Significant Bowel Ejection

June 11, 202463 min read

Tim

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Significant Bowel Ejection

On Today’s Show:

00:00:00:00	AdamEve.Com 50% Off! Promo FREAK
00:00:35:10	Introduction
00:02:18:21	Meade’s Bouncy Castle Workout
00:05:16:17	Make Your Own Gooner Hypno Training Video
00:08:32:02	Advanced Piss Techniques Vol 2
00:12:37:05	Daniel Larson Update / Sex Talk
00:18:21:09	Woman Finds Out Her Cosmetic Surgery Was Put On Tiktok
00:24:09:15	Dat Hood Rat Raps For Donald Trump
00:29:04:07	Sign Up For The Sideshow!
00:30:30:03	Exploding Intestines Of Doom!
00:36:37:04	Selling Cookies With Homopbic Comments On Them
00:40:14:14	A Laundromat Dismemberment
00:43:50:15	Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

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AI Transcript:

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Hey Freaks, it’s Tuesday, June 11, 2024.

Coming up on the program today, do-it-yourself Gooner Vader training videos.

Plus, when you cop so hard your bowels blow out of your stomach.

Learning advanced urination techniques and anti-gay cookies have never tasted sweeter.

All this was your voicemails today!

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It’s Distorted View Daily with Tim Henson.

She is a fat cunt.

Crystal mass solutions up your butt hole.

Welcome to 1-800-ASS-HOLE.

Is Miss Vagina thinking about Mr.

Penis?

And I love the aftertaste of semen in my mouth.

Try new peanut butter eggs.

Yes, Tim Henson back here with you for your Tuesday episode of DV.

Have a great one for you.

DV’s very own fitness guru, Meade, recently posted a new video.

I’m obsessed with this.

Every second is so screenshot worthy.

So, Meade is a big boy.

He’s trying to lose weight unsuccessfully.

And he has set up a pull up bar in one of his door frames.

He can’t do the pull ups though.

So he has acquired some resistance bands that he fastens to the pull up bar and then pulls the bands down to the floor, steps on the bands, and then he’s sort of able to do some pull ups because the bands are helping to lift me.

It’s almost like Meade is in a Bouncy Castle when you see him stepping on these resistance bands.

It’s like low gravity Meade.

All right, folks, as we approach the bar, the first thing we want to do is make sure the resistance band is nice and secure and that you have plenty of space.

Then you gently pull it down all the way to the floor.

Oh my God, you just get like an eyeful of Meade’s ass.

He’s just like bent over right in front of the camera.

Screenshot one.

Oh, I’m struggling folks.

There we go.

Whoa.

And then you have to put your feet in.

He’s having trouble getting his feet onto the band.

Put your feet in there and step down to secure the weight.

Then you want to straddle it about shoulder length apart and make sure everything is nice and secure.

And then all you do folks is simply grab the handlebars and pull yourself up.

You should feel a nice light bounce there as you go up and down and up and down.

Make sure that you’re doing it correctly.

Now folks, this is not cheating.

This is simply trying to gain more strength and train the muscle.

No, I think it’s kind of cheating.

Bulls, I don’t consider cheating at all.

You don’t worry about that.

You just keep on keeping on.

My favorite part is the dismount.

You know, he’s standing on these high resistance bands.

A lot of weight is being placed on him.

So when he lifts his foot up, the band snaps up.

Then as you finish, you want to dismount and make sure that thing doesn’t-

Right there, right there.

It almost took his nose off.

And make sure that thing doesn’t slap you in the face.

Thank you for watching.

I have got to make that an animated GIF.

Someone in the comments said, Meade, you need to use eye protection.

One of those bands could snap up and take out an eyeball.

I guarantee you, one of these days, he’s gonna do his weekly weigh-in and he’s gonna have a black eye and we’re all gonna know how he got it because of those damn resistance bands.

Or Meade slips up and actually calls a black customer a Negro at the Chick-fil-A he works at and gets popped in the face.

Actually, I’ve got a great idea, you know, instead of making an animated GIF of Meade trying to do some assisted pull-ups, I’ll use a new tool that was suggested to me by War Criminal Alter.

I urge you all to check out www.kinkdifferent.com/brainunderscorefuel.

I’ll provide a link on the show notes today.

This website lets you create those hypnotic jerk-off videos that we feature here on the podcast occasionally.

You know, like those masturbation trainers, Gooner, Gooner, Baturedong, Sniff Poppers in three, two, one, Sniff Poppers, Sniff Poppers, you know, chronic masturbators love these things.

And now we can make our own with this online app.

So I’m on the website right now.

And the first thing you do is you can pick which video files you wanna use.

Normally porn, but we’re going to select Meade’s workout video here.

Normally, if you were really gonna jerk off, you’d probably select a bunch of videos to go through.

But in my case, I just need one.

Meade working out is gonna get me to ejaculate pretty quickly here.

Then you can do fun stuff like overlay those hypnotic spirals that you see occasionally in these hypnotic trainers.

You know, it helps put you in a trance.

There are other overlays like the Torment Timer, a series of timers that can be used however you like.

Set time challenges, endurance, count goals, or just add to the visual overload.

My favorite part of this whole Hypno Generator are the voices that you can add.

And what’s great is not only can you pick these voices, you can also determine how fucking chaotic this gets.

Okay, wiggle your…

You start to hear multiple voices.

And now let’s up the chaos level to high.

We can also adjust like what type of talk we want.

Like I’d like more anal.

Let’s hear about his hole.

Loose and open.

It’s so funny.

Like the audio is saying this as Meade is bending over trying to adjust his resistance bands.

The pre-recorded categories are alpha, anal, ass, balls, cocksucker.

We haven’t played any cocksucker stuff yet.

You need to obey.

Drool if you have to.

Don’t close your mouth.

Faster.

Deeper.

Your next load may not be adequate.

Wow, this really showcases what’s possible with Web 3.0, huh?

The future is here.

I’m excited.

Alright, I’ve got a bunch of other great audio to share with you before we get into the news today.

Our buddy Will Blunderfield is back.

This time, he wants to share with us a new piss technique.

Oh, thank God.

I was getting so bored urinating the normal way.

It’s time to spice things up.

Let me guess.

It’s all about pissing in front of other men.

A very straight thing to do.

One of my powerful ways of helping dudes get over shy bladder is through just urinating.

And if you’re intact, pulling back the foreskin and regardless, urinating in front of your bros.

There it is.

By the way, this video is titled Ancient Piss Technique, which I feel is a little misleading.

That seems to be Will Blunderfield’s MO though, huh?

It’s always like him telling us, the Ancient Romans jerked off together, they would smell each other’s foreskins for Christ sakes.

You can’t get more masculine than the Romans, so there’s nothing wrong with jerking off with your buddies.

Come on.

The Vikings did it.

The Egyptians did it.

You know, cause this is the heart meridian.

So you’re exposing your heart and then you’re-

He’s not pointing to his heart, by the way.

He’s pointing to his cock head.

I don’t know what this meridian stuff is, but your dick and nuts aren’t your heart.

Peeing out what we call the plasma ultrafiltrate of the kidneys.

And you can learn all about that on my fansly.

And you can watch me urinate in different ways and really practice imagining that you’re urinating with your bestest bros to help overcome that shy bladder.

There he goes.

I guess you have to sign up for his OnlyFans to learn all the cool ways to pee.

You know, I would never be able to do this even five years ago.

You can see I’m a little bit nervous, which is why my stream is kind of split in two because it’s not super strong.

Oh, is that a nervous tick when your piss stream breaks off into two?

I didn’t know that.

You know, Will Blunderfield does teach us a lot.

In ancient China, they would actually come up onto the tippy toes, squeeze the anus, and then press the diaphragm down to put a pressure on the kidneys while they were urinating.

It’s really interesting.

You know, Will also posted a very interesting video, but it like the beginning is cut off.

So it starts at a really weird point.

We also eat each other’s stink portals for the same reason.

As far as I can tell, he’s advocating giving your bro rimjobs to receive his asshole bacteria, because that’s a good thing.

See I’ve read a lot about ass eating before, and usually you hear about the bad stuff you can get.

And I’m not just talking about shit, there’s bad bacteria in there.

But Will here is saying, look, there’s also some good stuff in the butthole.

You can also eat each other’s stink portals for the same reason, get that good El-Rooterai bacteria.

You can stimulate the testicles, rub, take your ball bags, and then just rub the ball bags together to start a fire, change even more of that lytic cell vitality to increase your testosterone and sperm counts.

Who used to do that?

Plato?

Aristotle?

Come on, who did it?

The most important aspect is the breath.

See our penises are about half masked now.

This is all part of a ceremony, according to Will, and you can see the full thing on his OnlyFans.

Letting your penis slowly come to full erection around to your bestest bro.

It’s one of the most powerful ways to bond.

Will Blunderfield has done more for gay experimentation than any homosexual has done before, right?

Like every gay guy at some point tried to get a straight man to at least touch his dick.

Or you know, can I at least blow you?

You can pretend I’m a girl.

That never works.

Will Blunderfield though, he cracked the code.

Moving on now with another Utahred update, Daniel Larson.

That’s a name we haven’t heard from in a while.

Mainly because he’s behind bars.

The recent timeline for Daniel goes something like this.

On April 25th, a federal warrant was issued for his arrest.

On April 28th, Daniel was kicked out of Buffalo Wild Wings after being unable to pay.

That really has nothing to do with why he was arrested, I think.

Just an interesting detail.

That on April 30th, Daniel is arrested by the FBI and incarcerated with no bond for threatening to use an explosive, to which all of us who followed Daniel Larson collectively said, which time?

Daniel threatens to blow up places on a semi-regular basis.

Olive Garden, hotels, probably Buffalo Wild Wings.

Anyway, the most recent information I have about Daniel occurred on May 31st, when Daniel was transferred to a federal correctional institution.

He is still currently awaiting trial.

I do have some of the arrest or court documents here.

It looks like he’s up on 7 counts, 6 of those are use or threatened use of explosives, and then the other count is interstate communication of threats.

Each of the threatened use of explosive material threats carry 10 years in prison, a $250,000 fine or both.

So if he’s guilty of even a couple of those, he could be locked away for decades.

We might not be hearing from Daniel Larson for a long, long time, which makes this next piece of audio so special.

I found a piece of Daniel Larson audio we’ve never played before.

Now, you know, Daniel is in love with Grace VanderWaal, who is supposedly a big deal according to Daniel Larson.

Most people, when asked, do you know who Grace VanderWaal is?

They’ll be like, you mean Grace Vanderpump of Vanderpump Rules?

That shitty TV show?

No, not Vanderpump.

VanderWaal, I said it right.

Grace is a 20 year old singer songwriter, and I guess she was on America’s Got Talent.

That’s how she was discovered.

She does have 6 million followers on Instagram, so there is some level of success in celebrity there.

Daniel is convinced he’s in a relationship with Grace, and she communicates with him.

Of course, it’s just the trolls pretending to be Grace VanderWaal.

The clip I have for you is a very special video Daniel recorded just for Grace.

It is gross.

Grace, I would love to put my penis into your vagina.

What a completely normal way of saying he wants to have sex with her.

I want to place my penis inside of your vagina, rock my hips back and forth, inserting my penis even further before retracting, pulling it out and then putting it back in repeatedly until sticky liquid comes out of the opening of my penis and coats your womanly walls or something.

I would love to put my penis into your vagina and go in and out, in and out.

I would love for you to do cowgirl on me.

That just sounds so amazing.

And then, I can’t wait to snap your neck, cut your flesh and wear your skin as a suit.

You never know with Daniel Larson where this is going to go.

And we have a wedding.

Oh.

I would love to kiss you on your lips and stick my tongue into your mouth, and you do the same back.

You can just say kiss.

I look forward to kissing you, your sweet, soft lips.

I would love to stick my fingers into your vagina, and rub your G-spot.

I would like to put 10 minutes on the clock and see if Daniel Larson could find her G-spot.

And eat you out.

And taste your candy, taste your sugar, because you would be my sugar baby.

I don’t know about this whole 10 years behind bars for the threats, I think he deserves the electric chair for this video.

Motherfucker needs to fry.

Guilty.

I just love you, Grace.

I love you so much.

I wish you were here with me.

Think Grace will visit Daniel Larson in prison?

I think he’s masturbating.

Oh, a little kiss to end the video there.

Well, a great piece of Daniel Larson media.

Unfortunately, we’re not going to get any more stuff like this because he’s rotting away in prison.

What a huge loss for us all.

Speaking of losses, I’ve got a great clip here of a cosmetic surgeon chasing that internet clout by filming herself, slicing some fat bastards up, and dancing around with their fat and flesh.

These are like tummy tuck patients, liposuction patients.

They’re completely out.

They’ve been gassed up.

They’re taking a nap during this whole procedure, so they don’t know what the hell is going on.

Now, this is the second news story about this.

The first one, the local news just got ahold of a clip of the doctor dancing around with a cut off piece of flesh.

In this follow up piece, a woman who was watching the news was like, wait a second, that’s my fat ass she’s waving around.

That’s a chunk of my skin.

The woman knocked out on the table while she’s being cut on YouTube, saw our story and she called me to identify herself.

But to see that video with my flesh being cut without a straight line and dancing while cutting me, that’s horrible.

Well, to be fair, it is very hard to cut in a straight line when you’re twerking.

You try to do it.

You know, you’re not her only customer.

Sure, you’re the one going under the knife, but she’s got an audience to entertain.

Latoya Arshin was among the first to see video of Dr.

Wendell Boutte making an incision and mugging for the camera while the rap song, Cut It, plays.

A text from Boutte confirmed, that’s Arshin on the table.

Cut It is your song, girlfriend.

Yeah, she posted it on Instagram and was like, hey, check out today’s Instagram post.

Cut It is your song, girlfriend.

You did awesome.

No one knows this but you, me, Ronnie and the anesthesiologist.

So if you want to tell people that it’s you, go for it.

Smiley face, smiley face, smiley face.

It’s a very upbeat message.

You did awesome.

The photo release form is signed only by a member of Boutte’s staff.

Yeah, the patient didn’t sign off on this.

Where Arshin was supposed to sign is blank.

By the way, I’m looking at this form.

It’s titled the Patient Photographic Authorization and Release.

I don’t know how fucking common this is, especially with like cosmetic surgery places, but it’s just weird to me that there are places to initial, like I’m consenting to use my images for the purpose of marketing and education on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter and website.

Like who the fuck would sign off on this?

I don’t want people seeing my fat ass and my skin all cut up and bloody.

What do I get out of it?

I mean, maybe if there was some sort of like discount on the procedure, let’s sweeten the deal for me a little bit, then I’d consider it.

But regardless, this woman did not sign anything.

Signed only by a member of Boutte’s staff, where Arsheen was supposed to sign is blank.

I feel disrespected on a lot of levels.

First off, we found a second video featuring the song with a surgical assistant dancing while holding a large, X-sized portion of human flesh.

Oh my God, that is like a huge wad of flesh she’s dancing to.

It’s too disturbing to air without the blur.

Arsheen hadn’t seen this video until the day of our interview.

Do you think that’s your flesh?

I think it is with the cut it, the remaining of the song.

Former patients have now come forward with complaints.

Arsheen plans legal action not just about the video, but about her results.

How does your body look now?

I love that this doctor’s name is Boute, Dr.

Boute.

Yeah, it’s a woman, Dr.

Wendell Davis Boute.

Got an update here.

Her medical license was suspended after the videos came to light.

She was being sued on behalf of several patients who alleged they had botched surgeries, including a woman left permanently brain damaged.

I was just asking them to suck some fat out of my ass.

I don’t know why she was digging around in my brain.

Yeah, a woman was left permanently brain damaged by an operation.

I wonder what song the doctor was twerking to during that procedure.

Wow, there it is.

You know, Dr.

Boute says all the videos were pre-consented, staged and done at a safe interval.

Even though we saw the patient release form that was not signed by the patient.

Georgia’s Composite Medical Board issued the emergency suspension saying the dermatologist was a threat to public health.

Dr.

Boute also admitted that she did not have any nurses in her surgery room, only medical assistants.

One of her patients, Sharita Cox, isn’t that a drag queen?

Pretty sure I saw her on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Anyway, she suffered a collapse lung after liposuction and a breast augmentation surgery.

In a clip we did not play, I could not find it, Boute is seen leaning over a patient’s bare ass without a mask or glove on, while rapping the lyrics to Migos Bad and Bougie.

In that video, Boute tells the camera, my patients are bad and bougie, building up fat in the booty.

She has five malpractice lawsuits pending against her and has reached four settlements, in case you were wondering there.

Guys, just stay away from TikTok cosmetic surgeons.

It’s just a bad idea.

Hey, real quick, before we get into the news, this election is really starting to heat up.

And that’s the last thing you want when you got two geriatric men vying for president.

The heated up stink of an 82 year old and a 77 year old.

How old these guys are?

The smells are not gonna be pleasant.

The hotter this election gets.

Let’s keep this election cycle cool.

Cold, frigid, on ice, maybe in a morgue.

That’s where this election should take place.

Actually, it might.

One of these guys could drop dead at any moment.

Foreshadowing.

Guys, mark this episode, this timestamp down.

If I’m right, I’d like to gloat.

Anyway, anytime Trump is up for election, his supporters just go balls to the wall with amazing campaign videos, testimonials, confrontations, and my personal favorite, campaign anthems.

I mean, look, Donald Trump is a bad bitch.

That’s why rappers love him.

He don’t give a fuck.

He’s a felon.

He loves gold.

Rappers have a lot they can relate to there.

I’ve got a new song here.

This is called Hood Rat for Trump.

Now, what’s interesting about this particular video is the rapper never reveals his face.

He’s just wearing like a black mask, right?

And then a black hoodie.

He’s black from head to toe, black gloves, black pants.

He’s really trying to present himself as black here, I think.

Like right there, this is all you need to hear to discern the man behind all that black is very, very white.

This is a white man pretending to be black.

And I’m guessing he’s not young either.

You can practically hear his dengers sloshing around his mouth as he sings this.

Alright, he’s showing a picture of gasoline at like $7.

It’s not, I mean, you don’t have to exaggerate.

Oh, that’s the name of this rapper, Hood Rat.

Clearer leader, kinda rhymes.

Yeah, Hood Rat has come out in favor of Donald Trump.

Surprise, surprise.

Like we’re not even halfway through this song.

I feel like we’ve been listening to this for about seven days now.

He raps like this, like a cartoon character.

It’s like, remember in Jurassic Park, when they’re playing that cartoon of how they got the DNA out of the fossil, fossilized or amber or whatever from the mosquito.

Is that how it went?

And there’s like that narration like, millions of years ago, mosquitoes would suck the blood out of dinosaurs.

This little fella got stuck in amber for millions of years.

Scientists were able to extract the blood.

Alright, I got a bail.

I’m sorry.

Fuck this election.

It’s only June.

We got months and months of this.

It’s just starting to ramp up.

Alright, let’s get into the crazy Bizarre Twist.

The Fonz here to tell you to sign up for the side show.

Sometimes I feel like I act way older than I am.

Like, Happy Days aired in what, like the 70s?

I wasn’t even alive back then.

Fuck Fonzie.

I should only know Fonzie because he was in that Smart Kids Safe Kid video where he taught us all about the honk.

Oh, I don’t know, I’m getting off track here.

That’s in addition to the two free episodes I do.

That brings it up to five.

A daily show we’re doing here.

Even less when you opt for a quarterly, semi-annual, yearly or lifetime membership.

There’s a couple ways to sign up.

Of course, you can go to our website, superfreaksideshow.com.

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Just a few taps on your mobile phone.

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Just follow the instructions.

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Not a bad deal at all.

superfreaksideshow.com for more information.

One final way to help support us, we’ve got a Patreon account, patreon.com/distortedview.

You can pledge as little as a dollar over there.

Every little bit helps.

Okay, three very quick stories now.

First up, oh, looky here, we’re starting the day off right with a story from our most fucked up state.

Staying with me.

Our most fucked up state.

I remember when I was growing up, everyone was kind of under the impression that one could not sneeze with their eyes open.

It’s just this involuntary thing.

When you sneeze, you close your eyes.

As a very special child, I made it my life’s work to disprove that theory.

I thought, you know, maybe I could get in the Guinness Book of World Records or something, you know?

I’ll be the first person to be able to sneeze with his eyes open.

It seemed like a goal that was obtainable through training and concentration.

I, when I felt a sneeze come on at first, I would like hold, I try to hold my eyeball open, which is kind of cheating.

It’s like doing pull ups with resistance bands.

But you know, I was trying to work up to keeping my eyes open when I sneezed.

And sure enough, I believe that I was able to do this.

And as a matter of fact, my good friend Joey, who just celebrated a birthday last month, the last time I talked about him here on the show, he says he has a picture of me.

He was able to snap a photo of me as I was sneezing with my eyes open.

We have photographic proof.

I am a medical marvel or freak of nature, depending on how you look at things.

Now, I was so ecstatic that I was able to achieve this feat that the very next time I went to my general practitioner as a child, I don’t remember why I was going there.

It was either just a checkup or I was going there because of allergies.

Like, who knows?

But I said, I told the doctor, I said, you know how you can’t sneeze with your eyes open?

Well, I can.

What does that mean?

Can I get some sort of endorsements?

Can I be the spokesperson for something?

And he looked at me and he’s like, why would you think you can’t sneeze with your eyes open?

And I was like, you know, you just can’t.

You’re not supposed to be able to do that.

And he’s like, I never heard that.

I don’t know why you’d want to sneeze with your eyes open, but I don’t think there’s anything stopping you.

I’m like, oh, he kind of like dashed all my hopes and dreams and he minimized my momentous achievement.

So fuck that doctor.

Lock Fauci up.

I don’t think Dr.

Fauci had anything to do with it, but he’s like the face of medicine.

So he’s got to go.

I don’t like him.

Now, what does this have to do with our very first news story?

In reality, not very much.

I just like telling my sneezing with my eyes open story.

In Florida, a man was able to sneeze and cough at the same time.

I mean, I guess that’s an achievement.

It’s not sneezing with your eyes open.

It’s not that level, but it’s still pretty cool.

Although he paid dearly for sneezing and coughing at the same time.

For when he did that, his body just completely malfunctioned.

He coughed and sneezed with such force, his intestines blew out of his body.

They exploded.

In an extraordinary medical incident, I’d say a 63 year old Florida man experienced a severe complication when he simultaneously coughed and sneezed while having breakfast, causing his colon to explode.

I’ve had that happen after breakfast.

I think it’s mainly due to the coffee I was drinking.

I’ve had those colon explosions.

This rare event led to his intestines falling out through a previous surgical wound.

OK, so it didn’t just like blow out of his belly button or something.

There was already like a cut there.

The incident occurred just two weeks after he had undergone surgery to address complications from prostate cancer.

He underwent a cystectomy where his bladder was removed, and now his intestines have been removed from there as well.

Earlier that day, doctors had reassured him that his surgical incision was well healed, but during breakfast, he felt a wet sensation followed by intense pain.

Upon inspection, he discovered several inches of his bowels protruding from his abdomen.

His wife immediately called for an ambulance.

Good call.

She’s on top of things.

Paramedics quickly arrived, observing a three-inch opening in his abdomen with significant bowel ejection.

There’s today’s episode title, Distorted View Daily for June 11th, 2024.

Significant Bowel Ejection.

The man was rushed to the hospital where surgeons managed to successfully, I guess, stuff his shitter, his shit track back in his system.

They were able to reposition his bowel and secure the wound using advanced surgical techniques, including figure of eight sutures known for their strength, you know, to prevent another blowout.

Despite the critical nature of the injury, he recovered in the hospital for six days.

Without further complications, I bet he was so afraid to sneeze or cough at that point.

He just held it all in.

He was subsequently discharged.

This case, as detailed in the American Journal of Oh My Fucking God, American Journal of Medical Case Reports highlights the risk associated with wound.

What’s this word?

Here’s something I’ve never run across before.

It’s always dangerous for Tim Henson.

Woundeheisence?

Probably butchered that.

It’s a condition where a surgical site reopens, potentially allowing internal organs to portrude.

Cool.

Studies suggest that woundeheisence occurs up to 3% of individuals who undergo abdominal and pelvic surgeries, with rates increasing to 10% among the elderly.

Their shit’s always blowing out of their body.

The condition can be fatal in about 40% of cases due to complications such as severe blood loss or organ damage.

Yeah, let’s hope none of that ever happens to us.

Second story we have for you today, this one comes from West Virginia.

A Charleston based bakery named Rock City Cake Company shared some pro LGBTQ posts online, you know, in celebration of Pride Month.

That didn’t go over so well.

Like, I should do I need to remind you your bakery is in West Virginia.

You in danger, girl.

Their supportive posts were met with real life hate homophobic comments.

Well, now the bakery is trying to turn lemons into lemonade, or more appropriately, die faggot into die faggot cookies.

What am I talking about?

Well, that’s pretty much it.

They’re baking cookies with homophobic slurs on it.

Can’t see how this is going to backfire.

In a bold move, Charleston based Rock City Cake Company is transforming hate into support for the Ligbit Q community by selling a special Sick Freak Cookie Box.

That does sound fun.

This unique product features cookies inscribed with real homophobic comments.

I think you’re going to be selling these to the wrong crowd.

I guarantee you every Sunday you’re going to sell out of these things.

The after church crowd is going to come in droves.

By the way, I would love a box of Sick Freak Cookies.

Yes, this unique product features cookies inscribed with real homophobic comments the bakery encountered online after expressing support for LGBTQ rights.

The cookie boxes will be available starting this Friday with pre-orders already open via their website or by phone.

Each box contains a dozen cookies and can be picked up at their Capitol Street location in downtown Charleston.

A portion of the proceeds from these sales will be donated to local nonprofits, whose names are withheld to protect them from potential backlash.

It’s Bakeries Learning!

Additionally, the bakery’s website offers an option for those who want to support from afar, allowing them to donate directly to the local nonprofits with a click.

Alright, I gotta know, what are some of these homophobic slurs?

I see one cookie here with the words, Sick Freaks.

Oh, that’s how they got the name, Sick Freak Box.

Sick Freaks, we’ll never buy anything from your store.

Here are some more cookies.

So stupid, dogs are not gay.

I don’t know what post that is in reference to.

This is a disgrace, glad I don’t live there.

This is sick.

This is deviancy at its finest.

I will never give a dime or anything else to this place.

Not normal.

How sad you support such nasty wickedness.

I’m surprised they’re able to fit that many words on a cookie, but I’m looking at them here.

That must be some sort of transfers or something.

How sad you support such nasty wickedness.

I won’t be financially supporting you anymore.

Sickning with a throw up emoji, which is not what you want on a cookie.

Another business I will not support.

Make cupcakes and stay out of politics.

If you’re interested in the sick free cookie box, I just looked up their website, the Rock City Cake Company.

You can buy a set of 12, a box of 12 for $30.

Not a bad deal, I guess, if you live near Charleston, West Virginia.

Now, if you want these things shipped, they will do it.

Unfortunately, it’s going to cost $30 to ship.

So $60 in total for 12 cookies, little pricey.

They look delicious, though, if you’re a fan of the buttercream style cookies.

A final story we have for you to jump.

Let’s play a game, shall we, freaks?

This game is called When Does This News Story Become DV Worthy?

There’s a moment in this story where I’m like, yes, this is going on the show today.

Let’s see how well you’re tuned in with me and my sensibilities.

In a chilling courtroom confession, Clint Barrett Brower, 45, pleaded guilty to the brutal murder and dismembering of 41-year-old Micah Harrington.

If you said, Tim, it’s obviously when we got to the dismemberment part that you were like, yes, this is going to go in today’s episode of DV.

No, dismemberment alone is not good enough.

You should know better.

This all took place in a laundromat at a Mississippi RV park.

We’re veering closer to DV territory here.

Dismembering someone in a laundromat, but still in an RV park.

But that’s not the part that really got me engaged.

The gruesome crime captured on security footage showed Brower was talking with Harrington in brief conversation before fatally stabbing him more than 30 times.

That’s a lot of times.

Still not quite DV worthy.

According to the footage and Brower’s subsequent admission during his hearing, the interaction escalated rapidly, with Brower pulling a large butcher knife from his bag and attacking Harrington.

After the murder, Brower proceeded to partially dismember Harrington’s body, then tied it up with rope and dragged it from the scene.

I guess the body was too heavy to like lift up and put in the back of his truck, so he just like tied it with rope to the hitch, dragged the body.

He did have a master plan though.

Brower stated that he wanted to transport the remains to a casino.

Why?

Because he believes someone at the casino could put Harrington back together.

And this is why it’s a Distorted View news story.

What the hell does that even mean?

Why would he think anyone at a casino would know how to stitch back together a dismembered human body?

You’re going to ask the guy running the blackjack table to sew someone’s arm back on?

I think he was also trying to make this guy come back to life.

He was like, oh, fuck, I killed this guy.

I dismembered him.

I just I would like if this never happened, it would be great.

The best odds are if I go to the casino.

Michael Crosby, Brower’s defense attorney, argued that his client’s irrational behavior and the illogical motive for the crime pointed to severe mental health issues.

Yeah, I can see that.

Definitely believable.

Brower himself acknowledged suffering from mental illness since his teenage years, a claim supported by testimonies from neighbors at the RV park where both he and the victim lived.

The victim’s daughter, Mykara Harrington, who attended the trial, expressed her disdain towards Brower, labeling him a monster despite his attempts to apologize.

Brower had been in legal trouble just the day before the murder, arrested on an outstanding warrant.

However, he was released after a judge saw no immediate risk of him harming himself or others.

Bad judgment call there, judge.

This is your job to judge people.

You are way off.

There really should be consequences for judges with bad judgment.

Suspend his pay for a week, at least, you know?

There you go, that, my friends, is your Distorted News for Tuesday.

Let’s do a couple voicemails and get the hell out of here.

Love to hear from you freaks, and there are many ways to contact the show.

Show at distortedview.com.

I’m all over social media at Distorted View on Twitter and Instagram, facebook.com/distortedviewshow.

Let’s blow through a couple real quick voicemails and then we will call it a day.

Hey faggot, Unicorn Hamster again, I really love your feedback on my question.

I appreciate it very much, and it gave me an idea.

You’re a very intelligent individual.

That was very intelligent feedback.

I think you should have another podcast.

I don’t even know what you’re referring to, but thank you for the compliment.

I am smart.

Like Political Horner with Tim Henson, that would work out real well.

The second I open my big fat mouth, I would alienate half of my listeners.

Everyone goes crazy when it comes to politics these days.

It’s only a matter of time before I piss off the other half.

You can interview people running for office, show them some scat porn, I don’t know.

That would be kind of interesting.

You know, educate them on pyrone disease, that’s a very educational thing.

I would not know about pyrone disease.

Today on DV Politics, my interview with Pete Buttigieg.

We watch some popper gooner baiting training videos together.

I would think it’s a sandwich they sell at Subway or something or Quiznos or Awa.

What decade are you living in?

Awa, but it’s a it’s a condition of the penis.

Pyrone.

And I wish for you to pepperoni, you know, discuss these topics, you know, granny porn, that type of stuff.

Yeah, I would like to get Trump’s opinion on granny porn.

I bet you he’s grossed out by it, right?

With Biden might be into it.

I mean, you know, he’s a politician, you know, who found under Biden’s cocaine at the White House.

I have not done cocaine in a long time.

It’s not really for me.

But that’s pretty cool if you can score some cocaine at the White House.

It is the White House.

Yeah, cocaine is white.

Who bought that cocaine to the White House?

The FBI don’t know.

I think they know.

I think you need your own political talk show.

It was Hunter Biden’s.

I could listen to an hour of this.

Or maybe Donald Trump left it behind.

Maybe.

He’s always sniffling and snorting and I know his thing is fast food, but every president has their doctor feel good.

You need to interview these presidents.

Okay, look, I will get on that, okay?

I will try to, if I can manage to nab an interview with a high profile political person, I will start a political podcast.

Hey fam, this is Spoopa Troopa, side show on Patreon, talking to you from the Subaru of self pleasure.

I was just calling to say that Porn Clip you played the other day with the dad and daughter, didn’t she kind of sound like one of the Coneheads from that movie?

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to fuck one of the Coneheads, so it really did it for me.

I’m sure the Coneheads could fuck you, right?

Also, their heads are in the shape of a butt plug.

Please, please keep featuring him.

He’s great.

Take a look at the featured image over there at distortedview.com.

That’s me doing some pull ups, nearly taking an eye out.

In my opinion, we should have a Unicorn Hamster Freestormer, because if I have to hear him describe hula paper bits in his wife lady parts again, I’m going to vomit.

Got some bad news for you.

Your voicemail came right after Unicorn Hamsters today.

Hey Boo, it’s Ellie.

I know this is probably a little late, but just calling in with the whole, should you stop with the fit and lean, absolutely not.

I don’t know if any old listeners are like me, but I know there is at least one because someone called in and they said, absolutely like, listen, I kind of listen a lot for you.

And that’s kind of the same way I am as well.

Well, I kind of grew up with you, you know, and I’ve loved your content for a very long time.

Your dick.

God damn it.

You know, anyway, man, listen, you love to get obsessed with certain people for a certain period of time, and when Meade stops being entertaining, then you’ll stop being entertained by her.

You guys just have to trust me.

I’ll stop talking about Meade when it’s time to stop talking about Meade, but until then, buckle the fuck up.

There’s a lot more Meade content to feature out there.

All right.

Well, thank you very much for all the calls.

Keep them coming.

That’s all the time we have on this edition of the show.

Voicemail on for you at 206-666-4463.

That’s 206-666.

Oh, God, is it?

I would love to put my penis into your vagina.

Tomorrow’s episode is going to be sideshow exclusive.