On Today’s Show:
- ✈️ Plus-sized influencer demands wheelchair access or war at SeaTac.
- 💉 High schoolers remix Daft Punk to promote AIDS awareness… with alarming enthusiasm.
- 🧠 Jesse Lee Peterson discovers women went to space… and panics.
- 🏁 Sperm racing is now a real competitive event. And yes, you can gamble on it.
- ⚡ Cop pulls woman over for expired tags, escalates into a “you scared me!” taser-fest.
- 🍟 Fast food rage: the voicemails are full of drive-thru fury.
- 🎶 And we kick things off with the world’s most horrifying DV theme remix: “Dead Babies Bounce.”
🎧 Highlights & Clips:
🧬 “We’re up all night to get AIDS!” – Tim discovers an ancient high school science video with Daft Punk, abstinence, and full-blown cringe.
🪐 “What are women doing in space—menstruating?” – Jesse Lee Peterson fears a future where periods orbit Earth. Tim breaks down this idiocy, blow by blow.
🧑🦼 “I was told I was a danger… simply by existing!” – The return of Jaelynn Chaney, the plus-sized activist who demands wheelchair access at all times. Keg Pony tribute included 🐷💺
🥚 Sperm Racing: The Sport America Needs – USC vs UCLA. Under microscopes. Real sperm. Real wagers. Peak civilization.
🚓 License & Taser – Tim plays the full breakdown of a routine traffic stop turned full-blown scuffle after one too many “Hold on, I’m on the phone!”s.
📢 Voicemail Freakout Zone:
📱 Haley’s Comet drops 50lbs 💪 📞 Fast food fail tales: Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box. Your stomach may growl in rage.
🥤 Tim rants about drive-thru tacos dumped upside down. It’s NOT OKAY. 🌮🔥
💩 Miscellaneous Debauchery:
- Lord Douche ruins Taco Bell with 9,000 substitutions.
- Tim contemplates becoming a woman to complete his Social Commentary Pokémon card set: ✔ Gay ✔ Fat ☐ Black ✔ Misogynistic?
🔒 Sideshow Plug Time! Support the stupidity 💵 Get bonus episodes, full archives, and smug freak status by joining the DV Sideshow: 🌐 DistortedView.com 📱 Subscribe via Spotify or Apple Podcasts 💸 Or join us on Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview
📅 Next Sperm Race is April 25th at the Hollywood Palladium! Place your bets: Team Dribbler vs. Rope Shooter
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