On Today’s Show:
- Craigslist Courtship, Cheryl-Style: Cheryl Murkowski recites a very real, very caps-locked personal ad. Spoiler: please have all your damn teeth.
- Principal on Crack? A Pennsylvania middle school principal goes full meth-head philosopher at a community event, screaming about socks while students film. Paid leave never looked so easy.
- Porn Beetlejuice Becomes Pussy Juice: A high-production-value porno parodies Beetlejuice, except it’s Pussy Juice. Yes, she squirts. No, the ending makes no sense.
- First Class Freakout: A Trump voter bum-rushes a plane, plops her ass in first class, and refuses to touch her own bag. Cue the cuffs, whining, and threats to sue.
- Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Rediscovering Final Placement’s “Shine,” a catastrophic Mary Tyler Moore ripoff that proves some bands really should stay in final place.
- Shooter Scandal: The man accused of killing Charlie Kirk was allegedly deep into furry porn games like Furry Shades of Gay. He may also have been into forced-feeding porn. Bad news for everyone—furries, gays, trans people, gamers, crocheters.
- Call Your Boss a Dickhead (Once): A UK tribunal rules that an office manager unfairly dismissed for calling her bosses “dickheads” gets her job back. You get one free insult, folks.
Plus:
Tim contemplates a queer/trans/furry exile country (pedos not invited).
Listener sponsorship from Unsafe Volvo Gal (with a side of Stephen Dawson content).
Voicemails about ass-wiping techniques, weight-loss injections, porn-on-laptops during doggy style, and one very pissed bed partner.
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