On Today’s Show:
Tim kicks off the week with: a cheeseburger-fueled stabbing, a trailer-park throuple meltdown, Starbucks as culture-war Thunderdome, and Trump signal-boosting an obviously fake “med bed” AI video using his own fake voice. Plus: a brief (good!) mom/cancer update, UK listeners trolling Tim into doing UK content, a cyclist shoved into a canal, and rubberneckers tailing a London knife fight. Voicemails close out the show.
Program Tease (Cold Open)
- Local news clip: Son allegedly stabs mother over a cheeseburger — Virgie Dean details how her 6’3”, 300-lb son didn’t get a Raleigh’s burger and things escalated into choking and a butcher-knife attack.
Tim’s Life / Ongoing Bits
- Mom Update (Short but important):
- Thyroid cancer (the aggressive kind) has shrunk significantly after treatment; scans described as “remarkable.”
- Surgery scheduled: Wednesday, October 8 (shorter shows that week; Tim pre-recording to avoid interruptions).
- Tim’s running joke: Mom, a vampire succubus/planet-eater, is extending her life by absorbing celebrity souls (RIP Hulk Hogan, Theo, etc.) and, in Tim’s new theory, Charlie Kirk’s as well. All hail Patricia.
- British Sponsor Fatigue: Third UK listener in a row to sponsor and request all-UK content. Tim rants about how hard it is to source daily UK freakery, then butchers British slang and threatens a full Brit-only show (he won’t).
Main Rants & Segments
Starbucks = Where Cunts Get Coffee
- Clip #1: “Say His Name” Lady
- Customer orders using “Charlie Kirk” and films staff, demanding they call out the full name.
- Staff quietly hands her the drink; she insists on a name call; spirals into a self-filmed free-speech sermon and promises a Substack “good review” she wrote before the incident.
- Tim’s take: performative politics + weaponized customer service; he’d rather they just hand him the cup than shout his name.
- Clip #2: “This Place Is Dirty!”
- Woman, likely not a customer, audits a closing crew’s work; returns at 5am to berate morning staff about a dirty entry mat; invokes freedom of speech and race repeatedly.
- Tim flashbacks to the legendary “Accuser of the Brethren” Christian meltdown (“you motherf— accuser!”).
Headlines / News You Can’t Unsee
- Florida Throuple Breakdown (Summerfield, FL):
- Poly triad detonates; Devin Driscoll (26) tries to boot her ex-BF and ex-GF from a $172,500 double-wide her mom bought.
- Porch scuffle → Driscoll allegedly strikes ex; gets shoved; takes a stair tumble; arrested for misdemeanor domestic battery; no-contact order issued… awkward, since they all lived together.
- Tim: if your combined income is ~10k/month, why are you in a trailer? (Cue housing-price rant and memories of growing up in a themed Spanish Matador double-wide.)
- Trump & the “Med Beds” AI Video:
- Trump shares (then deletes) a fake Fox / Lara Trump segment with AI Trump promising a Med Bed Card for every American, rolling out miracle healing tech.
- Tim: either grandpa forgot he didn’t say this or he’s juicing a scam; “next step is the deposit link and your SSN.”
- PSA to Nana: do not pay in Google Play gift cards for your Med Bed appointment.
UK Sponsor “Proof of Stupid” Corner (for Colon Solutions)
Tim: if you chase chaos for video, don’t act shocked when chaos knocks on your window.
Canal Push:
Cyclist on a towpath gets shoved into the canal by a pedestrian pissed about shared paths (dog out, tempers up).
Tim’s verdict: cyclists should yield, dogs should be leashed, no one should shove anyone into a body of water.
Knife Fight Crawl-Along:
Two women in a car tail a street knife fight for “content,” then shriek when the fight spills near their bumper.
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