Stalked By A Mime Covered In Cooking Oil

July 22, 20266 min read

Tim

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Stalked By A Mime Covered In Cooking Oil

Episode Summary

Wednesday’s show splashes into trans piss porn, a pronoun meltdown that ends in tasers, a Toronto escort who just wants to get eaten out, a country concert urine attack, a mime covered in cooking oil, and one very naked man surfing a moving train like his life was sponsored by vodka and poor judgment.

Opening Chaos

Frilly Hayes kicks things off with a deeply cursed piss clip involving a trans woman, a bed that absolutely did not deserve this, and the revelation that most of the urine wasn’t even hers.
Black Prophet Legacy sends Tim the X link that unleashes an entire discussion about mommy-daughter pee fetish energy, mattress damage, hydration levels, and why some people should never be allowed near fabric upholstery again.
Tim briefly defends himself against the usual transphobia accusations by pointing out that when he mocks a trans person, it’s usually because they’re doing something spectacularly stupid, not because they’re trans. Today’s examples give him plenty to work with.

Episode Highlights

Jarrett Vick, a blue-haired Florida screecher in pink tights, hijacks a police scene that had nothing to do with him and turns it into a full-blown bodycam freakout over pronouns, oppression, and being “abused” by cops who just wanted him to stop screaming.
The whole meltdown escalates from “use the right pronouns” to running, resisting, getting tased, and still somehow finding time to correct officers mid-arrest. Commitment to the bit, if nothing else.
Sagittarius Shawty returns with another hopeless romantic disaster, this time involving a guy who buys her McDonald’s, gets drunk with her, nuts in her mouth, and still won’t eat her out. True love remains elusive.

Ongoing Freaks and Updates

Sag insists she’s looking for a real relationship, while also explaining that her latest “date” openly said he doesn’t want anything serious and appears to be treating her apartment like a tequila-fueled blowjob station.
Her main compatibility standard remains crystal clear: if a man won’t eat it, he’s out, no matter how clean he smells, how nice he looks, or how circumcised he may be.
The Toronto legend is also now reportedly on generic semaglutide, which means we may be entering a whole new era of Sagittarius updates, complete with low-battery smoke detector ambiance.

️ Distorted News

Baltimore country concert piss assault: a New York family says a drunk man at a Morgan Wallen show whipped out his dick and urinated on a man, his wife, and his eight-year-old niece, while responding officers initially acted like there was basically nothing they could do.
Massachusetts mime terror: a man in pale makeup, a top hat, and a black suit is accused of repeatedly harassing female park employees, including one episode where he allegedly stripped to his underwear, coated himself in cooking oil, and exercised near them like a greasy nightmare from hell.
Colorado nude train surfing: an Arizona man was arrested after allegedly breaking into a Union Pacific locomotive, getting naked, and surfing on top of the moving train while professing his love of vodka, beer, and the banjo.

Listener Interaction and Voicemails

A listener calls in with praise for the unforgettable story about a guy who cut off his penis, lit it on fire, and threw it into a garage, suggesting it deserves year-end Distorted View story-of-the-year honors.
Another caller confesses to deleting an older woman’s notes app at a Verizon store, only to learn afterward that it allegedly contained all her important information and memories of her dead husband. Customer service with a nice little body count.
Unicorn Hamster checks in again, confirms he is extremely vocal during sex, mourns the loss of a neighbor he’d hoped to drag into a threesome, and somehow turns grief into the usual horny chaos.
Sweet Leprechaun continues the campaign to turn Prescription Lady into a pharmaceutical ad spokesperson, while other callers weigh in on old-lady walks, aging injuries, and whether smoke detectors need special settings for people who can’t hear a damned thing anymore.