🩸 Episode Summary

Tim checks in with a quick update and assures listeners he’s not dead—just perfecting the latest steaming pile of mediocrity. While waiting for the brand-new DV episode later in the day, he dusts off a Halloween-themed best-of filled with demonic campaign ads, horny ghost lovers, rapping vampires, and Vincent Price dropping witchy acid.

🔥 Featured Segments

👿 Satan Speaks — A Devil’s PR Crisis
Louis Richard Marigold III (aka “the mainstream media’s Satan”) sets the record straight: he’s not running Halloween, just Hell’s crumbling infrastructure. Plus, his underworld bowling team “Dante’s Pinferno” and a campaign for City Water Commissioner.

💀 The Clip Keeper Presents:
Tim introduces DV’s pun-spouting horror-host, the helium-voiced Clip Keeper, who curates some “spine-tingling, taint-prickling” clips—including…

• 👻 Ghost Fucking — Amethyst Realm’s Paranormal Romance:
  The UK woman who claims she’s had sex with 20 ghosts, joined the Mile-High Club with one, and is now engaged to be hand-fasted to her spectral fiancé.

• 🧛 Dracula Learns CAD:
  A real corporate rap from the 1980s in which Dracula hawks ECAD’s “Dracula CAD System.” Tim and the Clip Keeper remix it into an Autodesk Fusion 360 endorsement that somehow slaps.

• 🍄 Vincent Price Loses His Mind on Mushrooms:
  From Witchcraft and Magic, Vincent instructs listeners on how to summon the devil—complete with Ethiopian giants, two-legged rabbits, and a fragrance launch called “Foul Effluvium.”

💩 Distorted News Highlights

• Ghost Bride Update: Amethyst Realm is officially engaged to her Australian spirit boyfriend after a proposal in Wookey Hole Cave.

• Saudi Scat Parties: Hotel staff spill the beans (and other substances) about super-rich guests leaving luxury suites smeared in feces.

• Spoiler Stabber: A Russian scientist in Antarctica stabs his colleague for repeatedly revealing book endings—the first attempted-murder charge on the continent.

📞 Voicemail Mayhem

Listeners sound off on:

• The 90s SEGA! scream and unnecessary jingle changes.

• Sensitivity culture vs. satire.

• A blind caller advocating for a chlorinated gene pool and discussing cum allergies.
  Tim responds with his usual mix of disbelief and filthy empathy.

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