On Today’s Show:

00:00:00	Introduction
01:42:18	Cyber Monday! Last Day For Sideshow Membership Deals!
02:54:02	DV Merchandise 20% With Promo Code BETAMALE
03:35:06	My Thanksgiving Break
06:38:11	Hey Boomer! “My Car Was Possessed”
09:09:14	A Youtard’s Christmas Wishlist
10:38:14	The Evil Christmas Creature Is Torturing Tamir This Holiday
16:02:16	A Glitch In The Matrix And Other Stupid Conspiracy Theories
22:34:14	Grabbing Your Morning Venti Commie Witchcraft Cold Brew
26:28:20	Support DV!
27:46:05	Unwanted Breast Implants And An Ass Lift
32:56:15	Watch Out Because He Will Cookies And Cream You
36:30:17	Loud And Naked Lady Terrorizes Airport
39:13:16	Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

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AI Transcript:

(upbeat music) – Hey freaks, it’s Monday, November 27th, 2023.

Coming up on the program today, kicking off the Christmas season with a bunch of merry Utahrds.

Plus an idiot experiences Uranus in retrograde, grabbing your morning venti commie witchcraft cold brew and assault with a deadly Oreo cookie.

All coming up today.

(upbeat music) (groaning) (upbeat music) (groaning) (laughing) (upbeat music) (groaning) (upbeat music) (laughing) (upbeat music) (groaning) (upbeat music) (groaning) (upbeat music) (groaning) – It’s Christmas!

• Enjoying your Christmas present?
• Would you whip out your nice big present for me?
• Santa treats everybody right.
• Want to know what to give the family this Christmas?

Give them diarrhea.

(diarrhea popping) – You’re gonna get absolutely nothing.

• Absolutely nothing.
• That’s what Christmas is about, Jesus Christ.
• Christmas only comes once a year, baby.
• Oh yeah, driving fucking wild.
• I’m dreaming also, bye.
• Christmas Eve.
• Merry Christmas, everybody.
• Yes, everybody, Tim Henson back here with you to kick off a new week.

Programs have a great one for you today.

Before we get into the program, just a couple real quick announcements.

Today is Cyber Monday, and yes, we’ve got some deals going on.

This is the last day you can grab a monthly Sideshow membership for the insanely low price of only $5.

Yearly memberships are only $50.

That’s the lowest price we ever offered.

As a matter of fact, back when I started the Sideshow in 2006 or 2007, that’s what memberships cost.

So act today, act now, act quick.

If you’ve been thinking about becoming a member, jump on this deal.

Remember, starting in 2024, we’re only gonna be doing two free episodes of “DV” every week here on the feed.

The other three episodes are going to be Sideshow exclusive.

Thank you so much to everyone who has signed up during this Black Friday, Cyber Monday promotion.

It was awesome to see a bunch of new signups.

Again, all major credit cards and PayPal accepted.

Check out superfreaksideshow.

com for that.

Also for Cyber Monday, we still have our Distorted View store deal.

The DV store, of course, is where you can find T-shirts, mugs, shot glasses, mouse pads, all sorts of great Distorted View merchandise.

Today’s the last day to get 20% off by using coupon code BETAMALE.

That’s Beta Male, all one word, B-E-T-A-M-A-L-E.

As long as you’ve got a minimum purchase of $10, use promo code BETAMALE and get 20% off your order at the Distorted View store, distortedview.

com.

And with that, I am officially done with trying to sell you shit.

We can officially get into the program.

Thank you.

I would like to start today’s podcast off by saying, I’m still sick.

What the fuck, man?

It’s been over a week.

I mean, it’s true, I sound much better.

That deep baritone golden voice you.

.

.

(coughing) It’s back.

Yeah, I’m raring to go.

I still have a cough.

I’m pretty sure I’ve got that RSV.

I don’t know what RSV is, but I hear a lot of people saying RSV.

So I just assume that’s what I have.

And the thing about RSV, I guess that’s some sort of respiratory thing, which makes sense because I’m very easily winded.

Lord Douche made me go to like seven different malls yesterday.

And by the end of the evening, I was like crawling on the floor.

Please.

Pull the car around.

Everything we did was like additional walk.

As a matter of fact, we stayed so late at the mall, it was literally closing time.

We had parked right outside of like Dillard’s or you know, one of those type of department stores.

And they had closed, their gates were down.

So we had to walk all around the mall outside.

I was turning purple.

I was gasping for air.

Aside from that and the coughing, I’m pretty much better.

I really shouldn’t have traveled up to Ashtabula because you know, everyone in my family is old.

And apparently if I do have RSV, that shit is deadly to old people.

I hope I did not infect my poor mother.

I kind of had to go up there though, because I had promised my sister, I would pick up one of her kids at college, my niece.

She’s kind of on the way, which was fun.

But the thing about like 19, 20 year old girls is they are not impressed by anything a 40 plus year old person says or does.

It is impossible for us to seem cool around them.

It didn’t help that I was like playing 90s music and saying stuff like, “How do you not know who Matchbox 20 is?

How is this possible?

” She’s like, “Stop yelling at me.

This song came out like 10 years before I was born.

” So we started playing this game where like, I would pick a song and make her listen to it, mostly 90s shit.

By the end of the trip, she was like, “Okay, you can pick any song you want me to listen to except for Toad the Wet Sprocket.

No more Toad.

” And I said, “Fair, that is a fair request.

” I know I would pick a song and make her listen to it.

And then she would pick a song and make me listen to it.

And like all of her music is from artists, of course I’ve never heard of.

And they all have names like Madison Bailey, Kaylee Salem, Landon Welsh, Tuck Austin.

You know, like they just sound like they’re gonna be young and annoying.

And sure enough, they’re all fucking 21 year olds singing about love as if they know anything about that.

I will say I ended up looking like a complete fucking moron because I was convinced my car was possessed by the devil.

It was like a real Mead Skelton moment.

You know, when anything ever happens that Mead doesn’t like, he’s like, “Oh, his demonic forces are at play.

” Like when the scale shows that he’s gained five pounds instead of losing weight when he does his weekly weigh-in.

He’s like, “Oh, I strongly believe my weight scale is possessed by a demon, a weight demon, big, fat, slob servant of Satan.

That’s the only explanation.

” Meanwhile, in the next breath, he tells you like, “He’s had four desserts in one day.

” Anyway, as we were driving, I kept noticing, you know, when I was playing my music, it would just stop.

I was playing from Spotify, right?

And so the music would be playing, then all of a sudden it would stop.

And it was every time I like coughed real hard, which was pretty frequently because, you know, I mean, you heard me last week, I was a mess.

And at first I thought, “Oh, we’re just, we’re in an area with spotty cell reception.

So we’re gonna, you’re gonna have that.

Interruptions to the music.

” But it kept happening no matter where we were.

Every time I was like, (coughing) the music would stop.

And it was like, the car was getting annoyed with me.

The car was like, “I want to listen to this music and I can’t enjoy it with you coughing.

So we’re just gonna stop the music until you’re done hacking up along.

And then we can try again.

” And my car was scolding me.

It wasn’t until we were about 10 minutes away from our destination of Ashtabula, when I realized, “Oh, the car’s not possessed.

The car’s not angry wanting to listen to the music.

” What was happening is, every time I coughed, I would like cough into my sleeve.

Like I’d lift my arm up to my mouth and my nose was tapping my Apple Watch.

And when you’ve got music playing from your iPhone, then the Apple Watch is like a play pause button.

And so my nose kept triggering the music to pause.

And that’s what I finally figured out.

Like a goddamn moron.

I told my niece this and I could just feel her eyes rolling.

I didn’t even look at her.

There’s like a thought bubble over her head.

Oh, okay, so my uncle is special needs.

Okay, great.

Finally confirmed that suspicion.

All right, well, that was my little trip to Ashtabula.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving slash Black Friday weekend.

Even though I am now in the Christmas spirit, we’ve got to buckle down because there’s, you know, there’s work to be done.

Although I will say this, I’m not the only one excited for the holidays.

Our very own Devin Sweeney is most definitely looking forward to Christmas.

• Hey, what’s up, bitches?

This is your boy Devin here.

And I’m dreaming of a motherfucking white Christmas.

• Oh, see, now that’s nice.

I could do without the vulgarity, but the sentiment is nice.

• And on Christmas may cum fall down from the sky.
• That’s the Devin we know and love.
• Thick white cum.

Merry fucking Christmas.

Hope you all have a great Christmas this year.

Woo-hoo.

• Well, I hope you get what you’re asking for, Devin.
• But anyway, I love motherfucking Post Malone.
• That took a weird 180.

Okay, let’s talk about Post Malone.

• And honestly, I want to go down on my knees and suck on Post Malone’s thick white dick.

Hell yeah, could that be so fucking hot?

I heard Post Malone had a baby, and I’m just thinking to myself, honestly, Post Malone got some pussy.

He fucked somebody and he made a baby.

Damn, that motherfucking man-whore.

But I love him.

Come on my face, Post Malone.

• Well, it sounds like Devin Sweeney is in a good mode.

Looking forward to jizz this holiday season and the potential of sucking off Post Malone.

Do we want to try and press our luck and see how Tamir is doing this holiday season?

• I hate the evil creature!
• Santa Claus?
• Somebody kill it already!
• We most certainly did press our luck.

We went too far checking in with Tamir.

This video was just posted, by the way, a couple hours ago.

• Kill the creature!

I hate it!

I want the creature to die!

I want it to die!

I want it to die right now!

• What if Tamir really is talking about Santa Claus?

Like he’s pissed off he didn’t get the moccasins he wanted or whatever.

I mean, Santa Claus is kind of a creature.

Like he’s supernatural, hundreds and hundreds of years old, flying around in the sky, creeping down people’s chimneys at night when they’re sleeping and stuff.

I mean, it is kind of creepy.

• Kill it!

Kill the fucking creature already!

• Tamir reciting one of the more horrific Christmas poems.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring.

• Kill the fucking creature!
• Because the fucking creature was killed along with that bitch, Emma Watson.
• The creature is the worst thing that ever happened to me!
• And that’s saying a lot because just last week, we learned that Tamir is like impotent and has a micro penis.

You’d think that would be at the top of his list.

• No.
• It is pure evil!
• The creature is his problem.
• It is worse than the devil!
• Okay.
• I hate it!

I hate the creature!

It ruins my life!

I hate the creature!

• Yeah, but how do you feel about the creature?

Ultimately, he’s not that bad, right?

• It is pure evil!
• Yeah, but the creature has a certain charm.

You have to admit that, right?

• I hate it!
• I don’t know why I’ve never thought of this before, but you know, Tamir has one of the most unique voices we’ve ever featured.

Why not plug a few samples into that AI voice cloning program of mine and we’ll have a Tamir of our very own.

Tamir, how do you feel about the holidays now?

• I saw Santa kissing that evil AI.

The reindeer are making my legs twitch again.

I just want it to stop.

Please make it stop.

• Pretty good, right?

Now, Tamir, try your hand at a Christmas song.

(Christmas music) (bells jingling) – I don’t want a lot for Christmas.

There is just one thing I need.

I don’t care about that bitch Emma Watson.

I’ll drown her in the fucking sea.

I don’t need a bigger dick worm, even though it refuses to get firm.

Santa Claus can’t fix the pain from the AIs shooting lasers in my veins.

I just want it killed.

More than you could ever know.

Make my wish come true.

All I want for Christmas is that evil AI to leave me alone.

• Not bad.

Tamir doesn’t give me a lot to work with here.

By the way, to train the AI, I used two Tamir clips.

One where he’s speaking normally and one where he’s just screaming.

• It is pure evil.
• Nice work, AI.

Oh, by the way, this program has a new feature.

This is crazy.

So now what I can do, check this out.

I can like upload audio, for instance, audio of this show, me speaking, and then it will apply one of the artificial voices to it.

So for instance, I took the first minute of today’s podcast.

I would like to start today’s podcast off by saying I’m still sick.

What the fuck, man?

Remember how you just heard that a few minutes ago?

So I plugged that into the AI program and then applied Ben Shapiro’s voice to it.

I would like to start today’s podcast off by saying I’m still sick.

What the fuck, man?

It’s been over a week.

I mean, it’s true.

I sound much better.

That deep baritone golden voice you.

.

.

(laughing) That’s good, it’s black.

Yeah, I’m raring to go.

I still have a cup.

I’m pretty sure I’ve got that RSV.

I don’t know what RSV is, but I hear a lot of people saying RSV.

Do I really sound this dumb?

I never really paid any attention.

You know, when I hear it in my own voice, it sounds one way, but when like someone else says the same thing, I’m like, that is the dumbest fucking shit.

I have RSV.

I don’t know what RSV is.

I heard the letters RSV before.

So that’s what I have.

How the fuck can you people listen to this nonsense?

Speaking of nonsense, I do have a couple of other clips I wanted to share with you.

Guys, you know, it’s time for some tough medicine.

Some of you freaks out there, you gotta get off the internet.

It ain’t good for you.

More and more people are just falling prey to this notion that everything is a goddamn conspiracy theory.

And you know, it really hit critical mass during the pandemic.

The government, they don’t want anyone to leave their house without permission anymore.

No one’s gonna be allowed out.

This is a trial run for the one world government.

You remember people attacking 5G towers, literally setting them on fire because well, some people thought that 5G was actually transmitting COVID.

Others thought it was some sort of brain controlling device then throw in all the vaccine nuttiness.

You know, I’ve talked about this stuff while it was happening on this podcast.

And you know, I would get emails or messages from people saying, you know, Tim, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but there’s something weird going on.

Open your eyes, man.

Don’t you think this is all a little strange?

Something weird’s happening.

Yeah, something weird was going on.

The pandemic, the pandemic was the weird thing.

Was it a worldwide conspiracy?

No mind control devices.

5G isn’t frying our brains.

There’s no nanoparticles turning us into zombies.

It was just a pandemic.

Did the government go overboard with the shutdown and all that crap?

Probably, but I don’t think it was for nefarious reasons.

How often do we really have to deal with a pandemic?

Like this was kind of new territory for us all.

Anyway, I’ve got a clip here of a woman who is just asking some questions.

• I don’t know if you guys have noticed.
• This is recent.

This is not during the pandemic.

This was posted just a few days ago.

• I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but things are getting weird.

Real weird.

And no, I’m not just talking about the war and all the crazy stuff that’s going on in the world today.

I’m talking about like actual literal things that are happening to us as human beings, such as technological glitches.

You may have been noticing that your technology has not been working properly.

• All right, so this moron had a Windows 11 update and now she thinks the world’s ending.

What’s going on?

I’ve had to reboot my computer three times.

Blame Microsoft for that, honey.

It is really annoying, I agree.

This reeks of like a woman who doesn’t understand technology and she’s not good with consumer electronics.

She’s like one of these people who’s probably like, “My phone is possessed.

” You know how boomers are always saying that?

“I can’t get into my contact.

I don’t know my phone is possessed.

” Keep in mind, I understand the irony in that last statement considering the last story I told you was how I thought my car was possessed because every time I coughed, my music would turn off.

But you know, I knew my car wasn’t really under the influence of demonic powers.

This woman is just a dumb bitch.

• That over this past year, it’s almost kind of like Mercury retrograde on crack.
• See, what did I tell you?

Dumb bitch.

Conspiracy theories and astrology.

• Like nothing ever freaking works.

And the internet has just been super, super shoddy.

And I’ve been hearing this from everybody, by the way.

Not to mention time dilation.

• Hold on here.

I don’t know what time dilation is.

I hope she explains.

• Not to mention time dilation.

This is a big one this year.

Now, granted the time dilation really started up in 2020.

People started noticing that we were losing a sense of time.

• Oh my God.

This is something that affects absolutely everyone.

As they get older, the years seem to go by faster.

You know, a year doesn’t seem like a year anymore.

Everyone experiences this.

She is the only one though that thinks it is a cosmic conspiracy.

• Things were either going like really fast or really slow.

And it wasn’t just like, just casually being, oh, hey, you know, time is flying guys.

It was like, no, a collective amount of people were agreeing that something is off with the time.

• You say that started in 2020.

That is so specific.

I wonder what was happening in 2020 that would make our fucking perception of time off a little bit.

• And you may have noticed that 2023 has also flown.

People are losing track of time right now.

And I don’t know about you, but like, I don’t even acknowledge the holidays that are coming up anymore.

Like, you know, St.

Patrick’s day will be around the corner.

• One of the bigger holidays.
• I’m like, wait, what?

Like, I don’t know until the day before or the day during.

And we got memory loss or having just vague.

• It sounds like you’re experiencing the phenomenon known as aging.

I’m forgetting things as I get older.

My eyesight is going bad.

What’s up with that?

• Random.
• Obviously the government is shooting laser beams directly into your cornea.
• Please appear.

Not to mention.

• I’m sorry, hold on.

What is this nonsense now?

At first I was like, this is a five minute video.

There’s no way I’m going to sit through all this, but it just keeps getting dumber and dumber.

• Then we got memory loss or having just vague random memories appear.

Not to mention premonitions, deja vus, very intense dreams, anger, irritability, injuries.

• Yeah, again, you’re old and you’re becoming menopausal, I think.
• Sicknesses, illnesses.

I’ve been hearing this from every.

• She’s describing life.

This is shit we all deal with.

I noticed now that it’s getting colder, there’s more illnesses.

Other strange things involving time, like it gets dark now at like 6 p.

m.

When has that ever happened before?

• Like you can’t deny that something is changing right now.

Glitches in the matrix have blown up on the internet as of recently.

• That right there, I think pretty much says everything I need to know about her.

That she uses the term glitches in the matrix.

I know exactly the type of people you follow online, honey.

• Now it’s even weirder for me as a psychic intuitive because I’m extra tapped in to like these universal energies.
• All right, I’m gonna go ahead and tap right out.

I do have one more spiritual clip.

This does not involve astrology or psychic empaths.

We’re gonna return to some traditional spiritual nuttiness.

We just featured this guy not too long ago on the podcast.

He’s always upset about something.

I’m talking about Pastor Greg Locke.

Let’s see how long it takes before we figure out what he’s mad about today.

• Did you know every single time we do deliverance, especially mass deliverance, we call out a certain demon called Lilith.

I’m not tolerating Lilith.

• Now I’m not a very religious person.

So I don’t know how familiar you guys are with Lilith.

But Lilith supposedly was the first wife of Adam.

You know, of Adam and Eve.

Isn’t it crazy to think that people still get married?

There’s like a 50% divorce rate.

The very first fucking person on the planet, Adam.

He got divorced.

He couldn’t make his marriage work.

Not exactly an endorsement for the institution, you know?

Anyway, so Lilith is supposedly a she-demon.

And she was banished from the Garden of Eden because she did not obey Adam.

And you know, bitches really need to come correct with respect in regards to their men.

I could see this being a very popular demon that male pastors preach about.

Women’s rights and their freedoms, it’s all gone a little too far.

They’re not respecting their men anymore.

Okay, so what does Greg have to say about Lilith?

• So from this day moving forward, okay?

In our office, on this campus, but especially in this tent, I do not want anything that carries the Starbucks logo on this church property.

• There’s the shocking twist.

This clip is really about Starbucks, not Lilith.

It’s actually shocking and not shocking at all.

November, December, this is the prime time of the year for Christians to feel persecuted by Starbucks ’cause they don’t print the word Christmas enough on their products or something.

I guess Starbucks calls their designs holiday cups and that just really riles up the Christians.

Although I go to Starbucks every fucking day and there are plenty of instances of the word Christmas.

They have Christmas blends of coffee.

It’s such a non-issue that for some reason, these people just want to make it an issue every year.

(audience cheering) – All right, you hear me?

That is Lilith 1000%.

I’ve studied it.

It is a demon.

It is sexual deviance.

I am done with Star, I’ve been done with Starbucks for a long time.

It’s communist coffee anyhow.

• I know how much they charge for their lattes.

It’s capitalism through and through.

Now, when he says it’s all sexualized and it’s Lilith and all that crap, is he talking about the design of the mermaid or just their corporate culture?

• Starbucks for a long time.
• Or their policies?
• It’s communist coffee anyhow.

I’m telling you, that company is not only one of the most godless companies on the planet.

• I just get the feeling he, at some point, hit Starbucks up for a donation and they were like, “No.

” And now he’s got this vendetta against the company.

• They are full blown 1000%, a witch’s coven.

I promise you it’s the facts.

• My God, maybe Pastor Manning was right about the semen in the lattes.
• I’ll stake my life on it.

Starbucks is witchcraft.

• And their ham and Swiss breakfast sandwiches aren’t that bad either.

Some glowing reviews from Greg Locke there.

All right, in with that.

Let’s get into the crazy bizarre twist of the FactUp News right now.

(upbeat music) All right, I don’t think I need to plug the Sideshow anymore.

Just remember it’s Cyber Monday.

Last chance to get those great deals on Sideshow memberships.

And don’t forget to use promo code BetaMail over there at the Distorted View store for 20% off merchandise.

Also, we’ve got that Patreon account, patreon.

com/distortedview.

You can pledge as little as a dollar over there.

Just another way to help support the program.

If you pledge $5, you get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first.

We have a higher tier.

If you pledge at least $20 a month, occasionally I will send out DV goodies in the form of, you know, like merchandise and stuff.

As a matter of fact, as I’ve been promising, this time around, patrons that pledge at the 20 plus dollar level are going to get a free DV shirt.

Details will be coming this week over there on Patreon.

I’m sorry, it’s taken a little bit longer.

I just wanted to make sure, you know, the store was working, all the new merchandises, you know, was available and stuff.

So for you patrons that pledge at least $20, you will have your chance this week to grab a DV t-shirt for free.

Just a way to say thank you so much for being a higher tiered patron.

All right, three very quick stories now.

First up, a Washington State woman says she woke up with unwanted breast implants.

They may have been unwanted, but believe me, they were needed.

Do you think this is something that she’s just telling her family?

I went to the doctor, the next thing I know I had breast implants.

I didn’t even want them.

But in reality, she totally consented to the procedure.

She’s just embarrassed that she got them, you know.

Reminds me of this TikToker who is extremely obese and she always talks about how healthy she eats.

Yet every time she eats takeout food on camera, they screw up her order.

When she’s like, “I ordered a vegan sandwich “and broccoli on the side, but oh no, “they screwed up my order.

“I got a ham, cheese, and bacon, “and pepperoni croissant, right?

“And tater tots.

“Oh, I just wanted water “and they gave me a chocolate milkshake.

” You know, like, okay, they screwed up.

The woman says she was forced to pay thousands of dollars extra before being allowed to leave the Tijuana Medical Facility.

Well, there’s your problem right there.

Tijuana, come for the donkey show.

Stay for your tit augmentation.

All right, “The care was horrible “and I’ve been disfigured.

“And now I’m gonna have to go under more surgery,” said Kimberly McCormick, 66.

Granny getting a boob job.

McCormick said she returned in early October to the same facility in Tijuana where she had successful weight loss surgery about six years ago.

This time she planned to receive a breast lift, a lift, and to have loose skin removed on her arms, thighs, and stomach after the weight loss.

Maybe they took all that extra skin and fat and they just, they put it in your tits for free.

She woke up after the surgery and immediately realized something was wrong.

“When I woke up, my chest was sore and I started bawling,” she said.

She confronted a medical coordinator about the unwanted implants, but the person suggested that she ask the doctor to perform the procedure.

She said, “You told him you wanted a full C.

” And I said, “No, I would never say that, not ever.

” Along with the implants she got, McCormick said she also got an unwanted Brazilian butt lift.

Take a look at the chapter artwork and you can see what this woman looks like.

I mean, she’s not a youthful 66-year-old, right?

She’s got, she already has like the wrinkly skin on her face and everything, but now she’s got big old titties and an ass you can set champagne glasses on.

Gotta be a real mind fuck when guys see her.

I don’t know what to make of this.

Should I be attracted or not?

Adding insult to injury, the surgeon didn’t remove the loose skin as she wanted.

So let’s add that into the mix there.

Look at total freak of nature.

McCormick, who said she agreed to talk to the television station to warn others of the dangers of medical tourism, also said her room was filthy.

You know, you could have left at any time.

Also remember, this was her second time at the facility.

She had weight loss surgery there years ago.

I have a hard time believing it was much different back then, but you were fine with it because the surgery went well.

Still just as nasty and gross.

She said her room was filthy and she developed an infection.

I said, what happened to my mom?

Her daughter, Misty Ann McCormick said.

After demanding answers in the facility’s hallway, she said armed security came and physically removed her.

Inside I’m thinking my mom’s up there and I can’t leave her, Misty said.

I got to the door and he pushes me hard and there’s this cement ramp and I just go flying.

Her mom said she feared for their lives.

I was just afraid I was gonna die right there and she wouldn’t have known, McCormick said.

To compound their nightmare, the mother and daughter said staff at the facility demanded they pay $2,500 over the agreed upon price because the two stayed longer than intended.

They eventually paid.

Before she was allowed to leave though, McCormick said she was forced to sign paperwork that suggested that she approved the unwanted surgeries.

She said staffers then followed her and her daughter to the nearby hotel, demanded that they pack up and drove them across the border to San Diego.

McCormick said she went to an emergency room and received treatment for her infection.

I think I’m lucky that I’m here.

I’m lucky the damage isn’t any worse.

However, I’m looking at another surgery because the implants they’ve put in are so big.

I don’t have enough skin to enclose them, which is funny because she has loose skin all over the place, just not in her breast region.

She said the breasts are not healing.

McCormick’s daughter has advice for people who think they can save money by traveling to Mexico.

“Please don’t go.

“The few thousand dollars you’re going to save “is not worth it,” she said.

Miss Deanne McCormick said she has reached out to the FBI.

So there you go.

Little warning for those who may be interested in medical tourism.

Second story we have for you to jump.

This one just happens to come from our most fucked up state.

Say it with me.

(dramatic music) ♪ Florida ♪ ♪ Is the most fucked up state ♪ A Florida man has found himself behind bars after he allegedly hurled a package of Oreo cookies at his wife during an argument.

I always find these stories or instances of domestic violence interesting because it’s serious enough that someone was sent to prison over the attack, yet this isn’t the type of stuff that Lord Douche and I do to one another on a daily basis.

I don’t consider it domestic violence though.

Is that a problem?

We’re always pulling each other’s hair, throwing each other off the bed, threatening each other with creative ways to end their life.

I mean, I actually think it’s kind of endearing.

Meanwhile, this guy throws a couple of sandwich cookies at a woman’s face and she’s all like, “Oh, 911!

” Women don’t know what it means to be in a passionate relationship.

That’s what makes it so hot, right?

It’s fiery.

Anyway, yes, a Florida man has found himself behind bars after he allegedly hurled a package of Oreo cookies at his wife during an argument about the coffee maker not having any water in it.

That sounds like an argument Lord Douche and I would have.

Although I would never throw a package of Oreos at Lord Douche because that would crack the Oreo cookies.

I don’t want crumbles.

It’s only fun if I get to twist off the top of an Oreo cookie.

It’s in a bunch of pieces.

It’s inedible.

All right, John Sandoval, 70, was arrested and charged with felony domestic battery on a person 65 years or older.

After the incident that unfolded on Saturday morning, according to an affidavit from the Lake County Sheriff’s Office.

Sandoval’s wife, who he has been married to and cohabitating with for over 40 years, was sitting at a table when she and her husband got into a verbal altercation about the coffee maker not having any water in it.

Sandoval became aggressive and chucked a package of Oreo cookies that hit her in the chest, causing her to fall.

Okay, well now you’re just being dramatic, honey.

First of all, due to shrinkflation, Oreo cookie packages have never been smaller.

If you can’t take a package of cookies to your chest, you need to just move to an assisted living facility.

You’re too frail, too feeble to be a part of society.

While she was on the ground, I, you know, there I am, always blaming the victim.

I really am like a woman hater or something, aren’t I?

Always taking the side of the aggressor.

Need to talk to my therapist about that.

All right, while she was on the ground, Sandoval allegedly put his hands on her throat, but did not restrict her airway.

The incident wasn’t reported until the next day, after the woman’s daughter urged her mom to press charges.

Deputies did not observe any obvious injuries to the woman.

Did the police officer check the package of Oreos?

How are they doing?

That’s what I’m concerned with, because I am a fat ass.

Deputies caught up with Sandoval, who admitted to picking up a package of cookies and throwing them at her.

He said he believed it hit her in the head, but he wasn’t sure.

He said he has no recollection of grabbing her throat.

Sandoval was arrested and transported to the Lake County Jail.

A criminal check revealed a prior conviction for misdemeanor simple battery back in 2005.

Oh, it’s been almost 20 years.

They’re about due for another incident.

They’re both fine, so all’s well that ends well.

All right, final story we have for you today.

A woman has been dubbed the female version of the Terminator after she was filmed causing havoc at an airport while completely naked.

In a video of the incident, which took place at the Arturo Merino Benitez International Airport in Santiago, Chile, the woman was seen running around the airport in front of stunned passengers.

She was even spotted appearing to attack a passerby and allegedly smacked a police officer during the ordeal.

The footage appears to show her screaming and shouting at people before grabbing someone and then slamming them to the floor.

Ooh, she is like the Terminator.

At one point, she was seen clinging to a man with her arms around his neck as he desperately tried to get away.

You can see a very pixelated version of that frame in the chapter artwork.

He loses his patience and then pushes her away, so she seems to retaliate by hitting him.

Eventually, the woman was restrained by police and removed from the scene.

She reportedly tested positive for alcohol and drugs.

An investigation into her wild antics is still ongoing.

I do have the video here if you wanna hear some of the audio.

Again, this took place in Chile, so she’s not speaking English.

I don’t think she’s speaking much of any language here.

(speaking in foreign language) Yeah, she’s just kinda freaking out naked, jumping up and down.

Footage of the incident has been widely shared online, with some comparing her behavior to the first arrival scene from the 1984 movie “The Terminator,” where Arnold Schwarzenegger is seen walking around naked.

One person wrote, “She’s the female Terminator.

” Another simply called her crazy.

I think that’s more likely the case.

A third added, “It’s always the naked ones who go crazy.

” Well, yeah, that’s why they’re naked in public in the first place, ’cause they’re crazy.

Meanwhile, a fourth person commented, “She needs help.

“Someone should’ve called the police.

” I mean, they’re at the airport, there’s security.

Security was on the case there.

According to emergency responders, the woman had allegedly consumed hallucinogenic mushrooms at a party.

Additional reports suggest that she arrived at the airport under the influence of alcohol and psychoactive substances, including mushrooms.

Such substances can induce intense visual and auditory hallucinations, which potentially explains her erratic behavior.

Yeah.

An official comment on the situation has not been released.

So there you go.

That’s what’s happening in your world today.

Let’s do a couple of voicemails and get the hell out of here.

All right, love to hear from you freaks.

And there are many ways to contact the show.

Show@distortedview.

com.

I’m all over social media @distortedview on Twitter and Instagram, facebook.

com/distortedviewshow.

We’ve got a bunch of patrons calling in ’cause it’s been a while since we’ve done a show, right?

So let’s check in with them.

Hey, boo, happy almost Thanksgiving.

This is fag show member, Patreon freak, Lubejob.

Lubejob!

I realize it’s been a minute since I checked in, so I figured I’d say hola and happy holidays to you.

Right back at ya.

Also, as a previous caller noted, I’ve been also wondering where some of our regular callers are.

Their frequency seems to have decreased.

I’m thinking about Haley’s Comet, Unicorn Hamster for sure.

I mean, we haven’t heard him in a minute.

That’s true.

We’ve heard from Haley’s Comet called in last week.

Spiral Hamfucker, get him on the line, boo.

Whatever he needs to do to draw him out.

I don’t know if he’s around anymore.

Anyways.

Spiral Hamfucker, we summon you.

I wanted a quick thing I wanted to mention here.

On the show a couple days ago, you made a joke involving Steely Dan and I’m gonna out myself as the one listener that got that joke.

The name of the song you were thinking of was Bogie Sapa.

So there you go.

It’s not Bogie.

It’s B-O-D, isn’t it?

The last thing I’ve been, I’ve been kicking around a dumb idea in my head to replace some lyrics from an ’80s sitcom theme song and make it about DV.

So if someone randomly calls up singing an ’80s sitcom theme song to you, well, it’s probably me.

We need some good, some new DV music.

You know, occasionally freaks will make a song all about DV and I’ll play that stuff at the beginning of the show, use it as intros and stuff.

We haven’t had one in a while.

Hope you have a good holiday.

Yeah.

And keep up the good work.

Yeah, if you’re musical out there, craft some DV-themed songs.

Hey Tim, I’m back on my meds today.

I think I’m actually here again.

Just wanted to, well, I mean, I guess it’s gonna be played after Thanksgiving, so I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope your mother is doing great.

I love your mom.

She’s on the– Yeah, I’ll get her on the phone sometime, maybe before Christmas, have her do a segment.

And yeah, I’ll just keep it a pat.

So– Yeah, she’s doing okay.

I’m gonna do it for four days without any sort of DV.

I guess I’ll go listen to the hundreds of side shows I still have to listen to.

There you go.

All right, love you, bye.

That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.

I can’t believe it.

Hi Tim, this is Mindy.

I’m calling from Fairfield Vacuum and Sewing.

And I understand that you’re in the market for a new vacuum.

Something that’s a little bit more robust that won’t break into pieces when you brush up against it.

Anyhow, give us a call back and just ask for Mindy.

It’s funny because the phone number that they’ve used is the actual number to the vacuum place.

And the name of the call comes from Fairfield Vacuum and Sewing.

Very good, I saw that and I just started laughing.

Never change freaks.

I love you so much.

You’re so stupid.

Hi Tim, it’s the good wife– A real woman is calling in.

Hi Tim, it’s the good wife from Austin.

And I’m just calling to remind all the freaks that the Secret Santa sign up closes on November 30th.

So sign up now everybody.

Have a great– Yeah, if you want to participate in a Secret Santa with other Distorted View listeners, all you have to do is pop in to our Discord.

There’s a link on the main navigation bar over there at distortedview.

com.

Use that as your invite in.

And then when you pop into the Distorted View Discord, just say, “Hey, I want to be a part “of the Secret Santa thing.

” And helpful freaks will assist you.

Or a couple of assholes will be in the chat room and hopefully they’ll help you too.

And not be giant dicks about the whole thing.

It’s always a crap shoot, what you’re gonna get in the Discord.

All right, by the way, someone helped me so much.

I really should single them out.

I was working on the website and I was having some problem with CSS.

I’m not a CSS guy.

That has to do with websites and how it looks and stuff.

Cascading style sheets, I think it stands for.

Anyway, I was using a theme, like a pre-made template, I guess.

And I was tweaking that to make the DV store look nice, nice and pretty, but it was all fucked up.

And so I needed to change something and I was asking for help.

And who was this?

Johnson Brown set me straight by giving me the correct way to type it out.

The correct thing to say.

See how dumb I am when it comes to this.

But thank you very much, Johnson Brown, for helping me out.

It was much appreciated.

You are DV’s MVF this week.

Most valuable freak.

All right, that is all the time we have on this edition of the program.

Watch you guys do your best show at distortedview.

com.

Distortedview.

com is our official website.

Voicemail line for you, 206-666-4463.

That’s 206-66-0-god-as-you-know-again.

I hate the creature!

Spread the distortion – STD.

Tell all your friends about the show.

Don’t forget to give us a five star rating, a thumbs up or like wherever you can rate and review podcasts.

Tomorrow’s episode is going to be sideshow exclusive.

So it’s a great time, probably the best time ever to sign up right now because we’ve got those Cyber Monday deals.

Sign up so you don’t miss a thing.

Otherwise I’ll see you back on Wednesday.

Until then, have a great day.

Bye, everybody!

(upbeat music) I hate Emma Watson!

This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrod Media Group.

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