On Today’s Show:

Tim kicks things off with a Black Friday mega-sale announcement and a reminder that fun shopping is mandatory. Sideshow memberships are massively discounted (33% off monthly, yearly & lifetime). Plus, the 2025 Distorted View Store is officially open with new merch, embroidered hats, shirts, drinkware, pillows, and more.

After the sales pitch (and Tim assuring you this isn’t some “shit deal”), he introduces a classic Best of DV episode featuring an early 2018 show packed with grease, vomit, cocaine goats, and farty airplane violence.

Highlights From the Featured Episode

🚨 Taco Bell Tried To Kill Tim

Tim recounts the night he ordered all beef everything — chalupas and a Mexican pizza — only for his stomach to violently reject it. Cue vomiting beef bricks, choking on half-puke, fever chills, paranoia about catching the flu at Great Clips, and a vow to ban Taco Bell forever.

📦 The Horror of Packing

With a move to Cincinnati looming, Tim discovers he apparently owns 40,000 unrelated items and is shoving spatulas, fan blades, and dog toys into the same “misc.” box. Studio teardown nightmares begin.

🇺🇸 Fergie’s National Anthem Massacre

A contender for Worst Anthem Ever. Tim breaks down the seductive jazz-lounge moans, off-key scatting, and the uncanny resemblance to someone dry-heaving up Taco Bell beef.

🍆 Pornhub After Hours: The Reluctant Hooker

Tim reviews a video from “Smashing Asians,” who hires a hooker that:

Refuses to suck his dick
Dry heaves at the sight of it
Sucks her own finger instead
Runs to the bathroom to spit
Repeatedly denies tit exposure mid-pounding

Tim questions her career choice.

Today’s News

🐐 Cocaine Goat Science Experiment

A Georgia ranch worker is arrested after holding down a goat while friends shove cocaine up its nostril and pour whiskey down its throat. The goat survives and is available for adoption — possibly now very into clubbing.

💨 Plane Diverted After “Unstoppable Farter” Sparks Brawl

A Dubai-to-Amsterdam flight makes an emergency landing in Vienna after one passenger keeps ripping rancid farts. Fights break out. Police and dogs swarm the plane. Everyone involved is banned from Transavia Airlines forever.

🧪 Mom Tries to “Cure Autism” With Bleach

A woman in Indianapolis mixes hydrochloric acid and a “miracle mineral solution” after a Facebook group convinced her it cures everything. Husband reports her. Child protective services intervene. Tim suggests Windex and scrubbing bubbles as the next pseudoscientific Facebook cure-alls.

Listener Voicemails

A caller fears they might die after hearing Tim’s flu story.
Stacy from DC gushes over Tim & Lord Douche’s relationship.
A listener suggests uploading shows to YouTube for new discovery.
A freak confuses a flu shot screening form employee by blurting out “near dead.”

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