On Today’s Show:
| 00:00:00:00 | Introduction |
| 00:03:35:13 | Non Gendered Names For Nephew And Niece |
| 00:08:41:09 | A Meade Weighloss Review |
| 00:11:58:18 | Meade Vs. Convservative Fat-Hating Media |
| 00:18:01:08 | Insane Ramblings |
| 00:23:24:11 | Uncle Ron Shits Himself On Instagram Again |
| 00:24:03:07 | Vioilating A Woman’s Chicken Fried Civil Rights |
| 00:26:15:10 | Sucking On Thick Hard Vomit Chunks |
| 00:27:26:21 | Sign Up For The Sideshow! |
| 00:28:36:22 | Does Owning A Gun Mean You Have A Small Pecker? |
| 00:33:14:01 | Paying Off Your Drug Debt With A Stolen Truck of Liquor |
| 00:35:59:15 | Graduating Highschool In Skeleton Makeup |
| 00:40:18:17 | Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending |
Our New PO Box Address!
Distorted View
PO Box 36268
Cincinnati, OH 45236
- Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463
- Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page
- Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!
Podcast: Download
AI Transcript:
Hey Freaks!
It’s Thursday June 6th 2024.
Coming up on the program today, playing with your solid vomit chunks.
Plus, violating your civil rights to eat fried chicken indoors.
And researchers finally discover if gun ownership is related to small dick size.
The results may shock you.
All coming up today.
It’s Distorted View Daily with Tim Henson.
Disturbing video.
I actually am 1.4% Nigerian African.
I’m a Bista.
I don’t have kitty milk.
Yes, Tim Henson, back here with you for your Thursday episode of TV.
Have a great one for you.
As you heard at the top of the program, we are celebrating Pride Month here on TV.
You know, in our own special way.
It’s always funny.
I think about like if a new listener just wanders in and plays an episode of TV, you know, you’d think I’m very homophobic.
Yeah, we’re celebrating Pride Month with a song called God Hates a Fag.
Well, I’m sorry.
It’s a catchy tune.
You can’t deny that.
Like regardless of the message of the song.
Anyway, just to add a little anti-gay cherry to the top of the program here, I’ve got a short clip that kind of drove me up the wall.
You know, I’m a very accepting person, obviously, but I’ve got my limits.
You know, when it comes to this trans stuff, I’ll call you whatever you want to be known as.
I’ve said this many times on the show.
I’ve got no problem calling you a she if you want to be a she.
No sweat off my sack.
It is, however, getting a bit much with all this non-binary stuff, pronouns, neo pronouns.
I’m just not on board.
The big thing now is not feeling like you’re a man or a woman, so refusing any sort of normal pronouns.
And I’m sorry, I can’t get behind that.
You gotta pick one.
You just have to go with one or the other.
You can feel like none of the above.
I’m not telling you how to feel, but you can’t get so fucking crazy with the names then.
I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but like normal trans people, they at least have their shit together.
They’re like, look, I was born with a cock and balls, but I feel like a woman, so please call me she.
Okay, that’s a normal thing, she.
I’m used to that.
I’m used to she’s and hers.
Take a listen to this insanity.
Dear Dolly, are there gender neutral alternatives to terms like niece and nephew and aunt and uncle?
Yes, there are gender neutral-
Of course there are.
This is 2024.
We’ve got cuckoo ass names for everything.
I reject the idea of gender neutrality.
You can feel more feminine than masculine and more masculine than feminine, whatever, but you’ve just got to pick one.
All right, let’s hear the gender neutral terms for aunt and uncle.
Yes, there are gender neutral terms to replace niece or nephew is nibbling.
No, no.
I am putting my foot down.
I am willing to go to war with all non-binaries over this one.
I am not calling my nephew a nibbling.
That sounds like something you’d call a baby bird.
Oh, look, it’s an ostrich newborn.
They’re called niblings.
Now, you know, this is how easy I get talked out of shit.
Two seconds ago, I was like, yeah, I’m gonna go to war with all non-binaries because the name nibbling is stupid.
However, I will give an inch here.
That’s all I’ve got.
Here is my concession, niece and nephew are both gendered terms to refer to like, you know, your sibling’s child, right?
If you’re a grandparent, you might have a granddaughter or a grandson, or more generally, you would have a grandkid or a grandchild.
There’s no equivalent to grandkid or grandchild for niece and nephew.
If you want to collectively refer to your nieces and nephews, you have to say nieces and nephews.
You can’t use a term like grandkids.
So maybe there should be a term that is more general.
See, niece, nephew, they both have N-E, you could call them neckids.
Oh, that could be problematic.
Neckids are children.
As awful as neckids are, it’s still better than nibbling.
That will never be okay.
Niece or nephew is nibbling, it takes sibling and uses the N for niece and nephew.
It was actually coined in 1951 by Yale linguist Samuel Martin.
And similarly, we have pibling, parent sibling, the P from parent, and sibling, pibling, to replace aunt and uncle.
Yes, I’m a pibling for my nibblings.
Do you see what the trans people are trying to make us say now?
This has gone too far.
And yes, like they said, this term was coined in 1950 or whatever, but no one’s using it.
Have you ever heard of nibbling or pibling?
No, of course not.
Now, all of a sudden, this is a term we need to know.
Now, some non-binary and gender diverse people may want you to use those terms for them instead of aunt, uncle, or niece, or nephew.
Hey, guess what they’re not going to get?
Those words to come out of my mouth.
Sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable, but it pales in comparison to the sheer embarrassment I feel when the words nibbling or pibling leaves my fucking lips.
So for once, you’re going to just have to deal with it because I feel way more uncomfortable than you.
I want to die when those words leave my mouth.
So, sorry, I win.
Good Lord, you guys are with me, right?
We’re just going to say no to nibbles and pibbles.
God damn ridiculous.
All right, let’s move on.
I’ve been waiting to do a Mead update for a while.
There was some controversy as of late about how much we have been covering him.
So we took a little break, couple weeks, although everyone was talking about him in the voicemail segment, so I don’t know how much of a break you got from Mead really.
However, today, we’re gonna see what the man, the myth, the legend has been up to in the past few weeks.
Now, when we last left, Mead has come up with a new scheme to lose weight, a no carb diet.
Now, this is something you’d think Mead might be able to stick to.
I mean, it’s like all you can eat bacon, I think.
That’s pretty much the low carb diet, right?
Just no bread, no pasta.
Somehow, he can’t even stick to that, though.
He fucks up that diet.
So, a couple weeks ago, he begins with a weigh in after cutting carbs.
Okay, folks, today’s weight is 268.6.
Mead is very excited about that number.
Yeah.
Well, that is good, I think.
That’s pretty good.
Then, his very next weigh in.
All right, folks, well.
You can tell in his voice he sounds disappointed.
Folks, well, today’s weight is 269 even, and that’s not terrible, considering my.
Here comes the excuses.
And it is terrible.
You should still be on your no-carb diet, and then the pound should be just like falling off you.
Veering off my diet.
My father just turned 90 years old.
I had some cake.
Pain didn’t happen every day.
You gotta have a little room for celebration.
All right, little slip up.
Here’s the next weigh-in.
Well, unfortunately, my weight is up today.
What’s the boy to do, right?
Yeah, he’s up to 270.
He just continues to go in the wrong direction.
I’ve got one more weigh-in.
This is his newest.
He just posted this yesterday, and he’s gained almost another pound.
He’s now 270.8.
He just continues going in the wrong direction.
Today’s weight is 270.8.
That’s about the same as it was last week.
I’m not exactly sure.
I don’t know.
It’s almost a pound more.
I’m actually surprised.
I’m having what they call probably a carb rebound.
As I’m trying to add more carbohydrates, just a little bit, so that can do more exercise.
So this no-carb diet has done nothing for you.
You haven’t lost any weight.
You were actually gaining weight on the no-carb diet, and now you’re blaming it on carb rebound.
I think we’re entering year two of this weight loss campaign of Meads.
Actually, I don’t think we’ve reached the year mark.
He’s like nine months, ten months, but he doesn’t really have anything to show for it.
Here’s the thing.
He keeps saying like, it’s okay, because I think I’m gaining muscle.
That’s where the weight gain is coming in.
And I’m like, if you are almost 300 pounds, shouldn’t you just focus on the weight loss first before you start lifting?
At least get down to a healthy weight.
You’re just like, you’re trying to do too much.
Losing weight, lifting, bulking up, going low carb.
You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.
You know, he’s a mess.
Aside from the weigh-ins, Meade recently posted a video criticizing conservatives.
Whoa, yeah.
I’m as shocked as you are.
Today, I’m going on kind of a rant, okay?
I’d like to talk about so-called conservative pundits and how they turn into anti-obese SJWs, virtue signaling anti-obese SJWs.
That’s right.
They make fun of fat people, so now Meade is offended.
I guess Meade feels targeted and triggered.
The irony is completely lost on Meade here.
He has no problem railing against black people or gays or Jewish people.
When a fellow conservative makes fun of overweight people, then Meade gets really sensitive and goes on the offensive calling them the SJWs.
Anyone Meade doesn’t like is an SJW, basically.
I don’t even think he knows what that term means.
Now, I know where I live, folks.
I don’t see a lot of fat people in the city.
I do see some big bottom people in the suburbs.
I see a lot of big bottom people, mostly black women, who are getting their fried chicken.
Well, that did not take long.
You know, I recently went through some posts of Mead over on that forum.
He loves the Upricity.
And one of them, I don’t know if I’m going to read it today, but it’s one of those where Mead’s like, I don’t know why people call me racist.
This is why people call you racist.
You could have just ended it at, you know, occasionally I see people with fat asses.
And then he couldn’t help himself, though.
You could even hear it.
He repeats it twice.
Yeah, there’s some fat bottom people.
Definitely some fat bottom people.
Like fucking Rain Mania.
Mostly black women.
And then, just to really drive the point home and add one more completely unnecessary detail, truly launching this into the racist sphere, he’s like, yeah, they got their bucket of fried chicken.
All right, go on, Meade.
I don’t really see many big bottom people in the city or obese people.
I see mostly drugged up hipsters and homeless people.
So what you’re saying is you’re the obese person in the city.
When these hipsters look around town, just like you’re looking around town, they see you and they’re like, oh, yeah, we are an obese nation.
But that aside, there are nice people like Stephen Crowder and this girl, this Australian girl with a boy’s name.
What is her name?
I think Sydney Watson is her name.
Yeah, Sydney Watson.
So Sydney Watson, who’s not even that pretty, by the way, folks, she made a big to do about sitting next to a fat girl on a plane and so much so that she wants to sue the airline.
I was reading this thing, but she’s acting like them.
She’s acting like a liberal SJW because she’s making such a big to do over nothing.
I hate that I’m agreeing with Mead on something here, suing the airline.
Virtue signaling to the hilt.
I’m so morally superior than you.
I’m better than you.
I’m lean and fit, or I’m not fat like you.
This is what SJWs do.
Man, this is some epic fat cope content Mead is producing here.
He’s pissed.
This must have been right after one of his weekly weigh-ins when the scale was going up.
But what I understand, folks, is that you can’t hate the gays.
You can’t be anti-LGBTQ.
You can’t be racist, which, by the way, racism doesn’t really exist.
You can’t be racist.
He loves to throw that shit in there.
Who’s left to hate?
The fat people.
Fat people are the problem.
Finally, Mead gets to be a minority.
You’re whining and bitching and complaining just like the rest of us.
Welcome to the club.
And by the way, folks, as I said before, I’m not saying that being obese is healthy or good, but it’s like you go from one extreme to the other.
You’re going from, you know, oh, health at every size to what?
You’re 10 pounds overweight.
I’m going to have to pay for your wheelchair.
What?
You’re 12% body fat?
That’s too high.
It’s not good enough.
It’s like…
I bet you someone made fun of him at the gym or something.
I’m trying to figure out what set me off here.
I think he talks about his protest at the monument too and people’s reaction to his weight at the time.
And I remember folks, you know, several years ago when I was at the monument, and the first thing people did in the comment section was criticize my weight.
Oh, he really chunked up during quarantine.
I put a lot of weight.
People didn’t recognize me.
Okay, well, you’re admitting it yourself.
You chunked up.
At first, so meat skeleton really put on a lot of weight.
Oh, quarantine.
Look how fatty he is.
I bet that’s the most exercise he gets.
And that sounds like something we would say here on the show…
.
up to the statue.
Oh, look at me.
I’m virtue signaling about how, you know, tell me.
So these are liberals, right?
Mostly liberals who talk about inclusion and how much they love everybody and accepting of everybody.
This is like a therapy session for me.
Like he is working through some shit here.
And then people wonder why I’m obsessed with my looks.
Well, you try going through almost your whole life being called ugly.
Maybe two years or three years I was called very handsome, you know, and the rest of my life ugly.
And you see how you handle it.
You’re like a 45-year-old man.
At this point, you just have to live with the hands you were dealt by God.
You have to stop obsessing.
It doesn’t matter if you’re good-looking or ugly.
That shouldn’t stop you from finding a partner.
There are plenty of ugly people who are in relationships.
Keep your mouth shut, freaks.
I don’t want to hear it.
Yeah, I’m one of them.
Turning our attention to the Upricity, just a few days ago, Meade posted a new thread.
Guess what he’s obsessing over?
Do you feel like everyone is above you in attractiveness?
I don’t even live in Hollywood, but I think I feel subhuman most of the time, because most people I see just walking around are better looking, even old people.
I was at a fair yesterday in a small town near my city, and everyone looked better than me.
Everyone was slim and trim, and they seem to be better looking in general.
Even the blacks.
He really can’t help himself.
I just don’t feel very attractive.
It’s like you’re posting this on the Upricity.
You’re not gonna get the kind of support you’re looking for here.
You should know by now.
Everyone hates you on that fucking message board.
The only thing is, I’m reasonably tall, about 5’11, and I don’t feel short.
But other than that, my face is substandard, and my body is ugly.
The very first reply, get some help.
This isn’t funny anymore.
Someone just replied, no.
I guess they’re answering the question in the title of the thread.
Do you feel like everyone is above you in attractiveness?
Another no.
Someone else said, I don’t spend much time thinking about my appearance, beyond if I’m presentable enough to leave the house.
Someone else, Colonel Frank Grimes, replied, no.
I’m a guy.
I think about stuff such as how to properly install roof shingles.
That’s a real man.
The other post from Meade recently is titled, Do I seem like I have a low IQ?
You do have that dullard look about you.
I’m just curious.
Many people think I’m low intelligence.
Well, only when you open your fucking trap.
Alright, I think I’m average intelligence or maybe slightly above, but I have trouble with social interactions.
I’ve had this issue since I was kicked out of nursery school.
That’s really when Meade’s problems began.
Nursery school.
He said, I refused to share with my classmates.
When my teacher asked why, I told her because I’m not a commie.
She called my parents and I wasn’t welcome back.
If that truly did happen, and this has given off some real fuck off Rebecca, he did not say that vibes.
If it did though, that you were so young, we can only blame your parents.
You were raised awful.
Your parents are shit.
Your dead mother and your near dead dad, they did you no favors.
You have got to rewire your brain, dude.
Come to terms with the fact that you were raised in a shitty manner, and try to just be a decent human being.
The best reply actually came from Mortimer.
Long time Mead historians might remember that name.
I think he interviewed Mead, or they interviewed each other and worked on a song together.
Mortimer is challenged in many ways.
I don’t know what’s wrong with him, like disabilities, retardation, whatever, but he actually makes a lot of sense here.
He says, I don’t know what your IQ is, but you have mental problems.
Ooh, Mortimer ain’t pulling any punches today.
Yes, you’ve got mental problems, like obsessive thoughts and behavior and such.
If you are serious or you are trolling us and you don’t know to set priorities straight, you think you may want to be some very super handsome, super popular guy, and that you think that’s your biggest problem while there are so many more important things like health, family, community, et cetera.
By the way, for those of you who may think, wow, that was pretty harsh, Tim, saying Meade’s dead mother was a bad parent.
Let me just read you a quote.
This is from Meade.
He said, My mother said the best cunts are dead cunts, slashed up and mutilated.
An odd thing for a woman to say to her child.
I mean, she couldn’t have actually said that, right?
Right?
And that’s what Meade said.
I’ve got the quote right there.
Meade’s also been very active on the Looks Max forum, where we learn his dick size.
I don’t know if this is information we had before, or he lets slip.
I’ve blocked it out of my mind.
But according to Looks Max, Meade asked, is 6.5 inches considered big or small?
Asking for a friend.
That’s all the confirmation I need, baby.
Meade also asked on the Looks Max community, what’s the point of having sex with a female if not for reproduction?
Maybe it’s because I’m autistic.
I can guarantee you it’s because you’re autistic.
I don’t see the point of sleeping with a female if you’re not advancing for offspring.
Seems totally pointless and a waste of time.
Yeah, coming from a virgin, you don’t have a great frame of reference there.
I think Meade is saving all of his great material for the Looks Max website, because he also posted, should I go to Argentina to find a wife?
I was thinking it might be honeypot there.
Nice, trad females who are young enough to have babies.
I’m looking at various places, but the US is not a good place to find a decent female.
Also, Argentina is off-white at least.
Not sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing.
I think he wants like a semi-white baby.
So Argentina is a good option for me.
Well, there you go.
Just a little Meade Skelton update after a few weeks.
He’s been very busy being stupid.
Before we get into the news, I’ve got a couple of real short clips I wanted to share with you.
Uncle Ron is back.
Still have no idea how he’s on Instagram with this type of content.
More power to him, though.
Diarrhea test 468, initiate.
Yeah, he’s been doing a lot of these videos.
He’s in his underwear.
And he shits himself.
And then the diarrhea hits the floor.
Test 468, complete.
More data to follow.
Boop, beep, bop, boop.
Computer analyzing data.
Always good to hear from Uncle Ron.
Next up, we’ve got a woman at a KFC getting her fried chicken.
Mead, not a word.
Well, this woman is trying to get some fried chicken.
Now, by the looks of the restaurant, it’s closing time.
All of the chairs are kind of stacked up and pushed to the side.
Still, somehow this woman got into the store and she’s very unhappy with the customer service.
Why are you not letting me eat here, sir?
Maybe the issue is she wants to eat in the dining room and they’re like, no, the dining room is closed.
You have to get it to go.
And that’s the problem.
You’re lying and saying I’m belligerent because I want services?
You have no right to scheme and deny me services.
Scheme.
First of all, everyone knows an establishment can deny you service for whatever reason.
Because you guys are going to kill me by violating my civil rights and denying me services.
The word that was bleeped out is kill.
She says you guys are going to kill me.
She is that hungry, I guess.
Because you guys are going to kill me by violating my civil rights and denying me the access to food.
Why are you telling me to get out, sir?
The door was open.
Why are you rude and telling me to leave the store?
You have no rights to scheme and prevent me from eating.
You can’t call the police because I want food and service.
Well, I guess if you don’t leave and they ask you to, they can call the cops.
Why is he telling me I can’t eat here?
Some good music, though.
Sir, why is he not letting me eat food?
Lady, you got your answer.
The inside is closed.
Just go to another fucking fast food restaurant.
Because I got conspiracy to violate civil rights, which is up to ten years.
No bully has a right to tell businesses to deny me services.
Well, she’s taking her protest to the streets now.
That’s where she’s going to get real results.
Come on, who’s with her?
Join her fight!
Make KFC server in the lobby.
All right, real quick, before we get into the news, one last clip now.
I’m so glad we’re ending with this clip.
We’ve got a vomit freak here.
I don’t know if he froze this vomit, or if he got lucky and produced a particularly solid, thick puke.
But this vomit is so well formed, he can put the whole thing in his mouth and suck on it.
He has it hanging out of his mouth, and he’s gagging, obviously.
Sucking on it.
All right, I think you get the idea there.
Wow, that mic is so close to the vomit.
You can really hear it.
Crystal clear audio, the reason why podcasting was invented.
And with that, let’s get into the crazy, bizarre twist.
Hey, if you’re not a member of the Distorted View side show, what are you waiting for?
Help support this stupidity, become a true and honorable freak today.
Side show members get three side show exclusive episodes every week.
That’s in addition to the two free episodes, making this a truly daily podcast.
Monday through Friday, baby.
Memberships are very inexpensive, only $6.99 a month.
You can sign up over there at superfreaksideshow.com.
All major credit cards and PayPal accept it.
If you happen to use Apple Podcasts or Spotify to get the show, you can also sign up right inside of those apps.
To get on Spotify, search for Distorted View, and you’ll see a link to subscribe, just a few taps, and you’ll see all of the exclusive shows appear right alongside the free episodes.
Again, that works for Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
One more way to help support the show, we’ve got a Patreon account, patreon.com/distortedview.
You can pledge as little as a dollar over there, every little bit helps.
If you pledge at least five, you get access to a special voicemail line where I will play your calls first.
And yes, we’ve got some patrons today.
We’ll get into that in just a few minutes, but first, the news.
First story I have for you, you know all the shit people say about people with small dicks, right?
Like if you’ve got a big truck, you’re probably a dude with a small cock.
Same thing if you own guns, you’re doing it to compensate for your teeny weeny.
The question though is how true is it?
How true is it?
Well, because researchers just have an endless supply of money, I guess, they’ve devoted some substantial resources to answering that question.
I’m not complaining.
This is very important, right?
Researchers at the University of Texas at San Antonio have published new findings in the American Journal of Men’s Health that may alter the longstanding stereotype linking gun ownership with male insecurity about their dick and nuts.
Thank you for the assist, Alexis K.
Tyler.
Contrary to the comedic and cultural tropes suggesting that men compensate for shortcomings in penis size with conspicuous consumption, such as buying big houses or flashy cars, this study reveals quite the opposite.
Professor Terrence D.
Hill, the D stands for dick, the lead author of the study clarifies, quote, our current study shows that men who are more satisfied with the size of their penis are more likely to own guns.
I know, quite the shocking twist.
This conclusion comes after previous research by the UTSA team found no correlation between gun ownership and sexual dysfunction, prompting a deeper exploration into the relationship between self-reported penis size and gun possession.
Okay, I’m already finding a flaw in this study.
I feel like the researchers should be pulling down these guys’ pants and taking a ruler to their dick.
You can’t let guys self-report their cock size, especially guys with guns, because here’s my hypothesis.
Maybe dudes who own guns like to boast, like to brag, and maybe they’re not being super honest when it comes to their real dick size.
Yeah, I don’t like this study at all.
The study involved over 2,000 men across the US asking participants to rate their satisfaction with their penis size when fully erect and their history of considering penis enlargement procedures.
It also inquired about the types of firearms owned, if any, including military-style rifles.
Findings indicate that 43% of respondents own guns, with 11% possessing military-style rifles.
Only 7% had considered penis augmentation, notably dissatisfaction with penis size significantly decreased the likelihood of gun ownership by 11% with each step down in satisfaction, even more so for owning military-style rifles, which dropped by 20%.
Hill expressed, there is a lot of speculation that men with concerns over their penises are more likely to own guns.
This study helps us understand the social causes and consequences of gun ownership better, though it does not assert that well-endowed men are more inclined to own firearms.
Well, then what the fuck good is this study?
Useless.
While the study revealed a correlation, it did not find a causative relationship between cock size and gun ownership.
Hill highlighted the limitations, including reliance on self-reported data.
See, I knew that was gonna be a problem.
Can’t trust guys when it comes to talking about their dicks, which might not fully capture honest responses or external influencing factors.
Furthermore, Hill noted other demographic and social variables influencing gun ownership, like age, obesity.
Yeah, only fat dudes own guns.
That’s the study I wanna see.
Rural residency and identification with strong masculine traits, suggesting that the issue is multifaceted.
Sounds like we need to throw more money for some additional studies.
I suggest starting a whole new facility that is just devoted to this, like the Institute of Guns and Penises.
There’s just so much we need to learn, right?
Thankfully, the UTSA sociologist plans to continue exploring these dynamics, including a potential link between testosterone levels, penis size and risk-taking behaviors.
Quote, we’ve got several projects in mind to test other taken-for-granted assumptions about guns, Hill added, indicating ongoing research into this complex topic.
What a colossal waste of time, right?
Second story we have for you.
This one comes from Indiana.
In Muncie, an impromptu heist went awry when a local man attempted to steal a delivery truck filled with alcohol to pay off his drug debts.
This man has a lot of vices, although it’s not the dumbest idea in the world, right?
That alcohol is probably worth a lot of money.
I mean, I don’t know exactly who he’s going to sell it to to get enough money to pay off his drug debts.
Also, he must have a lot of drug debts.
He had to have been high when he stole the truck, right?
That calls for a little cocaine or some meth.
Beau Burchill, a 39-year-old resident of Gaston, Indiana, or Gaston, if you’re French, was arrested following a botched theft that ended near Meadowview Farms.
Isn’t that where Snoopy is from?
A local mobile home community.
Okay, a different Meadowview Farms.
According to the Muncie Police Department, Burchill was spotted hiding in a brush line after abandoning the stolen truck in a field behind the Shriners Club, close to Meadowview Farms.
The police were initially alerted when the delivery truck parked outside the Cheers Bar early Thursday was reported missing.
Burchill, who reportedly concocted the plan upon seeing the truck laden with beer and liquor, intended to sell the stolen goods to resolve his financial obligations from drug-related activities.
However, his plan quickly unraveled as police intervened.
Upon arrival, officers found Burchill fleeing towards a nearby wood line.
He was discovered under a bush where he reportedly confessed to the theft of both the liquor truck and a skid steer loader, which he admitted to stealing earlier that day from a different location.
He kind of thought this whole plan out, huh?
There’s a lot of liquor in that truck.
How am I gonna get it down?
Well, I’ll steal me a skid steer loader.
That’ll help make things go faster.
Police also found that Burchill had disabled the tracking capabilities of both vehicles by cutting off the GPS units and damaging other monitoring equipment.
See now, a dumb criminal would not do that.
He’s got some brains, not a lot, but some.
The contents of the truck, which included assorted beer and liquor, was valued at over $12,000.
They were recovered intact.
However, the damages to the truck and the stolen skid steer loader valued at more than $60,000 underscored the severity of the theft.
So now he’s gonna have to pay all that money back in addition to still owing his drug dealer.
Crime does not pay.
Marshall now faces several preliminary felony theft charges with final charges pending a decision by the Delaware County Prosecutor’s Office.
So there you go, that’s what’s happening in Indiana.
And finally today, freaks, I believe this story comes from Marilyn.
An 18-year-old student at Boonesboro High School was prevented from participating in her graduation ceremony due to concerns about her makeup.
This left her and her family devastated.
Now freaks, take a look at the chapter artwork.
This is the makeup we’re talking about here.
It’s not like she just went a little heavy on the foundation or used a very unappealing shade of eyeshadow.
She looks like a goddamn cartoon skeleton.
You know, like when you’re, if you’re a kid and you’re dressing up like a skeleton or a zombie or something for Halloween, you use that white makeup on your face.
That’s what she’s using, pure white.
This is not like human makeup.
It’s like clown makeup is what she’s using.
So you can see why the school is like, I don’t know if this is appropriate for a formal ceremony like a graduation, especially because, you know, I think it’s stated later on in the news story.
The school officials were like, we don’t know what this makeup means.
We gotta be careful these days, because, you know, people get offended rather easily.
Is this some sort of Nazi thing?
Like, we don’t know.
You have to like look stuff up on the internet.
Like, is there some sort of like white supremacist TikTok makeup challenge going on right now that we’re not aware of?
Nyx Cabrera Guy, an aspiring piercer and tattoo artist, was told by Principal Michael Koenig that her makeup required removal if she wished to join her classmates on stage.
So she was allowed to attend the graduation ceremony.
She just couldn’t wear her ridiculous fucking makeup.
Cabrera Guy, known for her creativity and expressive makeup looks, opted for a toned down version at the ceremony featuring, this is toned down, featuring eyeliner and lipstick on a white base.
Not like a pale white skin base.
No, this is white, white, white, white.
Far less elaborate than her usual school event styles.
See, like part of this is the school’s fault.
They kept letting her do shit like this throughout the year, right?
So of course she’s gonna continue doing it.
I remember, and this is the old man Tim talking now, but I remember when I was in high school, they didn’t even let us have facial hair.
I’m pretty sure that was banned.
The girl says, it’s part of my identity.
God, I hate kids.
It’s a costume is what it is.
Noting that her makeup had never previously been an issue at school.
According to Cabrera Guy, the principal’s demands for the removal of her makeup came without prior warning.
She claimed she was unaware of the need for approval for her makeup, which she had warned of various school functions without issue.
The school, however, cited symbolism of the makeup and potential cultural sensitivities and disruptions as reasons for their decision.
The Washington County Public School’s statement noted that the school lacked sufficient notice to assess the makeup symbolism.
The district’s dress code specifies regulations against disruptive body art, but does not mention makeup specifically.
Cabrera Guy and her family chose to leave the ceremony after being informed of the restriction missing out on a milestone event.
Quote, my dad and his family from Guatemala were looking forward to seeing me graduate.
Wait, you had family coming in from Guatemala and you just won’t take the fucking makeup off?
I mean, it’s your choice ultimately, but just fucking take the makeup off and you can put it right back on after you go up and get the fucking diploma.
Cabrera Guy expressed her disappointment over the missed opportunity.
She emphasized the unique importance of this ceremony.
Well, it wasn’t that important.
You chose makeup over the ceremony as her career path does not involve another graduation.
Okay, it’s a nice way of saying she’s not going to college.
The incident has raised questions about the clarity and application of school policies regarding student expression at school sanctioned events.
I think it’s still pretty clear.
You can’t look like a freak during nice ceremonies.
Sorry, you got to tone it down, which is surprising because, you know, it looks like she slathered Miracle Whip all over her face.
Finally, a good use for that product.
It’s fucking inedible.
Might as well use it as some base foundation for yourself.
There you go, that my friends is your Distorted News for Thursday.
Let’s do a couple of voice mails to get the hell out of here.
Love to hear from you, and there are many ways to contact the show.
Show at distortedview.com.
I’m all over social media at Distorted View on Twitter and Instagram, facebook.com/distortedviewshow.
Still working our way through these patron calls that piled up while I was sick.
To help with Itchy Taint’s question, from personal experience, if you’re hooking up with somebody, it’s kind of already assumed that they’ve flung themselves out.
Oh yes, Itchy Taint asked, like, what do gay guys do?
Which is a very loaded question.
It’s like if you’re going on a date with someone, do you just do a like a preventative douche?
Because you know, you might be having sex or what?
Like, what is the preparation involved?
I’m not trashy, so I don’t do it in the bathroom or the J-bar.
So I wouldn’t know about that.
You haven’t lived.
But in normal…
The smell of the restroom.
The urinal cake is an aphrodisiac.
If you’re hooking up with somebody, you’re kind of assumed.
Or they would tell you that they’re going to do that or something like that.
One time…
Here we go.
Now, this is going to be an example of how he is trashy, even though he just said, I’m not trashy.
Funny story.
One time, I hooked up with this 27-year-old doctor, and I was coming to his place, so I was on vacation.
A doctor?
And…
Can’t believe you didn’t lock that down.
He had told me while I was coming to his place that he was in the shower.
Now, this is where I assumed that he was properly douching himself.
So when I get there and we start talking, I had a condom on, thank god.
Yeah, he didn’t.
When he said he was taking a shower, he just took like a normal shower.
And that pretty much killed the hook up there.
I was like, yep, that was a waste of my time.
Did he tell you that?
Like, oh no, this wasn’t a douche thing.
This was just a regular shower.
Like, how did you know it was a regular shower?
What I love about the caller who’s intersex is that as you were talking, I could hear it in your voice that you’re gonna, I was like, Tim doesn’t know what intersex is.
I mean, I don’t even, I don’t either.
I think I do, but I’m not even sure.
So I was like waiting, I was like, you’re gonna ask it, Tim.
You’re gonna ask it.
You have no idea what he’s talking about.
Of course, I’m an idiot.
Anyway, I wanna back up to your story here.
So you called into the voicemail line to tell me that you hooked up with a doctor who didn’t douche, and that was the end of the hookup.
What a story.
Thank you.
I mean, it wasn’t the best story in the world.
It would be way better if you like shat all over your cock or something, but you know, they can’t all be shit dick situations, I know.
You’re right.
Intersex means that you, possibly there’s two ways to be intersex, but usually it, you have two parts or parts.
How fun.
Formed in a weird way.
I wonder what like crazy right wing people conservative, you know, like Meade.
I wonder what Meade thinks of intersex people, because it’s how you were born.
You can literally see what happened, and it’s not like the norm, right?
So what are intersex people supposed to do?
Like, I don’t remember.
The other…
Wait, you’re intersex and you don’t even know.
So I don’t feel so stupid.
I don’t even know what I am.
I can’t remember.
The other way is for me specifically, I have Kleinfelter’s, so I’m born with an extra X chromosome.
Ooh, what does that mean?
Like, what does that mean, your jizz is extra pungent?
I’m sorry.
We scratched that from the record.
I don’t even know what that means.
And my pronouns are, I don’t fucking care, man.
All right.
Can I call you Nibble or Pibble?
Whatever you need to get my attention, I guess.
Well, thank you very much.
I mean, you seem as confused as me about this, honestly.
Leave it to my dopey ass listeners.
Right?
They don’t even know what they are.
I could come here, long time caller, first time listener.
Hey, I’m curious about your food tastes.
I know that…
I don’t want to sound mean, but I know you’re not exactly an adventurous eater.
Fuck you.
But I think the best way to put that is you have normal tastes.
I know you don’t really like tomatoes.
You’re not a huge fan of vegetables.
I like some…
I’m learning to like some vegetables.
I like broccoli.
I like Brussels sprouts.
I like asparagus.
I like some sort of like green bean.
I don’t think they’re green beans, but they’re green and they’re beans.
Like they’re long.
What is that called?
I kind of like that.
You’re right though.
I absolutely hate tomatoes, and I don’t like carrots.
Although I will eat carrots if they’re like roasted, a little bit of salt, maybe a little pepper on it.
Like I’ll eat that shit.
I don’t like celery.
A good rule of thumb for me is if I’m eating something and the vegetables are like mixed in, it’s way more palatable.
I just I don’t like a lot of like raw vegetables, like the carrots and celery.
Skeef me out.
So I have warmed up to Indian food a lot, especially because prior to the pandemic, Lord Douche liked to go to the Indian buffet a lot.
Like we were going there every week.
And that to me was overkill.
Now since the pandemic, a lot of these Indian restaurants stopped doing their buffets.
And so I haven’t had Indian food in a very, very long time.
We just recently went back and I was loving it because I haven’t had it in a long time.
It’s not like I don’t like Indian food, I can just overdo it.
So now we found an Indian restaurant that does the buffet, which it’s like crazy expensive now.
Everything is crazy expensive, but whatever.
So yeah, like now going like every month or every couple weeks, I’m fine with that.
I like the Indian food.
Because it tends to be really smelly and stinky.
And that’s a bit of a source of trouble because I got used to this smell.
I know it’s only smells.
Lord Douche loves Indian food.
Yes.
It’s funny how much you guys know about him.
Brings up a problem.
He has a very bloodhound like nose and he’s very sensitive to smells.
And his favorite food is the stinkiest.
Well, he doesn’t think it’s stinky, he thinks it’s delicious.
He smells the spices and the flavor.
What the fuck is up with that?
I don’t know.
I love you, Tim.
I wish I could help you out there, but yeah, I am kind of coming around to the Indian thing now.
All right.
Thank you very much for all of the calls.
Keep them coming.
Voicemail on for you at 206-666-4463.
That’s 206-666-0God.
Is it OGod?
I see a lot of big bottom people, mostly black women, who are getting their fried chicken.
Guys, if you’re not yet Sideshow Members, sign up right now because I’ve got another show for you tomorrow.
You can only hear it if you’re Sideshow Members.
Otherwise, I will see you back next week.
Until then, have a great weekend.
Give Distorted View Daily a five-star rating or thumbs up anywhere you can critique podcasts.
Send all correspondence to show at distortedview.com.
Got a big package for Tim?
Cram it in his box.
Send mail to Distorted View, PO.
Box 36268, Cincinnati, Ohio 45236.
Did you know you can hang out with other freaks in our very own Distorted View Discord server?
It’s true.
Best of all, it’s absolutely free.
Just click on the Discord link on the main navigation bar at the top of distortedview.com.
This is your announcer, Rod or Pay, wishing you all a happy Pride Month, except for nibblings and piddlings.
You don’t get my respect, and may you burn in eternal hellfire.
This has been another excellent podcast from the Scrob Media Group.
Learn more at scrob.net.
