Today on the Show
- 🎵 World Premiere: Meade Skelton debuts the official Distorted View song (with a historic “fucked up” from Meade himself)
- ✝️ Rapture-palooza: TikTok prophets, crying-Jesus channelers, and post-September-24th cope
- 🧪 Liquid Ass Attack: A fart-spray fiend costs a school district ~$55k
- 🎄 AI Smut Ornaments: Mickey & Minnie (and friends) get extremely non-canon for Christmas
- 🧈 Classic Replay Request: Lars’ pick — the Butterbell / Lord Douche OCD saga
- ☎️ Voicemails: Bidet Day reminder, “beneficiary” vs “beneficial” vs “benefactor,” and Discord shenanigans
Cold Open & Setup
- Kool-Aid neighborhood dispute escalates from “who mixes it best” to a literal gunfight, bullets in wrist and butt, and the kind of local news live-shots that make Timmy Boo proud.
Segment 1 — The Rapture That Wasn’t
- Origin: A South(ern) African pastor time-boxes the Rapture for Sept 23–24, 2025; TikTok reposts make it go boom.
- Prepper Energy™: Laminated “Left Behind” index cards (do not take the mark), Bibles & candles shopping sprees, porch-watch parties waiting to see neighbors float.
- Crossover Crazies: New-Age “Council of Light” voice meets evangelical prophecy. One creator channels a sobbing Jesus—paranoid, scolding, and name-checking Charlie Kirk.
- Aftermath: Apology-ish videos (“I was deceived”), watchmen doubling down (“don’t give up hope”), and an associate pastor passing the buck.
- Bonus Grift Watch: GodsMoney.info + a Charlie Kirk coin freebie (Tim diagnoses: toxic ink, priceless cancer).
Pull Quote: “Jesus Palooza was allegedly a two-day event—gotta keep the heavenly traffic orderly.”
Segment 2 — World Premiere: Meade Skelton — “Distorted View Daily”
- Requested “Yankee Doodle” vibe ✅
- Meade’s show synopsis via song: bodily functions, outcasts, heathens, quaaludes, and “crazy, bizarre, twisted, fucked up news.”
- Historic moment: Meade says ‘fucked’ on-mic.
- Tim’s director’s commentary mid-play; full uninterrupted track closes the show.
- Hopes for future Meade cuts (harder anti-Tim gay-hell anthem? Chicken Tetrazzini cameo secured.)
Segment 3 — AI-Generated XXX Ornaments
- TikTok ads push customizable ornaments of beloved IP doing unspeakable things (Mickey/Minnie, Beast/Belle, Jack/Sally, Grinch x Grinch, Stitch & “Angel”).
- Copy highlights butt-licking slogans (“I licked it so it’s mine”) + name personalization.
- Site looks scammy; reports range from “worst thing I’ve bought” to “arrived but smells like chemicals.”
- Tim’s verdict: You’ll likely receive a flat printed disc, not the glossy 3D thing in the ad; proceed if your tree is already 100% depravity-themed.
Segment 4 — Liquid Ass at School (Florence, SC)
- Alexander Lewis (32), a teaching assistant, allegedly sprays fart/feces odor around campus (Aug 25–Sept 19).
- Fallout: Headaches, nausea, dizziness, asthma flares; district spends ~$55,000 on inspections/HVAC.
- Charges: Malicious damage to property & disturbing schools; bond just over $9,000.
- Court dates: Oct 15 (disruption) & Nov 19 (property damage).
- Tim’s medical tip: If you have asthma, don’t inhale farts (also: avoid rimming).
Special Feature — Classic Replay: The Butterbell Saga (Lars’ Request)
- The definitive Lord Douche OCD epic:
- Months of research, Amazon returns, glaze imperfections, porcelain vs ceramic pedantry, and Omniware archeology.
- Tim’s white-hot rage, a clandestine white Omniware score from a tiny NC shop, and the climactic judgment: “I’m okay with the white.”
- Considered the inciting incident for the Butterbell Cinematic Universe™.
Housekeeping / Support
- Sideshow: Full-length exclusives this week due to Ashtabula duty; more next week. Join at distortedview.com (monthly $9; discounts for quarterly/annual/lifetime).
- Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview — $1+ helps; $5+ gets the priority voicemail line.
- Episode Sponsorships: $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com or paypal.me/distortedview).
- Missed Wednesday’s show? Reposted: “Why Is My Sperm Hole Twitching?”
Voicemails / Community
Call in: share Humacus ornament results, Meade song rankings, and your favorite Lord Douche rant to replay.
Lars follows up on Tim’s beneficiary/beneficial/benefactor word-salad.
Discord: Sept 28 = 7-year Bidet-versary; bot command $BIDAY tracks the shame.
Listener brands “Soup is a funny food.” (It is.)
Links:
Dirty and probably fake Christmas Ornaments
Our New PO Box Address!
Distorted View
PO Box 36268
Cincinnati, OH 45236
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