Today on the Show:
Cold Open
- “My aunt done did shit herself again” — midnight mattress disaster confessional (bedside cleanup vs. sleep debate).
- Sponsor tag: DV listener Lubejob (“a bucket of his diarrhea…”) + Tim’s meltdown intro montage.
Sponsor
- Today’s Sponsor: DV listener Lubejob
- Requests: (1) Play the classic “Lube Job” clip; (2) “good, juicy prolapse audio.”
- Tim recovered the ancient clip from DV archives (TellMe-era origin; first aired on DV circa 2005).
Tim’s Opening Rant: TikTok’s Hospital Catalog Phase
- TikTok “viral bedside table” = literal hospital over-bed table rebranded as a home breakthrough.
- Theory: creators pluck cheap, existing medical items → hype as “new,” jack prices via affiliate links.
- Tim’s parody ad escalates to the “viral TikTok bedpan” (pastel colors like “Rockin’ Raspberry”) and accidental “bed pen” confusion.
- PSA to listeners: do not mail Tim a bedpan or hospital table (someone already mailed him a Bop It).
Dysfunction Junction: Debra & Daryl
- Account run by Debra; long-suffering husband Daryl.
- Vibe: “living her best life” (alleged meth/Molly) vs. Daryl’s “golden years” grump mode.
- Beach-day car fight: Debra hyper-chatty about trees/bark; Daryl wants silence (“shut up” refrain).
- Home blow-ups: door slams, “stoned out motherf**ker,” threats, “common area” stand-offs.
- Tim’s prognosis: this saga ends in homicide or OD (morbid popcorn watch).
Snorlax/“Garrett” Update (Slime Rapper)
- Restaurant conspiracy spiral: Zoom call in kitchen “giving instructions” to poison him; refuses food as “microwaved with meds.”
- Apartment torment: soap in water heater; chemical sprays; salt water on bedding; laundry sabotaged to make him look incompetent.
- Non-sequitur heel-turn: women’s lib and “saving Generation Beta.”
- Tim: enjoy the content while it lasts; commitment papers likely incoming.
Holy Spirit Hijinks
- Pastors’ “Holy Laughter” circle: rolling, shaking, giggling like an asylum scene.
- Pastor Joel Webin segment: “the talk” about avoiding certain strangers by race; explicitly racist guidance.
- Tim’s running commentary: “life lessons” from a “man of the cloth,” plus a note to Black Christians on the pastor’s logic (bleak satire).
News Buffet (3 quick hits)
- Dental Nurse Eye-Roll Payout (UK)
- Worker Maureen Howison wins ~£25k (~$33k) after tribunal rules hostile environment due to repeated eye-rolling/ignoring by coworker Jizna Iqbal and management inaction.
- Tim’s take: “develop thicker skin,” but court dinged employer for failing to act.
- Texas Roommate Murder Caught by Butt Dial
- Flight attendant Rana Nofal Saluri missing since March; roommate Dennis Day arrested.
- Accidental 1:57 call on alleged accomplice Joni Thomas’s phone captures “push the bin, lock the lid” directions; home cam shows dragging a body.
- Tim’s “how not to” disposal lecture (don’t dump full bodies off bridges; stop recording your crimes).
- Wolfenstein II Nearly Showed Hitler’s Penis
- MachineGames considered explicit urination scene; Bethesda vetoed.
- Tim campaigns for a future mod that lets players shoot off Hitler’s cock; notes Sniper Elite’s one-ball gag.
Archive Pulls & Gross-Out Corner
- Classic “Lube Job” auto-repair-as-gay-sex tutorial clip (DV deep cut).
- Prolapse Audio request fulfilled: male & female butt-prolapse selections (listener beware).
Sideshow & Support
- This week: two bonus segments + two full Sideshow episodes.
- Join: distortedview.com (or in-app on Spotify/Apple Podcasts).
- Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview — $5 tier has priority voicemail; $20+ tiers get periodic merch drops (new drop announced Friday).
- Sponsor an episode: $25 via PayPal (show@distortedview.com or paypal.me/distortedview).
Listener Voicemails (Highlights)
- Unicorn Hamster: confirms DV aired a legit dick-queef years ago; invites “hate sponsorships”; harebrained plan to rope Joe Rogan into DV.
- Some Guy in Japan (professor): the “one-word answer” communication style of a 20-something colleague; not COVID-era shyness—just weaponized vagueness; Tim’s soundboard fumbles punctuate the rant.
Pull Quotes
- “I’m thinking about becoming a poop bucket salesman.”
- “The viral TikTok bedpan is finally back in stock.”
- “I want at least one game where I can shoot off Hitler’s cock.”
- “This is called common area, buddy.”
Our New PO Box Address!
Distorted View
PO Box 36268
Cincinnati, OH 45236
- Call In To The Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463
- Support Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page
- Get Exclusive Episodes Every Week – Become A Member Of The Distorted View Sideshow!
Podcast: Download
