he continued to bring a new cat home every day, eventually totaling six felines by the time the incident occurred.
He’s Florida Crazy Cat Man.
The victim mentioned that she and White had been arguing for the past few days about the presence of the cats, but he still kept bringing new ones home every day.
I know she’s upset about the fourth cat, but maybe when she sees how cute the fifth one is, she’ll lighten the fuck up.
She did not, in fact, lighten the fuck up, and the sixth cat was the final straw for her.
The victim mentioned that she and White had been arguing for the past few days about the presence of the cats inside of the home.
She expressed her exhaustion with having the cats indoors, and informed White that she would be placing the cats out on the lanai.
Yeah, you can’t say that word without thinking about the golden girls, I know.
This would be a very disturbing, sad plot for an episode.
But if it were an episode, I could see Dorothy shooting Rose for bringing home so many cats, you know?
Dorothy can be kind of a bitch, and Rose is an animal lover.
Blanche could fuck the animal control guy.
I could lick Stanley Spornak’s armpits.
Now that’s what I call mustnip TV.
I’m sorry, I’m getting off topic here.
You know how I feel about Stanley Spornak.
Yes, we were once together.
It’s true.
At least it felt like it was true.
But unfortunately, it was…
Timmy Gibson, finishing up with the story now, thankfully.
As she attempted to gather the cats from White’s room, deputies reported that White blocked the doorway.
You ain’t going anywhere.
You want them cats?
You got to go through me first.
All right, when the victim turned around, White fired multiple shots at her, allegedly yelling, I’m going to kill you, bitch.
Killing bitch for pussy, a tale as old as time.
The victim was transported to the hospital in an unspecified condition.
Well, she was deformed.
White has been apprehended and is currently detained at the Lee County Jail with a bond set at $25,000.
Based on the evidence, authorities believe there is probable cause to charge White with one count of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and one count of just plain old aggravated battery.
There you go, that’s what’s happening in Florida.
But that’s not the only thing happening in Florida.
Yes, our second story also comes from our most fucked up state.
Say it with me one more time, baby.
Every day in every way we prove this time after time.
Thank God I had some help with that one, right?
Made it so much better.
All right, no more singing.
I swear to God.
That’s a Tim Henson promise.
All right, where are we at here?
In Fort Myers, Florida, an incident occurred at the Page Field Airport in South Fort Myers, resulting in the arrest of a man accused of making a bomb threat.
The Lee County Port Authority reported that the suspect, driving a white Dodge pickup truck, entered the base operations at around 7 p.m.
and he issued a verbal bomb threat before leaving the scene.
Did he think he would just like get away with that?
I said what I had to say.
No one follow me, please.
As his license plate is on full display.
The suspect identified as 64 year old Greg Poole approached the clerks with a complaint about an aircraft flying over his home.
He says these aircrafts were spraying chemicals.
Yeah, he’s one of those guys.
All part of that chemtrail conspiracy.
Now, if this guy was a listener of Distorted View Daily, he would have learned a week or two ago how to make or fashion a device that could eliminate chemtrails and clouds in general.
They’re cloudbusters, because that’s what the world needs to get rid of.
Fucking clouds.
They’re ruining everything for us.
All up there in the sky, looking white and fluffy.
Fuck them.
Fuck the clouds.
I think I speak for everyone when I say, Clue disappear.
Clue disappear.
Clue vanish.
The man claimed he was tracking the plane and he knew it originated from that very airport.
According to the report, Pool then mentioned an FBI building that had exploded and warned the clerks, if the plane does not stop flying over my house, you will be next before departing in his truck.
Guess what?
Law enforcement officers later apprehended Pool at the House of Trikes and Bikes on Fowler Avenue.
He probably thought to himself, well, I can’t be driving around in this Dodge truck anymore.
They’re going to be looking for me in it.
I’ll buy myself a trike.
He’s now facing charges related to making false reports concerning the planting of a bomb, an explosive or a weapon of mass destruction, as well as concerning the use of firearms in a violent manner.
Upon searching his truck, authorities discovered a shotgun, rifle and a handgun, along with ammunition.
Yes, that is a random chemtrail conspiracy theorist shouting at the clouds.
They don’t talk about that, do they?
And that’s when he sped off in his Toyota Tercell.
Here’s another one.
This audio is much clearer.
I refuse to accept this as a new fucking way of living.
I refuse to accept this as a new normal.
I think he’s also bitching about vaccines and masks, but mostly about chemtrails.
I flat out refuse to accept this as a new normal.
Grow a backbone and speak up about this.
I don’t care if people fucking think I’m crazy.
I’m done with the government fucking spraying chemicals above my fucking head.
I’m fucking done with these fucking assholes spraying chemicals above my fucking head every fucking day.
It’s so funny because it’s a beautiful day outside.
There are some clouds.
Some of them are fluffy.
Some of them are not, right?
And I think those are the ones he thinks are chemtrails.
All right, sounds great.
Final story we have for you today.
We talked about this on the show, but it’s a story that really went viral.
That Willy Wonka themed event that set parents back like 40 bucks a ticket, and it ended up being just this awful, barren, industrial looking warehouse that looked nothing like a Willy Wonka Wonderland over there in the UK.
Well, now the organizer is speaking out.
I guess he’s trying to save his ass here.
Billy Cole, the director of House of Illuminati, an events firm, has recently spoken out in a Channel 5 documentary about the personal impact of the controversy surrounding the Willy’s Chocolate Experience.
He expressed how the ordeal has devastated his life, stating, My life has been turned around.
My life is ruined.
I mean, you want to feel sorry for the guy because again, this story went viral, everyone was making fun of him, but if it hadn’t of gone viral, I don’t think he would have refunded anyone’s money, right?
He put on this exhibit or whatever the fuck it was in its shitty state.
He gladly accepted their money, as is often the case.
I think this guy is apologetic because he was caught, because there was a big deal made out of it.
Cole had hoped the event would bring joy and happiness to attendees.
However, the backlash from the event led to him cancelling a dream destination wedding that was going to be funded by the ticket sales, and he was going to move out of his family home.
Okay, well, I don’t know.
Are we supposed to feel bad?
I mean, you couldn’t afford your extravagant wedding because you put on a shitty event.
I mean, I’m not going to feel bad for you about that.
And also, okay, you’re living with your parents.
Maybe it’s because you can’t get your shit together.
You half ass everything.
You’re a loser.
I don’t know if he’s a loser, but, you know, if the Wonka size hat fits.
The controversy began when the Willy Wonka Experience, organized by Kull’s Company, failed to meet expectations.
Advertised as a magical, Roald Dahl-inspired event, the day turned sour as children were left in tears, and police were called to manage angry families demanding refunds.
Despite promises of a chocolate fantasy like never before, and tickets priced at 35 pounds each, attendees were greeted by a sparsely decorated warehouse with a few plastic mushrooms and a pink bouncy castle, along with dispirited actors and poor costumes, leading to online ridicules such as the meth lab oompa loompa.
In an interview, Kull revealed that he has received hundreds of messages urging him to end his life and labeling him as the devil, a villain and a terrible father.
The airing of the documentary has elicited some sympathy on social media though, with one person commenting, I feel genuinely sorry for him.
He looks broken.
Another person added, I know this was a bad experience, but I genuinely hope Billy is okay.
There’s no reason to kill yourself.
I’m not sure if House of Illuminati even has a history, if they put on other events, but if I could make a suggestion, instead of going so big, start with a smaller event, something more intimate and less costly.
Work your way up to the Willy Wonka Experience.
And, you know, everyone loves a good redemption story.
Things might turn out to be okay.
You can always try again if you really commit to doing something well.
I don’t know.
This is someone’s mental health and life we are talking about.
We say time and time again, be kind.
He doesn’t deserve death threats.
That’s true.
The situation highlights the severe consequences that can arise from public backlash.
Not to mention just how mean the Internet is.
I like to think I played a small part in that.
That, my friends, is your Distorted News for Thursday.
Let’s do a couple voicemails and get the hell out of here.
All right, my babies.
Love to hear from you.
Many ways to contact the show.
Show at distortedview.com.
I’m all over social media at Distorted View on Twitter and Instagram.
facebook.com/distortedviewshow.
We’ve got a few patrons calling in.
Again, these are people who pledge at least $5 over there.
patreon.com/distortedview.
Yes, caller?
Hey, Tim.
Headslore Trash here calling from the Toyota Utter Indifference.
I just wanted to let you know I’m a little behind on shows by about a month, but people from Myanmar are actually called Burmese.
Anyway, I’m getting another call.
Love you.
Bye.
Well, that was short, sweet and to the point.
The point, of course, is making me sound like a moron.
You didn’t think I knew that those people are called Burmese, of course, because the country used to be Burma, right?
I just feel like, you know, when you change the name of your country, you should also change how you refer to your people.
Otherwise, it’s just confusing.
I believe I came up with a perfectly good suggestion for the Myanmar people.
How about we call them the Me and Yous?
That’s nice.
It’s a nice thing.
It’s me.
Hi, I’m Barbie.
So I have a lot of questions, you know, in regards to me becoming this Chad Life.
What?
Chad Life?
Chad Life?
I don’t know what she’s saying.
You know, do I still get to keep a side piece?
You know, I would really appreciate if I could keep a side piece.
I don’t know.
Wait, did I suggest or plead with Pirate Barbie to marry Meade?
Is that what we’re talking about?
I’m completely lost.
I don’t know why.
I’m sorry.
Or do Chad Wives have to give up their side pieces?
I don’t know how this works.
Oh, I don’t think Meade would allow you to have a side piece.
Also, I don’t know enough about Pirate Barbie, but are you Latina?
Because I think that’s what Meade really wants.
A Latina or a woman who’s Latvian.
Yeah, Latina, Latvian, Eastern European, hard Russian facial features.
That’s good too.
Also, I’d really like to know why it bothers Squigs so much to be told we need to talk.
Again, I don’t know the specifics here, but even just you saying that out loud on the phone got me sweating.
Because we need to talk means, like a guy did something wrong.
There’s a concern or issue in the relationship or you found out he dunded fucked up real bad.
Also, as a general rule, guys don’t like to talk.
There’s nothing we hate more than having an in-depth conversation about our feelings.
And that’s just like kind of the vibes we get when we hear, we need to talk.
Now, if he’s avoiding you because you say that, what you could do is you can trick him once or twice by saying something like, hey, bro, can I run something past you?
Real quick, real quick.
Or maybe like, yo dog, check this out or some, I don’t know.
But again, he’ll catch on eventually, right?
You can only use that once or twice.
You can tell me who Haley’s Comet calling up about Ozempic.
I’ve done some digging into this, and I think it’s a bit early to be jumping on using Ozempic for weight loss.
The way it works is it provides a synthetic form of a hormone that helps you feel full and satisfied.
I’ve been looking into it too.
Specifically, more cost effective alternatives to Ozempic.
What a lot of people on the internet says works well for them is spray foam insulation.
You buy a can of that, you spray it down your throat like it’s fucking ready whip, canned whip cream.
It expands inside of you, and you’re good for a week or two.
Bonus, you’re going to save so much money on heating and cooling.
You can turn that thermostat right down.
And the problem is, there’s some evidence that if you continue this too long, your body stops producing that hormone itself.
That’s okay.
They’ll come out with a drug that will kickstart that hormone again.
So ozempic could very well be a bit of a trap that once you go off of it, you will always be hungry.
I’m sure that’s what the drug companies want, right?
You can never get off that drug.
That’s the concern anyway.
It’s still being researched.
It’s not proven.
Holy shit.
I can’t think of a worse thing than that.
Like having that feeling constantly that you’re hungry.
So I would just advise extreme caution.
I ain’t doing shit.
I ain’t got no money for that.
Are you kidding me?
Plus with my wonky ass heart.
Good Lord.
I’m sure there’d be some sort of complication.
Hey, Timmy Boo, this is super freak fuggler from the Discord.
Just wanted to give you an update on that beach baiting babe that you played today.
Well, this was a while ago.
This is one of my older voicemails.
But yeah, that woman who was masturbating on the beach.
I do remember that.
Yeah, that lady apparently ended up killing herself.
After the story kind of came out a couple of weeks after that story broke, man.
So, yeah, I guess we won’t have any updates on her.
It was due to all the shame of getting caught, you know, putting it in her.
Did I shame her or was I like, right on sister, you finger blast yourself on the beach in front of all those kids.
Good for you, girl power.
You never know how I’m going to respond to these things on the show.
At the beach.
I can either be totally for it or against it.
Anyway, bud, just thought you might like that update.
Hope she didn’t listen to DV.
Alright, have a good one.
I’m sure I didn’t have anything to do with that.
In some ways, I wish I did wield that kind of power over people, where I could just like crush them.
You know, people hear me, they hear my voice, they hear the way they talk.
They end up bullying me.
Like, I guarantee you, that woman heard the show, she’d be like, I don’t care what that faggot thinks.
Look at him and his big melon head.
He sounds like someone who takes it up the goddamn ass.
He should kill himself.
You know, like, no one is intimidated or scared of me.
It’s a real problem, I gotta say.
I’m gonna keep trying though.
I’m gonna keep trying to bully people.
Alright, that is all the time we have on this edition of the show.
I want you guys to email me, showatdistortedview.com.
distortedview.com is our official website.
Voicemail on for you.
206-666-4463.
That’s 206-666.
So, God is it, oh God.
Spread the distortion, STD, till all your friends are proud of the show.
Don’t forget to give us a five-star rating, a thumbs up, or like.
Wherever you can rate and review podcasts.
If you’re Sideshow members, I will see you back on Friday, and then again on Monday.
If you’re not Sideshow freaks, what the hell is wrong with you?
Sign up right now.
Otherwise, I’ll see you back on Tuesday.
Until then, have a great weekend.
Greasy cots and lubed-up butt holes, that’s what my garage is all about.
Every inch of this place sees action, from the toilets to the grease-covered floor.
You can smell them in there.
This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrod Media Group.
Learn more at scrod.net.
